“On a scale of one to ten,” Piper says, “one being a bug bite and ten being excruciating pain, how would you describe getting hit with a stunner? Please take care with your answer; it’s crucial for research on the stunner’s effects on a Varshan.”
I put my hand over my forehead to stop it from pounding. “Ten now that you’re here.”
She shoves herself off the stool, sending it wobbling against her aide behind her.
“Your humor is juvenile,” she snaps, her voice tight. “Though frankly, I shouldn’t be surprised that you were more helpful to us unconscious. Apparently cooperation is a concept too complex for your intellect. And to think, now the shogun is pushing to have the council agree to helping you after some unnecessary excursion.”
“Excuse me?” I snap, sitting up the rest of the way. “People died on that ‘unnecessary excursion.’ Marin almost died.”
“And yet, somehow, you survived,” she says. “The least experienced fighter in the entire platoon. I wonder how many lives were lost just so Rayce could let you face your old captor.”
My fingers fist around my blanket, and I say through clenched teeth, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She walks closer, her movements clipped, and leans down so we’re face-to-face. A chill creeps through the room, biting me under my blanket.
“Even though you didn’t act to help your previous master—this time—people don’t really change.”
My grip slackens as her words rip through my flesh. A single thought keeps circling back, screaming in my head: What if she’s right? What if I will always be the girl who hesitates, the girl who cowers in front of the man who stole her life? A sour taste builds in the back of my throat.
“No matter how much Rayce wanted to believe your reaction in seeing the Gardener would reveal your true intentions, I knew you’d hide them,” Piper goes on. “And I’m still not convinced we should use our assets to help you on a personal mission when the entire populace would better benefit our attentions.”
I meet her dead gaze, my heart skittering, trying to decipher all the information she throws at me. My mind gets stuck on one detail, everything else falling away from me. Rayce, the man who nearly broke my heart with worry when he didn’t show up in the line of rebels until the very end. Rayce, who gently tucked my hair behind my ear.
Could that man really have known he was sending me into a trap?
“Are you implying Rayce knew the Gardener was in Dongsu and sent me there as a test?”
For the first time since I met her, Piper’s thin lips curl up before she spins around, giving me all the confirmation I need.
“Come, Fàn,” she says to the minion in the back. “We’ve seen more than enough here.”
They both shuffle out of the room, leaving me to contend with the anger burning through my veins that Rayce would knowingly put me up against the man who abused me. He talked of loyalty, about this being a chance to prove myself to the council, all while knowing he was about to trick me into facing the things that leave me raw. And I was scared for him, didn’t want to leave him on the battlefield. He asked for faith and trust, told me he’d prove that he was worth it, and threw it all away the second it was convenient for him, just like Park. My rage boils over and I jump out of bed, kicking off the blanket. My right shoulder screams in protest like someone hacked into it with a knife, but I grit my teeth and push the pain aside. I stomp out of the room, my bones shrieking at every movement, and I find the woman who first welcomed me into Delmar standing guard on the side of my door.
“Where’s Rayce?” I snap.
She blinks at me with her unusually large dark eyes. “Good afternoon to you, too,” she says. “Did you eat anything yet?”
I ignore her pointless question.
“Where’s the shogun?” I ask again, the edge in my voice sharp. I take a deep breath through my nostrils. “Your name’s Suki, right?”
She nods, hesitance clouding her features.
“Please.” I force my tone calm. “Take me to the shogun. I have to speak to him.”
“I’m not really supposed to, but”—she stops, her expression softening—“this way.”
She weaves me through a series of matching halls that wind upward. Zarenite-filled jars hanging from the ceiling flicker on and dissipate as we pass under them like a hidden spirit snuffing out the lanterns. After a few twists and turns, she stops at an open doorway.
Rayce leans over a piece of parchment behind a small wooden desk just inside the room. To his left is a bed barely big enough for him, covered by a meticulously folded green quilt. Above it, in a nook carved into the wall, rests a neat pile of hardcover books. Several more piles of books litter the floor around his desk. Besides the books and a wall of maps pinned up in the back, the rest of the room looks much like the one I was just in. Same size, same used furniture. Nothing that screams that this is where the rebel leader rests his head.
Rayce’s tousled dark hair sits atop a furrowed brow, and only half of the golden knot hooks on his shirt are fastened, revealing the hard line where his chest muscles meet. His boot taps a hectic melody, and he flips a green-feathered quill around in his fingers as he scans a letter in front of him.
Suki knocks on the stone doorway, motions that I should go in, and retreats quickly.
Rayce’s attention remains fixed on the parchment in front of him.
The fact that he doesn’t even acknowledge my presence sends the anger I felt earlier shooting down my limbs. I stomp halfway into the room, ignoring the pile of books I knock over on my way.
“Did you know the Gardener was in Dongsu when you sent me there?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
Rayce doesn’t move or speak. The only indication he even heard me is a pause in his quill twirling. The flowing green feather waves at me from his hand as if to mock me.
“Did you hear me?” I snap. “You made me believe I could trust you, you told me this was the way I could earn the rebellion’s help in freeing the other Flowers, and then you sent me right into the arms of the man who tormented me for years. Was that funny to you?”
