His breath came in short gasps and he couldn’t coordinate his tongue enough to form words. Instead, he positioned himself, barely managing to fumble a condom on before he slid into her with a sweet relief he couldn’t ever remember having experienced. Dammit, Lydia, what have you done to me?
****
She’d just begun to hope she hadn’t pushed him too far, but the expression on his face when he entered her assured her she hadn’t. An unexpected feeling of tender protectiveness accompanied her relief and she slid her arms around his neck, feeling him tremble at her touch. She stroked his hair, kissed his face, caressed his back as he held still. She reveled in the sense of power she had, loving the strong feel of his body. She knew it wouldn’t take long to reach another climax, but she didn’t want to push him.
Slowly he began to move again, gently at first, as if afraid of breaking some precious connection between them. He supported himself on his forearms, kissing her in the tempo of his thrusts, bringing her closer and closer to the brink of another pleasurable spiral. She clung to him, but he drew away, whispering, “You’re so beautiful when you come. I want to see it again.”
The words were all she needed and she gasped as another orgasm seized her with unexpected force. Her climax spurred his and she felt his timing change, becoming more urgent, propelling them both forward until he came and collapsed, pulling her into his arms as he rolled onto his side.
Very gradually her heartbeat slowed, her breath became less labored, and she felt herself relax into his embrace, breathing his scent, enjoying the embrace, for as long as it lasted. It saddened her a little to think it would end. The perfection of those moments with him outshone any other time she had ever spent with a man. He really was good at this.
He kissed her forehead. “You’re amazing.”
She laughed at his echoing of her thoughts. “Thanks, you too.”
“I really mean it.” He sighed. “I guess I always knew you were an incredible girl, but that…” His voice trailed off.
Suddenly uncomfortable with his tone, she sat up. “Yeah, well. You know, everybody has a night every now and then. It’ll be something to look back on.”
“Look back on.” He repeated her words in an expressionless tone. “Yeah, I guess.” He frowned.
“Oh, come on, Tony. You’re the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. We both knew that. I knew it going into this. If I hadn’t…” She stopped herself, uncertain if she should go on.
“If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have agreed to it.” He spoke the words with certainty. She glanced over her shoulder and saw the little frown. “That’s right, isn’t it?”
“I’m not looking for a relationship, Tony.”
“I wasn’t either.”
She caught the past tense and raised her eyebrows. He sat next to her, and she tried not to admire the way the light limned the perfect lines of his body.
“I’ve always cared about you. I’m not sure I knew how much. Back when I knew you before I wasn’t much of a man.” He cast her a half questioning, half shamed glance. “In fact, if I’d been a better man back then, maybe you wouldn’t be so sure of who I am now.”
She didn’t want to think about the regret behind his words. Maybe he’d believed she’d betrayed his brother, maybe he’d just felt obliged to go along with Andre’s outrage because he’d been so dependent on the security Andre offered him while he’d been consumed by his addiction. Not that it mattered any more. Whatever was in their past, this night needed to join it. She groaned and lay back on the mattress, pulling the sheet around her. “Did I ever tell you why I got into escapology?”
“I always figured it was because you didn’t want anyone to be able to tie you down.” He lay next to her but didn’t touch her.
She rolled her head to the side and looked at him. “I saw it happen. My mom wanted to be an actress. She was really beautiful and talented. Maybe she really could have made it. Instead, she got pregnant, got married, and I spent my childhood watching her wither and die. Like something inside her just faded away. I always knew she wanted to escape, and I decided to make sure that no matter what I would be able to.”
“You aren’t your mother. You’re an accomplished, talented woman whose career is finally getting the recognition it deserves. Nothing can hold you back now.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Nothing. Nothing but love.” She reached up and brushed her hand across his cheek. “I could love you. I know it. But that wasn’t what I was looking for right now. I can’t afford to be like Mariella, at the peak of my career and taking time off to have children. ”
He turned his head and kissed her palm before she could pull it away, and when he looked back at her, his eyes smoldered. “When I was in rehab, I kept hearing the counselors talking about not replacing one addiction with another. They were referring to replacing alcohol with drugs or gambling with smoking, but I saw it happen in other ways. My roommate, a 20-year alcoholic, got addicted to exercise. He started running and, hell, I don’t know if he’ll ever stop. One 5k after another. One girl who’d been addicted to heroin had a baby and all of sudden it was all mommy all the time. She was the best mother I ever saw, but it was because she was addicted to it. A great thing, a healthy addiction.”
The fire in his eyes darkened. “I tried exercise. It helps. Sex, too. I like having sex. But I’m not addicted to it. I know what addiction feels like. Intimately.” The way he said it gave her a glimpse into the strength it took for him to resist his daily temptations. Impulsively, she reached for his hand, and he closed his fingers around hers. “You I could get addicted to, and I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t.”
She wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or not. Did he mean he wasn’t in love with her? And was she sure that was what she wanted? In the middle of a confused rush of feelings, he rolled over and pulled her against him. “That doesn’t mean I’m letting you go anywhere tonight.”
“No?” Her heart skipped a beat and she let herself relax against him, feeling delightfully lazy. The idea of falling asleep in his arms appealed to her, as did the possibility of waking and making love again. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, this falling in love thing.
