by Lola St. Vil
“No Guardian, that is not possible,” he says in a soft, pragmatic voice.
“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Ameana says bravely.
“Jaden, please come,” Solin says.
“No!” Jay screams as he runs out the door and takes flight.
We all take to the air to try and catch him. He flies erratically in the sky and nearly smashes into a skyscraper. We call out to him but its only Miku’s voice that gets him to stop and come back to the ground.
Once he lands, Jay fumes about how much his family has suffered and how his mom was what kept them together. We listen and say nothing while he vents in anger. Rage, not wanting to leave Emmy out, goes to pick her up. Alex appears a few moments later on a Port. We all watch Jay swear and curse at Omnis for taking his mother’s life.
“Jay, she’s going to the light eventually,” Ameana reminds him.
“She was an amazing woman and the light is her reward. This is a good thing,” Miku adds.
“No, baby it’s not. She needs to see how her kid turned out. She deserves that chance, yo this is bullshit,” Jay says, leans on the wall of the alley we’re in.
The silence that surrounds us is coated with regret and sorrow. We don’t know what to say to make it better. I’d often wished my mom were more like his: Strong, resistant, and courageous. Now, they would suffer yet another loss, with his mother’s death.
“HOW THE FUCK CAN MY MOM DIE? WHY WOULD OMNIS LET THAT HAPPEN?” Jay shouts in anguish.
“He didn’t,” Solin replies.
We turn and see the Shadow Servant walking calmly towards us.
“Yes, he did Solin; you called out my name,” Jay replies.
“As you are among his best friends, I wanted to tell you that he would need you,” Solin replies.
“Who will need me?” Jay asks.
“Marcus,” Solin says.
“What? Wait, who died?” Rage asks.
“Your leader’s mother,” Solin says.
It feels like the world has slowed to a standstill. It never occurred to me Solin came for me. He reaches out and places the Irah on my right wrist before I can process what is happening.
Once the Irah is placed on me, it sends chills up and down my spine. The frost travels to the center of body and glazes every inch of my soul.
The team calls out to me but I can barely hear them over the sound of crackling ice invading my ear. I’m standing in an alley but it feels like I’m in the middle of a frozen wasteland. Then feeling disappears just as quickly as it came.
“Marcus, are you okay?” Miku asks.
“Yeah,” I lie.
“I’m sorry, Guardian,” Solin says.
“How did she die?” I ask.
“Overdose.”
“No, she was better. She stopped using and…” I don’t need to finish the rest of the statement because I know just how easy it is to go from recovery to relapse.
“If it is any comfort, you will not have to wear the Irah long. It is five minutes until midnight. And so you will know your mother’s fate in a matter of minutes,” Solin says as he turns and walks away.
I look at the Irah and wait to see if it grows dark or light. The team waits with me. No one speaks. There are no words to say, really. In a few minutes, I will find out where the woman who killed me will end up.
I know I’m supposed to have mixed feelings but I don’t. I love her. I don’t care that she killed me. Yes, sometimes I secretly resent her. And wish to Omnis I had a different mother when I was human. But the fact is she had a life before the drugs. She was a good mom back then and that earlier version of her deserves to go into the light.
Emmy keeps looking at me like she wants to embrace me. I’m glad she doesn’t because I can’t deal with “us” right now. I avoid her eyes and the others too. I just go off into my own little world.
I thought the five minutes would feel like hours but actually it feels like seconds. And soon, Ameana whispers to me that it’s time to look into the Irah.
I pull myself together and hope Omnis sees the woman I knew before the addiction. I mean it’s possible that she gets into the light for trying to kick drugs, right?
We all look into the Irah together. The swirls move about and gather to form a pattern.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand what that pattern means,” Emmy admits.
“It means my mother is going to hell.”
CHAPTER FOUR:
THE GIRL
(MATURE CONTENT)
Everyone starts to speak at once. It becomes a crescendo of condolences. I try to stop them but they just keep reassuring me that everything will be okay.
“Enough,” I order.
Everyone falls silent and looks at me as if I will come apart at any moment.
“It’s late. You guys should go Recharge. We don’t know when Raphael will send us out to look for the second Alpha so we need to rest up and be ready,” I command.
“Marcus, we can’t just act like this didn’t happen. She was your mom,” Miku says as she reaches out and embraces me.
I don’t hug her back. I can’t. I can’t allow grief to enter any part of my mind until I am alone.
“Yo, if you want to go to the Green Mountains, let’s go. You know we got you,” Jay assures me.
“No, I’m fine.”
The whole time this conversation is taking place, Emmy is yet again looking at me like she would give her very soul to fix this. If I look at her, I know I will lose it so I avoid her stare.
“Omnis is an asshole, Marcus. Your mom should have gotten a second chance,” Rage says.
“She loved you and that is what you should hold on to. Not where she ended up,” Ameana says to me.
“Marcus, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling,” Alex offers.
“No, you can’t,” I snap.
“Let’s get off the street and go somewhere we can talk,” Miku offers.
“I don’t want to talk; I just wanna be alone,” I reply.
“We can’t leave you alone at a time like this. It’s a bad idea. You could…” Emmy stops midsentence.
