He inclined his head. “Guilty.”
His blunt sincerity left her almost speechless. “Why? I don’t understand.” The guy had dumped her. Why was he following her? Her family had already dealt with one stalker, and she certainly didn’t need one of her own. But it didn’t feel that way. For one thing, she trusted Jake with her life, if not her heart.
Jake wanted to wrap Sapphire in his arms and assure her that he’d never let anything harm her, but he’d given up the right to do so. He clenched his back molars together, wanting to kick himself for how much he’d hurt her. His intentions had been honorable, at least partially so.
He wanted to protect her from the dark side of his personality, but he’d come to realize over the past few lonely weeks that he’d been protecting himself as well, maybe even more so. He hadn’t wanted to expose all of himself to her for fear she would reject him. So he’d rejected her first.
He was a fucking idiot.
From the moment he’d left Sapphire all soft and warm in her bed, all he’d wanted was to be back there with her. He wasn’t sleeping, was barely working. It felt as though a vital part of him was missing.
“I know you don’t understand, babe.” She looked totally bewildered but incredibly sexy in her killer heels, short skirt and low-cut blouse. Breathtakingly beautiful with her luminous brown eyes, red pouty lips and curly black hair all bundled up in a fancy do. Damn, he wanted her in his arms and his bed.
But first he had to win back her trust.
“Jake?”
He reached out to her but she took a step back. It hit him like a fist to the gut, but he deserved it. He raked his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. “I’ve been keeping tabs on you since the night I left.”
She shook her head and he could easily read the confusion in her eyes. “Why? You were very blunt the night you left. So why do you care who I see or what I do?”
How to explain so she wouldn’t kick his butt to the door? “Can we sit down?”
She skirted by him and turned on another lamp before perching on the edge of one of the chairs, making sure there was no way he could sit next to her. He crouched in front of her instead, needing to be as close as she would allow him. He took her hands in his. She resisted slightly, but eventually relented. A rush of pleasure filled him when she acquiesced to his touch.
Her hands were so small next to his, but he knew how skilled, how creative they were. He’d seen the intricate earrings, necklaces and bracelets she created in her studio. The woman was incredibly talented.
“I hurt you and I never meant to,” he began.
She tugged at her hands until he was forced to hurt her or release her. He let go of her hands and she folded them demurely in her lap. He immediately missed the feel of her skin against his. “You did, but the past is the past.”
Her eyes were steady and calm and a sick feeling filled his stomach. Maybe she truly had moved on. Maybe he’d blown his only chance with her.
“But that doesn’t tell me why you were following me.” She sat up straighter and a flush of anger tinged her cheeks pink. “How many of my dates have you been on?”
“All of them.” He wouldn’t lie to her, not ever again. Not that he’d lied to her that night. He’d honestly believed he was doing what was right for her by leaving.
No, the person he’d been lying to that fateful night was himself.
“All of them.” She seemed totally bewildered by his confession. “This is crazy.” She rubbed her hand over her face, appearing extremely tired and confused.
Jake took heart from the fact she wasn’t screaming at him or calling his brother to come get his sorry ass out of her home.
He hurried on, hoping to make his case before she decided to evict him. “You changed after that night. You moved out of the apartment you shared with your sister.” He’d felt better knowing she had Topaz close, but that hadn’t lasted long after he’d left her.
She shrugged. “She moved in with John, and Emerald lives with her husband in Maine now. Didn’t seem right to keep such a large place just for me. Besides, I wanted a fresh start.”
The unspoken words were that she wanted a new start because of him. He eased from his crouch and sat on the corner of the coffee table, praying it would hold his weight. Wouldn’t exactly be suave if he broke it and ended up sprawled across her floor.
“You changed your wardrobe too?” he pointed out.
She stood and walked away, not stopping until she was standing by the window in the dining area. The heels she wore made it seem as though her legs went on forever. His balls drew up tight to his body and he forced himself to look away from Sapphire and study their surroundings instead. The tiny dining space held a table big enough for four, if they didn’t mind being overly friendly. The apartment was much smaller than the one she’d shared with her sisters, but it was all hers. The quiet colors and comfortable furniture reflected her personality.
“I decided I didn’t like being boring or unsophisticated.”
Pain ripped through his guts. He was responsible for that. “Babe,” he began, only to have her hold up her hand to stop him from saying any more.
“Don’t call me that.”
He stood and went to stand beside her. “I never thought you were boring or unsophisticated.”
“No? Oh, that’s right. You just thought you were too much for me to handle in the bedroom. Translation, I’m not enough woman for you.”
He’d really fucked things up. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Sure it is. Don’t start lying now, Jake. Not when you’ve been so honest up until now.” With her hands on her hips and her head tossed back, she was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. And she wasn’t done bringing him to task yet. “So honest in fact, you’ve been watching me and following me on my dates. Did you enjoy the art film last Tuesday?”
Jake winced. He’d dug himself a hell of a hole. “Ah, not particularly. And I know you didn’t either. You prefer older movies.”
“And you prefer action flicks. What about the concert on Thursday?” One toe tapped against the hardwood floor as she continued to question him.
