The Siberian Incident

by Andrew Gille

  “Oh, okay, was that some kind of deal or something?”

  “One of my companies helped secure an Eastern Siberian contract for them,” Colin said, “How long is Schwarz going to last for the Lions?” He then asked, quickly changing the subject to football which he seemed to like to do when he didn’t like the topic being discussed.

  “Well they only won two games this year, so I am thinking not very long,” was my answer, even though Jim Schwartz was our coach for three more long years.

  “Yeah, I caught the game in November at the Metrodome…” Colin went on to document the 27 to 10 victory by his Vikings over the Lions. I’d really rather have not talked at all about the Lions’ season, especially not a loss to the Vikings. He’d always been a Viking fan since he’d grown up in Eden Prairie where my sister moved after getting married. I guess it could have been worse, she could have moved to Wisconsin, and I’d have had to listen to a Packer fan during this trip down a dark road somewhere in Siberia.

  It was then that it really hit me that I had no idea where we were. This whole thing could be a joke like Michael Douglas in “The Game,” I was beginning to suspect that it was an elaborate hoax set up by Colin. That’s why our passports hadn’t been stamped. That explained his unfettered use of Russian military vehicles. We were maybe in Montana. Not sure if it was the lack of sleep, the extreme travel or both combined with alcohol, but it all felt a little surreal, and I wasn’t sure what to believe. The Vladivostok city set would have been a bit elaborate, but I was sure that Bozeman could be dressed up like a Russian city enough to fool a drunk guy who’d never been there.

  “Where are we?” I asked Colin after he recounted a game that I’d spent an entire Sunday watching while swearing at my television.

  “Siberia,” was his answer, he didn’t say it with a smirk or act like he was joking, not that he was incapable of lying convincingly, he just didn’t seem like he was joking right now.

  “That’s a big place,” I said, looking for more details.

  “Yeah, look, Mason, technically I’m not exactly sure where we are. I was told I could use this cabin and that I’d get a ride and be provided with transportation to go bear hunting. I don’t think we need to know exactly where we are,” he said, staring ahead at the road, the snow had now stopped, and we soon followed the transport truck up an unpaved road at a speed more to Colin's liking.

  I wasn’t sure whether to be disconcerted by this answer or be at peace with it. I usually like to know where I am in the world, but maybe he was right, and I should just let details like that go and enjoy the hunt. Later on, the lack of further information about my location would only add to the terror of the trip.

  I looked out of the vehicle and into the woods, it was dark outside, and I could see nothing but the passive light coming from the headlights of our truck and the tail lights of the transport truck. On this desolate, empty road, I looked into the endless forest that surrounded the road. I was becoming tired again, and the conversation with Colin was at a lull. Suddenly something startled me as I watched the endless trees go by, I swore that I saw a disheveled man staring back at me standing in the woods. He turned his head, and his eyes tracked us as we rumbled by.

  I admitted what I saw to Colin acknowledging that I was probably seeing things.

  “You might not have been,” he told me, “Some hermits live in this area, they won’t bother us though. Just like a spider, they are more scared of you. They hide when they hear or see other human beings. He was probably walking down the road and skittered into the woods so we wouldn’t see him,” Colin said, as he focused on the road, “When I was dating Svetlana Kovalchuk,” he said referring to a model he dated of Russian descent, “we went for a hike on a trail near a place she owned by Lake Baikal. We found a dead body, she didn’t even seem too excited about it. Even the Russian authorities couldn’t identify him. There are some people out in the more remote parts of Siberia that have spent their whole lives in complete isolation. I know some of them fled from Stalin, some maybe even left society before that. It's desolate and empty out here. If we jumped out of that plane, we probably could have walked hundreds of miles and seen more tigers than people.”

  This explanation only served to make me more scared of the man I saw in the woods. Who would live out here in the vast darkness? What kind of person could do that? I could still picture him, his features are still burned into my memory. Sunken eyes, long disheveled hair, a gray beard, and a body covered in furs. Only God knows what I actually saw and only God ever will.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The Mansion

  I WAS JUST as unaware of the time as I was my location. I’d dozed off a little after I’d calmed down about the man I thought I saw in the forest. I wasn’t sure how long we’d been driving, and I saw a yellow glow appear on the horizon. Initially, I thought it might be the sun rising, but it turned out to be the lights of the cabin which was our destination for the evening. The exterior of the building was lit with an amber light which made the massive domicile which caused the enormous home to seem like a glowing projection of a building rather than a real structure.

  The lighting made me feel better and a little more secure. The transport truck had stopped, and the soldiers riding in it began unpacking our things from the back. They also unloaded palates, and one of them started a forklift which took those to one of several outbuildings on the property.

