Oren was the ambassador sent there by Delmar. Meaning he was in charge of, among other things, arranging an agreement for marriage between Rayce and me…
Yet he’s never once tried to use my past as a pawn, and he obviously hasn’t told Rayce I’m his former betrothed. Like the emperor said, if Rayce knew, I doubt he’d have let me near the palace today. I thought my life in the Garden prepared me to be hard and allowed me to see the ugliness people hide behind their masks, but all it’s really done is make me keep a distance from the people who really care about me.
It’s made me into the exact person the Gardener wanted me to be—scared, desperate, obedient. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life cowering in a cage, terrified that if I look up into the sunlight, someone will see who I really am and use it against me. And yet, for as long as I’ve been around Oren, he hasn’t once tried to force me to do anything against my will. Instead he gently guided me to the answers myself.
I’ve been such a fool.
I’ve risked everything, including Rayce’s trust, by not telling the rebellion the truth because I’ve been too afraid of the mistakes in my past. Park might have betrayed me, but he isn’t every man, and he certainly isn’t Rayce. My position could give them exactly the leverage they need. Rayce would never turn me over to his uncle. He’s fighting against him for a good reason, and my heritage could give Rayce a claim to the throne again. All I have to do is offer it to him. He helped me when he knew he shouldn’t—now it’s my turn to return the favor.
If Emperor Sun and Oren know who I am, then Rayce needs to know as well. I have to tell him everything when I get back.
If I get back.
…
The hours pass at a crawl, my time measured between heartbeats and crackling twigs. The red glow of the fire turns to embers, and my body pulses from the beating it took today, but still, sleep won’t come.
The sound of a branch snapping breaks the silence. I jump up, pain surging through my leg, and turn to face the threat, willing my eyes to peel back the dark. Did the emperor’s men catch up to me?
My heart hammers as I strain my ears, but no matter how hard I listen, I can’t hear anything over the rapid beats.
I search for cover, but besides climbing the large tree, there isn’t much to hide behind.
Footsteps grow closer. I grasp in the darkness until my fingers brush a thick tree branch and snatch it up, holding it out like a sword. Shifting, I inch up the tree, until I’m in a standing position. I’ll only get one shot with this.
A figure pushes through the bushes, darkness clinging to it like bat wings. Before whoever it is can move toward me, I swing my stick as hard as I can at their head.
A hand shoots out and catches the branch, sending a whap noise echoing in the darkness.
The hood slips from the person’s head. But I don’t let them make another move, yanking hard on my end of the stick.
“Rose, it’s me,” a voice says—a man’s. He puts his hands up in surrender, and I recognize a familiar scar running down his cheek. It’s hard to believe that just hours before I stood in front of the man who gave it to him.
“Rayce?” I ask, my voice cracking.
All the fear and worry from today come rushing back. He stares at me, his eyes shining in the dim light like embers, and a lump swells in my throat. If I hadn’t managed to escape the emperor today, I might never have seen Rayce again. A wave of panic washes over me just thinking about never seeing this man who somehow weaseled his way into my mind and took root.
“You’re alive,” he says. He reaches for me, his large hands trembling in the air, brow furrowed. Every trace of mischief has left his eyes, which comb over me now like I’m something precious that must be memorized before I disappear again. “Arlo said— I thought for sure if my uncle got a hold of you that you’d be—” His voice cracks, and he sucks in a deep breath. “I was coming for you. I never would have left you. I’m just— I’m so relieved you’re okay.”
He’s holding me before I can even think of pushing him away. The warmth of his body spreads around me like a quilt as he pulls me to him, melting away the panic that burns in my stomach. My brain struggles to grasp that I’m in his arms again. Is this real or another hallucination? Is he really here? He buries his face against my neck and squeezes me tight. The pain in my leg disappears as his embrace lifts me off the ground. The moment I’m about to break, he holds me together.