“That one I had to wait outside. And before you ask, I enjoyed the Italian bistro and the art opening. What I didn’t like was seeing you with other men.” It had left him itching to hurt someone. He’d hated watching all those different guys walking with her, talking with her, holding her hand, kissing her good night. Thankfully, she hadn’t invited one of them up to her apartment. He wasn’t sure what the hell he would have done if that had happened.
Her anger seemed to deflate, leaving her looking bewildered. “I know you like your steak rare and you hate asparagus, but you’ll eat it if someone cooks it for you. I know you like to read thrillers and you’re close with your brother. I know a lot of superficial things about you, Jake, but I really don’t know you at all. I thought I did the night I took you to my bed, but I found out too late that I was mistaken.”
Jake moved as close as he could without touching her. He sensed her immediate tension but didn’t back away. “I hurt you and I’m sorry for that.” He rubbed his hand over his face, searching for the right words to make her understand. “You’re so innocent and filled with light.”
She frowned and sighed. “Like I said, boring.”
Jake shook his head. “No, never that. I find you endlessly fascinating. The way you enjoy whatever it is you’re doing, the creative way your mind works, your natural beauty. It’s all such a gift.”
“Why are you saying these things to me now? After everything that’s happened between us.” There was pain in her eyes, pain he’d put there, and he hated himself for it.
He had to make her understand. “I left because I thought it was the best thing for you. You’re filled with light and there’s a darkness inside me that is so deep, so ingrained, I feared it would overwhelm you and change you.”
Her brows drew together and he resisted the urge to rub at the lines that formed between her eye
s. “So what you’re saying is that you decided what was best for me?”
He nodded, wondering if she truly understood.
“You ass.” She pushed past him and stalked back into the living room, her heels clicking furiously on the hardwood floor. “Who the hell do you think you are to decide what’s best for me. Of all the arrogant idiocy.”
Jake followed her, trying to think of what he could do to deflect her anger and swiftly came to the conclusion that he couldn’t and shouldn’t. He deserved all of it and more. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“That’s obvious.” The cutting edge to her voice almost made him smile. Sapphire was tough beneath her soft exterior. He knew that, couldn’t help but know it after spending so much time as her bodyguard. The woman ran a successful business with her sisters, for fuck’s sake. Sisters’ Jewels was one of the top boutiques in New York, Sapphire’s jewelry extremely popular, and that didn’t happen if you weren’t a sharp businesswoman.
But somehow she maintained an aura of innocence, of kindness. Her older sister Topaz came across as a tough lady with an iron will, covered with a veneer of sophistication. But with Sapphire, what you saw was what you got, honesty and kindness. Not that Topaz wasn’t that way too, or at least he thought she was, but Topaz was more guarded. Her sister Emerald he didn’t know as well, but she seemed bohemian and artsy, perfect for the New York scene even though she was now living in rural Maine. She’d survived a stalker so she had to be mentally tough.
Sapphire, on the other hand, was an open book. Or at least she had been. She’d closed up over the past few weeks even though she’d expanded her social activities.
“I think we’ve said all there is to say. You need to stay out of my life, Jake. I appreciate what you did tonight, but you need to leave me alone.” The rosy flush coloring her cheeks made her appear as though she’d shared a quick tumble with her lover. Wishful thinking on his part. It was all righteous anger aimed at him.
He shook his head. “I can’t do that, babe.”
“You wanted out and you got out. Don’t think for one second you can walk right back in and pick up where we left off. Not happening.” Sapphire walked to the front door and yanked it open. “You need to go.”
Jake walked over to the door, tugged it out of her grip and quietly closed it. “I can’t.” And that was the honest truth. “I thought what I was doing was for you, but it was really for me. I was afraid my darkness would hurt you, would swallow you, that my demands in bed would overwhelm you. Hell, the night we spent together, I was barely getting started when you were all but passed out. I feared what might happen if I did the things I really wanted to. I never wanted to hurt you that way. But I was also protecting myself.”
Talk about leaving your balls exposed. Jake had never felt so vulnerable in his entire life. He’d stripped back the cover on his soul, leaving it totally exposed to her. But if this is what it took in order to get Sapphire back, he was willing to do it. She had no idea just how much power he’d handed her.
Or maybe she did.
The smile she gave him was filled with sadness and a finality that made his balls shrivel. He feared what she was about to say, so he cut her off, not giving her time to speak. “No, don’t say it’s over. Give us another chance.” She had to give him another chance at getting this relationship thing right. He wasn’t sure he could live with the alternative.
“I’m not sure I can, Jake. I’m not sure I can ever trust you again. You shredded my confidence as a woman, as a lover.”
“And I’m sorry as hell for that. You were amazing that night, like a drug in my veins that I can’t live without.” He reached out and lightly rested his hands on her shoulders. “Let me prove to you I can change.” That was an offer he wouldn’t make to any other person on the face of the planet.
“Oh, Jake. I don’t want you to change. Neither of us should have to change. If we’re not enough just the way we are then it won’t work.”
