When I return to Camp Shenanigans, as it has been deemed, I notice that Owen’s truck is parked next to mine. In the distance I hear laughs and splashes coming from the water. I lost my shirt early in my hike as the sun beat down on me making it feel more like a blanket. I pull the shirt from my waistband and wipe my head as I grab and down a cold water. Tossing the bottle in the recycling bin, I turn toward the cabin. Before I have an opportunity to open the door, it comes flying open and a bikini-wearing Piper slams right into my chest with an audible oomph.
“Whoa there, where’s the fire?” I ask while I reluctantly peel her from my body.
“Ss … sorry. I was just using the restroom and didn’t see you there. So uh, yeah how was your hike?”
I smile, noticing she hasn’t looked at me yet. Not true, she seems to be quite interested in the waistband of my shorts, but she hasn’t looked up at my face.
“The hike was good. Hot, but good.”
“Wow, it is crazy hot today. I should get down to the water; you should join us, ya know, after you, umm, change or whatever. I mean you don’t need to change if you didn’t want to so yeah I should go okay bye,” she rattles off in a rambling sentence and takes off in what can only be described as a stumbling hustle toward the water.
Laughing to myself, I go inside where it is slightly cooler and embrace the temperature change. Once I’ve changed into my trunks I grab a protein bar from my bag and another water before I head down to the lake. The closer I get, the louder the hoots and hollers get. I missed these kinds of weekends since I’ve been gone and the realization hits me again. I am the outsider in this group. Funny how Ashton seems to have moved into my place with my friends. It makes me happy to know they embraced and protected her while I was gone even if I do have a twinge of jealousy.
As I take a seat next to Jameson I notice that the girls are in the middle of an intense game of chicken. “Wow, that looks pretty serious. They do know it’s a game of chicken, right?”
“Yeah, it’s how they decided to determine who is on dish duty tonight. You know Ash, she’ll do anything to get out of dishes so she’s determined to win,” he says as he takes a long drink from his beer.
“Beer already? Is it even noon yet?” I ask and recognize how old I sound.
“Relax, bud, we’re on vacation. There aren’t any clocks here. Besides, it’s five o’clock somewhere, right?” he asks as he finishes off that beer and hands one to me that I waive off.
“I guess. I’ll stick with water for now. Hydrate and all that.”
We sit here, in the blazing sun, watching our friends battle it out to avoid dish duty. Once Ashton and Owen secure the win, they perform some sort of awkward victory dance that includes poking fun at their opponents, Piper and Landon. Eventually, we all settle in for an afternoon of swimming and, for everyone but me, drinking. I notice as the day wears on that my sister avoids direct conversation with Jameson. They’ve never been very close but they have always been civil. I assumed since they hang out as a group that they had bridged whatever gap existed between them. Apparently I was wrong.
Much to Ashton’s dislike, Piper declares it dinner time, which sends Owen and Ashton to the cabin to begin preparing. Feeling the need to impute a little big brother advice, or really just figure out what is going on with her and Jameson, I offer to take Owen’s place in the kitchen. He willingly takes me up on it and suddenly it’s just the Sullivans in the kitchen.
I take the lead and start seasoning steaks as Ashton shucks the corn. A few minutes into the process I decide to bring up the subject of Jameson.
“So what’s the deal with you and J? You pissed at him or something?”
“What? No. Why would you say that?”
“I don’t know, maybe because you never speak to him. You were pretty bitchy when we got here this morning, too.”
“You know I don’t like to be shaken awake, I apologized for that. And for your information, I do speak to Jameson. I just don’t speak slut so he probably doesn’t hear me and thus doesn’t respond,” she declares as she walks out of the cabin with the corn.
Just as I’m about to join her with the steaks, Landon walks in the cabin.
“Hey, man, those look good. How’s it going?” he asks me, pulling up a seat at the table.
“All is well. How’s it going with you? How’s the HVAC business?”