“I’m not going to get CP, relax,” I tell her.
“Even so we should be with you,” Miku adds.
“I need to be by myself,” I repeat.
“I agree, it’s not good for you to be alone right now,” Ameana says.
“I told you, I’m fine,” I reply.
“Marcus, we love you and we want to help you,” Miku says with a pained voice.
“She’s right,” Emmy says.
“I don’t need to ask for permission to be by myself,” I remind them.
“Marcus, can we talk—alone?” Emmy asks.
“Why? What is talking alone going to do?”
“Marcus—”
“—She’s dead. She’s gone. She’s being tortured probably right now. She’s out there, screaming as Lucy does Omnis knows what to her…” I can’t find the energy to finish. Because just then a flash of my mother comes to mind.
“Marcus, please let us help you,” Emmy says, getting closer to me.
I pull back. Emmy’s touch would just remind me of all the other times we have touched and I really don’t want to think about that right now. I run my hands through my hair and try to contain my anger at well—everything.
“You can’t help. It’s done. She’s in hell and you know what, so am I,” I reply as I start to walk away from the team.
They start to follow me.
“I said back off!” I shout.
“Hey, we’re a team here. You don’t just walk out on a team and do whatever you want,” Ameana says angrily.
“Oh really, Ameana? You stormed out of our bed so you could marry another guy and you want to lecture Marcus about being a team? Were we a team when you went off to marry Wolf?” Rage accuses.
I really don’t need this right now…
“You want to have this conversation right now?” Ameana replies, shocked.
“What I want is for you to have a little fucking faith in me,” Rage demands.
“How can I, when you keep losing control of your temper? You’re the reason why I had to go off with Wolf,” she shouts.
“Are you serious?” Rage demands.
“If you could act right in front of Alex, I would know we had a shot but no. You keep losing your cool and forcing me to have to figure this out on my own. I already have one baby to look after, I don’t need another one,” she snaps.
“You marrying Wolf is not my fault. You did it because you have no faith in the team or me. You did whatever you wanted with no regard for anyone else,” he roars.
“I said I was sorry. I did the best I could, Thomas.”
“I had you and Aaden in my life and I was happy for the first time. Then I wake up and find that you gave my world away. You gave my world away, ” Rage says filled with anguish.
Ameana has no answer; she lowers her head and then takes off into the sky.
“You guys need to go after her,” I tell Jay.
“We need to be here for you,” Miku insists.
“Go after Ameana, now,” I order.
Miku and Jay take off into the air. Rage shakes his head and walks off. Only Emmy and Alex remain.
“I can’t let you go off on your own,” she says.
“I need you to go with Alex,” I reply.
“No, you could relapse and if you do—”
“—If I do, it will be my problem and I will deal with it.”
“If you go back on CP, it’s not just you who will be affected; it’s all of us,” she shouts.
“I’m not gonna score any CP. Just go with Alex,” I insist.
“I’m not leaving you like this,” she pleads.
“Emmy, you have to go with Alex and leave me alone,” I demand.
“Why?”
“DAMN IT, JUST GO!” I scream.
My outburst hurts her. I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her tone when she speaks.
“Marcus, I just want to…”
“Emmy, I know what you want to do; same thing I would want to do for you: make it better. But really, I just need to be alone,” I reply.
She takes a deep breath and walks away with Alex…
The demon is dead. He has been for the past ten minutes but that doesn’t stop me from pounding the hell out of him. It’s an hour later and I am at the spot where CP can readily be found. The area is filled with Tics looking to score and Sellers seeking the latest victims.
It’s on this Omnis forsaken block that six demons attacked me. I killed half of them before they even hit the ground. The other three, I had fun with. One, I embedded into the side of a building and left his head sticking out. I literally used his head as a pouching bag. The second one, I ripped his spine from his body and watched him crumble onto the ground. Then there’s this guy: the one I’m still hitting even though he’s dead.
Punching, breaking, and ripping things felt good. Although not nearly as good as a hit of CP would feel. I go up to the Seller and get a vial of the drug. He recognizes me and he is about to ask me a question. Then he sees my icy glare and decides to remain quiet.
I walk off and go into the alley a few blocks from Times Square. I hold the CP vial in the palm of my hand. It glows with the promise of numbness. Oh how I crave feeling nothing if just for a few minutes.
I said I wasn’t going to use CP and I won’t. I just like knowing it’s there. But now I’m starting to recall just how good it feels to be high. I remember the feeling of complete elation; the joy of being worry free and happy. I throw it on the ground and stomp on it with my foot. I can’t put the team through that again. I can’t put Emmy through it.
Emmy…
She’s probably with Alex doing “normal” human things like ‘not’ flying and ‘not’ placing her life in danger. How could I think I could protect her when I couldn’t protectmy own mother?
What are they doing to my mother now? Is her torture over? Is it ever over? Had shenever had me, she would then stand a chance at redemption. Does she regret having me?
Why couldn’t I get her to stop using? What triggered her relapse?
I see flashes of her body being ripped apart, set on fire or whatever else Lucy can think of. The flashes cut into me like a jagged blade. I just want them to go away. I don’t know if I can do that without CP.