“Then give us another chance to see if it will work.” She had to give them another shot. He gently squeezed her shoulders and she flinched. “Son of a bitch. He hurt you, didn’t he? I’ll kill the motherfucker.” Jake knew he should curb his language, but too many years in the military had given him a colorful vocabulary that came out whenever he was truly angry.
“I’m fine. Really.” Sapphire tried to bat away his hands, but he wasn’t having any part of that. He made quick work of the buttons of her blouse and slipped the silky fabric off her shoulders. The bra she was wearing was the same color as her blouse, a chocolate, lacy delight that covered her exceptional breasts. His blood pressure shot through the roof, but plummeted again when he caught sight of her shoulders. Already, dark bruises were forming.
“Oh, babe. I’m so sorry I let him do this to you. I should have been faster.”
“It’s not your fault.” She touched the side of his face and he closed his eyes, savoring the moment.
He opened his eyes again. “Where’s your bedroom? You need to get into something soft and loose, while I get an ice pack from the kitchen.”
Chapter Four
Sapphire wasn’t sure when the situation had spiraled out of her control, but it was time to grab it back. “That’s not necessary.” No way was she putting on her nightgown when Jake was still in her apartment. She yanked her blouse back over her shoulders and fastened the top button. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed him to half undress her without protesting.
But really, who could blame her? Her thoughts and emotions were bouncing all over the place. She’d finally come to the conclusion that she wasn’t going to be able to change and had made peace with it. Then Jake had come storming back into her life asking for another shot at their relationship. No, not asking, demanding.
He was frowning at her yet again. “You need an ice pack to keep down the swelling.”
“Then I’ll take care of it. After you leave.” She started to open the door again, but he kicked it closed. Turning, she glared at him. “Stop that.”
“Can’t. I won’t sleep if you don’t let me tend to your injuries. They’re my fault.”
“For heaven’s sake, Jake. The only one at fault is Ivan for being an idiot.”
“You should never have gone out with him.”
She held up her hand to stop his rant before it really got started. “Not. Your. Business.” She spaced the words out so he’d get the message. She was in charge of her life, not him.
A muscle began to pulse beneath his left eye and his jaw hardened. “It is my business. You’re my business.”
She shook her head. “No. Who I date is my concern.”
“I want it to be mine. Hell, I don’t want you dating anyone but me.”
Sapphire wasn’t about to make any rash decisions tonight, not after what she’d been through. Jake had already put her emotions through the wringer and she wasn’t keen on going back for a second round.
But oh, how she wanted to take the plunge. For all his male arrogance and his heavy-handed ways, she loved him. What she wasn’t sure about was whether or not she could trust him with her heart again.
“I’m not making any decisions tonight.”
“Fair enough.” He stood with his legs braced apart and his arms crossed over his massive chest. “But please let me take care of you tonight.” He uncoiled his arms and held up his hands in front of him as if to admit surrender. “Only an ice pack and I’ll leave once you’re tucked into bed.”
She knew he could teach stubborn to a goat and would stand there all night if he had to. His tenacity was one of the things she admired about him even as she recognized it would be a problem in any relationship they had. Still, if it got him gone, she would give in this once.
“Fine. Go wrap some ice in a tea towel and I’ll get changed. Bedroom is on the right.” She turned on her heel and marched off. Even though she didn’t look behind, she could feel his eyes on her as she walked down the short hallway and into her room.
Sh
e didn’t release her pent-up breath until she shut the door behind her. Leaning against the wooden panel, she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. This evening had totally gotten out of her control, first with Ivan and now with Jake.
On cue, her shoulders began to ache. She shoved away from the door and made it to the side of the bed. Her legs were shaky so she sat and removed her shoes. Her feet throbbed with relief. There was enough ambient light coming from outside for her to see, but she turned on the small bedside lamp, needing the warmth from its glow for comfort.
She didn’t think Jake would be long in the kitchen and had no desire to be caught in a state of undress. Pushing herself off the bed, she quickly stripped off her skirt and pantyhose. Her blouse and bra quickly followed. She reached for her nightgown, which hung from an antique brass hook on the back of her closet door, and quickly drew it on. She kept her panties on, not wanting to feel quite so undressed in front of Jake. To be on the safe side, she drew her dressing gown on over the nightie.
A low knock sounded on the door. Before she could answer, Jake pushed the door open and walked in. He’d removed his jacket and boots and rolled back the sleeves of his black linen shirt, displaying muscled forearms dusted with a light covering of dark-blond hair. She frowned at him. “You should have waited until I told you to come in.”
His stride slowed and an odd expression crossed his face as though such a thing had never occurred to him. “Next time,” he promised. He had a towel filled with ice in his left hand and motioned toward the bed with his right one. “Get in bed.”
“I’d planned to,” she muttered. Honestly, the man gave new meaning to the word bossy. She pulled down the comforter and sheet and slid into bed. When she was settled, she glanced at him and was surprised to find a sheepish expression on his face.
“I don’t mean to be so pushy,” he began. He raked his free hand through the silky strands of his blond hair, something he did whenever he was upset. She’d spent enough time with him to know some of his habits. His normally cool-blue eyes darkened and warmed. “I’m just worried about you.”
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