****
The darkness closed in, sweltering, black and smothering…she heard her name and a crash but part of her knew she’d never get away now. The blackness held her and she huddled in it, afraid to speak because if she did it might sneak into her mouth and down her throat before she could scream…
Lydia jerked upright, the covers tugged back by a heavy body. She yanked away, pulling the sheets with her, uncertain for a moment where she was. Memory returned and she took a deep breath, forcing herself to let go of the dream, and opened her eyes to see Tony sitting up in bed. His bed. She’d spent the night with him. She lay down facing away from him, willing her racing heart to slow, her breath to stop coming in gasps.
“Sorry. Nightmare.”
He slid his arms around her and kissed her shoulder. “Tell me about it.”
“Don’t.”
He stilled behind her. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t act like you really want to know about my nightmare. It doesn’t affect us. Tonight.”
He remained silent for several long minutes, but his arms didn’t loosen their grasp on her. Finally, he said softly, “What are you trying to forget?”
A shudder of surprise and a little horror that he could see her so well passed through her. “What makes you think I’m trying to forget something?”
“Don’t do that.”
“What?” She turned to face him, shoving her tangled red mane out of her face. “Don’t act like this was more than it was, Tony.”
“What was it, then?” He removed one hand from his hold on her and brushed her hair back, kissing her softly. “Don’t leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” She leaned against him. “Let me go.” Her voice came out sounding more breathless than authoritative.
He laughed against
her hair. “You are a study in contradiction, you know that? And anyway, can’t you get loose? Isn’t that your area of expertise?”
“Mmm.” She wound one arm around his neck, tilting her head to accept his lips. After a moment, she broke off the kiss and smiled at him. “I can get loose. Just not without hurting you. And I had much too much fun with you to want to end the night that way.”
He grinned. “You might actually mean that. It warms the cockles of my heart. And I’ll let you go, but only if you really want me to.”
She ran her tongue over her lips, her mouth curving in a teasing way. “That depends. Are you going to keep talking?”
“You have a problem with talking?” He didn’t move as she caressed his chest with the palm of her hand, enjoying the silky feel of the hair, the warmth of his skin.
“Only when there are better things to do. And let’s face it, we’re both here to do better things.” She cast a look at him from under the fringe of her bangs. “Aren’t we?”
Instead of answering, he tightened his grip on her, burying his face in her neck. “God, you smell so good.”
She laughed. “I think you’re getting the idea.”
“You’re talking too much,” he growled and rolled them over so he propped himself above her.
When he entered her, she knew she’d escaped yet again, and this time he didn’t even know she’d done it.
Chapter 6
My own damn fault, anyway. Tony stared at the ceiling and cursed himself. Of course she’s gone. She was skittish as a kitten, anyway.
Somewhere in the middle of making love to her a second time, he’d come to the realization that he didn’t want to let her go, and that frightened him. He’d fallen asleep with his arms wrapped around a woman whose beauty and talent combined with a stubborn power of will to challenge him at every turn. And woken with nothing but memories.
Don’t act like this was more than it was, Tony.
But what was it? He still couldn’t put his finger on what it was about her that made him willing to give in to addiction for the first time in more than two years.
A knock on his door startled him, and he sat up, looking at the clock. Ten o’clock. Damn. He was supposed to meet Andre for coffee before his brother took off on his honeymoon. He reached for clothes as he started for the door, grabbing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and pulling them on just as he reached the door.
Andre gave him a dubious look. “Getting a late start this morning?”
“Yeah, well, you throw a hell of a party, Andy.” Tony used his mother’s old nickname without thinking about it, then grinned. “Like old times, huh?”
“Old times.” Andre slapped Tony on the back. “Mom wants to see you before she goes home, by the way. She’s pretty pissed that you took off last night without saying good-bye.” He frowned, his eyes noting his brother’s tousled appearance. “Where did you go, anyway?”
Tony sighed. Of course, Andre would be suspicious of his disappearance on finding him disheveled after a night of unknown revelry. Hell, he was a little suspicious himself. If Lydia wasn’t a drug, she certainly acted on his system like one. Already, he could feel the longing for her taste and smell and the silky feel of her skin. He closed his eyes, remembering.
“Tony.” Andre’s voice broke in, a stern but almost panicked tone. “What’s going on, man? You didn’t—”
“I didn’t.” Tony waved away the weakness of drugs and alcohol. What did they matter now? “Not a drop. Never even wanted a drink.” He sighed. “I think this one’s worse.”
“What do you mean?”
Tony sank into one of the chairs at the full size dinner table. Why the hell had he bothered with such an enormous suite, anyway? When was he going to use a full size dinner table in Vegas? He looked up as Andre sat across from him and took a deep breath. “Lydia.”
“Lydia?” Andre looked dumbfounded. Then he nodded. “Well, yeah. Okay. Lydia. I guess I saw that coming. You left with her last night?”
