by Lori Foster
If she ever made love with him, she knew it would be incredible. And unforgettable. Already, her convictions wavered whenever he got too close. Sharing that much intimacy would rip away her last shred of resistance, and she’d find herself in the same position she’d resented most: alone and lonely, worried, and when the country needed Hamilton, forgotten.
Thinking about the future, about the life she’d always dreamed of, left her empty deep inside, especially when what she’d always wanted most was him.
“Liv?” With the edge of a fist, he tipped up her chin so that she had to look at him. A breeze heavy with humidity washed in through the open door, moving over her skin and sending her hair across her face. With a gentleness that felt decidedly intimate, Hamilton tucked the loose curls behind her ear.
She thought he might kiss her again, and she both wanted him to and feared the possibility.
Instead, his big thumb drifted high on her cheekbone. “Why don’t you take a quick shower before the storm hits? I’ll get something together for dinner and then we can relax and talk.”
She’d missed lunch and hunger made her jittery. Or maybe it was Hamilton’s nearness, his touch, the very warm look in his eyes that kept her on edge.
A hot shower would be heaven, and it’d give her an opportunity to collect herself. “Thank you.”
Jack ran in past her legs, still excited, but moderately so. He plopped down beside her and stared up with doggie adoration.
Liv rubbed his ears. “Let me feed him first, and then I’ll...”
What? The pain surfaced again. Following her mundane routine seemed somehow disrespectful. She’d just lost her father, and the man she’d loved forever loomed in her kitchen, storming her already lacerated defenses. She didn’t quite know what to do, or think or feel.
“Go on,” Hamilton said. “I’ll take care of Jack. It’ll give us a chance to get better acquainted.”
Crossing her arms under her breasts, Liv said, “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
He matched her stance, until they had the appearance of two combatants squaring off. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“When you leave again, like you always do, he might...miss you.” Just as I always miss you.
Hamilton worked his jaw, his annoyance obvious. “I’ll be here two weeks, honey. We’re bound to become friends.” He held out his hand to Jack and the dog immediately abandoned Liv to go to Ham’s side. In a tone that should have warned Liv, Hamilton added, “I told you I’d been thinking about a house recently. Well, I’ve thought about getting a dog, too.”
Animosity rose in Liv, to the point that she trembled. Did he think her a fool? What did he hope to accomplish by mocking the things that gave her satisfaction? “A dog in the air force? I doubt that.”
Hamilton didn’t look at her, choosing instead to peer around her kitchen. He made note of the colorful drawings held on her refrigerator by magnets. Gifts from her students, signs of affection that she cherished.
His eyes narrowed in speculation. “A lot of people living in base housing have pets, Liv. It’s not a problem.”
Disbelief rose up. She knew pets were allowed; many of her neighbors in housing had dogs and cats. But her father had discouraged any additional commitments, claiming it wasn’t fair to the animal when they never stayed in one place for long. “My dad said—”
Hamilton’s gaze locked on hers. “Forget whatever Weston said, okay?” Slowly, he straightened to his full height until he towered over her. Oozing machismo, he stepped so close she inhaled his hot male scent with each deep breath. “Entire families live on and off base and yeah, they have pets and the kids ride bicycles and the men love their wives—” He drew a steadying breath. His voice dropped. “And the wives love their husbands.”
Defensively, Liv pointed out, “It’s difficult to move with an animal.”
“So if you had to move—”
“I won’t.”
“But if you did, you wouldn’t take Jack with you?”
“He’s mine,” she snapped. “Of course I’d take him.”
Satisfaction gleamed in Ham’s eyes. “Of course.”
Feeling cornered, she started to turn away, but Hamilton moved with her, crowding closer still, backing her into a corner of the kitchen. “You’re meant to be a mother, Liv. Kids love you, and you love them.”
She clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. “I have an entire classroom of kids. I don’t need to birth them to—”
“It’s not the same thing and you know it.” His nose brushed the delicate hair at her temple. “Why won’t you admit it? Why hold on to your old fears?”
“Because I know them to be true.”
“No.” His lips brushed her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. “You have a unique perspective, but it’s not the norm. Marrying into the military isn’t a heinous thing, no matter what you want to believe.”
Her heart heavy, Liv whispered, “For me, it would be.”
His breath came out in a sigh. “Liv, honey, there’s always room for compromise.”
“Dad said—” Liv caught herself. She winced, then cleared her throat. “There are no compromises in the military. There are rules and regulations, a code of ethics. But no compromise.”
For several heartbeats, Hamilton just looked at her, but Liv could feel the force of his frustration and her convictions wavered.
Jack whined, breaking the spell.
Drawing a deep breath, Hamilton stepped back. “To show you how good I am at compromising, I’m going to let that topic go—for now. At the moment, you’ve got enough to think about without me debating the pros and cons of married life in the air force.” He tried a smile that lacked sincerity. “Go take your shower. Jack and I’ll be fine.”
