by Radclyffe
“Mostly. Although, really. You know how hot it’s going to be in there tonight?” Alice grinned. “Do you think the sheriff will be there?”
Jenna buttoned the cotton shirt and tucked it in. “Undoubtedly.”
“In that case, I suppose I could live with the heat. Your nipples show through that shirt.”
Jenna looked down at herself. “A lot or just enough?”
Alice pursed her lips. “Just enough to drive a certain someone crazy if she happens to be looking. Is that what you want?”
“Of course that’s what I want. I’m sleeping with her, aren’t I?”
“About that.” Alice plucked at the pink chenille bedspread as if the small cotton nubs peppering the surface were the most fascinating items she’d ever seen. “Where are you going with it?”
“Why do I have to be going somewhere?” Jenna eyed the cowboy boots she’d purchased on a whim. Maybe her feet would get sore if she tried to dance in them all night, but damn, they were sharp. Glossy black, slightly pointed toes, chunky heels. She felt a little wild and sexy wearing them. What the hell, a few blisters were a small price to pay for looking, and feeling, hot. She sat on the window bench to pull them on.
“I’m just not used to seeing you so…into someone,” Alice said.
“Meaning you think I’m loose?”
“No, I just don’t think of you as getting attached.”
Attached. Jenna considered that word. Attached was what you got to a close friend, maybe even a fuck buddy. Attached was not the word for what she felt about Gard. “I’m not attached.”
“Then what are you?”
Jenna paused, one boot on, the other in her hands. Confession time. “I’m in love with her.”
Alice threw up her hands. “That’s completely impossible. That plotline is not going to fly. You’ll have to rework the entire sentence and whatever paragraph came before it. Possibly the entire chapter.”
Jenna smiled. “I’m afraid this is one story I can’t massage into anything else.”
“For God’s sake, Jenna! She lives in Vermont. She’s a vet. You live in Manhattan. You’re something of a star, and you spend half your life traveling. Not to mention the rest of your time working. And God damn it, she’s got a sordid past.”
“You don’t know what that’s about. And what does that matter anyhow? I never heard of her before. Probably no one else has either.”
“I Googled her the other day,” Alice said. “About five hundred hits came up, and some of them are recent. It’s pretty easy to find the story.”
“You…” Jenna’s whole body flared hot. “You Googled her? Do you want to look through her underwear drawer too? Jesus, Alice. Whatever happened to privacy?”
“There is no such thing as privacy anymore, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Do you think your readers won’t be curious about your lover? That they won’t do the same thing I did and find the same stories? Do you really want to field questions at book readings about your lover’s illicit past? And don’t even get me started on the publicity department.” Alice waved an arm dramatically. “We are not talking about a traffic ticket here, she—”
“No! You do not tell me anything.” Jenna tried to sit on her temper, but she hated Gard being attacked, even by someone trying to protect her. “Do you think I don’t know how to do an Internet search? If I’d wanted to look her up, I would have.”
Alice stared. “You’re just going to pretend this is a non-issue?”
“When Gard is ready, she’ll tell me. I know what I need to know. She’s a wonderful woman. People around here like and respect her. She’s…she’s gorgeous and funny and strong and…” Jenna closed her eyes. “And oh God, when she touches me I feel like the most precious thing in her life. Do you know what that feels like?”
The silence grew so heavy, Jenna half expected to open her eyes and find Alice gone. Instead, she was shocked by Alice’s stricken expression. “Oh, damn, Alice. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go off—”
“Hell, no, don’t apologize. I didn’t realize you didn’t know how special you are. How precious you are to me. You’re an amazing woman with incredible talent. And I’m probably going to kick myself for the rest of my life for not trying to seduce you before you ran into James Dean of the Cornfields.”
Jenna laughed. “She’s not like that.”
“I bet you five hundred dollars she picks you up tonight in her big ole truck, wearing dusty boots and faded jeans and a tight white T-shirt.”
“Oh God, I hope so.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t have any idea. But I don’t think I’ll be leaving right away. I just want to be with her right now. Can’t that be enough?”
“I don’t know, Jenna. How long can you put the rest of your life on hold?”
