by Jahquel J
“Thank you.”
Gina constantly feared that Yolani would wake up one day and want her son. While she wanted Yolani to be involved, she was happy that she stayed away. Her fear was having to tell Yairo that she was his aunt and not his mother. I understood how she felt because that would tear that boy’s world apart. The woman he had known his entire life had lied to him about who she was. Gina was the one who taught him right from wrong, to be truthful and lead by example, and he would find out that she had been lying about his entire life. His mother was someone he had never met, and his father had been locked up since he had been born and was now acting like his uncle. The shit was more mess than I cared to clean up.
“Sorry for going crazy on you. It was easier to keep this lie up when you were locked up. Now you’re out of prison and here in the flesh.”
“Stop apologizing. You’re good. I can’t come out and expect shit to move how I want it to move. This is your crib, so I’ll move the way you want me to move.”
“Thank you. You can stay as long as you want to. I know you have to get your life back on track and I want to help you with whatever you need. Do you need some money?” She grabbed her purse like I was about to ask for some damn money.
“G, don’t insult me. I got money and always have money. I’ll be here for the rest of the week and then I’ll be moving into my new space.”
“New space? Benny, you don’t need to be moving alone just yet. Why are you rushing?”
“I shared a cell with two cellmates for ten years. First one died after five years and the other one was there until I was released. After not being alone for ten years, I need to be alone.”
She nodded her head like she understood. Living alone was something I dreamed about sitting in that small ass cell. I wanted to lay in bed alone and not hear anyone making noise or using the bathroom in the middle of the night. My own space was what I needed and I had made moves to secure me a condo right in the city. Before I got knocked, I had a safety deposit box that I made sure that I maintained while in prison. Three hundred thousand was sitting in there all these years, and I took some money out to secure that condo and a whip that I picked up yesterday. The landlord had to install the marble countertops and the stainless-steel appliances before I could move in.
“Fine. If you insist on moving, then I guess I can’t stop you, right?”
“Nah, I’m your older brother, you forgot? You being out here in Queens is whack.”
“It’s quiet and safe. I don’t have to worry about gunshots or crime. It’s what I want for my son.” She smiled and gathered her work bags. “I’ll be home tonight. Make sure he does his homework over Tory’s house. Those two will play the game all afternoon and not get any work done.”
“Ain’t that Tory’s mom job? I’m only dropping them off.”
“I’ll be sure to call her and remind her. That woman is going through a divorce and you would have thought it was the end of the world.”
“Ain’t divorce the end of the world?”
“For a woman who has had her husband taking care of her their entire life, yes. For me, it’s life, and it goes on. She needs to pick up the pieces and get on with her life. That man was no good for her no way. The entire PTA talked about the bruises she would say happened while gardening.” She waved it off and headed toward the front door.
“Love how you just wiggled your way out of talking about this new boyfriend.”
“He’s good, blessed and fine. I’m grown and I chose not to talk about him because it’s still new. Yairo doesn’t even know about him.” Gina had always been good with keeping shit from me. It was one of the reasons she never kept me updated on Yolani. It wasn’t only her; it was everyone. Grape never told me what she was up to either. He always told me she sent her love and that she was straight.
“Yeah, let me find out it’s one of those niggas from Brownsville.”
“Bye, Benjamin,” she laughed and headed out the door. Gina had always been secretive about her life.
Soon as she was gone, I finished my food, showered and then got ready for the day. I had a few hours to kill before I had to pick up Yairo and his little friend from school. I dialed Grape’s number and he answered right away.
“Big Ben, what the fuck is good?”
“Shit, I’m chilling and shit. You know why I’m hitting your jack, right?”
“Of course. Come through to my crib; we’ll have a drink before we discuss business,” he told me.
“Bet.”
