"The racers should be having a hell of a ride about now."
"Hopefully they'll have the sense to come in if it gets worse."
"Since when did sailboat racers have any sense?"
Kate smiled somewhat weakly as Caroline took off down the block. She pulled the door shut behind her and walked across the street. She could see a few boats heading for the marina. She hoped her father was on one of them.
There was no reason to worry. Her father was a good sailor. As long as he wasn't drinking. As long as he had the good sense to check the weather reports.
As long as he didn't try to do something stupid and daring. As long as he didn't let the memory of another storm creep back into his head.
Okay, so she would worry. She couldn't help it, especially since he had Tyler with him. Tyler wouldn't be much assistance to her father.
The wind lifted her hair off the back of her neck, sending chills through her. This day reminded her so much of that other day, the one that had started out so bright and full of promise.
She'd been standing on the deck when the clouds began to gather. The afternoon sun had vanished. The moon had not yet risen. It was dark. Then it got darker. The swells grew into full-sized waves that rose like dragons from the deep. The wind whipped those waves into white-capped frenzies.
But today wasn't that other day,, she told herself firmly. This storm wasn't as bad or as dangerous. Everyone would be all right. No one was going to die.
* * *
Tyler hung on to the rail of the boat, feeling his stomach take another nauseating roll. His first experience at sailing had gone on far too long. The beautiful scenery had long since faded away as thick mists descended upon them, socking them into what felt like their own personal cloud. The colors had faded to grays, blues, and blacks. It was hard to tell where the water ended and the sky began. He had no idea if they were a mile from shore or ten miles.
"We've got to get back," he said,
"We will," Duncan shouted. "Don't worry. I've got everything under control. I love it when it gets like this."
Tyler believed that. Duncan was the happiest he'd ever seen him, also the most dangerous. Gone was the weak, tired old drunk. In his place was a man on fire, obsessed, determined to beat back Mother Nature. Determined to win at all costs. For a split second, Duncan McKenna reminded Tyler of his own father, the man who had stolen him from his mother, taken him away from everyone he loved, because it was what he wanted, what he needed.
Selfish obsession—some thought it led to greatness. It took that drive, that impossible ambition, that foolish courage to tackle insurmountable odds. But, ultimately, Tyler thought it led to defeat. His father had died a broken man. Duncan was battling to continue a career that in reality had ended eight years earlier.
"Give it up," he said out loud.
Duncan shook his head. "Never. Never give up. Go into the wind. It's the only way to win."
"Or go back, reevaluate, live to fight another day.”
"That's the safe way."
"That's the smart way."
"I've been sailing longer than you've been alive. I know what I'm doing."
"How far are we from shore?"
"Not far. I thought you had more guts than this—a hotshot reporter like yourself."
Tyler was knocked sideways as the boat surfed up one side of a big swell and down the other. He had a life jacket on, but no safety harness, and he didn't think it would take much to go overboard. Still, he felt better on the deck than in the cabin below. "Shouldn't you put on a life jacket?" he asked Duncan.
"Only got the one."
"What? You mean you don't have a vest?"
"I won't need it. You worry too much," Duncan added. "Just like Katie. She was always looking over my shoulder, second-guessing my decisions, wanting to take charge." Duncan pulled out his flask and took another swig.
"Are you sure you should be drinking right now?”
"Just a little something to warm my bones."
"It could slow your reaction time."
"I'm fine, Jeremy, just fine."
Tyler stared at Duncan, wondering if the old man realized he'd just called him Jeremy. But Duncan was fiddling with the sails again and not looking at him at all. Why would he call him Jeremy?
Because he was getting drunk and confused. And Tyler had been an idiot to get himself into this mess. He wondered if Kate had ever felt this helpless with Duncan, this vulnerable. But her situation had been different. She'd known how to sail the boat. She could have taken over if she had to. Tyler had no idea what to do. He had seen a radio down below. Maybe he should call for help. Duncan would probably kill him for casting aspersions on his ability to make it back to shore. Then again, at this rate, Duncan might just kill him anyway.
"Whoo-hoo!" Duncan screamed with delight as the boat went straight up a wave and down the other side.
"Holy shit!" Tyler swore, managing to hang on as water crashed over them. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Living," Duncan yelled. "Isn't it grand? I'd forgotten what it's like. I'm never going back to that life."
"But we are going back to shore, right? You can race again on Saturday. You can sail all the way to Hawaii and wherever else you want to go, but right now we're going home."
"It hasn't been home since Nora died."
"Your daughters are there."
"They hate me."
"That's not true. Kate loves you."
Duncan shook his head. "She blames me. They all do."
"For what?”
"I didn't mean to hurt him."
"Hurt who?"
Duncan took another drink. "Jeremy."
Tyler saw a flash of pain in Duncan's eyes. "How did you hurt Jeremy?"
"He pissed me off, telling me I was cheating, threatening to turn me in. He didn't know what was at stake."
Tyler was having a hard time following the conversation. "Cheating at what?"
