He brushed a kiss along her spine, his hands never stopping. "That's the same sound you make when I've got my mouth between your legs, devouring all that sweet, sweet nectar you give me."
She found herself smiling. "I can't help it, it feels that good."
He looked down at her naked body. The woman was his. He knew it with every breath he took, yet she still was elusive, ready to slip away no matter what he did. He felt it. She had one foot out the door, ready to flee at the first indication they were in trouble. He knew they were. Huge trouble. The worst.
He was stalling. He had to talk to her. Tell her the truth. It wasn't fair to her. More, it was dangerous. Nikita would come after her, and she had to know the threat to her was very real. He wanted to curse, to hit the wall, to break someone's neck, preferably that of her coward of a husband.
He worked his way down her back. She was beautiful. Soft, glowing skin. He hadn't thought skin felt like hers did. "You going to tell me what's wrong?" He massaged her butt. Those beautiful ass cheeks, firm, round. He was certain she could model thong underwear.
His hand slipped between her thighs and pressed, silently commanding her to spread her legs for him. She did without hesitation. "Do you have any understanding of why I know you're the one for me, Sonia? I'm sexual. I probably always will be. I like sex, but I don't like sharing my body with someone I'm not emotionally connected with. That said, I need a lot of sex, especially with you. I think about it all the time. Every place I go, every piece of furniture. When you're standing there, all anxious while I'm going over the blueprints, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, all I can think about is peeling your ridiculous overalls off you, or stripping you of those jeans that fit your ass like a fucking glove and making you come apart for me."
"You like my body," she said, her voice muffled by the mattress.
"No, baby, I fuckin' love your body. I've never wanted another woman the way I want you. I'm adventurous in the bedroom. I like to play. You do as well."
"Joshua, that's sex. It's just sex."
She sounded so weary it broke his heart. She'd once said to him that Nikita had told his son women like her were to be fucked, not married.
He took a breath and let it out slowly, feeling as if he was in the fight of his life, but not knowing how to proceed. She wasn't understanding what he was trying to say. "The things I do with you are yours alone. No one else's. Ever. When I wanted sex before, it was the sex, not the woman. With you, it's all about the woman."
He kept his hands on her body, working the sore muscles in her legs, all the way down to her feet. "I love touching you. Going to sleep with you curled next to me. Waking up with you in my arms. I like to lie in bed all night and watch you sleep. Watch you breathe. I know every inch of your body. Your laughter is like music, and something inside me comes alive. I was fuckin' dead, walkin' through life, Sonia. I didn't care if I lived or died. I had nothing. No one. I know it's you."
He could see the side of her face and tears leaked out, caught on her long lashes and sparkled under the light. "Turn over."
She shook her head. "I can't. Not yet."
"I wasn't askin', baby." He waited to see what she would do. She was his. He knew it right down to his soul and when she slowly turned so she was faceup, he understood she recognized it too. She'd fought the desire to please him, to turn over for him, wanting to hide, but in the end, she'd done it--for him.
He stretched out over top of her, a human blanket, his hips cradled in hers, his thighs keeping her legs spread wide for him. He reached down and caught each ankle, drawing it up until both knees were bent and she was open to him. He kissed her throat and then took her mouth. Gently. Just the way he'd wanted to from the first.
He felt love welling up. It was so strong, so intense, it was disturbing to him. He deepened the kiss, taking her mouth, keeping it as gentle as he was capable of. She needed to feel him. He wanted to tell her with his body because he didn't have any other way.
"Some men have fancy words, Sonia. They can be poets. Was he a poet? The man who took such advantage of you when your mother died? Did he give you pretty words?" His teeth closed on her lower lip and tugged. He licked at the marks and whispered into her throat. "Tell me if he did. I want to know."
"Yes." She nearly choked out the answer.
"I don't have those words to give you. I don't know how to say them. I can only show you. I will love you better than any other man ever would. I can give you that and mean it. I will support you in anything you want to do. Your painting. Your renovations. School, if that's what matters to you. Every fuckin' dream you have, baby. I'll stand with you. Good or bad, I'll stand with you."
