by B. B. Hamel
And I didn’t know what that meant for Brooks. If I was safely smuggled out of the city, that meant he’d be able to get back to work. He could go back to his old life without a problem and he wouldn’t have to worry about my safety. Louisa could look after that, or really I could look after myself.
Everything felt simultaneously fixed and still completely up in the air. It was bizarre the way all of this was shaking out.
Just as I got up the nerve to call room service and get something to eat, there was a knock at the door. I got up, half expecting to find a cart of food already waiting for me, as if the Barones were so rich they could somehow read my mind.
Instead, as soon as I opened the door, Louisa stepped into the room and shut it behind her.
“Louisa,” I said. “Hi. I didn’t expect you.”
“Let’s talk,” she said. I watched as she walked over to the table and sat down, crossing her legs neatly and smiling at me.
I followed her, fascinated by her every move. She was such a strange person, so abrupt and forward. She seemed like she didn’t mess around and didn’t have time to pretend she was something she wasn’t.
I sat down across from her, feeling somehow inadequate. Louisa was smaller than me, but she seemed to loom so large whenever she was around.
“What do you think of me?” she asked.
I blinked, surprised by the strange question. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “You’re hard to get a read on.”
“Do you trust me?”
“You haven’t given me a reason not to so far.”
“Good.” She looked around the room. “Do you know how we bought all of this?”
I shrugged. “I assumed with all your money. Your family has been in business forever.”
“True,” she said, “but it’s more than that. My father was one of the most ruthless businessmen in the whole city for a very long time, and although he’s gotten much older, he’s still as shrewd as he once was. All of this is only possible because of that intense and unwavering dedication to the family.”
I nodded. “That makes sense, but I don’t know why you’re telling me this.”
“That’s the sort of man I come from,” Louisa said, looking at me. “That’s what I’ve inherited. But I disagree with my father in a lot of ways.”
“Human trafficking,” I said softly.
“Exactly.” She paused for a second, studying her nails. “All of this is built on the backs of the dead. This table, these rugs, this air, it’s all because my father was more violent than his contemporaries.”
“You don’t seem against violence,” I said, narrowing my eyes.
“I’m not,” she admitted frankly. “Violence is a means to an end, and for my father, that used to be true. But things have begun to change in the mob.”
“Is that something you’re trying to change?”
“Somewhat,” she said, “but not exactly. I wasn’t lying to you when I said that I want to give power to the powerless.”
“What do you really mean by that?” I asked, surprised at myself for being so forward.
“I wanted to join my father’s business. Years ago, I refused to go to college, refused to become the good girl civilian that my father wanted me to become. I wanted to join the business, because I knew I’d be good at it. When he refused, I locked myself in my room.
“But that was foolish and childish, and I soon realized that. Instead of lounging around and crying about my problems, I began to learn how to use computers. The internet was my window into the world, and I gained some serious skills. I spent all day and all night learning my craft, and eventually I entered into some intense and important underground hacker groups.
“That was the start of the Spiders, though we weren’t the Spiders back then. Really, we never chose a name; Spiders was given to us. At any rate, what began as a small gang of activist hackers slowly grew into my current organization of dedicated fighters.”
“Are you all women?” I asked.
“No,” she said, “but we are mostly women.”
“How did you put all of this together without leaving the compound?”
She smiled ruefully. “I didn’t. Well, at first I did, but soon it grew too fast and got too large, and I found myself sneaking out more and more.”
This woman was amazing. She said all of these things with a straight face, almost as if nothing was special about what she was saying, but it was actually incredible. Louisa couldn’t have been much older than me, and she was probably actually my age, though it was hard to tell with her. But she had accomplished so much in such a short time.
She was dangerous though, and I could tell there was something she wasn’t saying. I felt comfortable around her, but I knew that might be a dangerous mistake to make.
“Why are you telling me all of this?” I blurted out, unable to stop myself. “I’m nothing, not important. Why are you helping me?”
“You’re not nothing, Emma,” she said, her face intense and serious. “You’re a survivor. After all this, you think you’re nothing?”
I shook my head. “I’ve gotten lucky. Brooks helped me.”
“Yes and yes, all true. But most women in your position would have quit or crawled into a little hole somewhere to die. But not you. Kasia told me what you did back at the safe house.”
“Kasia survived?”
Louisa nodded. “And so did many of the other fighters. But the girls, they survived because you took control of them, you talked to them, you made them understand. That’s an incredibly valuable asset, Emma.”
“I just did what anyone would do.”
“Listen to me. I want you to join my organization. I want you to become a part of us.”
I gaped at her. There it was, the real reason for me being here. I knew there was something she’d been holding back from saying, knew there had to be more to this trip to the compound.
But I would never have guessed this.
“What about Brooks?” I asked her stupidly.
