Maddy could feel his heart pounding beneath her ear. His pain tore at her heart. “I know you don’t love Sarah.”
“I don’t think I ever did, but I was petrified of loving you, to the point that I tried to convince myself you’d be better off if I never declared what was in my heart.”
Maddy started. She leaned back to study his handsome face and saw the vulnerability in Richard’s eyes, and his fear. “We’ve always been able to tell each other everything but the most important thing of all, you couldn’t seem to tell me. Why? Were you afraid I wouldn’t love you in return? If so, you would have been wrong. I have loved you, not with a childish infatuation, but a real, abiding love, since the night of our wedding.”
The stormy hue in his eyes softened. “I realized when Sarah married Charles that I was relieved, and it made me ashamed. I have said the words ‘I love you’ to many women, and at the time I thought I meant it, but…”
Maddy began to understand what Richard was so afraid of. A hot-cold flush spread over her heart in response. “ Are you still afraid to say it to me? I can wait.”
He shook his head and licked his lips. “I’d die before I hurt you, and I knew it would hurt you to have my love and then lose it.”
“I know I can’t force you to love me. Love has to be freely given. I’m a patient woman.”
He pulled her close, leaning his chin on her head, avoiding her eyes. “I thought you’d be disappointed in me. You’re husband has a fickle heart. I was scared because you’d put me up on this pedestal. I know you hero-worshipped me for years. Now that we are married, you get to see the real man, flaws, and all. Perhaps I wouldn’t be enough for you. I didn’t want to feel guilty about trapping you with a man whom you’d grow to despise. I—didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. What if your opinion of me changed and you decided you could never risk loving me?” At her silence he added, “See, I’m a coward.”
Maddy remembered what Melissa and Rheda had said. Men usually guarded their hearts, yet Richard seemed to give his away freely. Then she thought about the man he was – seeing through her idolization to the man underneath. He was her White Knight, always saving or helping those less fortunate than himself. He’d told her himself how he had grown up watching his brother suffer, and how helpless he’d felt at not being able to protect him.
She understood he was just a man, but what had made a difference was that he was a man whose childhood had affected him badly, just as her childhood as the traitor’s daughter had made her too scared to be herself in case she was found wanting. They had more in common than not.
Perhaps Richard had confused love with compassion in the past. She’d experienced first hand how Richard could feel a deep sympathy and sorrow for another person who was stricken by misfortune. He’d formed an unusual attachment to her as a young girl of thirteen, fully understanding that Maddy needed a friend. This need to help, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate a person’s sufferings could induce strong emotions in return. Perhaps he thought those emotions were love?
“Love is confusing. You’re not the first person who has thought they were in love. Rufus was almost killed by a woman he thought he loved, a woman he thought needed his love and protection too.” She took his face in her hands. “You have this need to help people, to make a difference. I love that about you, but I wonder if you confuse this need, this compassion, with other emotions such as love.” She then pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Besides, I have a confession to make too. Before our wedding, I thought I was in love with you, but since our wedding I realized that I wasn’t.”
“I knew this would happen and that you’d get to understand the man and…”
“Shush, let me finish. What I felt for you before we married was a combination of infatuation and idolization. I didn’t really know the inner man; all I saw was my handsome, desirable, white knight.” She felt his muscles tighten beneath her hands. “What I feel for you now is so much more. I love and accept everything about you. I love that you’re so concerned about hurting me that you were too scared to love me. A truly terrible man would have hardly cared if he had led me to believe he loved me and then didn’t. A terrible man would have married me and had an affair with his previous lover. A terrible man would be berating me for riding off, unescorted, with a bachelor.” She couldn’t bear the desperate entreaty in his eyes. “I love you, Richard, not my white knight, not my childhood friend, but the vulnerable, flawed man I see before me; a man who is willing to risk his happiness by confessing his true feelings, whether I like what you say or not.” She hugged him tightly. “A man who won’t lie to me.”
With a raw sound, he took her lips in a fierce and fervent kiss. He twisted his hand in her hair and held her still for the hungry plundering of her mouth.
Then, suddenly, he pulled away, “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. If it’s too soon after…Anthony told me women who have been raped-abused-often need time before they can bear a man’s touch. I’m so sorry, my love. I…”
“I wasn’t raped.” She said softly. “You rescued me in time. I know the scene in the dungeon looked terrible but I was brave,” a tear escaped. “I kept thinking that if only I could get back to you to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I was for being so silly and putting us in this position.” She briefly closed her eyes. Samuel may have abused her body, but he had never touched her inner core. That special place in her soul that belonged to the man she loved, Richard. “All I hoped for was that when the worst was over, if he had violated me, you’d not look at me differently.”
“Nothing would turn me away from you, nothing.” Richard enveloped her in a smothering embrace. “I love you. I was just thankful you were still alive. I will always want you, no matter what. I love you just the way you are. You don’t have to be perfect in anyone else’s eyes, because I know you are perfect. Perfect for me.” He squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t know how to explain what was in his heart. He’d never been genuinely in love before. He saw that clearly now. “I have loved you from the night of our wedding. What we shared then was incredibly special, and I’d never felt emotions like those before, and I thank you for opening up my heart.”
