made a little fault in ‘Great’.
BEROWNE My hat to a halfpenny591, Pompey proves the best Worthy.
Enter Curate [Nathaniel] for591 Alexander
NATHANIEL When in the world I lived, I was the world’s commander:
By east, west, north and south, I spread my conquering might.
My scutcheon594 plain declares that I am Alisander—
BOYET Your nose says no, you are not, for it stands too right595.
BEROWNE Your nose smells ‘no’ in this, most tender-smelling596 knight.
PRINCESS The conqueror is dismayed.— Proceed, good Alexander.
NATHANIEL When in the world I lived, I was the world’s commander—
BOYET Most true, ’tis right: you were so, Alisander.
BEROWNE Pompey the Great—
COSTARD Your servant, and Costard.
BEROWNE Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.
To Nathaniel
COSTARD O, sir, you have overthrown Alisander
the conqueror. You will be scraped out of the painted cloth604
for this. Your lion that holds his pole-axe sitting on a close-stool605
will be given to Ajax606. He will be the ninth Worthy. A
conqueror and afraid to speak? Run away for shame, Alisander.
There, an’t shall please you,
Nathaniel steps back
a foolish mild man, an honest man, look you, and soon
dashed610. He is a marvellous good neighbour, in sooth, and a
very good bowler. But for Alisander, alas, you see how ’tis —
a little o’erparted612. But there are Worthies a-coming will
speak their mind in some other sort613.
PRINCESS Stand aside, good Pompey.
Exit [Costard]
Enter Pedant [Holofernes] for Judas and the boy [Moth] for Hercules
HOLOFERNES Great Hercules is presented by this imp615,
Whose club killed Cerberus, that three-headed canus616,
And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus618.
Quoniam he seemeth in minority619,
Ergo620 I come with this apology.—
To Moth
Keep some state621 in thy exit, and vanish.
Exit boy [Moth]
Judas I am—
DUMAINE A Judas!623
HOLOFERNES Not Iscariot624, sir.
Judas I am, ycliped625 Maccabaeus.
DUMAINE Judas Maccabaeus clipped626 is plain Judas.
BEROWNE A kissing traitor627. How art thou proved Judas?
HOLOFERNES Judas I am—
DUMAINE The more shame for you, Judas.
HOLOFERNES What mean you630, sir?
BOYET To make Judas hang himself.
HOLOFERNES Begin, sir: you are my elder632.
BEROWNE Well followed: Judas was hanged on an elder.
HOLOFERNES I will not be put out of countenance634.
BEROWNE Because thou hast no face.
Pointing to his face
HOLOFERNES What is this?
BOYET A cittern-head637.
DUMAINE The head of a bodkin638.
BEROWNE A death’s face in a ring639.
LONGAVILLE The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen640.
BOYET The pommel of Caesar’s falchion641.
DUMAINE The carved-bone face on a flask642.
BEROWNE Saint George’s half-cheek643 in a brooch.
DUMAINE Ay, and in a brooch of lead.644
BEROWNE Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
And now forward, for we have put thee in countenance646.
HOLOFERNES You have put me out of countenance.
BEROWNE False, we have given thee faces.
HOLOFERNES But you have out-faced them all649.
BEROWNE An thou wert a lion, we would do so.650
BOYET Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.
And so adieu, sweet Jude. Nay, why dost thou stay?
DUMAINE For the latter end653 of his name.
BEROWNE For the ass to the Jude? Give it him: Jud-as, away!
HOLOFERNES This is not generous, not gentle, not humble655.
BOYET A light for Monsieur Judas656! It grows dark, he may stumble.
Holofernes steps back
PRINCESS Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!
Enter Braggart [Armado as Hector]
BEROWNE Hide thy head, Achilles. Here comes Hector in arms658.
DUMAINE Though my mocks come home by me659, I will now be merry.
KING Hector was but a Troyan660 in respect of this.
BOYET But is this Hector?
KING I think Hector was not so clean-timbered662.
LONGAVILLE His leg is too big for Hector.
DUMAINE More calf664, certain.
BOYET No, he is best endued in the small665.
BEROWNE This cannot be Hector.
DUMAINE He’s a god or a painter, for he makes667 faces.
ARMADO The armipotent668 Mars, of lances the almighty,
Gave Hector a gift—
DUMAINE A gilt670 nutmeg.
BEROWNE A lemon.
LONGAVILLE Stuck with cloves.
DUMAINE No, cloven673.
ARMADO The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty
Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion675;
A man so breathed676 that certain he would fight, yea
From morn till night, out of his pavilion677.
I am that flower—
DUMAINE That mint.
LONGAVILLE That columbine.
ARMADO Sweet Lord Longaville, rein681 thy tongue.
LONGAVILLE I must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector.