“Yeah.” The relief of sharing some of this burden allowed Tony to straighten his shoulders. “It was amazing, Andre. The most incredible night of my life. I felt—” He shook his head, unable to come up with a word for what he’d felt. “But I wasn’t counting on that, you know? I thought I’d just…that it would be like the others.” He gave his brother a helpless look. “But it wasn’t…she wasn’t. I feel like I used to when I was jonesing for another new drug.” At the shameful confession, he dropped his gaze for a second, then looked back at his brother.
Andre folded his arms across his chest and gave his brother a severe look. “Are you saying what you’re addicted to this time is a woman?” Before Tony could react, his face broke into a grin. “Relax, little brother. Lydia’s a catch.”
“I wouldn’t say I’ve caught her.” Tony shifted uncomfortably. “But she’s sure as hell hooked me.”
“Well, I don’t think there’s a cure for this one, bro.” Andre relaxed and reached behind him onto the minibar for two bottles of water. He passed one to Tony and uncapped his, taking a deep swig.
“You’re telling me this is how you feel about Stacey?”
“I can’t tell you that.” Andre shook his head. “All I can say is that love is an addiction, but if it’s with the right person, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“And if it’s not? What then?”
“Why would you think Lydia isn’t the right person?” Andre raised his eyebrows.
“Well, for one thing, she seemed pretty intent on keeping it casual. Which was fine, at first. But then she had this nightmare and practically jumped out of bed. I asked her about it, and she…” He paused, thoughtful.
“She what?”
Tony returned his attention to his brother. “Escaped. How the hell am I ever going to manage a woman who knows every escape trick in the book, Andre?”
Andre shrugged. “Good question. But I don’t think I’m wrong in thinking you know a few of those tricks yourself. Could be you’re the only one who ever could deal with her.”
“Yeah.” Tony considered his brother’s words for several minutes. Even after Andre clapped him on the back, wished him luck and left to catch his plane to the Caribbean, Tony’s brain was still working. Only after a long while did he feel the pieces slide into place like the workings of a lock.
He had the skills. He could beat her at her own game. But he couldn’t fool himself into thinking he could do it if she didn’t want him to.
And that was just a chance he needed to take.
****
Lydia stood outside the theater door for a moment, gathering herself. She still felt hungover from her night with Tony. Why after taking a thirty-minute shower did she still smell him on her skin? Why had she turned at the sound of a certain timbre of male voice as she walked through the lobby?
Why the hell couldn’t she shake this man?
Maybe it’s magic. She brushed the thought away impatiently and entered the theater. What she really needed was to work, and she was already late for rehearsal.
Bess was seated in the center of the stage, legs crossed, reading a newspaper. She looked up with a dry smile on her too-red lips and swept her blonde hair over her shoulders. “Well, look who decided to show up.” She batted her eyelashes at Lydia and folded her newspaper. “What’s the news, sweetpea?”
Lydia looked around in befuddlement. There should be at least a handful of crew drinking coffee and waiting more or less patiently for the star of the show. “Where is everybody?”
“I told them to come at ten-thirty.”
“You told me nine-thirty.” Lydia looked at her watch. “And it’s a quarter to ten now.”
Bess shrugged. “I was a little off. But I’m still the best manager in the business, right?” At Lydia’s puzzled look, Bess added, “I heard you didn’t spend the night here, and you left the party with Tony Hawkins. I figured you’d want to sleep in some and I didn’t want you to start the show off on the wrong foot with the cre
w, so I sort of…built in some cushion time.” She sat back and waved her hand in the air as if with a magic wand. “And presto! You’re not late, you’re early.”
Lydia laughed. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. Pretty sneaky, Bess.”
“And that’s a secret between you and me.” Bess nodded firmly. “But pull up a chair and tell me about it. What gives? I didn’t think you and Tony were even on speaking terms, really.”
Lydia took her time finding a chair and pulling it over to center stage with Bess. And even then she found she didn’t want to sit in it. Instead she stood behind it, her hands clutching the back of the chair with a firm grip, as if it might take off into the air if she didn’t hold it to the ground. She mulled the events of the evening over in her mind, trying to come up with anything she wouldn’t mind sharing with Bess.
Her best friend produced a thermos and two Styrofoam cups, filling both with hot coffee and passing one to Lydia. “Well, if you won’t sit, at least drink with me. We’ve got forty-five minutes to discuss the night you spent with one of the sexiest men in magic, but you seem strangely reticent to share. What gives, girlfriend?”
“I just—” Lydia thought back over the events of the night before. When had she last known a man who could make her passion flare out of control like that?
You I could get addicted to. And I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t.
Why was he so sure? In fact, she was pretty sure they’d be good together. So why had she left this morning before he got up? Why had she snuck away?
“Lydia.” Bess’s voice caught her attention and she looked up, but her friend was looking at the theater entrance. Tony stood there.
Lydia straightened. “Hey.”
He raised his eyebrows and strode in. “Hey. Am I interrupting?”
“Actually, rehearsal doesn’t start for another half hour.” Bess stood. “And I’ve got a few errands to take care of before that. Coffee?” She held out the thermos.
Tony waved it away, his eyes turning back to Lydia. He remained silent until Bess had disappeared backstage. “So I’ve made a decision. You want to know what?”
Escape Magic Page 5