I slide my hands over his wide shoulders and realize he’s shaking. Or maybe I am. It’s hard to tell where I end and he begins, and right now, I’m okay with that.
“How did you find me?” I ask.
“When we heard from Arlo that you were captured, I sent patrols into the forest,” he says into my neck, his stubble sending shivers across my sensitive skin. “It was a long shot, but I couldn’t bear the thought of not doing anything. One of them caught sight of you a few hours ago, running away from the city, so we focused our efforts in the surrounding area and tracked you here. Still, you weren’t easy to catch.”
“I’m sorry I worried you.”
He twines his fingers gently through my hair.
“Don’t be,” he says. “I’m just happy you’re okay and we found you before my uncle’s soldiers could. I can’t believe you were able to escape. But I should have known you’d find a way, because you’re…well, you.”
I can sense just how worried he was in the strength of his grip and the quiver in his tone, and it shreds me to the core. I never thought anyone but my sisters would care what happened to me.
Moonlight slips through the forest canopy, casting a dim glow on the grassy clearing, just big enough to hold us both. The moments we stay pressed together tick on. Finally, I let my arms slip from him and move to step back, but Rayce holds me tighter. He twists so that his next breath tickles my earlobe.
“Before we head back, I want to thank you. Arlo assured me that without you, our rescue mission would have failed. And thank you for finding your way back here to the—” His voice catches, and he pulls his head back, trapping me in his gaze. “Thank you for finding your way back to me. I didn’t think there was anything I wouldn’t be willing to give up in order to win this war, and then you came along, and suddenly, everything changed. I told myself I didn’t have time for distractions, that I didn’t have time for you, but I was wrong. No matter what I do, Rose, you’re here.” He presses a hand to his head but never breaks his gaze.
Heat rushes to my cheeks, watching his lips paint pretty words in the air, and I turn away. His fingertips brush my chin as he guides my face back to meet his, his eyes asking permission for something I never even dared to dream about in my darkest hours in the Garden. He leans in, his face growing closer to mine with every heartbeat. Every inch of my body hums as he draws nearer, and my eyes close involuntarily. I wonder if I should allow this, if I should pull away, but I can’t make myself move a single muscle.
Because you want it. The thought surrounds me. You want him to—
“Rayce, did you find anything?” a voice calls out from behind us.
My eyes snap open and meet Rayce’s shocked gaze. The muscles in his jaw twitch, and he turns away from me.
“Y-yeah,” he says, his voice rough. Then louder, more controlled, “She’s over here.”
He releases me, clearly trying to erase whatever spell the stress of today put him under, and I let out a sharp cry as my foot meets the ground. Pain surges through my leg, and I catch myself on Rayce’s arm to keep from falling.
“You’re hurt?” he says.
“A little.”
I grit my teeth against the pain. Rayce leans over, inspecting my shoddily wrapped leg. “Why didn’t you mention this earlier?”
“Sorry,” I snap, suddenly defensive. “It slipped my mind when I thought I was being attacked. And then you…”
Almost kissed me. I didn’t imagine that, did I?
He shakes his head and sweeps his arm under my legs, lifting me up onc
e more. But after what almost transpired, I can’t bear being this close to him. It’s wonderful and at the same time confusing. I look up, ready to ask him to put me down, but he anticipates my protest and stops me.
“You’re hurt,” he says. “You can yell at me about this later. For now, just rest.”
Fatigue rushes over my body, sending my head spinning, and everything I wanted to say slips out of my mind. I close my eyes, my head falling against Rayce’s warm chest, listening to the steady thump-thump of his heartbeat, and remind myself that accepting help doesn’t make me weak. Relying on the people who have helped me find myself outside the Garden makes me stronger. Maybe even strong enough to finally face my past.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
After Rayce meets up with some of his men, he carries me back to our tent in the temporary camp. Even though my body shakes with exhaustion, I explain to him how I escaped the emperor, leaving out the part about why he wanted me alive in the first place, since there are seven others among us. Once I’ve answered their questions the best I can, they retreat and I fall asleep as soon as my head hits a pillow.
