by Vivian Arend
Whoa. She sure hadn’t expected him to start ragging on himself. “We’re young. Aren’t we supposed to be a little selfish?”
Joel shook his head. “No excuses. I bet you haven’t had a real chance to be young for a lot longer than is right.”
She lowered her gaze, unable to meet his anymore. She shrugged. “It’s just the way it is.”
Joel lifted her chin, his fingers gentle on her skin. “Over the past couple months, I’ve learned things about you, and your life, and while I’m growing up, I’ve still been sliding. So I want you to know. The rest of the time we’re together, I’m going to do it right.”
She wasn’t sure what he thought he’d been doing wrong. “I’m lost…”
“We got a three-part deal, right? You getting happy around horses, changing our reputations, and learning about sex.”
“We’re doing all those things.” Vicki edged closer, poking him on the chest. “It’s not your fault I jammed out of the horse thing. We’ll move ahead, there’s still time. And the sex, holy hell, you’ve been awesome in teaching me about that. And you said it yourself, people are seeing us as a couple, that’s good, right?”
Joel nodded. “It is, but it’s not enough. You wanted to know what it’s like to have a boyfriend, and I wanted a girlfriend, and hell if I didn’t fuck that part up.”
Nope. “This is going in one ear and out the other. What have you mucked up so bad, because I can’t see it.”
Joel made a face. “That’s because you don’t know any better, but I do. So here’s my commitment. I’m going to take care of you like I should be, and hopefully that means you’ll notice a difference, deal?”
Vicki hesitated. The only thing she saw coming from him giving her more was more trouble. She’d get even further attached to the Coleman clan, and yet not truly belong.
“It’s not real, though, Joel. We’re just doing this until the spring.”
“There’s a good example of what I mean. Who says this isn’t real? We’re friends, and friends help each other.” He paused, regrouped. “We are friends, right?”
Oh hell. Vicki stopped completely and thought it through. There was only one possible answer. “Of course we are.”
Joel eased back and nodded. “Good. Then there’s something I need to know, as one friend to another. What happened with Eric Tell?”
Vicki wondered if running to the bathroom and hiding was an option.
Joel raised a brow. “I can tell you the version I got if that helps, and you fill in the blanks. Rumour says you two slept together during his senior year, which I know is total bullshit. You hate his guts, that much is obvious, but the rest I don’t get.”
He had her hand again, stroking it as if attempting to settle her. The entire evening blurred together until she realized she had two options.
She either went forward from this moment and trusted Joel completely, or she didn’t. Not sharing with him meant all her secrets stayed hidden, but it also meant all the barriers she’d put up stayed up. For once in her life she longed to be completely honest with someone. To be able to trust them and let them in.
Joel had been nothing but wonderful, and she ached so hard to let go of her walls, it was impossible to resist.
Maybe she’d regret this. Maybe she was asking for more pain like she’d felt the previous week, but she had to know if it was possible to have a real friend.
Vicki took a deep breath, hoping this wasn’t going to change her world in ways she’d come to regret.
“Before I tell you about Eric, you tell me something. Tell me about my family, and don’t try to be polite and save my tender feelings. Because the two things are connected.”
He looked rather uncomfortable for a moment. “Again, I know less details and more rumours. Your mom…” she glared until he finished his sentence, “…she’s got a new friend every now and again. Older men who take care of her for a while before she switches.”
“She’s been doing it her entire life as far as I know, which is why me, Lynn and Sarah have three different fathers.”
Joel shook his head. “Damn.”
“Go on.”
He nodded. “Sarah…takes after your ma.”
Vicki let out a guffaw. “Now, that’s a nice way to put it.”
“Lynn. I never heard much about Lynn. She moved to Edmonton right after high school, right?”
She nodded. “And me?”
Joel sighed. “You dropped out of school the same summer Lynn left, moved out on your own.”
“And slept with half the town.”
Denial came instantly. “Actually, once you left school, you fell off the radar. I mean, the Hansol name got used a lot, but not yours specifically.”
What she figured. “It’s so awesome that this town has been giving me hell for years completely based on two members of the family.”
“Eric—what happened?” he prodded again.
God, it hurt to share even now. “Eric did sleep with a Hansol girl, only it was Lynn.”
Joel paused, stiff with shock.
“I overheard the senior guys talking about having one of those stupid bets. How many girls they could sleep with before graduation. You know, the contests that aren’t supposed to happen, but do.”
Anger was rising on Joel’s face. “Go on.”
“I was in the Home-Ec room and heard them in the hall boasting about conquests, reducing sex to sheer numbers. I was disgusted at the time, but when I got home I discovered it was worse than I’d imagined because Lynn was all excited to tell me about her new boyfriend. Seems Eric Tell realized my sweet sister was about as good a target as he could find.”
Oh Lord, here was the moment. She lifted her eyes to Joel’s. “Lynn’s got Asperger’s. She’s not bad, but it means there are certain things she just doesn’t get. She’s borderline on the spectrum, so my mom was never forced to get her real help during school. It was too much bother to fill in paperwork and such. Any teachers who made a comment were poo-pooed, and since Lynn got passing marks, they had no choice but to move her forward year after year. It’s the social side she doesn’t get.”