"The race. K.C. had sent him to spy on me. That's why Jeremy was looking through my things. I didn't want to hurt him," Duncan repeated. "I just shoved him. I didn't even know he went off the damn boat until I heard Kate scream. Then she was gone. I had to save her." Duncan's eyes turned wild as he grabbed Tyler's shoulders and shook him. "You understand, don't you? I had to save my daughter."
"I understand," Tyler said, which was only partially true. What he really understood was that Duncan was getting more drunk and more agitated by the minute, his mood turning as dark as the storm surrounding them. "We've got to get back to shore. We can talk about this later." He stepped out from under Duncan's grip and grabbed the tiller as the boat began to spin. "Help me here. I don't know what I'm doing."
"K.C. knows," Duncan said, ignoring him. "Everyone says he doesn't remember, but somewhere in his brain, he knows. And someday he'll tell. I hate the waiting. But it's part of the plan. I still think you're a part of it, too. Admit it."
"I don't have anything to do with K.C."
"You're a liar. I can see it in your eyes."
He was lying, but not about that. Before he could say so, it suddenly occurred to him that his feet were wet. He looked down and realized he was standing in three inches of water.
"Duncan. What's happening?"
"I don't know anymore. I don't know which way to turn. I'm tired, Tyler, tired of living with this awful guilt."
"I'm talking about all this water," Tyler said sharply.
Duncan's gaze finally focused long enough to understand what Tyler was saying. "Sweet Jesus," he said. "The pump must be broken."
"What does that mean?"
"It means if we don't get this water out of here fast, we're going to sink to the bottom of the Sound.”
* * *
Caroline stared at the empty boat slip. Why wasn't her father back? It was almost six o'clock, and the wind was growing wilder. The distant thunder and lightning over the water was getting closer by the minute. Something bad was coming; something bad was already out on the
water—the water where her father was. The storm had come in much more quickly than anyone had anticipated.
Just like the last time—eight years ago.
The weather reports coming in over the radio that awful day had gotten worse as the morning turned into afternoon. There had been some concern from race officials and the other boats that perhaps they should turn back or change course. Her father had refused to listen. It was a beautiful day for racing, and he wanted to race. They were on a roll. He didn't want to lose their momentum. Kate had voiced some concern, but that was typical. Kate was always more conservative than Duncan. Caroline had taken pleasure in siding with their father and gained approval from him at the same time. Ashley had gone back and forth as she always did. In the end they'd continued on with the race.
The other boats had also agreed to continue. If the McKenna "girls," as they were called, were willing to stay the course, so were they.
Five men had lost their lives that night. Five men.
Caroline shuddered at the memory. She still held herself somewhat responsible for those five men, especially for one man. If she hadn't supported her father, if she'd sided with Kate, maybe together they could have convinced him to wait or at least postpone the start. But aside from wanting to see approval in her father's eyes, she had also wanted to get it all done and over with. It had gone on far too long, and she was yearning for home, desperate to get there, in fact.
"Caroline?" At the sound of her name, she turned to see Kate approaching, a worried look on her face. "Dad's not back yet?"
Caroline shook her head. "I'm sure he's fine. It's not even raining yet."
"It is out on the Sound. And, even if it weren't, where the hell are they? This was supposed to be a little cruise around the island, not an all-day trip."
Caroline heard panic in Kate's voice, and her own tension increased. Kate was always the calm one. She was reasonable, rational, and in control. But not this time. "We can try him on his radio."
"I just did that. I stopped by the harbor master's office on the way over here. There's no answer. And I don't even know if his radio works. He rarely takes his boat out past the first buoy. I don't know why he did today."
"Probably trying to act macho in front of Tyler."
"Tyler has never been on a sailboat before. He doesn't know a thing about them. If Dad got into trouble, he wouldn't be able to help. He wouldn't be able to make his way back here."
Caroline didn't like the chill creeping up her spine. Her father was a seasoned sailor, a veteran of blue-water sailing. He could handle a storm like this. Couldn't he? Or was she still thinking of him as a hero instead of just a man, an older man, a man who was no longer fit and drank far too much. "What should we do?" she asked.
"I don't know. I talked to the coast guard. They've had two distress calls, but neither boat fit the description I gave them of Dad's boat. They said it was getting bad out there and some of the training runs had gone farther out to stay away from the racing and hadn't come back in yet."
"That's probably why Dad went farther out," Caroline said.
Kate put a hand to her stomach. "I feel sick inside. I know something is wrong. I just know it. The last time I felt like this was eight years ago."
Their eyes met, and Caroline knew that Kate had no more forgotten that night than she had. "We can pretend all we want that it's long behind us, but it isn't really," Caroline murmured. "It's always there, waiting, ready to burst out as soon as we open the door.”
"I don't want to open that door."
"I think you already have."
Kate shook her head, but they both knew it was true.
"I was just thinking about the morning of the storm," Caroline continued. "We were all so confident in our racing ability, our weather forecasting, and our gut instincts. We thought we were invincible, every single one of us. Even Ashley. She wasn't afraid at the beginning. It wasn't until later, until we realized that it wasn't going to be just a storm. It was going to be a monster, and we would have to fight it to survive."
Kate looked out at the dark water. "At least we knew how to fight. Tyler doesn't have a clue. I don't want to lose him, Caroline. I'd rather have him walk away from me than have something terrible happen to him. I don't think I could stand it."