He doesn’t react to my questions.
I cross the room in a few short strides and rip the quill from Rayce’s grasp, bending back a few plumes in my haste.
Rayce finally looks up to meet my gaze, and I hope the fire of the betrayal I’m feeling sears him.
“Would you sign off on a document if you knew it would mean killing at least a hundred people you knew?” he asks, catching me off guard.
My grip on the quill loosens, and it falls onto the desk between us.
“Because that’s what I’m dealing with here,” he says, reaching for the quill. “So please excuse me if I can’t find the focus to address something that doesn’t affect that right now.”
Every insult I wanted to hurl at him flies out of my head, and I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. The tip of his quill hovers over the bottom of the parchment, and the feather trembles from his shaking hand.
He lets out a frustrated growl and slams the quill down on the wooden desk, finally looking up at me.
“This is all my uncle’s fault. If he hadn’t decided to be greedy and close down the border to Varsha, none of this would have happened. But he had to have more—more gold, more control—and in doing so, he condemned the entire empire to this…this…war and death.”
He runs a hand through his hair, pulling it away from his eyes, and I notice the black bags that have gathered underneath them. It looks like he hasn’t slept since the rescue mission at Dongsu. Every one of the sixteen hours I was asleep, recovering, he was dealing with this—and probably other things, too—instead of caring for himself. My resolve softens, remembering the way he rushed to my side when I was hit with the stunner bolt and protected me until I could get back on my feet.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice hoarse. “I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you. It’s been a very long week.” His g
aze pierces me as he leans back in his wooden chair and looks me over. “I’m glad you’re awake and seem to be well.”
I smooth out my blue robe, keenly aware of every place his gaze touches. He clears his throat and leans down below his desk. Reappearing with a brown satchel, he plops it on his desk, and as he opens it, my nose tickles with the sweet scent of the honey crisps he shared with me on the way to Dongsu. The sadness that darkened his brow when he spoke about his mother rests there now as he sinks his hand into the bag.
“The answer to your question is yes,” he says, popping a honey crisp in his mouth. “I had an inkling the Gardener had occupied Dongsu from previous reports. Since your departure, my uncle has given the Gardener full jurisdiction to command and lead his troops. Apparently the Gardener is looking for something for my uncle, but we haven’t been able to figure out what that is. Clearly, your old master is using this newfound power to secure you also.”
I keep a straight face as Rayce speaks, even though my stomach drops. At least he hasn’t connected that his uncle and the Gardener are after the same thing.
“Why didn’t you warn me about him?”
“You know why,” he says, offering me a honey crisp. I just stare at his open palm, so he continues. “I needed concrete proof to convince everyone on the council that you can be trusted, and we got that. Of course, that wasn’t the sole reason for the mission. Now Dongsu isn’t occupied anymore, and we’ve kept our promise to the people.”
We got that, he said. But did he never question the price I would have to pay for their trust? A wave of nausea rushes over me as I picture the Gardener standing in the middle of the square, his blade pressed against Marin’s throat.
“Do you understand what it was like for me to see him again?” I slap the crisp out of his hand.
He sighs, rubbing his hands down his face. The silence that follows rests heavy in the air, like smoke.
“No, I don’t,” he says. “I couldn’t possibly. But I could tell by the look on your face that it was terrifying, and when I saw how much it affected you, I regretted it. I meant what I said before. I truly hope you can find a way to keep the past in the past.”
His brow wrinkles like he’s trying picture what was going through my mind, and he crosses his arms over his chest. His linen shirt pulls tight over his biceps, revealing muscles that endless weapons training must have given him.
“It was excruciating,” I say, as if that single word could do it justice.
I can still feel the sunlight burning my face as the Gardener ripped Marin’s hair out in the middle of the square. I will my mind not to think of it, but the Gardener’s words hurl toward me like daggers.
“And he said he was going to kill one of the Flowers every day until I came back,” I whisper, barely louder than my own heartbeat. “I can’t let that happen to them. Even if that means I have to—”
I lose my composure for a moment, but Rayce’s expression remains smooth as the stone surrounding us.
“That’s why, if you can’t get the council to agree to help me, you have to release me,” I say. “If I go back, he won’t harm them.”
“I understand,” he says, rising to his feet. “Maybe more than I should.” The ghost of a smile touches his lips. “But you aren’t talking about just helping them anymore. You want to sacrifice yourself.”
“You don’t get it.” I shake my head. “The Gardener wasn’t bluffing. He’s crazy enough to actually follow through on a threat like that. And besides, I promised Fern I’d rescue the others. I wasn’t able to keep my original promise to her and save her life, but I have to keep this one.”
Rayce walks around his desk, closing the space between us.
I grip my hands tight in front of me and bow my head, something I swore I’d never do for a man again. I’m trembling, and I know he can see my weakness, but I stand my ground. Tears blur my vision. All I can see are my sisters’ lifeless bodies littering the ground at the feet of that horrible man.
“Please, let me go, so I can try to save them.”