“It’s good. My dad and I haven’t killed each other yet so that’s always a bonus.”
I laugh with him and cannot imagine being business partners with my dad. I love him and we’re close, but business partners? No thanks.
“Yeah, I don’t think I could do it. I thought you’d bring a date this weekend.”
“Nah, we’ve all tried that. Bringing someone outside the group for this last weekend of summer never goes well. The girls we’ve brought have never really meshed with your sister and Piper. Girls are catty, man. I just don’t get it. Last year Tony came with Piper and that was cool.”
I don’t respond to that last comment. I pick up the tray of steaks to head out to the grill when Landon asks me the million-dollar question. “How about you? You plan on hooking up with Piper again?”
I set the tray of steaks down and put my hands on the back of the chair, leaning in a little with a shrug. “We didn’t hook up. It was,” I pause searching for the correct word,” spontaneous. Something that ended once I found out who she was.”
Landon laughs. “Yeah, man, you keep telling yourself that.”
‘What’s that supposed to mean?”
Shaking his head, he stands and smiles. “Ben, come on. I see the way you look at Piper when you think nobody is looking. Yeah, I get it, she’s fucking hot in a bikini, but it’s more than that. We all appreciate what she’s displaying, but you? You look at her like, hell, man, I don’t know, like something.”
I don’t respond. I stand there watching as he enters the bathroom, letting his words settle before taking the steaks to the grill. Yeah, she’s something all right.
A few hours after my conversation with Landon, his words are still ringing in my head. I know Piper and I have a connection that neither of us can deny but that’s all it can ever be. I will never do anything to come between her friendship with Ashton and I really don’t want my sister pissed at me. While I’m convincing myself of this fact the same sister declares it bedtime and, along with Piper, heads to the tent they’re sharing. Landon and Owen follow shortly after, leaving Jameson and me alone with a fire and the crickets.
“So what’s the deal with you and my sister?”
Jameson must be taken by surprise at my question because he wastes a good portion of his beer by spraying it toward the fire.
“Where’d that come from? Nothing, man. She’s a royal pain in my ass as always but we’re cool.”
“She seems really pissed at you all the time. I figured maybe something happened.”
“Nah, she’s always like that. It’s worse when I have a date around. That’s why we don’t bring them anymore. The last time I had a girl here for our last weekend Ashton kept saying things like ‘slut’ and ‘hoochie’ poorly disguised as coughs. Poor Candi had to be consoled all night. It was really a tough job.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you were really put out with that job. If you say everything’s cool, then I guess it is.”
As I respond I hear a zipper from a tent and see Piper walking toward the water. Jameson must follow my gaze.
“She does that every night when we’re out here. Says it is the only time she can think.”
I watch her as she makes it to the water’s edge and starts skipping rocks. Even from this distance and in the dark I am mesmerized by her. Never taking my eyes from her, I feel Jameson’s hand on my shoulder as he stands.
“Quit fighting what is so obvious to us all. Go to her, Ben, see what happens. I’m hitting the sack.”
I don’t move right away. I battle myself and know I should go to my tent too. I should get up, put this fire out, and
go to sleep. I don’t. Instead, I find myself walking toward the woman who consumes my dreams and is easily making her way into my heart.
This is always my favorite part of our weekends at the lake. Of course, I love being with my friends. It’s just that it can be overwhelming. Jameson, Landon, and Owen are a lot of testosterone while Ashton is her own little party of crazy. Add to that already rowdy bunch one Bentley Sullivan, and it’s a little too much.
Ashton and I always share a tent, well except last year when I brought Tony with us. We had only been dating a few weeks but I was smitten. My excuse in breaking the “no date at the lake” rule was that we all knew Tony and so it was less like a date and more like just another friend. Unfortunately, with him here I didn’t get my nights at the water. He didn’t understand why I’d want alone time when I could be with him.