Caroline put her arm around Kate. "You won't lose him. Tyler may not know how to fight, but Dad does."
"I wish I could have as much confidence in Dad as you do."
"McKennas don't quit," Caroline said, repeating Duncan's favorite refrain. "Dad may be a lot of things, but he isn't a quitter."
"And neither am I," Kate said. "I'm going back to the harbor master's office. If they haven't heard anything more, I'll find someone with a boat to take me out there."
"What?" Caroline asked in amazement. Was Kate really considering going out on the water?
"You heard me. I can't sit here and do nothing. And I can't just hope that the coast guard will find them. We both know there isn't always time to rescue everyone."
"You'll be hard-pressed to find anyone to take you out in this weather."
"Then I'll go myself."
Kate turned away and started down the dock. "Wait," Caroline called after her, making a quick decision. "I'll come with you."
Kate hesitated. "Maybe you should stay here, find Ashley. If anything should happen, she'll need you."
"Nothing will happen," Caroline said forcefully. "This is not going to be like the last time."
* * *
Ashley walked down the street, telling herself not to get worked up over the fact that the weather was changing again, the wind getting stronger with every breath she took, the thunder and lightning moving closer. She would not let the fear take her. She wouldn't go back to being the scared, neurotic woman of the last eight years. She couldn't. She didn't want to live like that anymore.
She stopped and took a deep breath, looking at the building in front of her. The Amberson and Sons Boat Works was housed in a large, barn-like building at the far end of the marina, the back door of the building leading to a ramp where they could launch their boats directly onto the water.
Ashley couldn't remember the last time she'd come here. It had to be years. But Sean was here. He was going to tell his father that he wouldn't be sailing away on Saturday or any other day. He would finally be taking on the role of son in Amberson and Sons. It was a role that had been empty for too long. She knew the Ambersons would be happy to have Sean at home. He was the only son they had left, and he belonged here. She'd known that all along.
In some ways, Sean's absence had only added to her guilt. He shouldn't have had to leave home. Their breakup had never been about him or even their love; it had been about all the things she couldn't tell him, things that involved Jeremy and Kate, Caroline and her father, things they had promised to take to their graves. The only way she had been able to keep the promise was to distance herself from Sean. In doing so, she'd hurt him and herself. Hurting herself had been a just punishment. Sean, however, had never deserved that pain.
She wanted to tell him that. She wanted to say she was sorry, to let him know that if it became too difficult again, she would be the one to leave, she would be the one to sacrifice. And she was prepared to do it. It wouldn't be an empty promise. If one of them had to leave, it would be her. She still didn't know if it would be possible to be with him, to see him day in and day out, without ever talking about the past.
Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door and walked inside. The building was quiet. She walked down the hallway past the business offices and into the main building. There were two boats under construction, one barely begun and one almost finished, a sleek twenty-five-foot sailboat. It was beautiful. The wood was smooth, rich, expensive. She couldn't help running her hand along the side.
The touch brought back feelings of another lifetime—the rail on the Moon Dancer warmed by the noonday sun, hot beneath her fingers. To cool her hand, she'd put it over the side, trailing her fingers
in the chilly water of the deep blue sea. So many days of the sun, the wind, the moon, the stars. Endless hours of watching the different shades of water play out in front of their eyes. The sudden squawk of a seabird sometimes the only thing to break the endless quiet.
But it wasn't always peaceful out there. Sometimes the wind sounded like a freight train roaring down the tracks. Sometimes the night was so dark, the mist so thick, that she'd felt like she was sitting in a cloud, suffocating.
Just the thought shook her up. She turned her head, instinctively seeking air, escape. Sean was standing there, watching her.
"Hi," she said somewhat nervously.
"Hi, yourself."
He looked at her as if he wanted to kiss her again, and she couldn't help licking her lips, bringing his gaze to her mouth. Maybe this was a bad idea.
"Did you talk to your dad?" she asked, breaking into speech, anything to cut the tension between them.
"This morning. He was thrilled. I finally did something to make the old man happy."
"I bet your mom is happy, too."
"Over the moon. She's making my favorite dinner, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and pecan pie. You're invited, by the way. She's sure you had something to do with my change of mind."
"It wasn't me," she said with a self-deprecating shrug.
"Of course it was you. It's always been you, Ash."
She swallowed hard. "I wanted to tell you something." She hesitated, not sure how to say it.
Sean held up a hand. "I don't like the expression on your face. Things are good between us right now. Let's just leave it that way, at least for today. What do you say?"
"I just wanted to tell you that I don't want you to ever go away again because of me. If anyone needs to leave, I'll be the one."
"No one needs to leave. We're grown up now. Can't we just put the past behind us?"
She wanted to do exactly that. "Do you think that's possible?"
"I know it is." He paused. "When you first came back from the race, I badgered you constantly about Jeremy and the storm and what had happened out there. It wasn't fair. You were traumatized, and I didn't see that I was making it worse. I just wanted answers. I wanted something to ease the pain, you know?"
Summer Reads Box Set: Volume 1 Page 28