“If the worst had happened to me, would you have still loved me?”
Richard was rocked to his soul by her quiet question. “Yes. Nothing that would have been done to you would have been your fault.” He lowered his eyes. It hurt to look at her and know he had not saved her from Samuel’s degraded abuse, even though he’d rescued her from the actual rape. Meg had told him of her nightmares. It sickened him to know he had not spared her the ugliness that was man. “I love you more for your strength and courage, but most of all I love you for being a survivor.”
“I had so much to fight for. I fought for you—for us.”
“You have taught me much over the past few weeks.” He cupped her face with his hands and vowed, “You have taught me about love. Love is not about trying to save everyone, love is more than that. Love is about taking risks, declaring what’s in your heart, and allowing the other person to reciprocate. It’s about personal sacrifice, selflessness, and realizing that you can’t live without the one person who fills your soul. All I wanted was you alive. Thank you for bearing the unbearable.”
Her mouth curved into a rueful smile. “Darling, if you ever get scared or confused about your feelings again, come to me. I’ll remind you of why you love me and we will work through your fears together.”
He laughed. “We’ll support each other. I do know what love is, at last, thanks to you. You stood by me, playing the role of an abandoned wife when that must have cut you to your core. I know you, my love; if the child had been mine, you were going to let me divorce you so I could claim it. Yet you’ve still come into my arms with trust and love, even when I’ve let you down.”
“No! You didn’t let me down; you understood my hidden messages, and you came for me.
“I would die for you,” he vowed vehemently.
“Thank
God that was not necessary, and I hope it never will be. However, I don’t wish to ruin this wonderful moment but I have to know the answer to this question. Why did you let Sarah go? She’s not with child and you know that.”
He heard the ache in her voice. She thought he had betrayed her. “I thought I had no choice.”
“I don’t understand,” her puzzled screwed up little nose and frown looked so cute.
“Sarah told me that Samuel had raped and sodomized you, and if I took her to trial, she would tell the world the details. I couldn’t let her do that to you.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “I should have known she’d lie to save herself. But I was ravaged by a sense of misery greater than any other I’d ever known. I was also filled with self-loathing that I had not spared you this ordeal. I could at least spare you having to see the court case played out in the newspapers and gossip columns.”
“Trying to save me again?”
“Always—if you’ll let me.”
“As long as you let me save you right back.”
They stood in the middle of the room, hugging each other, relishing their newfound closeness and the warmth of their deep, abiding love.
Richard let his tears of happiness and relief fall. After everything Maddy had ascertained about his character, and her ordeal, she still was brave enough to share her heart with him. She was his to love and cherish forever now. “When I thought I would lose you, I…” He shuddered as a picture of his life without her flashed across his eyes. It was a bleak, barren, dark picture.
“Shush. Make love to me, Richard. Banish the nightmare of the past few days.”
Instantly, his body stirred. “Are you sure you’re ready?”
“How can I possibly not want you?” Maddy reached up to caress his cheek, feeling the few days’ stubble that roughened his jaw. “I need you to exorcise the dark memories. I need you to show me how much you love me, so that in turn I can show you my love for you.”
In response, Richard swept her up into his arms, and gently cradling her against his chest as though she were the most precious thing in the world, he carried her to the bed.
As he lay her down in the middle of the large four-poster, he followed the sunlight’s play over her bare thighs with his lips. She was beauty personified and his heart swelled with pride and thankfulness that a woman such as she would trust her heart to him.
His touch was tentative as he ran his hands over her silken skin, sliding under her night-rail, worshipping her as she deserved. He moved up her body, slowly revealing each delectable inch as he pushed her shift up and over her head.
He rose above her, staring down at such perfection that it took his breath away.
She misunderstood his hesitation. “I’m all right, Richard. I want you, I need you.”
He smiled tenderly and said, “I’m simply awed by your beauty.”
She sat up and cupped his face in her hands. “I love you,” she said sweetly.
His mouth descended fervently on to hers, his kiss desperate, trying to show her how precious the gift of her love was to him. She wrapped her arms round his neck and pulled him down until his full weight lay upon her, their kisses deepening and igniting their passions.
She broke away to murmur, “I love the feel of you above me. It makes me feel wanted and safe.”
Richard nearly groaned as desire surged in his blood. Yet he wanted to go slowly. Maddy had said she was fine but she’d been through a horrifying ordeal.
She took the decision from him. “For a husband about to make love to his wife, you have far too many clothes on.”
She kissed him tenderly as she sat up and her delicate fingers began ridding him of his clothes. He’d already removed his cravat, jacket, and boots when he’d slipped into her room during the night. He’d thought she would never look more beautiful than she did in the dawn light, as she lay sleeping on her side, her hair fanned out on her pillow, but he’d been wrong.
She was infinitely lovelier with her tousled hair wild about her shoulders, her eyes aflame with passion, and her lips full and pouty from his kisses.