Waiting until Ashton is asleep, I quietly walk toward the water. This time of night, the only light that guides me is that of the moon and it’s perfect. I know this land well enough to know it’s safe. This is one of my top five favorite places in our area and it centers me when I need it. Having Ben here is throwing me off and I need this time more than ever.
I pick up a rock and attempt a skip and then another. Only instead of skipping these are tosses. Frustrated tosses. I hate that I brought Tony here to this place that means so much to me. I had always promised myself I wouldn’t blindly share with just anyone the places and things that matter the most to me.
How did I ever think I was in love with him? I wasn’t. I acknowledge that now. I cared about him, but if I loved him like I should have, would I care so little about the breakup? We were together just shy of a year and I can’t even pretend to be sad he’s not in my life anymore. Truthfully, I think I was happy to have someone like him choose me. I believed him when he said he cared and I trusted him with the things that matter the most to me – my friends, my family, and my heart.
It feels empowering to finally admit to myself that I was searching. I’ve always loved the idea of love, something I get from my mother. As I’ve gotten older I realize that my dad leaving her alone to raise a baby did a number on my mom. She’s spent most of my life, and hers, searching for her Prince Charming. Regardless of how many frogs she’s had to kiss, Tessa Lawrence believes her one true love exists.
When I was little she would tell me stories of princes and white knights saving the lonely princess. Even at a young age I knew the princess was her and that the men on white horses she described weren’t the men she actually dated. My mom settled. As an adult I see now that she took attention from whoever was giving it, not necessarily from the men she deserved. Dread hits me like this rock I’m skipping. It’s possible I’ve turned into my mother.
I pick up another rock and, after successfully completing the triple skip and admiring the ripples in the water, I sit down on the shore. Pulling my chin to my knees, I think of all the vows to myself I’ve made over the years. I’m always trying to better myself and not fall into patterns of my past or those of my mother.
Deep in thought, I don’t hear Bentley walk up behind me, nor do I hear him sit down beside me. I’m slightly startled when he begins talking.
“You had a good spin on that rock, Princess. Some awesome guy must have taught you how to skip.”
That comment makes me laugh because, in fact, an awesome guy did teach me to skip rocks. The guy sitting next to me to be precise.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Some weirdo tried to teach me to skip rocks when I was a kid but he wasn’t very good.”
Ben returns the laugh and nudges me with his shoulder. On instinct I lay my head on his shoulder as we both stare out at the lake. The moon is beautiful and the stars are shimmering in the sky like mini beacons. It’s breathtaking.
“Are you okay? You’ve been quiet all night,” he asks me.
I don’t answer right away. The honest truth is I have been quiet. I’m trying to process why every time this man is near me my heart races like it’s making a run for a gold medal. I breathe in the scent that I’ve grown accustomed to. The one that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, sends chills up my spine, and even manages to send tingles between my legs. The scent of the man who has now put his arm around me and pulled me to his side.
“I’m okay, just having a moment,” I finally reply.
“J said you come down here a lot. It’s really peaceful. I can see why you like it.”
I push a stray hair that has fallen in my eye, and as I put my hand back down I realize I have nowhere to put it but on Ben’s leg. I feel him stiffen as I do and I don’t mean his posture. A slight smile takes over my face when I realize that he feels it, too. Somehow, in this crazy world, the one person I share a true connection with, the one person who can make me equally frustrated and happy at the same time, is the person I’m not supposed to feel something for.
We sit like that for a few minutes. I’m nestled into his side with my head on his shoulder and hand on his leg. I feel my eyes becoming heavier and before I can tell Ben that I am going to head to bed a noise startles me, causing me to jump almost directly onto his lap.
“Whoa, it was just a frog.”
“Well, it sounded bigger than a frog.” The defensiveness evident in my reply, I begin to move from his lap, but he puts his hands on my waist.
“Hey, it’s not a big deal. I was just teasing.”
I shift my weight so I can begin moving when I hear a rumble from the back of his throat that stops me. Through gritted teeth he looks me in the eye. “Piper, if you don’t want what we already agreed can’t happen again to happen, please stop moving in my lap.”