The next morning, Marin tells me Rayce wants to speak with me, so I make my way through the camp right after breakfast. I stand just outside his brown tent, his silhouette on the thin piece of fabric that separates us taunting me, and gather my nerves as I replay our last encounter in my head.
He was going to kiss me. And I was going to let him.
This perfectly stubborn man who thinks he knows everything, who teases me about my fighting skills, even though he knows I’ve been locked up most of my life, who offers me handmade cookies when I’m too busy to enjoy them, who helps people put up their tents in the rain, risking sickness the day before a mission he’s supposed to lead, was going to kiss me. And I wanted him to.
My cheeks burn, and a smile spreads across my face. All that energy and worry back in Imperial City was worth it, knowing he missed me, too. This entire time we’ve been fighting each other, fighting these feelings welling up inside, but why?
My finger brushes the tent flap, and a tendril of fear curls in my stomach. What if we were both so worn down from stress and worry of the day that what happened last night wasn’t real? That all our moment could ever be was a trick of the moonlight and too little sleep?
But I’ve seen the man behind the leader, seen the things that scare him, and I know he is good and kind and real. And so was the look in his eyes.
Besides, there are more important matters at hand right now. I have to figure out if the emperor was lying when he said the mission to rescue the Flowers failed, and I have to find the words to tell Rayce the truth about my heritage. My stomach twists at thinking about revealing my past, but then I remember the way he held me in his arms last night. We can overcome this. He has to know. I push aside the tent flap. Rayce sits behind a hastily made wooden table covered in maps and documents. He’s wearing the same crinkled tan shirt he had on when he found me.
With his head down like that, poring over his paperwork, I’m taken aback by how much he resembles his uncle. He doesn’t look up at my entrance. My gut twists.
I clear my throat, and he startles.
We stare at each other in silence, and I wonder if he’s thinking about our almost kiss. My gaze falls to his lips, and that same treacherous smile reappears on my own face.
“You wanted to see me?” I ask.
The corner of his mouth quirks up even more. “Aren’t we awfully happy today?”
I turn my head away from him and cross my arms. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do, but it’s cute to watch you pretend.” He extends his hand. “Come in.”
He rubs his eyes, revealing his fatigue, while I shuffle to a stool across the table from him and sit. The rough wood bites through my cotton pants and my back aches, but my heart pounds from his nearness.
“I’ll get straight to the point,” he says. “I didn’t want to worry you last night, after everything you’d just gone through, but the mission to infiltrate and end the Garden was unsuccessful. While our distraction in the courtyard brought a good portion of Galon’s forces to us, away from the Garden, Oren and his small unit slipped through the gates as planned, but we lost contact from there. It’s likely they were caught by a stray battalion on their way to the courtyard. We have all our spies on high alert for news, but we haven’t heard anything back yet.”
My stomach drops at his words. I didn’t get the sense that the emperor lied, but I was hanging onto the hope that maybe he had. I study the point on the map where his hand rests, trying to keep my face straight.
“And on top of that, Oren and his squad haven’t returned yet,” Rayce continues. “Did my uncle mention anything about holding them while he spoke with you?”
Oren, the only man who was truly kind to me from the beginning, might be in trouble because of a mission I asked Rayce to attempt. “No, he didn’t,” I say, keeping any emotion out of my voice.
Rayce nods but remains quiet for the moment, rolling his quill along the desk in thought.
“There’s a chance they escaped, then,” he says. “And maybe they just haven’t been able to report back yet.”
I sit up at his words. “Why do you say that?”
He doesn’t blink. “Because if Galon had them and he thought it would hurt you, he would have mentioned it. He can’t help but lord his power over people.”
