you may cry ‘Well done, Hercules! Now thou crushest the
snake!’ That is the way to make an offence gracious, though
few have the grace to do it.
ARMADO For the rest of the Worthies?
HOLOFERNES I will play three myself.
MOTH Thrice-worthy gentleman.
ARMADO Shall I tell you a thing?
HOLOFERNES We attend128.
ARMADO We will have, if this fadge129 not, an antic. I beseech
you, follow.
HOLOFERNES Via131, goodman Dull! Thou hast spoken no word all
this while.
DULL Nor understood none neither, sir.
HOLOFERNES Allons! We will employ thee.
DULL I’ll make one135 in a dance, or so, or I will play
On the tabor to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay136.
HOLOFERNES Most Dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!
Exeunt
[Act 5 Scene 2]
running scene 6
Enter Ladies [the Princess, Katherine, Rosaline and Maria]
PRINCESS Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings2 come thus plentifully in.
A lady walled about with diamonds3!
Look you what I have from the loving king.
Shows a jewel
ROSALINE Madame, came nothing else along with that?
PRINCESS Nothing but this? Yes, as much love in rhyme
As would be crammed up in a sheet of paper
Writ on both sides the leaf, margent8 and all,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid’s name.9
ROSALINE That was the way to make his godhead wax,10
For he hath been five thousand years a boy11.
KATHERINE Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows12 too.
ROSALINE You’ll ne’er be friends with him: a killed your sister13.
KATHERINE He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy14,
And so she died: had she been light15, like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
She might ha’ been a grandam17 ere she died.
And so may you, for a light heart lives long.
ROSALINE What’s your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word19?
KATHERINE A light condition20 in a beauty dark.
ROSALINE We need more light to find your meaning out.
KATHERINE You’ll mar the light by taking it in snuff22:
Therefore I’ll darkly23 end the argument.
ROSALINE Look what you do, you do it24 still i’th’dark.
KATHERINE So do not you, for you are a light wench25.
ROSALINE Indeed I weigh not26 you, and therefore light.
KATHERINE You weigh me not? O, that’s27 you care not for me.
ROSALINE Great reason, for past care is still past cure28.
PRINCESS Well bandied both. A set29 of wit well played.
But Rosaline, you have a favour30 too.
Who sent it? And what is it?
ROSALINE I would32 you knew.
An if my face were but as fair as yours,
My favour were as great. Be witness this:
Shows a love token and a letter
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Berowne.
The numbers true, and, were the numbering36 too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground.
I am compared to twenty thousand fairs38.
O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter!
PRINCESS Anything like?
ROSALINE Much in the letters, nothing in the praise41.
PRINCESS Beauteous as ink: a good conclusion.
KATHERINE Fair as a text B in a copy-book43.
ROSALINE ’Ware pencils, how? Let me not die your debtor44,
My red dominical, my golden45 letter.
O, that your face were not so full of O’s46!
PRINCESS A pox of that jest and I beshrew all shrews47.
But, Katherine, what was sent to you from fair
Dumaine?
Shows a glove
KATHERINE Madam, this glove.
PRINCESS Did he not send you twain51?
KATHERINE Yes, madam, and moreover
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover,
A huge translation54 of hypocrisy,
Vilely compiled, profound simplicity55.
Shows a letter and a pearl necklace
MARIA This and these pearls to me sent Longaville.
The letter is too long by half a mile.
PRINCESS I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart
The chain were longer and the letter short?
MARIA Ay, or I would these hands might never part60.
PRINCESS We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.
ROSALINE They are worse fools to purchase62 mocking so.
That same Berowne I’ll torture ere I go.
O that I knew he were but in by th’week64!
How I would make him fawn and beg and seek
And wait the season and observe the times66
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless67 rhymes
And shape his service wholly to my device
And make him proud to make me proud that jests69!
So pert aunt like would I o’ersway70 his state
That he should be my fool and I his fate71.
PRINCESS None are so surely72 caught, when they are catched,
As wit turned fool. Folly, in wisdom hatched,
Hath wisdom’s warrant74 and the help of school
And wit’s own grace to grace a learnèd fool.
ROSALINE The blood of youth burns not with such excess
As gravity’s revolt to wantonness77.
MARIA Folly in fools bears not so strong a note78
As foolery in the wise, when wit doth dote79,
Since all the power thereof it doth apply To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity80.
Enter Boyet
PRINCESS Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.
BOYET O, I am stabbed with laughter! Where’s her grace?
PRINCESS Thy news, Boyet?
