The Choice

by Alice Ward

  “Hi, darlin’.”

  He thrust into my throat again, and I accepted him greedily, tilting my head back to give him better access.

  Warm hands pushed my thighs farther apart, and the man between my legs crawled up my body until his cock nudged my entrance, capturing my attention.

  Dark eyes stared down at me, the intensity nearly boring through me. I reached out for him, and he took my hand, linking his fingers through mine, as his body sank into me in a soul shattering thrust.

  I was overwhelmed. I wanted more.

  I wanted to give as much as I was receiving.

  Sucking harder, stroking him with my tongue, I watched the blue eyes roll back in pure pleasure.

  Squeezing the fingers holding mine, I wrapped my legs around the muscular ass of the man between my legs, arching up, changing the angle of his penetration until he growled.

  As the men used my body and I used theirs, the feelings were glorious. Magnificent.

  “Journey…”

  My body was growing tighter with each stroke, each flick of fingers on my nipples.

  I was a goddess being worshiped on an altar of erotic pleasure.

  More hands were on me now, squeezing my breasts, fingernails digging into my skin.

  It hurt, and I closed my eyes against the pain.

  “Journey…”

  But my mouth was full, and I couldn’t complain when the nails dug into me harder, deeper. I didn’t want this anymore.

  I tried to jerk away from the pinching fingers, tried to push away the man thrusting into my mouth. I tried to kick the man moving inside of me.

  “Let me take care of you.”

  My eyes popped open and Charlie Jr. was straddling my chest.

  I came awake with a scream, which was joined by another scream as Jasmine fell backward onto my mattress.

  “Geesh, Journey. You scared me half to death,” my sister said, pushing up onto her knees. “Were you having a bad dream or something?”

  Nash.

  Grant.

  Charlie Jr.

  Gross. What in the hell had my subconscious been thinking?

  Pushing myself into a sitting position, I was startled to find the ceiling so close to my head. Then I remembered… I was in my new bed. In my new loft. In our newly designed, fabulous apartment.

  And I dreamed of Charlie?

  Ugh.

  I could only hope that image would never happen again.

  But Nash. Grant. That part of the dream was something.

  I flopped back and pulled one of the many pillows over my face.

  Jasmine shook me. “Journey, you’ve got to get up.”

  I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to relive the yummy part of the dream, the part where two amazing men thought I was special.

  Jasmine shook me again. “Come on. I need to get to camp.”

  I sat straight up. Camp!

  Fumbling for my phone, I was relieved to see that it was two minutes until eight. Two minutes before my alarm was supposed to ring. I groaned and pushed my hair back from my face. I could have had two more minutes of my threesome.

  No. Ugh. Foursome.

  “Thanks for waking me up, Jaz. You saved me from needing therapy.” She looked confused, but I just laughed. “Come on. Let’s get your stuff together.”

  We’d already packed most everything last night, so there was very little else to do. After Grant left, we’d put all the extra food away, which hadn’t been easy. In addition to completely renovating the apartment, the fridge, freezer, and cabinets had been stuffed so full of food, the Ruth’s Chris leftovers had barely fit.

  Climbing down from the loft, I looked around our new space, still unable to believe this was the same five hundred square foot apartment that it was just a few days ago. The new curtains were just thick enough for privacy and thin enough to let in the morning light.

  Walking over to the windows, I pulled the cord that opened them, smoothing the silky fabric between my fingers. I loved how they puddled on the floor and couldn’t even hazard a guess to how much a single panel of them cost.

  “Which will look better?”

  Turning, I examined the coral and dark blue eye shadows in Jasmine’s hands, then smiled at her red I’m Down with Art t-shirt. “Well, you’ll look like the flag if you choose the blue. Feeling Star Spangled Banner today?”

  She grinned and belted out, “Bombs bursting in air,” before nodding. “Yes. I think red, white, and blue is just right for my first official day of independence.”