“He’s none of your concern anymore,” Louisa said. “I know you’re fond of each other, but as we speak, Brooks is being offered a serious promotion within the mafia, one I doubt he will turn down.”
I frowned. “That doesn’t make sense. I thought he was in trouble with them.”
Louisa laughed. “He was, or at least he was with Dante. But his real boss, Gian, doesn’t give a shit about any of that stuff. Gian only cares about results, and Brooks gets results, as you’ve seen. Brooks is being offered to run his own territory, and that will make him a very rich and very important person within the mafia.”
I found that hard to believe. Brooks didn’t seem like the type of person who wanted power, or really cared about promotions.
“So what?” I asked her.
“Brooks won’t need you anymore,” she said pointedly. “Come join me. I can give your life meaning. You’ll help people, Emma. You’ll save more women like the girls you helped last night. We can do great things together.”
I shook my head, totally overwhelmed. “I don’t know,” I said.
Louisa stood. “Think about it. Let me know. But please, Emma, be careful around Brooks. He might not be the man you think he is.”
I couldn’t say a word as Louisa turned and left the room. The door shutting behind her felt like a concussion grenade going off in my brain.
I was spinning out of control. Louisa wanted me to join the Spiders, thought that I could be an asset to her. She wanted me to do important work, the sort of thing I never imagined for myself. I always thought I’d end up working in some diner for the rest of my life, maybe get married, maybe pump out a bunch of kids.
But suddenly I was given the opportunity to join a group of women dedicated to giving power to the powerless.
The only thing holding me back was her warning about Brooks. It felt wrong, and I could feel myself rebelling against it. So far, though, Louisa hadn’t lied to me. If Brooks really was being given this promotion, ma
ybe I did need to worry. Would he actually betray me in the end in order to further himself?
That seemed so unlikely, but Louisa’s words kept coming back to me. Maybe Brooks really wasn’t the man I thought he was. Maybe Brooks really was more dangerous than I thought.
I had a lot to think about, and I felt like I was totally trapped. I returned to the couch, not hungry anymore. The novelty of ordering food had completely worn off.
This whole place was built on blood and death, and Brooks might want to move further into that world. I knew he was a killer, but I didn’t think he was evil.
Maybe I was wrong about him, and maybe Louisa was right.
25
Brooks
I walked slowly back toward the apartment, not sure at all what the hell I wanted to do. The only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to see Emma.
I unlocked the door and pushed through. I found her sitting on the couch, wrapped in a big, comfortable-looking white robe and staring at the television absently.
“Hey,” I said. “You look comfortable.”
She looked up at me. “Oh, Brooks. I didn’t hear you come in.”
She had this faraway look on her face that I’d never seen before. I narrowed my eyes and sat down on a chair across from her. “Been having fun without me?”
“Sure,” she said absently.
“Have you gone exploring yet?”
“Not yet.”
I stretched my legs out. “Been too busy thinking about my thick cock between your legs, I’m sure. Can’t muster up the energy to leave.”
“Not exactly. Louisa visited me.”
“Did she?”
She nodded. “Had some interesting things to say.”
I sighed. I’d been expecting this, or at least something like this.
Louisa didn’t do anything for no reason. Sure, she helped people, but I couldn’t imagine her just helping us and expecting nothing in return. Whatever Emma was about to tell me was going to be the beginning of whatever Louisa actually wanted.
“What was that then?” I asked finally, taking the bait.
“She talked about her organization, about how it started.”
“Did she mention locking herself away in her room?”
“She did, actually,” Emma said. “She told me that it was dumb and childish, but she used that time to build her empire.”
“I’m sure she did.” I frowned, not sure where this was going. Emma seemed distant somehow, angry for some reason I couldn’t understand. There was another game happening here, and I didn’t know what it was yet.
“Brooks, did you get a promotion?”
I raised my eyebrow. “How do you know about that?”
“Louisa told me,” she admitted. “Are they putting you in charge of some territory?”
I nodded slowly. “Gian wants me to take over for Dante.”
Emma’s face fell, and I wasn’t sure why, but I knew it had to do with whatever Louisa had told her.
“I see,” she said. “That’s really great, Brooks.”
“I never said I was taking it.”
She smiled. “Isn’t this something you’ve always wanted?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “I always thought I wanted to be a big boss.”
“Well, here it is, your dream come true. And you won’t need to hide me anymore.”
“That’s right,” I said softly. “You’re free to do whatever you want.”
“What do you think I want to do, Brooks?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted, “but I suspect Louisa said something to you.”
“She might have.”
“And you trust her?”
“I think that I do.”
“Okay then,” I said. “Emma, something bigger is happening here.”
“You’re right,” she said. “It is. And you seem to be at the center of it.”