Instead of answering, Rayce’s fingers wrap around my fists, and he pulls me close to him, guiding my hands around his back. I’m too shocked to fight him. His arms slide around my shoulders, and my face fits perfectly into the crook of his neck.
He presses me to him, his body conforming to fit neatly against mine, and he takes a deep breath like he’s teaching me how to breathe again. We release our shared breath together and the tension of a thousand restless nights with it. I’m not sure which one of us craved the comfort more, and right now it doesn’t matter. I stay motionless next to him, letting the heat from his skin thaw mine, and close my eyes. With his arms around me, all my ugly pieces feel whole and beautiful. Like I’m glowing. Like we are two stars chasing each other through the night sky.
“Zareen is going to help them,” he whispers into my hair. The stubble on his jaw tickles my skin. “Arlo and I decided it earlier today. You were invaluable during the Dongsu mission and have more than earned our support.”
I pull away from his warmth ever so slightly and make the mistake of glancing up, right into his dark eyes.
His hand traces up my neck, his fingertips trailing down my jawline as light as a snowflake on my skin. His lips part, and I realize I want to touch them. I want him to take away the horrible weight of the girls I left behind, of the tormentor I can’t defy.
This desperate need scares me in a way height never did, even when I was new to aerial dancing. I turn away from his hand before my body can betray me and stare at the stone wall, reminding myself that his words don’t guarantee action.
He takes a step back and clears his throat.
“I told you to use your innocence to your advantage,” he says with a halfhearted chuckle. “I just didn’t think you’d use it against me.”
His warmth still clings to me, a reminder that what just happened was real. That I let him get that close. That, for a moment, I welcomed it. I’m not sure which weighs heavier on me, that it happened or that I wish it would happen again.
“Zareen is about to strike Delmar on a separate assignment,” Rayce says, folding his arms in front of him. Every trace of our exchange erases from his expression. “And I think in that confusion, we could also take the opportunity to finally end the Garden. I could assign you to the team that I’ll put together to rescue your friends, but I’m hoping you’ll choose an alternative.”
I wrap my arms around my middle, unsure whether I’m trying to keep his warmth in or replace it with mine. His face gives no inclination whether he feels bad about asking me to give up the chance to rescue the others, and I’ve already learned the hard way that trusting him can be a double-edged sword.
“What alternative did you have in mind?”
He scratches the stubble on his chin.
“Do you remember when you overheard that we were trying to rescue Piper’s sister the night of the Spring Ceremony?”
The knife in my stomach twists, recalling how awful I felt when I found out. Even though Piper is less than charming, her sister doesn’t deserve to be imprisoned by the emperor.
I nod.
“Well, we think now would be a good time to try rescuing her. My uncle is a creature of extreme habit, and every year around this time, he and his elite forces make a trek to the Delmar–Varsha border to inspect the wall. He should be heavily distracted with preparations for his departure and not focused on much else.”
I shift my weight. “Okay, but what does that have to do with me?”
He smiles at my question, and mischief glitters in his dark eyes.
“Arlo and I witnessed your…talents at Dongsu firsthand,” he says. “And the rebellion needs someone like that to save Piper’s sister, Kyra.”
I raise an eyebrow at his words, but his lopsided grin reveals no explanation. “I’m almost scared to ask what you mean by that.”
“How about I show you instead?” He holds out the same palm that touched my cheek a moment
ago.
I frown at it, thinking of all the things he’s hidden from me until after the fact, and wonder what I’m about to get myself into. The temperature in the room heats under his intense gaze. Sensing my hesitation, he tilts his head.
“Cooperation, right, Rose?”
I roll my eyes and take his hand before I can talk myself out of it. Trusting Rayce has led me to experience more things than I ever would through my little peephole back in the Garden—scary, bloody things, sure, but I’ve also seen the love of a brother standing in front of his sister to protect her, the conviction of a girl who, despite being shunned for her differences, still wants to devote her life to a cause she believes in, and the kindness of a leader who can identify almost every one of his people by name.
Chapter Nineteen
Rayce pulls me to the back of his desk and sits me in his chair. Just being in it, I feel the weight of his responsibilities. The quill he abandoned still lies atop the piece of parchment he was agonizing over. He leans down, rummaging through a drawer in his desk. His sack of honey crisps releases a pleasant scent in the air, sitting next to a tiny statue of Lin carved out of Zarenite. As he stands back up, the statue begins to glow a soft green.
Unfolding a piece of parchment, he smooths it out on his desk, and then he puts the quill and an ink pot on top of the curled corners. His warmth presses into my back as he shifts to stand directly behind me. As he leans over the map, he rests a hand on my shoulder, and the dim light accentuates the smoothness of his face, in stark contrast to the winding scar slicing down the other side. Tiny flecks of dark hair shadow his jawline, and I have to pin my hands at my sides to keep from touching him.
This desire to touch anyone is unnatural for me. Unnerving. But no matter how many times I force down the need, my resolve crumbles the second he gets near.
He points to the middle of the page. “This is a map of the dungeon Piper’s sister is being held in.”
My heart hammers in my chest, and I bite my lip, forcing my focus on the parchment. “I drew it from memory,” he says, “so it isn’t very good.”
Garden of Thorns Page 16