  My own smile slid off of my face. Had Jazzy been feeling too confined? Too forcibly dependent? I chewed my lower lip, wishing I had a crystal ball that worked so I could see what the right thing to do was.

  And a magic wand. I’d definitely love to have a magic wand.

  “I think I’m ready,” Jaz said as I double-checked her bag. With the way the camp was set up, she didn’t need any cash. We’d dipped into Jazzy’s savings to fund her spending account in case she wanted to buy extra supplies or food from the camp store. Jaz had insisted that we use her money. Insisted she was an adult and needed to start paying her way. And I checked. They did sell condoms at the store. I needed to trust Jaz. Needed to remember how smart she was. When she got back, we’d make an appointment to see her doctor and make sure she was more fully protected as she entered this new phase in her life.

  I smiled up at her, then felt my entire face heat up. She was really leaving. She would be gone for three whole weeks. “Yes, you are.” My voice creaked and croaked on the words, but I got them out.

  She walked over and patted my shoulder. “Are you going to be all right without me here to take care of you?”

  I laughed and swiped at my eyes. “I’m not sure, but I promise to do my very best. It’s going to be really weird not having you here.”

  “I know,” she said seriously. “I bet you won’t laugh half as much.”

  I pulled her close, unable to speak anymore. And I didn’t want her to see me cry.

  Pull it together.

  Blinking hard, I let her go and picked up one of the bags, and we made our way slowly to the ground floor. Jazzy’s school was within walking distance on a normal day, but with her luggage, I planned to attach the cart to the back of my bike so we wouldn’t be sweating like crazy and in need of a chiropractor when we got there.

  “Wayne!”

  My head jerked up when Jazzy cried out the name. I looked up to see Grant’s driver smiling next to his amazing looking car. The man tipped his hat in a formal gesture as we approached, Jaz practically dancing on the sidewalk. “Is Grant here too? Is he?”

  “So sorry, Miss Jasmine, but you’ll have to suffer with only my company.”

  My entire body nearly deflated in disappointment, but I forced myself to not show it. “I didn’t know you were coming?”

  “Surprise!” He opened the door in a flourish, gesturing for Jaz to step inside.

  The driver was a big man, and he looked like he could handle himself in a fight. But he had kind eyes, and if Grant trusted him, so did I. “Surprise indeed.”

  “We’re rolling in style,” Jaz cried.

  Within seconds, the bags were stored away, and we were cruising down the road. When we arrived, the other kids looked impressed, and Wayne didn’t seem to mind as they climbed inside the sleek car and left fingerprints on the black paint.

  Then it was time for Jaz to go, and I waved and waved and waved as her bus pulled away.

  I stared at the road when it turned the corner, unable to believe she was gone.

  “Are you okay, Miss Journey?”

  The question was soft and polite, and oozed sympathy. It was very nearly my undoing.

  “Yes, thank you. I can’t remember ever spending more than a single night away from her. It’ll be strange to have her gone for so long.”

  In truth, I’d never spent a single night away from her since we were both released from the hospital that fate filled day.

  Why
was I thinking about the past so much lately? Normally, I forced it completely from my mind. As Mee-maw said, I didn’t let it define me. Nor had I ever truly faced it. I guessed ghosts could be ignored, but that didn’t mean they were gone.

  “I can be at your disposal for an hour or so, if you have errands to run.”

  I looked up at the older man. So very kind. “Home is fine, thank you.”

  He nodded. “Very well.”

  But once inside the car again, I realized I did want some company. “How long have you worked for Grant?”

  His eyes crinkled in the rearview mirror. “Six years now.”

  “Have you always been a driver?”

  He laughed. “Nothing like this. Tanks were more my style.”

  “You were a soldier? Which war?”

  The crinkles faded away and he slid a pair of sunglasses over his eyes. “Gulf, Miss Journey.”

  Divert. Divert.

  “Do you enjoy working for Mr. Sommerfield?”