She gave him one of her looks. The sort of look she’d been giving him since she was thirteen-years-old, only he’d never fully understood it before, a look of absolute faith and trust that sent his heart and soul flying free.
Finally they were skin to naked skin, and as they lay holding each other, they reveled in their togetherness and newfound love.
They snuggled close together, kissing and touching as if exploring each other or the first time. Soon their burgeoning passion could not be denied, and Maddy, as if sensing Richard was holding back due to concern for all she’d experienced in the last few days, pushed him onto his back and took control, expertly demonstrating her wants and needs.
Her mouth trailed over his warmed skin, setting fire to his senses. The lick of her soft tongue swirling over his male nipple saw him hardening further. He shuddered and groaned as she moved lower, her hair trailing a silken path, her light touch incredibly arousing.
When she took him into her mouth he let his groan escape into the stillness of the room. The sight of her drawing the thick, hard length of him into her mouth caused him to whisper her name over and over, just to keep from spilling too early.
As if sensing he could take no more, Maddy rose and guided him deep inside her. She rocked slowly above him, undulating as she rode him, totally in control. Her head lolled back, and her eyes closed, with her lips partly open as she emitted soft cries. He could look at her like this forever.
Soon his hands rose to clasp her hips; he tried to let her maintain control but his need to go deeper, to lose himself in her sweet body saw the coiling tension become too much to bear.
Their joining was heaven. His body throbbed; Maddy’s wet heat stroked him as he filled her; they were perfectly in time and in tune to each other’s needs. As one, they rode the peak and reached ecstasy, matching their desperate need for each other, to become one with the other. She gave him everything of herself to him and he reciprocated, pouring out all the love he’d kept restrained inside himself since his marriage. He let if fly free at long last as he basked in the warm glow of her acceptance.
They bonded, not only in their hearts but also in their souls, recognizing the inevitable conclusion to their deep and abiding friendship.
As they moved together in the final throes of passion, letting the firestorm of emotions wash over them, they knew that they were starting anew. The rhythm grew wilder, their cries echoed around the room, and in only moments, the crescendo peaked and overtook them as they soared to the dizzying heights that only true love could take them.
Maddy collapsed replete onto Richard’s chest. She heard the pounding of his heart beneath her ear and when he wrapped his arms round her and whispered how much he loved her, how much she mattered in his life, she finally knew it wouldn’t signify if she made silly mistakes, it wouldn’t matter if the ton approved of her or not, as Richard would always stand by her side because he loved her. He loved her as she was and that was all that mattered.
Their lovemaking had been as exquisite as usual but there was newness about it too…a heightened sweetness that came from baring one’s soul and handing one’s heart to another for safekeeping. She would treasure Richard’s gift and nurture it. She’d never let him question his heart again. It was at last hers to keep safe, hers to cherish and hers to love unconditionally in return.
For always…
Epilogue
Dear Richard and Madeline,
It is with hope and happiness that I ask if you will be little Wilton’s Godparents, along with Stephen Milton, Marquis of Worthington.
I can’t think of a better couple to hand my son’s care to should, heaven forbid, the need ever arise. Your journey to happiness as a couple began many years ago, and in spite of an interfering brother, society’s distain, and villain-filled adversity, you still found each other and embraced the courage to love. You are a wonderful example of ho
w love completes us. I have never seen you both so happy.
I couldn’t want for a better husband for my beautiful sister, and it’s all the more precious because you’re also my friend.
Rheda has recovered well from Wilton’s birth, and will be excited to see you both tomorrow for dinner. She’s a proud mother and wants to show off our beautiful son.
Your brother and friend,
Rufus, Earl of Hascombe,
Proud father
London, Eight Months Later
Later tonight, Rufus was holding a ball to celebrate the birth and christening of his firstborn son, Wilton, named after his father, the late Lord Strathmore.
It was to be a grand affair, an event to show society that the Earl of Hascombe’s family was thriving, and that the taint of disgrace had gone for good now that the next generation, the future Earl of Hascombe, had been born.
They’d also had more news. It was news Maddy wasn’t too sure how to respond to. They had learned that Sarah had boarded a ship in Boston, bound for England. However, the ship had been lost in a storm with no reported survivors. Part of her was relieved. During the months since her ordeal, she’d had this weight sitting on her shoulders that one day Sarah may come back and cause her family further harm. It was as if her future was clearer and more certain now she knew Sarah was dead. She prayed this sense of relief didn’t make her a bad person.
Madeline sighed and let the warm water of her bath flow over her, washing Sarah from her mind once and for all.
This morning she’d been proud to stand in church as Wilton’s godmother, next to Richard, who had agreed to be one of Wilton’s godfathers, together with Stephen.
She closed her eyes and began talking in a soft voice as she slid her hands over the small roundness of her stomach. The doctor had only confirmed her condition yesterday and Richard was bursting with pride and excitement; he was proud as well as a little scared, of his impending fatherhood. If she weren’t careful, he would coddle her until it drove her mad.
Invitation to Passion Page 28