“What are you talking about?”
She stood up, suddenly serious. “Why have we been running around like this?”
I cocked my head at her. “What did Louisa say to you?”
“You’re important, Brooks. You’re getting a serious promotion in the mafia. Why did we need to run around like this? You could have just told them what was happening and I bet they would have forgiven you.”
“I’m not so sure,” I said, but part of me realized she might be right.
“You wanted to drag me around. You wanted to keep me prisoner.”
“That’s not true at all,” I said, feeling myself getting angry.
“I don’t understand why any of this happened, Brooks. I don’t understand why you saved me. But you got what you wanted, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess I fucking did.” Anger welled up inside me.
Fucking Louisa had said something to her, fucking poisoned her against me. After everything we’d been through, Emma thought she knew the truth about me or some shit. Clearly Louisa had told her something, probably one of the many fucking bad things from my past.
That was who I was. I was a fucking killer and I’d never pretended otherwise. If Emma forgot about that, well I couldn’t fucking help it.
“So I guess you can go take your promotion.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what bullshit Louisa fed you about me, but she doesn’t know me. She’s a smart person and she watches people, but she doesn’t know everything.”
“What doesn’t she know?” Emma asked, and I heard a hint of desperation in her voice.
But I couldn’t grab on to it. “She doesn’t fucking know a damn thing.” I walked over to the door. After everything that had happened between us, Emma thought I was betraying her. She thought that I’d kept her around just because I wanted to use her like some sort of slave.
After all the death and the danger, after getting shot, she still didn’t trust me.
That pissed me off the most. I had holes in my body. I had killed for her. And now Louisa comes along, poisoning her against me.
“I’m leaving,” I said.
“Fine,” she answered. “Do what you need to do.”
“You’re making a mistake,” I said to her, “but I can’t stop you anymore. You’re free, Emma. You’re totally free.”
I turned the doorknob and left the room.
As I stormed through the hallways, walking without direction, I had a deep, sinking feeling in my chest.
I’d made the wrong choice back there.
Somehow something had just happened, some pivotal moment. Emma had seemed like she needed something from me, but I just wasn’t able to give it to her, not in that moment. I didn’t have it within me.
But I also needed something from her. I needed her trust. She’d seen enough, heard enough. She fucking knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t just going to throw her under the bus for some fucking bullshit promotion.
Too late for all this now, though. I had already left, and she had already made up her mind. Whatever Louisa had offered her was better than what I could give, and that had to be the end of that.
I felt like I was losing something, and I didn’t really understand why. I could turn back and explain to her. I could tell her that everything I’d done since meeting her was only to keep her safe, and that I’d never betray her no matter what. I could tell her that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to take the damn promotion.
But the farther away from the room I got, the further away from Emma I felt. And I was just too damn far away now, too fucking far away to turn back.
I was a killer. I would always be a killer. Emma wanted to be free, and she couldn’t be free with a man like me keeping her down. For her sake, for my own sake, I had to just keep walking, keep walking through these halls. I had to keep moving forward.
26
Emma
Watching Brooks go hurt me more than I’d thought it would.
I knew there was something there between us. That was undeniable. I felt it every time he looked at me, every time he came near. It was more
than just physical; it was emotional, it was intense. But I didn’t know what the thing was, not really, and maybe I never would.
Maybe it was just because he had saved me that night. Maybe it was just because he was the first man, the best man, to ever really want me that way. But no matter what it was, he had left in that moment, and I felt like something had changed between us.
I slowly got dressed. Suddenly the wealth of everything around me was tainted, not just by what Louisa had told me, but also by Brooks leaving. I didn’t know where he was going or if he would be back, but he’d told me that I was free. Maybe that meant he really wasn’t going to return.
I put my old clothes on, and they felt loose and dirty, but they were all I had. I didn’t care, though, since I had more important things to worry about than whether or not I looked cute. Once I was dressed, I left the room, making sure to grab my key card on the way out.
I wandered the halls, not really thinking about where I was going. It didn’t matter considering I didn’t know where anything was either way. All I knew was that I wanted to get out of that apartment and try to forget about whatever had just happened between me and Brooks.
As I walked, I felt fear creeping in along the edges of my mind. For the first time, I really was free. It was the one thing I’d yearned for my whole life, to finally be out from under the control of men like my father. Brooks had promised to give me that freedom, and in a lot of ways he had delivered.
I was on my own. I had a choice to make, a choice that Brooks couldn’t influence. He wasn’t in control anymore, and I could go my own way if that was what I really wanted.
But was joining the Spiders a good idea? They were violent killers, although they killed for a good cause. Still, I saw those women fighters back at the compound. Could I become like that?
Questions, so many questions. They swirled around my mind, biting at the edges, making me second-guess everything I was doing.