  “Very much so. He’s a very good man. After the war, let’s just say I wasn’t at my best.” We pulled in front of my building, but neither of us moved. He slid the glasses off and turned to look at me. “Mr. Sommerfield found me, dusted me off metaphorically and physically, and helped me get back on my feet.”

  “That was very kind of him.”

  “Yes. And it’s not just me. You could say he makes a habit of it. He found his housekeeper and chef in a homeless shelter. Pulled them right out and gave them homes and a job. I could name many more examples…”

  He spoke of a doorman in his building who had fallen on hard times after being diagnosed with cancer. He talked about how Grant was joining forces with one of The Beasts baseball players to provide homes for homeless veterans.

  Wayne was trying to impress me, and impress upon me what a wonderful human being Grant Sommerfield was.

  And it took everything inside me to keep the smile on my face. To nod and look appropriately impressed.

  It wasn’t hard. I was impressed. Anytime another person did something kind for someone else, it was impressive. And I applauded his use of resources. His charity.

  I just didn’t want him to see me like that.

  Of course… why wouldn’t he? He had to look at me through the smoke swirling through my apartment the first time he met me. Had to protect me from my horrible building supervisors seconds later, with my Down Syndrome sister by my side. And geesh… let us not forget the whole Journey had to pick out her own name and birthday crap.

  Damn. If I was him, I’d feel sorry for me too!

  Jasmine going on and on about having never stayed in a hotel, never having gone away before, the invitation to go with him to Philadelphia was probably just another kindness. A let’s get this girl on a plane for God’s sake gesture. Let her get above the skyscrapers for the first time.

  “Miss Journey?”

  I actually, pathetically jumped when Wayne spoke my name. I gave a nervous laugh as he held open my door. “I’m sorry. I have this weird ability to focus on one thing and tune out the rest of the world. I’m so sorry I did that to you.”

  He smiled. “Mr. Sommerfield is like that. Bombs could be exploding around him, and he wouldn’t notice. He’s very… um, intense.”

  Yes. He is.

  I remembered the intensity in his gaze as he looked at me. The way his eyes followed my every movement, his attention seeming to be fully on me.

  He couldn’t just see me as charity.

  I hadn’t dated much, but I surely wasn’t so bad a judge of male interest that I’d gotten his attention so wrong.

  Well… maybe I would get my dating vibes vibing again tonight.

  “Thank you for the ride and assistance today. I appreciate it very much.”

  “You’re very welcome. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at eleven in the morning for the Philadelphia trip, if that suits your schedule.”

  I nodded. “That suits me perfectly. I’m looking forward to it.”

  Did one shake a personal driver’s hand? Nod? Salute?

  Gah… I had no idea. I needed to get out more.

  I settled on a little wave and received his kind smile in return. Then I turned to trot up my steps. Stopped when Charlie Jr. appeared in the door.

  I didn’t have anything to Charlie-proof myself with today, and when I looked back, the Mercedes was pulling away from the curb.

  Fine. I could handle this all by myself.

  “Excuse me,” I said and stood there, waiting for him to move out of my way.

  After a moment, he did. “Are ya gonna call your boyfriend on me?”

  I frowned but didn’t deny the boyfriend part. I’d use whatever ammunition available to keep the man in front of me at bay. “Why? Do I need to?”

  He scowled and stepped to the side, but I could feel his eyes on me as I stepped past. Holding my head up, I didn’t run up the steps like I wanted to, but I didn’t like knowing he was watching my every move. When I turned the corner, I picked up my pace, breathing easier.

  I stuck my shiny new key in my shiny new lock and pushed my shiny new door open to reveal my gorgeous apartment. Correction… my gorgeous, lonely apartment.

  I spent the rest of the day doing my nails and toes and trying on several dresses, settling on a black halter jumpsuit with wide-legged pants that went all the way to the floor, even in the three-inch wedges I slid on.

  I biked to Central Park for my Saturday yoga class, happy to see Lois in all her fanny pack glory.

  Afterwards, I shaved my legs of every hair that dared reside there, even tackling my bikini line too. Slut, my razor seemed to say.