Jenna ducked her head, pretending to be busy pulling on the second shiny black boot. How long indeed.
*
Gard swung her truck up the drive to Jenna’s a little before eight. She hopped out and hurried onto the porch, but before she could knock, the screen door opened and Jenna was there, framed in the soft yellow light from inside. The day and a half since she’d last seen her felt like years. The second Jenna’d left the house she’d started missing her, and the missing wasn’t just from wondering if she’d ever see her again. She missed the way Jenna’s gaze made her feel centered and focused and a million other things she never thought she wanted or needed. Hell, when Jenna smiled at her she was instantly taller than tall, brave and bold, and so swamped with tenderness she wanted to cry. Jenna turned her inside out and she liked it. Liked it an awful lot. In the hours they’d been apart, she’d half convinced herself Jenna was only a wonderful dream. She traced her fingertips over Jenna’s face. Jenna was solid and real and smiling at her right now—and the churning in her stomach settled. She kissed her.
“Hi.”
“Hi, you.” Jenna slid her arms around Gard’s waist and kissed her back, long and slow and deep.
Awash with peace and excitement, Gard never wanted the kiss to end. She pulled Jenna onto the porch and walked her backwards into the shadows until Jenna bumped into the wall. Bracing her forearms on the clapboards, Gard spread her legs and boxed Jenna in between her thighs. She pinned her with her body and kissed her, hot and hungry.
Jenna gasped and clutched Gard’s shoulders, suddenly famished, her cool resolve of the last two days burning away at the first taste of Gard’s heat. She’d been so pleased with herself since she’d left Gard’s bed—keeping her head on straight, not letting the constant memories of being with Gard derail her. Oh, she got wet every time she thought about her, which was about a hundred times a day, so she walked around half turned on pretty much all the time, but that was all about good sex. Sex with Gard was great. So the horniness was a given. Normal. And she dreamt about her, or at least woke up with Gard on her mind, and started to call her cell twice for no reason at all, but she’d been cool. Really cool. Until right now, when she was incinerating. She yanked Gard’s tight white T-shirt out of her jeans. A second later she drove her hand down the back of Gard’s pants and palmed her tight, firm ass. Gard rewarded her with a low growl. Jenna feasted on her for a few more seconds, until she edged way too close to the cliff. She dragged her mouth away. “Stop. Stop it right now.”
“Fuck no,” Gard muttered and tried to kiss her again.
Jenna got a hand between them and pushed on Gard’s chest. “We’re going to the dance. You promised. No more kissing.”
“Jenna,” Gard said dangerously.
“Really, sweetheart, I can’t. I’ve wanted you to make me come since yesterday, and I really won’t be responsible if you kiss me again.”
“God damn it.” Gard’s throat worked convulsively and the muscles stood out like iron bands beneath the taut skin.
“Mmm,” she murmured, caressing Gard’s neck. She loved knowing she made Gard want her this much. She’d never enjoyed turning on a w
oman this way before. She kissed Gard’s throat. “Please? Dance?”
“You’re killing me, you know that, right?”
Jenna nipped Gard’s chin. “Oh, I certainly hope so.”
“I surrender.” Gard had to put some space between them or she was going to drag Jenna off into some dark corner and take her. She was so damned stoked her clit was jumping in her jeans.
Stepping back, Gard grabbed Jenna’s hands and pulled her into the light that shone down on the porch steps. Moths as big as silver dollars fluttered around the uncovered bulb. At the edge of the yard, fireflies flickered in the gathering dusk. Diamonds danced in Jenna’s eyes. “You look great.”
“So do you. Thank God Alice was right.” Jenna smoothed a hand over the tight white T-shirt clinging to Gard’s chest.
“Huh?”
“Never mind.” Jenna smoothed both hands over Gard’s shoulders and down her bare arms, her thumbs tracing the swell of her biceps.
Gard’s nipples hardened and her throat went dry. Her stomach tightened painfully. “Jesus, Jen, have a heart. I don’t know how much I can take.”
“Don’t be a baby.” Jenna smiled, the smile of a woman who knew her lover wanted her. “Besides, I like it when you want me.”