BOYET Prepare, madam, prepare!
Arm, wenches, arm! Encounters mounted are86
Against your peace. Love doth approach disguised,
Armed in arguments: you’ll be surprised88.
Muster89 your wits, stand in your own defence,
Or hide your heads like cowards and fly hence.
PRINCESS Saint Denis to91 Saint Cupid! What are they
That charge their breath against us? Say, scout92, say.
BOYET Under the cool shade of a sycamore93
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour,
When, lo, to interrupt my purposed95 rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addressed96
The king and his companions. Warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by98,
And overhear99d what you shall overhear:
That, by and by100, disguised they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conned his embassage102.
Action and accent103 did they teach him there:
‘Thus must thou speak’, and ‘thus thy body bear’.
And ever and anon they made a doubt105
Presence majestical would put him out106,
‘For’, quoth the king, ‘an angel shalt thou see,
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.’
The boy replied, ‘An angel is not evil:
I should have feared her had she been a devil.’
With that, all laughed and clapped him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag112 by their praises bolder.
One rubbed his elbow thus, and fleered113 and swore
A better speech was never spoke before.
Another, with his finger and his thumb115
Cried, ‘Via!116 We will do’t, come what will come.’
The third he capered117, and cried, ‘All goes well.’
The fourth turned on the toe118, and down he fell.
With that they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous121 appears,
To check122 their folly, passion’s solemn tears.
PRINCESS But what, but what, come they to visit us?
BOYET They do, they do, and are apparelled thus:
Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess125.
Their purpose is to parley126, to court and dance,
And every one his love-feat127 will advance
Unto his several128 mistress, which they’ll know
By favours several which they did bestow.
PRINCESS And will they so? The gallants shall be tasked130,
For, ladies, we will every one be masked,
And not a man of them shall have the grace132,
Despite of suit133, to see a lady’s face.
Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,134
And then the king will court thee for his dear.
Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine,
So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.
The Princess and Rosaline exchange favors
And change138 your favours too, so shall your loves
Katherine and Maria exchange favors
Woo contrary, deceived by these removes139.
ROSALINE Come on, then, wear the favours most in sight140.
KATHERINE But in this changing what is your intent?
PRINCESS The effect of my intent is to cross142 theirs:
They do it but in mocking merriment,
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several counsels they unbosom145 shall
To loves mistook, and so be mocked withal146
Upon the next occasion that we meet,
With visages displayed148 to talk and greet.
ROSALINE But shall we dance, if they desire us to’t?
PRINCESS No, to the death150, we will not move a foot,
Nor to their penned speech render we no grace151,
But while ’tis spoke each turn away her face.
BOYET Why, that contempt will kill the speaker’s heart153
And quite divorce his memory from his part154.
PRINCESS Therefore I do it, and I make no doubt
The rest will e’er come in, if he be out156.
There’s no such sport as sport by sport o’erthrown,
To make theirs ours158 and ours none but our own.
So shall we stay, mocking intended159 game,
And they, well mocked, depart away with shame.
[Trumpets] sound
BOYET The trumpet sounds: be masked. The maskers come.
The Ladies mask
Enter Blackamoors159 with music, the boy [Moth] with a speech, and the rest of the Lords [King, Berowne, Longaville and Dumaine] disguised [in Russian costumes and masks]
MOTH All hail, the richest beauties on the earth!
Aside?
BEROWNE Beauties no richer than rich taffeta163.
MOTH A holy parcel164 of the fairest dames.
That ever turned their —
The Ladies turn their backs to him
backs — to mortal views.
Aside to Moth
BEROWNE Their eyes, villain, their eyes!
MOTH That ever turned their eyes to mortal views! Out …168
BOYET True. Out indeed.
MOTH Out of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe169
Not to behold—
Aside to Moth
BEROWNE Once to behold, rogue.
MOTH Once to behold with your sun-beamèd eyes …
With your sun-beamèd eyes …
BOYET They will not answer to that epithet174.
You were best call it ‘daughter-beamèd175 eyes’.
MOTH They do not mark me and that brings me out176.
BEROWNE Is this your perfectness177? Be gone, you rogue!
[Exit Moth]
Pretends to be the Princess
ROSALINE What would these strangers? Know their minds178, Boyet.
If they do speak our language, ’tis our will
That some plain180 man recount their purposes
Know what they would.
BOYET What would you with the princess?
BEROWNE Nothing but peace and gentle visitation183.
ROSALINE What would they, say they?