After ending the call, I left the crib and headed right to my whip. The cool April wind swept past my face and felt good as fuck. After only being able to get fresh air for an hour a day, I wanted to stand outside my car and feel it all. Jumping in the car, I punched in Grape’s address and headed on my way. The wind whipped past my face as I did over the speed limit on the expressway. It had been years since I had driven a car so I was taking advantage of all that this Mercedes had to offer. My driver’s license was expired and I was still able to get a car. If you had the right type of money, you could do or get anything. It didn’t take me long to make it to Grape’s crib. He had told me last I spoke to him that he had just moved a few blocks from the Barclay center. The parking was a bitch, but I peeped a little parking lot, paid ten dollars and walked a few blocks to his building.
Grape had called me on the way over and told me he had to run out and for me to continue to his crib. He told me his sister was there and she was going to let me into his place. It was so fucking crazy how much Brooklyn had changed over the years. Downtown Brooklyn never had an Apple store, Whole Foods or all these white people walking around like it wasn’t Brooklyn. When I left, there were little tables with people selling five-dollar urban books, Muslim oils, and hats. Every block had someone trying to get their hustle on. Now, all I saw as I walked to his building was damn fruit carts. Where the fuck was the hot dog stands or Mexican lady with the ice cups? Shit was different as fuck and I was second-guessing my decision to move to the city.
“Who is it?” I heard a female’s voice over the intercom.
“It’s Ben,” I called back and the door opened.
Grape lived on the fourth floor, so I took the elevator up and made my way down the hall. Before I could knock, the door was pulled open, and Gianna was standing there. Gianna was younger than me and Yolani. I remembered how sheltered Grape kept her. Grape had been in the streets a long time and hustled to make sure his sister never walked the same streets that he ran. Gianna went away to school when we were growing up. I remember her having braces, an overbite, and acne. When the fuck did she grow up into this fine ass woman standing in front of me? Her smooth toffee skin was her best feature besides her pearly white teeth that she exposed when she smiled up at me. Her bone straight hair was pulled into a slick ponytail that was still swaying back and forth. The beauty mark under her eye was another highlight of the beautiful features she possessed. Gianna had definitely changed through the years. Braces and milk did a body good because shorty’s body was stacked like she flew over to the Dominican Republic and got a fat transfer.
“Benny! Oh my God, how are you?” She rushed into my arms and hugged me around the neck. Baby girl smelled like some fruity shit that made my dick jump a little. When you were around sweaty and musky ass niggas all day, the smallest shit about a woman turned you on.
“Gigi, when did all of this happen?” I pulled her back to get a good look and then hugged her once again. She fit perfectly into my body like a missing puzzle.
“I hated Grape when he made me get braces and college added to the weight gain,” she giggled. “I’m still trying to tone this up.”
“You look good as fuck.” I licked my lips and allowed her to welcome me inside the apartment. From the part of the building I entered, I didn’t think the apartment would have a view of Brooklyn the way it had. It wasn’t no crazy ass view, but it showed the heart of Fulton street, which used to be Fulton mall. There was a fucking American Eagle right
there in the center of the shit. We didn’t have no fucking American Eagle when I was coming up. We had Brooklyn men and Ladies, Vims and sneaker stores.
“Thank you. When did you get out?” She took a seat at the kitchen table. There was a laptop, textbooks and a bunch of papers scattered everywhere with notebooks.
“I been out for a little bit. Trying to rebuild and get my life back, feel me? I heard you’re in medical school now. You’ve always been smart and shit.” I took a seat at the table and picked up a textbook.
“Yeah, I’m going to be a plastic surgeon.” She beamed with pride and joy, as she should have. Not too many women her age had the goals she had. Too many were stuck on being a wife, baby mother or just securing a check from a nigga. Gianna wanted to go out and secure her own check.
“I’m proud of you, Gigi.”
“Thank you,” she smiled as she looked down at her phone and then frowned. “Ugh.” Was all she said and tossed her phone down onto the table.
“You good?”
“Yes, I’m fine.” She closed her laptop. “Anyway, I hope you’re doing good, Benny. The streets were missing you.”