A few yards away, an angel walks out of a dive bar. As the door closes behind him, I hear music. I decided to go in because maybe the music will drown out the screaming that accompanies the flashes I’ve been getting. I walk in and find a few dozen angels and demons there. It’s the kind of place the Council would frown on.
There’s no one fighting at the moment, however, that could change quickly. Demons are quick tempered and Angels are always on alert. But for the time being everyone is drinking Coy and minding their own business. The bartender asks what I want. I didn’t plan on drinking but hey, it’s better than CP.
“A shot of Euphoria,” I reply.
He pours me a drink and I down it in one quick gulp. An hour later I’ve had six bottles of Coy. The thing about Coy is the more someone drinks the harder it is to place people and things.
I look at the bartender and I know I know him but it never clicks that he’s been serving me drinks all night. Coy plays with your ability to recall people and places, much like human alcohol. A few girls come up to me and say things that I find funny. But then again, I find everything funny after six bottles of Coy.
I go for the eighth and ninth bottle. As I head to my tenth bottle, a girl enters the bar. I know her but I can’t remember from where. And the harder I try to remember her, the worse my memory gets. She’s pretty. Sad though. She looks like she’s been crying.
I hand her a bottle of Coy and tell her to drink so she can smile. Or least that’s what I want to say. The words leave my mouth out of order. She smiles and sips the Coy.
Who is she? I know her…
“You know me?” I slur.
She smiles and nods.
“You came for me?” I ask.
“Yes, let’s go,” she says.
“Drink more. Talk less,” I tell her.
To my surprise, she did just that. Soon she was on her fifth bottle.
“Are you sad?” I ask her.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I do bad things,” she says plainly.
“I do bad things,” I reply.
We drink. We drink. We drink.
As the bar is about to close, she touches my hand. I like her touch. I remember her touch.
Who is she? I know her…
I decided I don’t care who she is. I want to touch her more. It’s not only that it feels good, but her touch distracted me from the flashes of my mother even more so than the Coy.
I reach out for her hand and she places it in mine. She then leans in and I smell her perfume. It’s so familiar but again I can’t place it. I caress her lips with the ball of my thumb, she glides her hand down my chest. I then place my hand on her thigh. That’s when the flashes of my mom being tormented start to fade.
“I need…Trick,” I tell the bartender.
“Yeah, I bet you do,” the Shadow Servant says as he pours the mixture into my drink.
I hand it to her and she downs the whole thing and starts laughing. I ask her if she knows me and she looks confused.
“You’re an angel,” she says.
“Not tonight,” I laugh.
She laughs too. We are about to leave the bar when the bartender tells us he has a room upstairs if we need them. I pay, then the girl and I stumble upstairs.
No matter what it takes, we will push back the hurt.
We enter the shabby room. It has cheap furniture, and bad lighting. The only good thing is that the bed is freshly made. I grab her and pull her against me, hard. I look in her eyes and she’s not afraid of my strength. She doesn’t need me to be gentle. Good because right now, I wouldn’t kno
w how to be gentle.
Our bodies are pressed against each other with no room for air. We pause for a fraction of a second then give into whatever is pulling us together. I wrap my hand around her throat, slam her up against the wall and hungrily part her lips with mine. She receives my kiss readily and with just as much hunger.
She takes my shirt off in such a rush; her nails tear into my flesh. I greedily gather the fabric of her dress in my hands, raise them above her head and throw them on the floor.
The more of her I touch, the further I am from reality. So I try to touch as much of her as I can.
The flashes of my mother and my human life are fading. The more engrossed I am in her, the further I am from my life. Nothing matters right now but getting as much of her as I can.
She moves feverishly, flicking her tongue up and down my chest. Judging from the frenzy of her movements, she has things she’s trying to forget too. Her touch pushes the grief away from me but it’s still there, somewhere in the back of my head. The pain and misery of losing so many people I love. The agony of knowing I will never be able to save my mother. I need that feeling to be gone completely, so we go further.
She tries to unhook her bra but it’s taking too damn long so I rip it off of her. Her underwear shares the same fate; it’s in shreds on the floor along with the rest of her clothes. She in turn, hurriedly finishes undressing me.
She hops into my arms and wraps her legs around my waist. She gasps and leans her head back while I feast on the slopes of her supple breasts. In one fell swoop, I take her over to the bed, lay her down, grab her by her ankles and slide her down towards me.
I’m unrelenting and rough with her so I try to see past the Coy haze, and make sure she’s okay with what I’m doing. She’s more than okay, she’s impatient and wants more. The grief is nearly a distant memory now. I need to keep going because it feels good to be this far from pain, this far from grief.
We ravage each other with lust-filled kisses and claim each other’s bodies by leaving marks where we touched. Marks caused by our lips, tongues and yes, our teeth. We devour each other until we are both groaning in ecstasy.
Unable to hold back any longer, I enter her with all the passion, lust and desire that’s been building. She gasps as I thrust inside her possessively. She lifts her hips up off the bed to meet my thrust. I swear out loud as I dive inside of her once more. She cries out with pleasure as we converge.