He kissed the tears running freely down her face. That was killing him. Desperation rose. She was crying because she was thinking of running. "It's him, isn't it, Sonia? You don't want to stay with me because of him."
That hurt. Just the thought of her loving another man hurt.
She shook her head and opened her eyes to stare into his. "Absolutely not. Whatever you're thinking, Joshua, it isn't that. How could I think about him after being with you? You've given me so much. I can be me. You listen when I talk to you. You make me feel important and even beautiful. Your brand of sex gave me my first orgasm and another million after that."
"Can you love me?" He knew he was pressing. He shouldn't. She needed a little time, but they didn't have it. "I'm crazy in love with you. I want that back. I want that same intense, insane emotion from you. It might not be right for everyone else, but it's right for us. Do you feel it at all?"
Her hands were on his back, stroking caresses up and down. Her breasts pressed into his chest, those twin nipples rubbing along his muscles every time she moved. He loved them the way he did her lower lip. He took more of his weight so he could draw first one soft mound then the other into the heat of his mouth. Gently. He had to be gentle, he reminded himself. She needed to know. To feel.
"Of course I feel it for you, Joshua." She whispered the admission in a low, shaken voice. "You don't understand."
"I'm asking if you can love me. It's a simple enough question." He wasn't going to let her get away with bullshit. "I need this now, baby. Give it to me."
He felt her breath. Knew it was for him. His gaze jumped to her face even as his hand slid down between her legs to test her readiness for him. She was damp. Slick. Elation burst through him. She was his. All the way, she was his. "Say it, Sonia. Don't be a fuckin' coward. Give me that much."
"You already know. I don't understand why you're insisting I say the words out loud. I'm here. I'm in your house. I'm in your bed. Do you think I would have allowed another man to put nipple clamps on me? Or an egg inside me? Do half the things to me you do? I wouldn't. I would never trust them that much."
He caught his cock in his fist and guided it to her entrance. So hot. Right away. The broad crown barely managed to fit and instantly he felt those tight muscles surround and grip him. He couldn't decide, heaven or hell, but either worked as long as he was in her. Surrounded by her. Her fingernails dug into his ass, and the sting had his cock sinking another inch or two into that scorching vise, robbing him of breath. He forced himself to stay still. It was difficult when he wanted to bury himself deep in her scalding hot sheath.
Gently, he reminded himself. He was making love to her the way she thought making love was. She didn't understand that every single time he touched her, kissed her, clamped her, devoured her, he was making love to her.
"Would you have trusted him?"
She blinked up at him. He could see she thought about it before she answered. She shook her head slowly. "No. I don't know why, when he was so good to me."
"Because your leopard and you scented deceit. He was deceiving you. You know I'm not. I love you. I told you, I'm not the best with words, but I show you in everything I do. Say it. Tell me you love me. Feel it, Sonia. In your heart. In your fuckin' soul, feel it the way I do."
He sank into her becau
se there was no holding back, no real control, not when it was his woman. Fire gripped him. He threw his head back and roared. It was the only way to stand the flames. She was burning the life out of him. Giving him the kind of pleasure that could take a man's head off when he blew, the kind he dreamt of, but knew he'd never get.
Her whisper was soft--so soft he barely caught it with the roar coming from his burning belly. I love you. Three little words. They gutted him. She gutted him. Who knew a man could love so deeply? Fall so fast? Who knew a woman could mean so much?
"Mean it, Sonia. Please fucking mean it." He began to move in her, long, deep strokes, keeping it gentle when his entire body was in flames. He found that slow could be good. The burn was scorching hot, the friction as he pushed through those tight folds was incredible.
"I mean it. It's just . . ." She broke off again, but her eyes were on his and he saw the truth there. She gave that to him, and his heart actually hurt in his chest. Thunder crashed in his ears. She meant every word. She loved him. That would get them through the next few hours with the things he would have to say to her.