“Then you ought to be happy pretty much all the time.”
Jenna’s expression became suddenly solemn. “You know? I am.”
“Good.” Gard lifted Jenna’s hand and kissed her knuckles. “Hot boots, by the way.”
Jenna looked down and made a pleased sound. “You think?”
“I do. If I knew you were getting duded up, I would’ve changed mine. I’ve got some pretty fancy tooled leather boots.”
“Next time.”
Gard feathered her fingertips through Jenna’s hair, wondering how many next times they would have. She tried not to think about the future, just as she never thought about the past, at least not before Jenna came into her life. And she wasn’t going to think about lies, and betrayal, and broken trust now either. Tonight was about Jenna, and tonight they would dance.
“Let’s go to a party.” Gard scooped Jenna into her arms, turning in a wide circle before kissing her. Jenna’s arms came naturally around her neck.
“What was that for?” Jenna asked quietly, resting her head on Gard’s shoulder.
“That was for happy.” Gard sucked in a hard breath when Jenna licked her neck.
“Mmm, you taste nice.” Jenna tilted her head back. “Are you? Are you happy?”
Gard buried her face in Jenna’s hair. Sweet dahlias and spice. “Whenever I’m with you.”
“Gard, I…”
“What?” Gard steeled herself. So soon? She couldn’t be saying good-bye so soon. “What, Jenna?”
Jenna’s answer was interrupted by the sound of an approaching car. Gard carefully let Jenna down to the porch and peered down the drive. A silver Jag sports coupe cut through the twilight, pulled in behind Gard’s truck, and a blonde climbed out.
“Hi. Is Alice Smith here?” the woman called. “Or am I completely lost?”
Behind them, the screen banged open and Alice bounded out. “Diane! You’re in the right place. Come up.”
The svelte blonde with elegant, sculpted features joined them on the porch. Even dressed in plain navy pants, flats, and a loose silk tee, she screamed New York society. Gard’s jaws clenched so hard her teeth ached.
The newcomer waved to Alice before holding out her hand to Jenna. “Hello. I recognize you from your book jackets, Cassandra. Wonderful to meet you. I’m Diane Bleeker.”
“Call me Jenna,” Jenna said.
Alice threw her arms around Diane. “God, you look amazing. Tell me her name.”
Even in the near dark, Diane’s blush was evident. Gard found the woman’s undisguised pleasure disarming. She’d never seen Susannah light up like that at the mention of her.
“Valerie.”
“Well,” Alice said, “she’s doing something right.”
“Yes,” Diane said softly.
Jenna wrapped her arm around Gard’s waist. “Thank you so much for coming up on such short notice, Diane. This is—”
“Gard,” Gard interrupted. “Nice to meet you.”
“You also,” Diane said.
Alice grabbed Diane’s hand. “Come inside and catch me up with all the news. We’ll get your bags later.”
Diane nodded to Jenna and Gard. “It was nice meeting you both. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Cass—Jenna.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
When Alice and Diane disappeared inside, Gard took Jenna’s hand. “Still want to go?”
“Absolutely.” As they crossed the yard to Gard’s truck, Jenna said, “Diane is an art dealer and gallery owner. She’s here to look at Elizabeth’s paintings.”
“I remember you telling me someone was coming. That’s great.”
Jenna stopped, leaned against the front fender, and pulled Gard over to her by the waistband of Gard’s jeans. “Are you all right?”
“I’m great.” Gard wanted Jenna to have a good time. She wanted every minute they had left to them to be lived free of past regrets or future fears. “No stalling. You owe me a dance.”
“I think you have that backwards.” Jenna brushed her mouth over Gard’s. “Just the same, I intend to give you a dance like you’ve never had before.”
Chapter Twenty-six
“Looks like the whole county is here,” Jenna said as Gard parked atop a grassy slope at the end of a long line of pickup trucks, station wagons, and the occasional motorcycle.
“Might be before the night is over.” Gard pocketed her keys and jumped out.