  I walked into the large cabin, it resembled an American log cabin, but it was enormous. Colin opened the door, and I walked into an expansive living room area. Some steps went to a second floor, and the ceiling was maybe 25 feet high. A 72” television hung on the wall, and the open plan first floor had a large bar that separated the living area from the kitchen. A large clock on the wall read 9:30, I couldn’t believe that it wasn’t all that late yet. My level of fatigue made it seem like it was 2 or 3 in the morning.

  The soldiers handed me two huge pieces of luggage as well as the baggage I’d intended to bring to Vancouver and the leather bag Colin had given me with my Tony Soprano outfit. I still wore the bowling shirt and Chinos, and I wanted to get into the shorts I’d brought to sleep in my hotel room.

  Colin takes me up to my room, it has a four poster bed, and the whole thing has this Wyoming feel to it. It’s again surreal, and it really makes me feel like I am being tricked by Mason. However, the alarm clock in the room has Cyrillic writing on it, and the power outlet is a 220V “Type C” socket. So to change those details would make this hoax quite elaborate.

  I tell him how tired I am, how I just want to sleep and how the sleep deprivation and travel is making me feel delirious. He says to come down for one drink when his friends arrive and then I can come up and catch some sleep. So I go back downstairs in the bowling shirt, only instead of the Italian shoes, I’ve put on a pair of black Nike Pegasus running shoes which are much more comfortable and broken in than the Italian leather shoes.

  Colin is talking to the military guys moving things into the cabin/mansion as I sit in a large leather recliner. Someone has gone to great lengths to make this seem like a Rocky Mountain cabin in The US or Canada. I wonder for a while if Colin owns this place himself, but it seems too grand for even his budget.

  Two more GAZ Tiger SUVs arrive, and about ten people get out, three males and seven females. Colin introduces me in Russian to each of them. Again, like most of his friends here, they seem like young Russian models and actors.

  The television gets turned on to some Russian music video channel called Muz-TV. They play a few American Top 40 songs as well as some Russian pop. The stereo system connected to the television rivals a night club and the bass shakes the entire house. Its turned up just enough to make you have to raise your voice as you talk. I speak to a man named Viktor. He’s a well-built guy who wears a slate gray, button-down shirt with the top two buttons undone. He speaks English reasonably well, and he talks to me about Chicago since he’s been there. I’m fighting to stay awake, and I feel sorry t
hat Viktor is only getting a small percentage of my attention. A girl catches Viktor’s attention, and he mercifully departs. I sit down in a chair and fall into a deep sleep.

  I wake up periodically as things happen in the room. More shots, a toast given by Colin in Russian, a girl screams as Viktor dips her while they dance. The group sings along to a Russian pop song. All of this happens while I sit in a chair dozing in and out of sleep.

  I wake up again, I hear a helicopter outside now. I see an older man in a suit speaking to Colin near the door. He looks very familiar, he’s well built, commands the attention of everyone in the room and even Colin is giving him a great deal of respect. He nods, shakes Colin's hand and walks out of the mansion.

  The next time I wake up, Colin is nudging me.

  “Hey Mason, you want to head upstairs to bed?” Colin asks me.

  I think I nodded and walked zombie-like through the room and up the stairs. The bass was still pounding, and as Colin watched me go up the stairs, he broke away from me to speak to one of the girls who had dark hair, she looked like she might be Mongolian and I wondered if we were close to the Mongolian border. Later I realized how dumb that was. The look of people doesn’t mean that you’re near anything. It’s the same in Russia as the US, you see people who look Mexican in The United States it doesn’t mean you’re near Mexico, you know?

  I fell on the bed wearing all of my clothes, still finding it disconcerting that I had no idea where I was. When I woke up again, my heart began to pound, and I shot bolt upright out of bed.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The Man in the Snow

  I WOKE UP, and I heard knocking, it was rhythmic and purposeful. Not like something being blown up against the house. I barely can remember where I am. The pounding continues. I look out the window, and I can see that this bedroom looks out onto the circular driveway in front of the house. The Gaz Tigers of both Colin and the partygoers are still there, and it looks like they are covered in about a half inch of snow.

  I can see footprints in the fresh snow leading up to the door, but I can’t see the door because there is an overhang that blocks my view. I decide to walk out into the hallway and the volume of the pounding increases. I wonder if Colin somehow got trapped outside and I rush downstairs.

  Muz-TV is no longer playing. Instead, there is the tone of the emergency alert system, something that looks urgent and important, written in Cyrillic is displayed on the screen. A voice reads something in Russian that I can’t understand.

  From the top of the stairs I can see that the party goers seem like they are all still here, but now they’re unconscious and laying all over the room naked on the floor and furniture. I am still under the impression that Colin is outside pounding on the door to get in and now I think he’s naked.

  As I come down the stairs, I hear the pounding continue. I am running now, trying to keep my balance on the unfamiliar stairs. I am still wearing the Nikes, and the thick soles are causing me to be unsteady.