DUMAINE Ay, and Hector’s a greyhound.684
ARMADO The sweet war-man685 is dead and rotten. Sweet
chucks, beat not the bones of the buried.686 When we breathed
he was a man. But I will forward with my device.687 Sweet royalty, bestow on me the sense of hearing.
To the Princess
[Costard] steps forth
PRINCESS Speak, brave Hector: we are much delighted.
ARMADO I do adore thy sweet grace’s slipper.
BOYET Loves her by the foot691.
Aside to Dumaine
DUMAINE He may not by the yard692.
Aside to Boyet
ARMADO This Hector far surmounted Hannibal.
The party is gone694—
COSTARD Fellow Hector, she is gone695. She is two months on her
way.
ARMADO What meanest thou?
COSTARD Faith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the poor
wench is cast away: she’s quick, the child brags699 in her belly
already. ’Tis yours.
ARMADO Dost thou infamonize me among potentates701? Thou
shalt die.
COSTARD Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta that is
quick by him and hanged for Pompey704 that is dead by him.
DUMAINE Most rare Pompey!
BOYET Renowned Pompey!
BEROWNE Greater than great, great, great, great Pompey!
Pompey the Huge!
DUMAINE Hector trembles.
BEROWNE Pompey is moved. More Ates710, more Ates! Stir them,
or stir them on!
DUMAINE Hector will challenge him712.
BEROWNE Ay, if a have713 no more man’s blood in’s belly than
will sup714 a flea.
ARMADO By the north pole, I do challenge thee.
COSTARD I will not fight with a pole, like a northern man;716 I’ll
slash, I’ll do it by the sword. I pray you let me borrow my717
arms again.
DUMAINE Room719 for the incensed Worthies.
COSTARD I’ll do it in my shirt.
DUMAINE Most resolute Pompey!
To Armado
MOTH Master, let me take you a
buttonhole722
lower. Do you not see, Pompey is uncasing723 for the combat.
What mean you? You will lose your reputation.
ARMADO Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me. I will not
combat in my shirt.
DUMAINE You may not deny it. Pompey hath made the
challenge.
ARMADO Sweet bloods729, I both may and will.
BEROWNE What reason have you for’t?
ARMADO The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt: I go
woolward732 for penance.
BOYET True, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want733 of
linen. Since when, I’ll be sworn he wore none but a dishclout734
of Jaquenetta’s, and that he wears next his heart for a favour735.
Enter a Messenger, Monsieur Marcadé735
MARCADÉ God save you, madam!
PRINCESS Welcome, Marcadé,
But that thou interrupt’st our merriment.
MARCADÉ I am sorry, madam, for the news I bring is heavy in
my tongue. The king your father—
PRINCESS Dead, for my life!
MARCADÉ Even so: my tale742 is told.
BEROWNE Worthies, away! The scene begins to cloud.
ARMADO For mine own part, I breathe free breath. I have seen744
the day of wrong through the little hole of discretion, and I
will right746 myself like a soldier.
Exeunt Worthies
KING How fares your majesty?
PRINCESS Boyet, prepare. I will away tonight.
KING Madam, not so. I do beseech you, stay.
PRINCESS Prepare, I say. I thank you, gracious lords,
For all your fair endeavours, and entreat
Out of a new-sad soul that you vouchsafe
In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide753
The liberal opposition754 of our spirits.
If over-boldly we have borne ourselves
In the converse of breath, your gentleness756
Was guilty of757 it. Farewell worthy lord!
A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue.
Excuse me so759, coming too short of thanks
For my great suit so easily obtained.
KING The extreme parts of time extremely forms761
All causes to the purpose of his speed,
And often at his very loose763 decides
That which long process could not arbitrate764.
And though the mourning brow of progeny765
Forbid766 the smiling courtesy of love
The holy suit which fain it would convince767,
Yet, since love’s argument was first on foot768,
Let not the cloud of sorrow justle769 it
From what it purposed: since to wail friends lost770
Is not by much so wholesome-profitable771
As to rejoice at friends but newly found.
PRINCESS I understand you not: my griefs are double773.
BEROWNE Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief,
And by these badges775 understand the king.
For your fair sakes have we neglected time,
Played foul play777 with our oaths: your beauty, ladies,
Hath much deformed778 us, fashioning our humours
Even to the opposed end779 of our intents.
And what in us hath seemed ridiculous —
As love is full of unbefitting strains781,
All wanton as a child, skipping and vain782,
Formed by the eye and therefore, like the eye,
Full of straying shapes, of habits784 and of forms,
Varying in subjects as the eye doth roll
To every varied object in his786 glance:
Which parti-coated presence of loose787 love
Put on788 by us, if in your heavenly eyes
Have misbecomed789 our oaths and gravities,
Those heavenly eyes, that look into these faults,
Suggested us to make791. Therefore, ladies,
Our love being yours, the error that love makes
Is likewise yours. We to ourselves prove false793
By being once false forever to be true794
To those that make us both795 — fair ladies, you.