He kept the pace slow, but caught her ankle again and wrapped her leg around his waist. She hooked her other ankle behind his back with the first, changing the angle, allowing deeper penetration. Her breath hissed out of her lungs. She moaned--that sound he loved.
"Look at me, baby. Keep looking at me. I want to see it this time."
Her hands gripped his hips, fingers digging in. "Everything you say is always so sexy."
Every hard jolt sent her breasts swaying, her nipples sliding over his chest. "You are sexy. Keep looking at me. You're close, but wait. I want you to wait, I'm right behind you."
She lifted her hips, matching his heat and rhythm the way she always did, taking him deep, letting the fire get close. "Hurry, honey," she whispered, her voice an ache.
He loved that too, the urgency, the plea. He loved the look of near desperation. He kept moving in her. Watching her. Her breath hitched. "Joshua." His name came out a wail. "You have to hurry. I can't . . ." She broke off.
"Close, baby." He was right there, riding the edge. The way she struggled to keep control, the way her inner muscles gripped him, nearly dragging his orgasm out of him, threatened to tip him right over the edge, but he needed this. Needed to see it on her face. That look she gave him. The one that would be there any moment . . . and there it was.
"Joshua."
She hung on for him and now she was giving herself to him, trusting that he'd bring her home in a spectacular way. He didn't want to disappoint. He let go of his last remnant of control and surged right through that tight sheath, feeling his cock swell, push against the grip of her muscles creating a fiery friction that was his undoing.
"Now, baby. Let go now."
"It's so big." Her head thrashed but her eyes remained glued to him. Her anchor in the midst of the wild storm.
"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." He meant every fucking word.
Her eyes widened and her body took over, a quake that rippled through her with the force of a hurricane, sweeping every nerve ending along with it. Her mouth opened and that long keening cry escaped, the one he loved. His body reacted to the fresh liquid fire surrounding him. The hot grip, squeezing down, clamping around his shaft, pumping, draining him dry. He felt the rush in every part of his body, fire consuming him.
He collapsed over her, letting her take his weight, knowing from experience that her hand would be in his hair, stroking and caressing. Giving him love without words. He recognized what it was now. Her way of talking without saying it aloud.
13
JOSHUA wanted to keep Sonia pinned under him. It was safer that way, but her breathing was impaired by his weight. She didn't complain, she never did, no matter how long he stayed holding her. He kissed her. Hard this time. Rough even. More him and less the man she deserved but would rarely have.
He drew his hand down her body, from her throat to her mound, as he rolled to the side. Claiming her. He'd been afraid when he knew his mother was dying. He hadn't felt like this. Terrified. His leopard rose, pushing close to the surface, feeling his wild emotions and wanting to emerge to spare him.
"You're always on the verge of flight. I can feel it, so can my leopard. You have to commit, Sonia. Normally, I'm the man others look to in a crisis because I stay calm. Drake has always said I have nerves of steel."
He bent his head to brush his mouth over hers, needing the reassurance again. She kissed him, no holding back, but then she never did. When he lifted his head, that same urgency was there, the need to hold her to him. It was exasperating to feel that no matter what he did, she was close to slipping away from him.
"Got a lot to tell you," he said. "Don't go to sleep." He forced himself to open the dialogue. He couldn't put it off, not when he knew Nikita Bogomolov was probably on his way back to Louisiana and he'd bring his torpedoes with him. Sonia would have to understand that he was putting her in protective custody. Before that happened, he had to confess to her that she was in bed with the very thing she'd run from.
He groaned and rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. She immediately shifted to her side, turning toward him, drawing her knees up. She was close to him, and he noticed the little shiver running through her body. He pulled up the sheet to cover her.
"You need a blanket, baby?"
She shook her head. "I'm good. What do you need to tell me?"
He knew it was going to be rough. He hated this. Hated what it was going to do to her. His revelations had the ability to destroy her. It certainly had every potential to destroy them--their relationship. It was already fragile. For a moment, he considered stalling another day, but every minute meant the danger to her increased.