  I reach the door, and I open it, there’s nothing outside except lightly falling snow. I look around, and I see the footprints that have led to the door. I don’t remember if they were made by shoes or bare feet now though.

  I close the door, and I look back at the living room. I see Colin on the couch, sleeping wrapped in some kind of blanket mercifully, a woman is lying naked on the floor below him.

  As I turned to walk back up the steps, something catches my eye, I see a man’s face looking at me in the large window that looks out onto the driveway. He’s disheveled, and a wild beard grows from his face. It shocks me as I’ve just had the door open only a few feet from this window and I saw nothing. I can’t tell you the details of his face, I only saw his eyes, they were blue and piercing, they stared right into me. I ran up the stairs again, my heart pounding. Barely keeping my balance, I ran into my room, slammed and locked the door.

  I stood just behind the door in the dark room, orange light streamed in from the window looking out onto the driveway. Then I heard what I thought was scratching at that window. I got down on my knees by the door and looked, a shadow crossed the window and then the scratching stopped.

  Then I saw a shadow in the room, a man, inside with me, standing by the window facing me, he began to approach, and I heard his footsteps. I flipped on the lights, however, and there was nothing there. My heart was beating out of my chest so hard it actually hurt, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

  Finally, I calmed down, and I realized that this whole time I’d had to take a leak, now it was urgent and I was a little shocked that I hadn’t pissed my pants with all of the fear I’d just been through. Mercifully, there was a bathroom attached to the bedroom so I didn’t have to leave the room because I wouldn’t have and I’d have pissed in one of the vases that were on the dressers or something.

  I laid on the bed with the lights on, and I heard the scratching again, now I’d felt a little foolish about the way I acted when I was now sure it was ice hitting the window that was causing the sound. I decided to look and give myself the assurance that this indeed was what was making the sound. I hear the scratching noise, and I approach the window.

  The scratching continues, and I draw the curtain. I almost fell over backward when I realize that the largest hand I’ve ever seen is pawing at the window, I don’t know what the hand is attached to, but its claws are scraping against the glass making the sound. I shut the curtain, and I ran into the bathroom locking the door. I sat in the bathtub with the curtain drawn, and I stayed there with my arms around my knees for I don’t know how long. I maybe fell asleep, but after being there long enough for my back to be aching, I hear a diesel engine starting and someone talking outside.

  I cautiously get out of the bathtub and creep to the window where I’d seen the hand what might have been a few hours earlier. Daylight is now coming through the curtains as well as the orange lights that illuminate the driveway and the exterior of the building.

  I very cautiously open the curtains, and I can see some of the party goers, now clothed getting into one of the Gaz Tigers. A man with a Kalashnikov rifle slung over his back helps some of the women into the vehicle and shuts the door. Colin, also fully clothed, speaks to him for a bit and returns to the house.

  I’m exhausted after hiding in the bathtub most of the night and getting very little sleep, but I am now sober, and I’m wondering if, in addition to vodka, one of the drinks at the club in Vladivostok was absinthe or some other hallucinogenic. The events of the previous night now seem so absurd and outlandish that I wonder if they were maybe a dream.

  ###

  “So, yeah, there are people in the woods Mason,” Colin says incredulously, “I’m a billionaire, I have security, and there are guards all over the place out there. I’m sure it was one of the security detail bumping against something.”

  “I don’t know I really believe that I saw what I saw. It makes sense that maybe the face I saw in the window was your security, but it didn’t look like a military type, he was bearded and wild looking.”

  “The military is different than when you were in it, Mason. Military operators have to go into the Middle East and blend in, they all have beards now, you can’t go into Chechnya all clean shaven.”

  “I swear there was a man on the roof, maybe it was a dream, I don’t trust my eyes anymore,” I said, attempting to be as transparent as possible with him but now regretting my honesty.

  “Yeah, there are dudes on the roof, they need to be up there as a security precaution. There are guys on my roof in Minneapolis, there are guys on the roof at the White House. Look, I know that you aren’t used to the presence of a security detail but you need to chill out, we’re in good hands here Mason.”

  “But I saw claws,” I said and immediately wished I hadn’t.

  “It was probably his grappling hook, maybe he was fucking with you, I don’t know, these aren’t my guys. They’re like ex-Spetznaz and stuff.”

  “A grappling hook?”
/>   “Yeah, they have those I think.”

  “The Spetznaz?”

  “Yes, the Spetznaz have grappling hooks. Look, I didn’t see anything last night, I don’t recall anything more alarming than the Owl City Fireflies video on Muz-TV. Things got a little out of hand at the party, there was sex and nudity, I’ll admit that. Nothing more alarming than consensual adults doing some adult things. What happened outside? I have no idea, but Dimitry did not spike your drink, we drank only vodka. I didn’t see creepy hands or any spooky faces,” Colin said, clearly annoyed with my recollection of the evening’s events.