  Wishing Jaz was here to help me select jewelry, I chose simple hoop earrings and layered several thin silver bracelets on my wrists. I wore my hair down, enjoying the feel of the freshly washed strands against my bare back.

  Breaking out my makeup, I spent a little extra time playing up my eyes and cheeks. Preferring a nude gloss on my lips, I stood back and stared into the sparkling new mirror over our bathroom sink. Then I closed the door and inspected myself in the full-length mirror hanging on its back.

  And I smiled.

  Last night, I’d gotten up sometime in the night to pee, using only the little nightlight to guide the way. After flushing, I’d turned to wash my hands… and if I hadn’t been too frightened to scream, I would have screamed myself crazy when a figure by the door moved with me.

  It had taken an embarrassingly long few seconds to remember that a mirror had been placed there and that my night stalker was only my reflection, bunny pajama pants and all. Earlier today, the damn mirror had startled me again when I’d stepped out of the shower only to come face to face with my naked self. I wondered how long it would take to get used to it being there, or if I’d just give up and end up hanging a towel over the thing.

  Habits were funny things.

  Little things engrained in us so deeply, that we didn’t even know something had become a habit until it was disrupted.

  Like this mirror.

  And like my comfort zone.

  This little apartment with Jazzy as my only true companion was my comfort zone and safety net all rolled into one. Stepping out of what was so familiar for so long was making my hands tremble a bit. It was making me second-guess myself.

  My phone pinged, and I swiped the screen.

  Nash: Ten minutes

  My stomach twisted.

  Maybe he was why my hands were trembling. He’d begun sending me texts three hours ago, counting down the time until he’d see me again. The building anticipation was like a feather sweeping across my skin.

  Me: Nine

  I checked my reflection again, then double-checked that I’d applied deodorant and the jasmine and vanilla essential oil I preferred.

  Nash: Eight

  The butterflies that had only been fluttering went into a full-scale attack. I checked my teeth and took a swig of mouthwash, gargling until it burned.

  Me: Seven

&n
bsp; I checked my bag, making sure my keys and phone were tucked inside. It was a real purse I was borrowing from Jasmine. And inside… two condoms I bought earlier. Just in case.

  “You are a slut,” I told my new curtains.

  Nash: Six

  Would he even look as good as I remembered? Would I find him as attractive as I did at the park? What if my entire memory of him was off, and lack of oxygen to my brain following my purse snatching adventure had clouded my judgement?

  Me: Five

  I knew that wasn’t the case. I remembered his blue eyes too clearly. The way the left side of his mouth lifted a little higher when he smiled.

  Nash: Four

  Oh god, oh god, oh dear Jesus god. The butterflies were doing battle now… with swords.

  Me: Three

  “Mee-maw…” I glanced back to the tapestry on the wall, “if you truly are watching over us, and I believe you are, please… please… please… don’t watch over me later tonight. Hang out with Jazzy until tomorrow morning.”

  Nash: Two

  The tapestry made another man’s face appear in my mind. I blinked him away. Besides, Grant didn’t even appear fazed or in the least bit put off when I told him I had a date tonight. He’d practically shrugged.

  Me: One

  On the street, lights appeared around the corner, heading my way. Was it him? And was he texting and driving? I hadn’t even thought about that.

  Good grief. Was I seriously going to act like a mother to this man?

  No. I wasn’t. I was going to be a lover. My stomach twisted again.

  The car pulled to the curb, and my heart began to pound in my chest. My phone vibrated in my hand.

  Nash: Come out, come out, wherever you are.

  I shivered, then grinned as I began to type.

  Me: I’ll get you, my pretty.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Nash

  I’ll get you, my pretty.

  I stepped from my car and grinned at my phone. Damn. I liked this girl. Pretty, clever… and wicked.

  Maybe.

  On that last part, I wasn’t sure. She had an innocent air about her, from what I remembered at the park. She was friendly and really easy to read. But there was something inside those clear blue eyes that promised that she very well might rock my world.