“Like knowing how to act with others?”
“Exactly.” Vicki wrapped her arms around her legs. “A routine helps, which is why I used to haul her into Home-Ec every lunch break for some quiet time. Having a boyfriend was just a cool thing. Everyone else in high school talked about wanting a boyfriend. When Eric told her that’s what he was, she was thrilled. When I found out what he’d done, I went a little crazy. Raced down to the football field and stormed into the changing room.”
“Oh hell, that would have been incredible to see.”
“Yeah, well once the shouting and running for towels was over, I marched up and got in his face. Told him he was an asshole, and that I didn’t appreciate being used for some kind of bet. That if he’d wanted to sleep with me once and be done, he should have been man enough to just tell me.”
A frown creased Joel’s forehead. “Wait, you said he slept with you?”
She nodded. “Lynn didn’t need the reputation of being another of the loose Hansol girls, and she didn’t need any other assholes in the school realizing how her mind works. She’s fanatical about her friends, Joel. Will do anything for them, anything they ask at all, even if it’s not in her best interest. She didn’t understand, and like all the years before, I did what I had to do to protect her.”
“And he just agreed with you? Didn’t mention Lynn at all?”
“The rest of the guys starting hooting and cheering him, you know like he was some great hero or something. Yeah, he wasn’t going to argue at that moment. Just took their adoration and trampled me underfoot.”
“So you lost your reputation to save hers.”
“Yeah.” Fear hovered, and she fought it down. She had to trust him. “This is why you can’t tell anyone the truth. I know Lynn is safely away, but I don’t ever want this discussed in front of her. I don’t want him connected with her in an
y way.”
He was nodding but still staring into the fire. “Something doesn’t make sense. Eric knew you’d lied, and being the kind of ass that he is, why didn’t he try holding this over your head? He knows it was Lynn…”
Vicki paused. “Well, first he kept quiet because he was in the hospital with a concussion and a broken arm.”
It was clear Joel wasn’t too choked up about Eric getting hurt. “That part is true? Damn, you really did beat him up.”
She wished she had. It would have been more satisfying than the truth. “He was standing on a wet floor, clutching a towel around his waist. When I went to kick him in the nuts he slipped and did it to himself. Of course, rumours twisted fast enough into me attacking him out of the blue.”
Anger flared in Joel’s eyes. “Needs to have his balls removed.”
“I’ve had many a pleasant daydream about that.” She swallowed. “The other reason he’s never said anything is I have two birth certificates.”
Confusion was written all over him.
Vicki dove back into her explanation. “With all the places my mom lived before hauling us to Rocky, she was constantly losing things. I was born somewhere in rural Saskatchewan, but when she got here and had to register me for school, she applied for a new copy. Only what she got wasn’t a copy, it’s a different version. Maybe she messed with my age to get me into some free childcare program, or someone in the system might have made a typo, I don’t know for sure. But I found both copies, so I have two.”
“How does that keep Eric from telling about Lynn?”
Vicki slowed. “All the guys heard him acknowledge he slept with me. Once I had that, I had him trapped. I showed him my birth certificate, the second one that I keep hidden. It says I’m three years younger than he expected, which would have meant he slept with a minor. It doesn’t matter if me being that much younger is believable or not, it’s a legal document and would be enough to get him a record, if not jail time, even now.”
She had him floored. Joel blinked hard and shook his head. “Whoa. Okay, remind me never to piss you off.”
“It wasn’t about me. The deal I offered was he leaves Lynn alone. No comments, no nothing about her, and I keep my mouth shut. He goes after her in any way, I go after him.” Vicki stared into the fire, clutching her legs as she waded through to the end. “For years he’s pushed the limits. I take the cracks about myself, and Sarah and Mom. Hell, they made their bed, they can lie in it. But Lynn is off limits.”
“He’s a bastard through and through for even starting this war between you. Was Lynn okay?” He radiated fury, and something about his anger helped defuse hers. Like she finally had someone to share the load with. He rested a hand on her arm and she caught his fingers.
“She is now. I contacted social services and got them to listen. Lynn got accepted into a group home, and she’s safe. No chance of Sarah’s leftovers strolling down the hall and making a move on us.”
His fingers tightened around hers to the point of pain as he reacted to that one. “No. Fucking. Way.”
“Why do you think I moved out when I did? Lynn was gone, so I left as well. I was sick and tired of waking up with strange men hovering, wondering if they dared take a try.” Vicki twisted her back to the sidewall so she could look at him. This sharing was killing her, but now that she’d started she couldn’t seem to stop. “I had to drop out of school. Moving out meant getting a place of my own, and paying rent became a priority. A job and going to school don’t mix very easily. Not when you’re sixteen and earning minimum wage.”
“Plus getting set upon by small-town bigots and even your own family.” Joel took a deep breath, and damn if he didn’t wipe his eyes.
God, she really was going to lose it now.
He took her to bed and cuddled her. His tenderness was what she needed. Nothing more to explain, nothing to admit or confess. Just the honest truth out there.