My eyes go wide as I look down and then quickly up. I’ve never been more grateful for the darkness as I am now. Surely my face a color close to that of my hair.
“Oh, uh. Sorry?”
“Is that a question, Princess?”
Oh, his voice. Down, girlie bits. “No, no. I’m sorry. So I’m going to get up now. If you now want to, I don’t know, think of zombies or something.”
He chuckles as he releases my waist and I stand, brushing off the non-existent dirt from my shorts. Following suit, Ben stands. As I turn to talk away he grabs my hand.
“This is really hard, Piper. I didn’t think it would be, but it is.”
I won’t even pretend to play dumb.
“Ben…” I don’t manage much more than his name before he releases my hand and places a hand on either side of my face, fingertips in my hair, and thumbs on my cheek. My gaze drifts to his lips as my hands reach his wrists. I want him to kiss me. I need him to kiss me. He’s closing the distance between us and can feel his breath mingling with mine.
“Tell me no, Piper. Tell me to stop.”
“Ben.”
“That’s not no.”
Before I can respond his lips are on mine. His lips are gentle at first, as if he thinks I’ll break. I won’t. I can’t with him. I feel that in my soul.
On instinct, I begin lowering my hands to rest on his hips and my body fits perfectly against him. That must be the invitation he needs because the kiss intensifies as he licks my lower lip. I release a pent-up purr as I open for him. The moment our tongues meet I see stars dancing. The tension in my body releases as a euphoric feeling begins its takeover. From my toes to my ears, I feel my skin tingle and my heart race. It’s an exhilarating ride of feelings. A series of extreme highs that should scare me. Highs that only seem to ground me and have me gripping his shirt like a life line. I feel his left hand on my waist as he holds me to him, keeping me upright. I’m thankful for that move because without it, I think I would fall.
Or, maybe I’m already falling. The moment I have that thought, I feel the tension return and Ben begin to pull back from me. He doesn’t immediately break the kiss. He seems to be savoring it and simply reversing it back to where it began with the gentleness returning. Resting his forehead to mine, we both breathe each other in and I feel like I’m about to
cry. What is it with this man and my need to cry?
“Ben,” I say as my hands return to either wrist and I take a small step back.
“Don’t, Piper. Please, don’t say anything.”
As much as I don’t want to, I completely step back from Ben and put distance between us.
“We agreed, Ben. This is a bad idea.”
“No, Piper. We actually didn’t agree that this is a bad idea. We agreed that Ashton is important to both of us and we won’t do anything to hurt her. But what about us, Piper? There’s something between us. We both know it; why should we suffer?”
It seems like an eternity as I stand here, letting his words process. Suffer. That word seems extreme. And accurate. Sighing in frustration, I retreat even farther. Not only in space but within my heart.
Distance.
I need distance and yet with each step I take, he follows.
“You’re right.”
That statement stills him.
“Ashton is important to me. She is the best friend I’ve ever had, Ben. I won’t do anything that may jeopardize that.”
Ben seems to also be processing. The difference between him and me is that when I process I am serious and quiet. When Bentley Sullivan processes, he smiles and tries to hold hands.
I attempt to tug my hand back but he doesn’t let me as I continue.
“Tell me, Ben, what happens after we hook up? We’ll go on a few dates? Maybe hang out? Sure, that sounds great. Then you’ll realize I’m boring and not worth the effort. Regardless of what happens, it is bound to get awkward.”
The smile is gone.
“And when Ashton feels like she has to choose? What then? No. I won’t do it and you shouldn’t ask me to.”
Congratulations to me, I said all of that without crying. High five, self.
Now it’s Ben’s turn to sigh in frustration as he drops my hand.
Finally.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Why do you put yourself down?”
Before I can respond he has taken both of my hands and attempts to tug me toward him. This time I’m ready. Taking my hands back, I wrap them around myself while taking a small step back.
Whiskey & Honey Page 9