And even that falsehood, in itself a sin,
Thus purifies itself and turns to grace.
PRINCESS We have received your letters full of love,
Your favours, the ambassadors of love,
And in our maiden council rated800 them
At801 courtship, pleasant jest and courtesy,
As bombast and as lining to the time.802
But more devout than this in our respects803
Have we not been, and therefore met804 your loves
In their own fashion, like a merriment.
DUMAINE Our letters, madam, showed much more than jest.
LONGAVILLE So did our looks.
ROSALINE We did not quote808 them so.
KING Now, at the latest minute of the hour,
Grant us your loves.
PRINCESS A time, methinks, too short
To make a world-without-end812 bargain in.
No, no, my lord, your grace is perjured much,
Full of dear814 guiltiness, and therefore this:
If for my love, as there is no such cause815,
You will do aught816, this shall you do for me:
Your oath I will not trust, but go with speed
To some forlorn and naked818 hermitage,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world,
There stay until the twelve celestial signs820
Have brought about their annual reckoning.
If this austere insociable822 life
Change not your offer made in heat of blood,
If frosts and fasts, hard lodging and thin weeds824
Nip not the gaudy825 blossoms of your love,
But that it bear this trial and last826 love,
Then at the expiration827 of the year
Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts828,
And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine,
Gives him her hand
I will be thine. And till that instant shut
My woeful self up in a mourning house,
Raining the tears of lamentation
For the remembrance of my father’s death.
If this thou do deny, let our hands part,
Neither entitled in835 the other’s heart.
KING If this, or more than this, I would deny,
To flatter up837 these powers of mine with rest,
The838 sudden hand of death close up mine eye!
Hence, hermit, then — my heart is in thy breast.
BEROWNE // And what to me, my love? And what to me? //840
ROSALINE // You must be purgèd too, your sins are rack’d: //
// You are attaint with faults and perjury. //
// Therefore, if you my favour mean to get, //
// A twelvemonth shall you spend and never rest, //
// But seek the weary beds of people sick. //
DUMAINE But what to me, my love? But what to me?
KATHERINE A wife? A beard, fair health and honesty:
With three-fold love I wish you all these three.
DUMAINE O, shall I say ‘I thank you, gentle wife’?
KATHERINE Not so, my lord. A twelvemonth and a day
I’ll mark no words that smooth-faced851 wooers say.
Come when the king doth to my lady come,
Then if I have much love, I’ll give you some.
DUMAINE I’ll serve thee true and faithfully till then.
KATHERINE Yet swear not, lest ye be forsworn again.
LONGAVILLE What says Maria?
MARIA At the twelvemonth’s end
I’ll change my black gown for a faithful friend858.
LONGAVILLE I’ll stay859 with patience, but the time is long.
MARIA The liker you, few taller860 are so
young.
BEROWNE Studies861 my lady? Mistress, look on me.
Behold the window of my heart, mine eye:
What humble suit attends863 thy answer there.
Impose some service on me for thy love.
ROSALINE Oft have I heard of you, my Lord Berowne,
Before I saw you, and the world’s large tongue866
Proclaims you for a man replete with867 mocks,
Full of comparisons and wounding flouts868,
Which you on all estates will execute869
That lie within the mercy of your wit.
To weed this wormwood871 from your fruitful brain,
And therewithal872 to win me, if you please,
Without the which I am not to be won,
You shall this twelvemonth term874 from day to day
Visit the speechless sick and still converse875
With groaning wretches, and your task shall be
With all the fierce877 endeavour of your wit
To enforce the painèd impotent878 to smile.
BEROWNE To move wild laughter in the throat of death879?
It cannot be, it is impossible:
Mirth cannot move a soul in agony.
ROSALINE Why, that’s the way to choke a gibing882 spirit,
Whose influence is begot of that loose grace883
Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools.
A jest’s prosperity885 lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
Of him that makes it. Then, if sickly ears,
Deafed with the clamours of their own dear888 groans,
Will hear your idle scorns, continue then,
And I will have you and that fault withal890.
But if they will not, throw away that spirit,
And I shall find you empty of that fault,
Right joyful of your reformation.
BEROWNE A twelvemonth? Well, befall what will befall894,
I’ll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital.
To the King
PRINCESS Ay, sweet my lord, and so I take my leave.
KING No, madam, we will bring897 you on your way.
BEROWNE Our wooing doth not end like an old play:
Jack hath not Jill. These ladies’ courtesy899
Might well have made our sport a comedy.
KING Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day,
And then ’twill end.
BEROWNE That’s too long for a play.
Enter Braggart [Armado]
To the King
ARMADO Sweet majesty, vouchsafe me—
PRINCESS Was not that Hector?
DUMAINE The worthy knight of Troy.
Love's Labour's Lost Page 11