Jenna hopped down and met her in front of the truck. Below them, an enormous blood red barn with a gambrel roof, three cupolas, and an iron weather vane loomed over a cluster of ramshackle out-buildings. Light spilled out through the wide-open double doors, illuminating people milling about with bottles of beer and plastic cups. The low roar of voices and the strains of a band playing country western tunes floated on a breeze fragrant with honeysuckle.
“Ready for this?” Gard clasped Jenna’s hand.
“Oh yes.” Jenna swung their joined hands in a long easy arc, astonished at her own excitement. Nothing could be further from her usual night out—an evening with a woman dressed for success, dinner in a chic restaurant, ending the night in a five-star hotel having urgent sex with someone who was looking for nothing more than she was—a moment’s connection and the physical proof of being alive. She wanted to make love with Gard at the end of this night, too, but not to prove anything. To celebrate something. And that difference changed everything. When she was with Gard, she was more than just happy. More even than just whole. When she was with Gard, she was more herself than she had been since the night she’d left home. Somewhere in the process of falling in love, she had found herself.
She tugged Gard’s hand until Gard slowed, a question in her eyes. A crescent moon rode the clouds overhead, silvering the sharp planes of Gard’s face with haunting beauty.
“Second thoughts?” Gard asked.
“No, none,” Jenna said. Walking beneath a summer sky ablaze with starlight, her fingers entwined with those of a woman who knew her and a lover she trusted, she was completely certain of everything that mattered. “I love you.”
“Jenna,” Gard whispered, her hand trembling in Jenna’s.
“No response is required.” Jenna cupped Gard’s jaw and trailed her fingers along the bunched muscles beneath the smooth skin. “I just wanted to say it. Now let’s go dance.”
“In a minute. Give me a minute. You can’t just say that and keep walking.” Gard framed Jenna’s face, her thumbs lightly brushing the corners of Jenna’s mouth. “You honor me, and I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. I—”
“Don’t say that.” Jenna kissed Gard’s palm. “It’s not about deserving. It’s about how you make me feel—which is pretty damn wonderful.” Jenna threaded her arm around Gard’s wai
st, sensing her worry, her fear. Wanting to soothe her, she teased, “I’m going to have a hard time tonight if I can’t touch you pretty much all the time.”
Gard grasped Jenna’s shoulder and held her tightly. “You can touch me anyplace, anytime. I…I pretty much love it when you do that.”
“You’re in trouble now.” Jenna laughed, wondering how she’d never noticed she’d been living half a life before. Now the incredible sensation of being whole lit up her soul. Her past, her present, and hopefully her future were finally connected. The thread of her life ran straight and true, and even the pain was part of her happiness. She rested her cheek against Gard’s shoulder. “Loving you makes me so happy.”
“We’re either going inside now,” Gard muttered, “or we’re going back to the truck so I can take you home and make love to you.”
“Well now, there’s a difficult choice.” Jenna released her grip on Gard’s waist and squeezed her ass. “But you know, I’m in the mood for foreplay, and I don’t think there’s any better kind than dancing. Let’s go inside.”
“Anything you want.” Gard pulled her close. “Anything.”
*
Anything you want.
Gard only wished she could keep that promise, but if Jenna didn’t come to her senses, she didn’t see how she could. She guided Jenna through the crowd, stopping every few feet to return greetings and introduce Jenna. Her mind was only half on the fragmented conversations—she was still reeling from the words I love you. Nothing she’d ever imagined hearing again, and not from Jenna. Not now, not when every waking moment she’d been preparing herself for Jenna to leave. Waiting for the awful barrenness of heart to swallow her when Jenna went home. She hadn’t expected love. And she knew damn well she couldn’t have it. But for tonight, for these few hours, she’d have Jenna. She never let go of Jenna’s hand and no one seemed to notice, or if they did, they didn’t care.
“There’s Rina,” Jenna said.
Rina, wearing civilian clothes—black jeans, a white shirt, and black motorcycle boots—stood by a long trestle table covered with a bright red and white checkered tablecloth talking to a buxom brunette in a shiny black vinyl skirt. A big aluminum tub of crushed ice with beer bottles standing out like fence posts in a winter field squatted on the table next to platters overflowing with sliced ham, turkey, and roast beef, and baskets of bread.