BOYET Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE Why, that they have, and bid them so be gone.
BOYET She says, you have it, and you may be gone.
KING Say to her, we ‘have measured188 many miles
To tread a measure189 with you on the grass’.
BOYET They say that they have measured many a mile
To tread a measure with you on this grass.
ROSALINE It is not so. Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile. If they have measured many,
The measure then of one is easily told194.
BOYET If to come hither you have measured miles,
And many miles, the princess bids you tell
How many inches doth fill up one mile.
BEROWNE Tell her we measure them by weary steps.
BOYET She hears herself.
ROSALINE How many weary steps,
Of many weary miles you have o’ergone,
Are numbered in the travel202 of one mile?
BEROWNE We number203 nothing that we spend for you.
Our duty is so rich, so infinite,
That we may do it still without account205.
Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face,
That we, like savages, may worship it.
ROSALINE My face is but a moon, and clouded208 too.
KING Blessèd are clouds, to do as such clouds do209!
Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars210, to shine,
Those clouds removed, upon our wat’ry eyne211.
ROSALINE O vain petitioner! Beg a greater matter:
Thou now requests but moonshine in the water213.
KING Then, in our measure vouchsafe but one change214.
Thou bid’st me beg: this begging is not strange215.
ROSALINE Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon.
Music plays
Not yet? No dance! Thus change I like the moon.
KING Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged218?
ROSALINE You took the moon at full, but now she’s changed.
KING Yet still she is the moon, and I the man220.
ROSALINE The music plays, vouchsafe some motion221 to it.
Our ears vouchsafe it.
KING But your legs should do it.
ROSALINE Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
We’ll not be nice225: take hands. We will not dance.
Offers her hand
KING Why take you hands, then?
ROSALINE Only to part friends.
Music stops
Curtsy, sweet hearts, and so the measure ends.
KING More measure229 of this measure. Be not nice.
ROSALINE We can afford no more at such a price.
KING Price231 yourselves: what buys your company?
ROSALINE Your absence only.
KING That can never be.
ROSALINE Then cannot we be bought. And so, adieu.
Twice to your visor and half once to you235.
KING If you deny236 to dance, let’s hold more chat.
ROSALINE In private then.
KING I am best pleased with that.
They talk apart
To the Princess
BEROWNE White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.
Pretends to be Rosaline
PRINCESS Honey and milk and sugar: there is three240.
BEROWNE Nay then, two treys, and if you grow so nic
e241,
Metheglin, wort and malmsey. Well run242, dice!
There’s half-a-dozen sweets243.
PRINCESS Seventh sweet, adieu.
Since you can cog245, I’ll play no more with you.
BEROWNE One word in secret.
PRINCESS Let it not be sweet.
BEROWNE Thou griev’st my gall248.
PRINCESS Gall! Bitter.
They talk apart
BEROWNE Therefore meet250.
To Maria
DUMAINE Will you vouchsafe with me to change251 a word?
Pretends to be Katherine
MARIA Name it.
DUMAINE Fair lady—
MARIA Say you so? Fair lord.
Take you that for your ‘fair lady’.
DUMAINE Please it you256,
They talk apart
As much in private, and I’ll bid adieu.
Pretends to be Maria
KATHERINE What, was your vizard made without a tongue258?
LONGAVILLE I know the reason, lady, why you ask.
KATHERINE O for your reason! Quickly, sir, I long.
LONGAVILLE You have a double tongue261 within your mask
And would afford my speechless vizard half262.
KATHERINE ‘Veal’, quoth the Dutchman. Is not ‘veal’ a calf?262
LONGAVILLE A calf, fair lady?
KATHERINE No, a fair lord calf.
LONGAVILLE Let’s part266 the word.
KATHERINE No, I’ll not be your half267.
Take all, and wean it, it may prove an ox268.
LONGAVILLE Look, how you butt269 yourself in these sharp mocks.
Will you give horns270, chaste lady? Do not so.
KATHERINE Then die a calf before your horns do grow.
LONGAVILLE One word in private with you ere I die.
They talk apart
KATHERINE Bleat softly then, the butcher hears you cry.
BOYET The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen274
As is the razor’s edge invisible,
Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen,
Above the sense of sense, so sensible277
Seemeth their conference. Their conceits278 have wings
Fleeter279 than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things.
ROSALINE Not one word more, my maids: break off, break off.
BEROWNE By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff281!
KING Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits.
Exeunt [King, Berowne, Longaville, Dumaine and Blackamoors]
Love's Labour's Lost Page 9