She lay nestled against him with her head resting on his chest for the longest time. Joel ran his fingers through her hair as she relaxed off the adrenaline high.
He spoke softly as he continued to care for her. “I’m so sorry you’ve been alone and dealing with this. You are incredible. I hope you know that. No matter what uncaring words people have tossed your way over the years, the truth is you were real family to Lynn, and she’s lucky to have you.”
She nodded. “Thanks.”
A couple more minutes passed and he laughed. “Okay, this might sound stupid, but how old are you?”
“I’m pretty sure the older birth certificate is right, Joel. The other one is only good as a threat over Eric. At thirteen I could have consensual sex with a fifteen year old, but he was eighteen. It’s enough.”
Joel shook his head. “I’ll say it again, you’re amazing.”
She didn’t feel amazing, she felt exhausted. “Sharing that took a lot out of me. I’ve never told anyone before.”
“I’m glad you told me.” Joel rolled her to vertical and kissed her cheek briefly. “Come on, let’s crash for the night. We can do more talking in the morning.”
Vicki fought the yawn that wanted to overwhelm her. “And other things?”
“Maybe…” Joel tapped her on the butt toward the bathroom. “Hey, when is your birthday for real?”
“April fourteenth. You can give me a pony ride,” she joked.
Joel grinned. Vicki turned away, her load lighter than she’d carried for a long, long time.
Chapter Twenty-One
Things had changed a lot.
It was about two weeks since Joel had promised to truly be there for her, and she’d felt a difference. Not only the situations around her, but inside. She was still worried about getting too attached, but planting a label on their relationship of being good friends made it easier. Some people had been good friends for years and years, right?
Joel had taken to doing a ton of little things that made her squirm at times, but she couldn’t deny the pleasure his attention brought. He stopped in with a coffee and doughnuts, and visited during her break time. He texted her off and on through the day. Short but sweet notes.
He made her a playlist of his favourite songs and asked her what she liked to listen to.
Good friends. She clung to it with both hands and tried to ignore all the warning signs she felt anything more than friendship.
Walking into the barn without a qualm proved another area where she’d made progress, and this one she had no reservations about whatsoever. May might be far off, but in terms of moving forward, she had come a long way.
She spotted Joel working with a pitchfork and hurried to his side.
The very real smile he gave her made her warm. Not sexually, but deep inside where she’d never had someone to count on before.
“Hey, darling. You’re a little early.” Joel opened his arms, and she scooted against him, breathing in the scent of working male. Musky but not too overpowering. He kissed her quickly then pointed in front of him. “I need to finish dealing with this before we can do anything.”
“No problem. I unloaded an emergency shipment over lunch, so Mr. Orson let me go early. I can help with chores, if you’d like.” Vicki bounced on her toes, so full of energy she was ready to burst.
Joel looked her over. “You’re damn chipper today.”
“I had a good breakfast,” she deadpanned.
He grinned. “Told you that made a difference. No, you don’t have to help. I’m nearly done. Hang out or, if you’re feeling brave, go explore the barn. There’s a surprise I plan to show you.”
Surprises were good. “You got the entire herd tucked out of sight with noise makers, waiting to leap out at me, right?”
“Damn, you figured it out.” Joel returned to his task. “Nope, only full-grown horse in here is Sable.”
Vicki watched him work for a bit, the slow motions he used mesmerizing. It wasn’t him being lazy, but the kind of conservation of energy she’d witnessed all the Colemans employ while they
toiled.
She glanced at her boots and deliberately walked away with steady steps, even-paced. A lot different than the mad sprint she usually used to get places.
It might be a little silly, but after walking the length of the entrance a few times, she figured she had it down. A country song playing in her head, she wandered around the corner, still working on this cowboy ramble, or whatever it was she’d discovered. It was fun to walk like this, and it took a moment to realize she’d strolled into the row where Sable’s stall was.
She paused, waiting for Sable to do the usual and stick her nose out.
Nothing.
Vicki listened harder, but the only sounds were from the front corner where Joel worked.
Wait. There. A rustle gave the horse away. Sable wasn’t going to freak her out today. In fact…
Vicki felt as bold as she’d ever been. Sable was behind the gate, she couldn’t get out. Maybe going and leaning on the wall opposite her stall would be good practice.
She took a couple steps and stopped. Oops, that wasn’t the cowboy ramble, that was the Vicki my ass is on fire two-step. She deliberately slowed and, focusing on the bales opposite Sable’s stall, sauntered forward.
Vicki kept her back to the front of the stall, her heart fluttering nervously. Except for when she’d been forced past the day Jaxi went into labour, this was the closest she’d voluntarily gotten to a horse in forever.
She pivoted and stared across the distance, only to discover Sable had no interest in her whatsoever. Nope, after all that worry, the damn horse was busy nudging something on the ground.
Oh. My. God.
Vicki’s tongue went numb, and she couldn’t have talked if she wanted to. There was a tiny horse on the straw-strewn floor, a little black spot on its forehead.
Sable had her baby. A quick glance ensured this wasn’t a recent development, unless horses had their babies with a lot less fuss than humans. The place looked too spotless clean for the baby to have just been born.