If what Rayce says is true, then Oren and the others could really be okay. Relief floods my limbs. Even though the Flowers aren’t free, I’m glad no one else was captured, either.
“I just hope I’m correct about this. It seems too optimistic to think both you and Oren escaped Galon’s grasp. When I found you last night, I could hardly believe my eyes…” He trails off, his gaze glassy, and I know exactly what he’s thinking. But he doesn’t have the decency to blush about it.
“I was happy to see you, too.” The words stick in my throat, but the panic I felt when I thought I’d never get the chance to see him again rises up, outweighing my embarrassment. “I realized I didn’t tell you last night how relieved I was that you were okay. You risked your own freedom to allow both of the other missions a chance of success. That was so brave. The whole time I was down in that dungeon, I couldn’t help but wonder if you were hurt or got captured yourself. And when I thought I might not be able to see you again…”
I expect that cocky smile to fall across his lips, but as his gaze focuses, his dark eyes dart around my face with the same desperation as last night. Like I’m someplace far away from him and drifting farther.
He stands, and I follow his motion, too surprised by his sudden shift to question it.
“What would you have done if the Garden mission went successfully?” he asks, his brow furrowing. “Would you have gone away somewhere with the other girls, started a new life?”
His abrupt interest in my future startles me. When he locked me in a holding cell, I spent most of my time trying to figure out a way to leave the rebellion behind me. But after going on two missions with them, seeing how much they want to help shape this land into someplace worth living and feeling Rayce’s concern for me when I returned, I’m not sure anymore. What will I do once they’re free?
A lock of hair falls onto his forehead as he looks down at his nails.
It’s strange seeing him like this. Almost like a lost little boy, not sure which way will lead him back home. Even when I had a knife to his neck, he remained calm. But right now, he shuffles his hands like they’ve grown too big and he isn’t sure where to place them anymore.
“I don’t know,” I say, the words struggling to break free, even though I know I should probably keep them in. “I thought I would leave immediately, and we could make our way somewhere through the mountains—”
“The reason I asked,” he interrupts, like he’s afraid to hear the rest of my answer, or perhaps he heard enough of it to move on. “I realized yesterday when you
didn’t come back that I wanted you to. To come back, I mean. Rose…I want you to stay here with us…with me.”
A strange sense of relief washes over me as he speaks. I’ve been yearning to hear him ask me to stay since the moment we parted the night before the mission. The length of his desk is the only thing separating us now, and I’m suddenly aware of every splintered inch of it.
“I shouldn’t have been so consumed with rescuing you,” he continues. “There were so many other things that also needed my attention, and yet I couldn’t get you out of my head. I wasn’t even prepared to try.”
My heart feels like it’s going to burst, hearing him say he wants me to stay. Those three little words kept me from all the things I wanted before, but now that I’ve faced a reality without Rayce, I know the horrors of that life, and I know it isn’t what I want. My feet move on their own, around the desk, planting me right next to him. Where I know I want to be.
“I couldn’t, either,” I whisper.
It’s usually his hands evaporating the space between us, mending me, but this time I don’t hesitate as my fingertips glide along the ridge of his scar. This is it. He has to know who I am. I have to give him this final piece and trust that he won’t use it the way the Gardener and his uncle tried to.
“So…you’ll stay then?” he says.
I can’t handle this raw honesty radiating between us right now. Not when I’ve been keeping something so huge from him. He deserves to know everything, though…about who I am and what that could mean for his cause. Maybe in a different life, if our paths had worked out the way they were planned, he would have whispered those words to me every day. But that’s not the future we’re dealing with now.
I take a deep breath. “Yes, I want to stay.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to speak, his arms wrapping around my waist and pinning me against him. I can feel his smile pressing against my neck, the steady rhythm of his pounding heart thudding against mine. And for a perfect moment, I can see the life we might build together and I lean into it, slipping my arms around his broad shoulders and letting the tips of his dark hair tickle my cheek.
Garden of Thorns Page 25