Taking the opportunity to escape, Liv agreed. “His food is in the pantry. Two cups full. And give him fresh water.”
Utilizing a touch of irony, Hamilton saluted her.
If only she could have him forever, her life would be perfect. But perfection aside, she had a job she loved, a house that suited her, a dog for companionship and friends galore. No husband and no children of her own, but she had a classroom full of kids that she truly cared about.
Not the same, but close.
It was a good life, full of consistency and security. She was content.
At least she had been before Lieutenant Colonel Hamilton Wulf had once again invaded her life.
CHAPTER THREE
LIV TOOK ONE look in the mirror and cringed. Tears stained her cheeks, her makeup either gone or where it didn’t belong. She could only imagine her father’s reaction if he saw her like this.
But Hamilton hadn’t seemed to mind. No, he’d kissed her silly. Held her. Supported her.
Why did he have to be so wonderful?
And why did she have to love him so much? Through the years, other men had wanted her attention, but nothing had ever come of it. Liv tried, she really did. She gave each man a chance to wiggle into her heart. But no one compared to Ham. There were times when she doubted any man ever would.
If she could do things over... No, she wouldn’t remove Ham from her memories. Without him, her childhood after her mother’s death would have been unbearable. Her moments with Ham made up some of the best of her life. Whether he ever became part of her future, he’d left an indelible mark on her past.
Her most immediate future involved the preparation for her father’s burial. She should probably call the funeral home today. Liv rubbed her forehead, knowing that once again, Ham deserved her gratitude. He’d come to help, when this couldn’t be easy for him, either.
Taking her time in the shower, Liv let the hot water ease her tension and wash away the remnants of her tears. When she heard the loud rumble of thunder, she turned off the shower
and climbed out. In addition to funeral arrangements to make, she also needed to leak-proof her house.
Trouble was, her bones felt useless and her head ached and she had a great, crushing void inside her. She and her father might have been estranged, and true, she’d often been lonely for a caring father. But in her heart, she’d always known he was still there, just a distance away. Now he was gone forever, along with the opportunity to reconcile. She should have gone to her father, she could have made him care.
Squeezing her eyes shut and holding her breath, she waited for the wrenching pain to subside. It didn’t, but at that moment, Ham tapped on the door.
His deep baritone vibrated through the door. “You okay, honey?”
She had to clear her throat before she could answer. “I’m fine.”
He paused before murmuring low, “You don’t sound fine.”
No, she didn’t. She shook her head, swallowed hard and lightened her tone. “I’ll be right out. How’s Jack holding up? Storms scare him.”
“He’s right beside me, but he’s not fretting about himself, so don’t insult him that way. He’s worrying about you.”
That made her smile. Yes, Jack would worry. Whenever she got sad, he crowded close and whined and looked as miserable as she felt.
And talking about sad... Her appearance in the mirror left a lot to be desired. With a red nose, puffy eyes, and still damp hair, poor Jack might disown her. No telling what Hamilton might do....
“Liv?”
Resigned, she pulled on a hooded sweatshirt and flannel pants and opened the door.
Hamilton leaned in the doorframe, staring down at her, solemn and observant. His gaze moved over her before settling on her face. “I ordered some food. It should be here soon.”
She was grateful because she had way too much on her mind to ponder what to cook. “I have to—”
“Eat.” His hand glided over her hair to her shoulder, then fell away. “You know you get shaky when you go without food.”
“True. But I don’t have time to worry about it.”
Satisfaction brought a small smile to his face. “I know. That’s why I took it on myself to order some Kartoffelsuppe from Hofbräuhaus.”
At her wide-eyed surprise, he laughed and tugged on a lock of her hair. “I thought that’d get your attention.”
Kartoffelsuppe was a delicious potato soup topped with sour cream and cheese. She’d fallen in love with it the first time Hamilton had taken her to eat at Hofbräuhaus. But the closest restaurant was more than an hour away. “How...?”
“I have a buddy who lives down that way. We were in college together at the Citadel and completed the ROTC program the same year.”
Which no doubt made them lifelong brothers. “So you just called him up...?”
“That’s one of the calls I made while you were showering. He agreed to send the food here in a taxi.” And with deeper meaning, Ham added, “The military is one big family, Liv, always willing to help out when they can.”
Unwilling to acknowledge the truth of that, Liv studiously ignored his statement. “It’s so much trouble for soup.”
“Not just soup. We’ll be sharing a Schman-kerlplatte, too.”
The mention of smoked pork chops, roasted chicken and fried cabbage had her mouth watering. “Okay, so maybe I can take time to eat after all.”
His smile settled into a frown. “It won’t be too much for your stomach, will it? Maybe I should have considered something lighter and blander.”
“It’s perfect.” And so thoughtful—so typical of Ham. “Thank you.”
Again, he touched her hair, tunneling his fingers in toward her scalp. For the longest time he said nothing, then with a sigh, he whispered, “Liv,” while bending down to take her mouth.