"I need you to listen to me. All of it. Everything I have to say before you jump to conclusions or react. I want you to promise me."
She frowned, propping her head up on one hand, elbow to the bed. "Now you have me worried. How can I give you a promise when I don't know what you're going to say?"
"Baby, I know trust is difficult to give. I understand why. I do. You're safe with me. I'm that man for you, the one that would do anything for you. You keep that in mind and we're going to be fine."
She sat up slowly, pulling the sheets over her breasts. It was the first time she'd covered up deliberately and he knew the sheet was armor for her. She put her back to the headboard and drew up her knees, her gaze steady on his face.
He sat up as well. He needed mobility. She was feeling vulnerable, he could see that on her expressive face. Her leopard was capable of huge leaps. He didn't want her getting out of the bedroom before he could finish his explanation.
"Joshua?" Her eyes told him she was beginning to panic. "Just tell me."
"I have to go way back, baby. Remember I told you about my mother taking me to Borneo and growing up there? I met Drake Donovan. He was a huge influence in my life. When my mother died, he befriended me and gave me a purpose. It was Drake teaching me how to be faster and stronger, how to fight as both a leopard and a man. He gave me the edge to stay alive when I was working."
Some of the panic faded from her eyes and she took a deep breath and let it out, nodding her head for him to continue.
"After she died, I worked a lot for Drake. I can't tell you how many missions I went out on, but there were a lot of them. Most were relatively simple. I collected information, or made a drop. Most of the kidnappings of tourists or wealthy families living there were fairly straightforward. It was a business, and Donovan Security delivered the ransom and retrieved the victims."
He rubbed the bridge of his nose, watching her carefully. The tension had drained out of her while he talked, and she rested her chin on her knees, her gaze on his face.
"I like hearing about your life."
"It isn't all pretty, baby," he warned. "I haven't always made the best choices."
"No one always makes the best choices. Look at me. My life has been a dis
aster, thanks to my choices."
He didn't want to touch that one, not with having to tell her why Nikita Bogomolov had been in his home. He sighed and ran both hands through his hair. "Some of the jobs weren't quite that easy. Certain cells kidnapped victims but had no real intention of returning them. We had to go in and take them back. It could get dicey."
She frowned at him. "Joshua, are you worried about telling me the things you had to do to get these people back home safe?"
"They didn't always get back home safe. Sometimes they were killed before we could reach them. There were firefights. I'm not going to lie to you, baby. I did what I was trained for. I kill people. I go in and execute them when I'm ordered to do so." He pressed his fingers to his eyes, fighting back the sounds of gunfire, the smell of blood and death.
Her tongue touched her lip and she swallowed. Nodded. "You said 'kill' as in present tense. I thought, because you're here, that you head up a team, you don't actually participate anymore."
His gaze shifted from hers. He shook his head. It was much harder than he'd thought it was going to be. His life was a tangled web of deception. Sorting it out for her was difficult enough without having to tell her the entire mess he was in--the mess of his own choosing.
"I've gone on three out-of-the-country missions since I've been in the United States," he admitted. "I worked security for Jake Bannaconni before I came here. During my stint with him, I volunteered to go. None of the three were easy, meaning we had to kill the kidnappers to take back the victims."
"I see." She drew her legs in tighter against her body. "I don't like that you're in danger, Joshua."
His heart clenched hard in his chest. She wasn't upset about what he had to do. She was worried about his safety. There wasn't going to be a bullshit argument about how wrong it was, which he was happy about. The things he'd seen were enough to convince him that some monsters didn't belong in the world. But then, she'd seen her father tortured and killed; maybe she already understood that concept.
"I thought I'd spend my life in Borneo." His chest hurt. He had to push rage down, rage he could never quite get rid of, no matter how far he traveled or how much he learned about meditation. It was a part of him that he kept separate, compartmentalized, until he had to face it. It was rare for him to allow it to be seen, but he was going to ask a lot of Sonia, the least he could do was show her who and what he truly was and how he got to be where he was.
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