“Oh yeah? How you know what the streets were missing? Your brother don’t even let your ass out of his sight.”
“Um, he had to let me out of his sight for me to go to school out of state. Plus, I told him that I’m not going to keep going away to school because he decided to involve himself in the streets. I transferred to NYU to complete my medical degree.”
I was surprised that Grape agreed to let her do that. Then again, from Gigi’s voice, I could tell he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He wanted to protect his sister and keep her away from the streets. My nigga had to understand that he did that and she was on her way to having a career that most people only dreamed of.
“Word, you back in the city. That’s what’s up.” I smirked.
“It is.” She smiled and twirled her ponytail around her finger. “What are you doing tonight?” she inquired.
“Shit, probably gonna go to the crib to chill or something. Why, what’s good?”
“Come to dinner with me. I got reservations at Phillipe’s tonight and my boyfriend just ditched me. He has some business that he has to handle.” She rolled her eyes.
“Ditch? Damn, he had you up there with those snowflakes, huh?”
“Benny, you gonna leave me alone.” She snatched my cell phone from my hand and programmed her number. Pressing her name, she called her phone and then handed me back my phone. “You wouldn’t say no to me, would you?” She stood up and allowed her hand to rub up my chest as she walked into the kitchen.
“Damn, I don—”
“My fucking nigga! They finally let a real one free!” Grape cut me off when he came through the door. How much did that nigga hear? We didn’t hear him come through the door, so did he hear his sister flirting with me?
“About time. Had me in that shit trying to rot. What’s good, OG?”
“Maintaining and shit. I see you got acquainted with my doctor.”
“Oh please, Gerald. I’m not a doctor yet.” Gigi gathered up her books and laptop and winked as she made her way out of the kitchen.
“You’re the first doctor in the family. Let me brag on my baby sister.”
“Technically, no, you’ve been a hood physician your entire life,” she cracked a joke that Grape didn’t find too funny. “I’m going to Starbucks to get some studying done.”
“You better not be meeting with no niggas or anything either,” he called behind her.
“Niggas? Gerald, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m twenty-two? I’m grown,” she huffed and slammed the door behind her.
“You gotta stop treating her like a baby, OG.”
“Yeah, why can’t I stop seeing her as the little girl with the metal smile? Anyway, you ready to get back to making that money.”
“Hell yeah. Let me know how I could move and get the bread. I’m willing to start at the bottom.”
“No need. Big Ben, we go back for years and you held it down behind the wall and never asked for anything except for your family to be taken care of. Yoshon is stepping back into the drug game.”’
“Word? Guns ain’t paying like they used to?”
“Yeah, but he’s stepping into his family’s cartel. Long story short, our nigga underworld royalty,” Grape chuckled and grabbed some water out the fridge. “Want one?”
“Nah, I’m good. Damn, who knew. So what you want me to do?”
“His uncle is coming to visit to make sure everyone on is on point. From what I heard, we been small time all this time. We have nothing on what his family’s cartel been doing.”
“Oh shit. That’s crazy. Let me know what I need to do to start making bread. I got some savings I’ve been living off of, but you know I need to keep the money coming in.”
“Right now, we’re keeping operations regular until his uncle comes. Yoshon took Yolani off the traps, so I’m placing you on them now.”
“Bet. Why he took her off?”
“Sis been fucking with coke. Yoshon found out and cut her off everything.” My heart dropped. Hearing that Yolani been fucking around with coke had me pissed with her. What the fuck was up with her?
“Yo, I’m gonna fuck her up. She fucking bugging, but I’m home now and gonna handle that shit.”
Grape laughed and stared at me before laughing again. “Yolani asked me not to speak on her when I came to visit or spoke to you on the jack, but shorty not the same girl that you left here.”
“The fuck you mean she’s not the same?”
He was scrolling on his phone and pulled up a picture with him, Yolani and Yoshon. My eyes were playing fucking tricks on my ass, as I stared at the phone. “Don’t crush my phone. I just got that shit.”