She prepared herself for another explosive kiss, but instead, he kept the touch of his mouth sweet and gentle, exploring, comforting. Before she knew it, he had her cuddled up against his chest, his strong arms around her, and Liv wanted to stay there forever.
Keeping her close, he said, “I made another call, too.”
His tone alarmed her. She tried to press back, but he wouldn’t let her. “What did you do?”
“I contacted the funeral home. I found there’s a real advantage to being in a small town. Everyone can make the time, and make things work, when they know you and care about you. And everyone here cares about you very much.”
A little stunned, Liv said only, “You contacted Martin....”
“He sends his condolences, and gave us an appointment for tomorrow morning. He confirmed that Weston can be buried Friday afternoon. If we call within the next hour, they can still get the announcement in the obituaries. I’d have done that, too, but I thought you might have something particular you wanted to say.”
For some reason, his autocratic behavior struck Liv as humorous. He’d be here two weeks, so that didn’t factor into his rush.
“With the funeral behind you,” Ham said, as if he’d read her thoughts, “you can put the grief behind you, too. Then you can start planning for the future.”
A future that included him? Is that what he wanted?
Is that what she wanted? She just didn’t know, but she did know that Hamilton held himself tense, awaiting her reaction. “You expect me to be angry.”
“Well...yeah. I know it was presumptuous of me to sort of take over. But I’m only trying to make things easier on you.”
She gave him a fierce hug. “And I appreciate it. We can decide on the announcement together, if that’s okay with you.”
Ham drew back, his surprise evident, and then he kissed her hard. “We’ll get through this, Liv.” His mouth still touched hers, his breath warm and fast. “Together.”
That sounded nice. If only it could always be that way. But the very nature of military service guaranteed that Ham wouldn’t always be there—no matter what he promised.
Did she dare to settle for less, to compromise her own convictions...?
More thunder rumbled, closer this time, prompting Liv to hurry. After girding herself, she confessed, “Could we work on the announcement now?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It’s not that I mean to rush, but...my roof needs work.”
He shrugged, confused as to what one had to do with the other. “I noticed.”
“You did?” He’d been so openly admiring, she hadn’t realized. “The roof’s not that old, but it did get hit with some storm damage. A few of the shingles are loose or missing. There are replacement shingles in the garage, but I haven’t had time to get to it yet.”
“I told you I’d been looking at houses lately, remember? I’ve seen more than a few that needed some repairs. As long as it’s nothing structural, who cares?”
Liv wanted to ask him why he’d been looking at houses if he had no intention of leaving the military. An officer’s mobile lifestyle made putting down roots impossible. But before she could find the right words, he added, “That storm is coming in fast. I gather the roof leaks?”
Back in the moment, Liv nodded. “In more than a few places. Luckily, there’s no furniture upstairs, and not much in the way of carpet. But I don’t want to see the hardwood floors get drenched either, so I need to put some buckets down to catch the worst of it.”
Ham pressed another kiss to her mouth, then one to her forehead. His casual touches kept her off balance while at the same time providing the human touch she needed in the face of her loss.
“I’ll help.” He drew her toward the kitchen. “But first...do you have a pen and paper anywhere?”
It took them over twenty minutes to get together the facts that summed up her father’s life. Hamilton called the funeral home to give the information, and Martin assured him he’d be able to get it to the paper on t
ime.
Ham made everything so much easier. With him by her side, she couldn’t imagine dealing with her father’s death alone.
After he hung up the phone, Hamilton asked, “Are the buckets in the garage?”
“Yes. I’ll show you.” Everywhere they went, Jack followed. The second they stepped outside to the narrow path connecting her house to her detached garage, the dark sky closed in around them, thick with moisture and static with electricity.
Ham lifted the heavy, warped wooden door with an ease that brought home the contrasts in their physiques. Liv had a replacement garage door on her list of things needed for the house, but like the missing shingles, she hadn’t gotten around to it yet.
The dark, dank interior of the concrete-block building smelled musty and Jack, the big baby, pressed into her side. “On the shelf over the lawn mower.”
Ham grabbed up three buckets. “Are these enough?”
Half-embarrassed, Liv reached past him and took up two more. “Unfortunately, no.”
Ham frowned a little in thought, then urged her back out of the garage. The wind caught his words, rushing them past her as he brought the door back down to close it securely. “If the rain holds off, I’ll check out the roof. Maybe I can patch it so the leaks don’t damage your ceilings too much.”
Unlike her father, who had hated repair work, Ham offered with no hesitation. Such a simple thing; shoot, most men were happiest with a tool in hand. But it was more than that now. She couldn’t analyze Ham or the way he made her feel, not now with her emotions so close to the surface. Her independent nature rebelled, but more than anything, she wanted to turn herself over to Lieutenant Colonel Hamilton Wulf’s tender care.
Dangerous. Very, very dangerous—most especially to her heart.
They reentered the kitchen just as the rain came in a deluge, washing over the windows and filling the house with noise. Jack whined and tucked himself closer to her legs, nearly causing her to stumble.