“She a whole fucking dyke out here! When the fuck that happened!” I barked with spit flying from my lips. When the fuck did she go and get tatted up like the fucking subway walls?
“She got married too. Well, shit, last I heard they were fake married, but she had a whole relationship with a woman. You remember Hazel?”
“Nah.”
“The girl she was cool with… the only female that she was cool with.”
“Nah, I don’t remember her.” Shit, I don’t remember much, but what I do remember was that this wasn’t the same Yolani I had left. The nights I spent with my dick getting hard for her made me sick. I still loved and cared for her, but the shit was different now. A nigga almost felt like a homo when I thought of all the time I spent on the inside thinking about Yolani’s ass.
“Probably got to see her face. But, they was fucking around and shit. Sis is gay. I wanted to tell you and shit, but she asked that I didn’t bring her up when we spoke so I had to respect her wishes.”
“Damn.”
“Sorry, man. If you thought you was about to come home and hit that, you might wanna kill that thought. Shorty too busy grabbing the strap,” Grape chuckled. This shit was funny to him because had gotten used to the shit. I had come home and thought everyone I left behind was going to remain the same. Yeah, it was a stupid thought to have, and I should have expected people to change because that’s what people do. Still, she changed from one gender to the next. That was something I wasn’t expecting.
“You good. Where can I find her?”
“You know she wouldn’t want me to give you her address. Yolani been staying away from everybody, even her family. I don’t even hear from her, and when I call, she clicks my phone calls. It’s best to stay away and allow her to get herself together. Yolani ain’t shit to mess with when she don’t want to be fucked with.”
“So, you wanna wait until you get the call from Yoshon that she passed away to do something? Think about Gigi. Would you just leave her be?”
“Nah, but Gigi wasn’t into the shit that Yolani is into and I made sure of that.”
“You don’t think Yoshon tried to make sure of it for Yolani? I bet you a millio
n dollars that the nigga wanted her to follow the same path as Gigi.”
“He wanted her to go to school; I know that for a fact. I’m not saying that she couldn’t go, she didn’t want to go. Yoshon knows how I feel about him allowing her to join the team. He should have pushed her into school, not give her a choice.”
“She and Gigi’s situation is different. Gigi didn’t have to see her mother get killed in front of her, Yolani did.”
“Nigga, you speaking pure facts and I hear all that you’re saying, but when the fuck did you become so into getting somebody clean?”
“I got a certificate for being a substance abuse counselor. Ain’t shit in there to do except learn. Plus, Yolani is my heart. It don’t matter what she look like on the outside, I still love that girl and want the best for her. Shoot me the address; I got to go run a few errands before going to pick my nephew up.”
“Bet.” Was all he said.
Whether Grape wanted to admit it or not, Gigi had an advantage over Yolani. He got her out of our environment and made sure he handed her things that we weren’t handed. I believe if Yolani never witnessed her mother being killed, she wouldn’t have been involved in the street life. She would have gone to college and did something with her life. Either way, I was about to make sure she didn’t end up a fucking crackhead. Having my baby moms be a dyke is one thing, but having her sucking on the glass dick was one thing a nigga like me wasn’t going to stand for.
5
Yolani
Hazel being pregnant and married hit me like a ton of bricks. It was something that I never thought would happen. I could have been mad and fucked up the entire crib with her in it, but I knew it was my fault. I pushed my baby away and I continued to do it each time she tried to fight for us. She went out and got what she had been telling me she wanted for years; a family. She had been telling me for years she wanted a baby and I told her that we didn’t need or should want one. We were young and had the world at our fingertips. She had her shop, and I had the streets; what else did we need? Sitting in this empty ass house told me that we needed more and I wanted more. Seeing her have everything that she had ever wanted, hurt me. It made me smile because Hazel would be a good ass wife and mother. Still, it was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing I had a good woman and let her slip through my fingertips because I was too stupid to sit down and be the woman I promised I would be to her.
