by E. L. Todd
Blaise let his tears fall. “Alexandra, I’m madly in love with you. I’ve haven’t felt this way in…forever. I can’t lose you. I understand why you’re upset. But I promise I never cheated on you. I’m not with Danielle.”
“Then why does everyone think you are? Everything factual contradicts what you say.”
He sighed. “I can’t tell you that either.”
Alexandra felt her heart ache. Now she felt so stupid for falling for him. “And to hear about it from my friends…that just made it worse. Hearing it from you would have been better.”
He sniffed. “I was going to tell you, I swear.”
Her tears cascaded down. She hated hurting him. It was hurting her even more. “You had months, Blaise.”
“I know…I know. Fuck.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Alexandra, I really love you. I’ve never felt this way about anymore before. And I know I’ll never feel that way again. You’re the one.”
“I know.” She sniffed. “I know.”
“Please don’t throw away something so damn good.”
“You threw it away, Blaise.”
More tears fell.
“It doesn’t matter how much I love you. I don’t trust you. I can’t trust you.”
“You can,” he whispered.”
She turned away. “I’m sorry.”
He grabbed her face and kissed her, his tears splashing onto her face.
She gave into it for a moment. Then she pulled away. “Stop.”
Blaise pressed his forehead to hers. “Please…please. I’ll beg.”
“It won’t change anything.” She stepped away from him but he held her back. “You’re just making this worse.” She sobbed through her words. “I hate hurting you, Blaise. I hate seeing the pain on your face. You’re just making a horrific situation unbearable.”
“Alexandra, I can’t lose you. You’re the best fucking thing that ever happened to me.”
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
He came close to her. “I love you, Alexandra. My heart and soul are yours.”
“I love you too,” she said through her tears. “But I can’t take them. They no longer belong to me. They belong to Danielle, your real girlfriend.”
Alexandra walked into the house, feeling weak as she climbed up the steps. She felt hollow and empty. The sound of Blaise crying came to her ears, making it a million times more painful. She thought he was the real deal but she had been mistaken. He was just another liar like all the rest.
25
Blaise had more money than he’d ever need, a house to feel safe in, and friends he trusted, but that didn’t matter. Alexandra was everything to him, and now she was gone. After he left Alexandra’s, he drove to the creek, the very field where he took Alexandra. She finally told him everything that happened at the hospital, but he kept his mouth shut. He should have just been honest with her. Now he hated himself more than ever.
When he got home, his workers were moving across the endless expanse of field. The sun was high in the sky but Blaise felt frozen to the bone. He went into his bedroom and tried to fall asleep. He just wanted to get away from the pain he felt. Alexandra was no longer his. It was so hard to accept.
He eventually fell asleep but he couldn’t recall when. When he woke up, he realized he missed his class. But that didn’t matter to him. He was too depressed to take a single note. He sat up and stared at the opposite wall.
Hours went by until he noticed the absence of the sun. His mind was conflicted with emotions. He needed Alexandra but he couldn’t have her. He fucked up and he knew he did. But the idea of losing her was too much. Before the tears bubbled under his eyes, he left the house and drove to her.
Her truck was parked outside so he knew she was home. He came to the front door and knocked.
Aunt Martha opened it. She stared at him with a stoic expression.
“Can I see Alexandra for a moment?” The emotion was in his throat. He tried to keep it back but he couldn’t.
“No.” The disappointment in her voice was unmistakable.
“Please,” he said calmly.
“Blaise, you aren’t welcome here. Get off my property.”
The words stung him. “I love her. I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
“I don’t care what you meant to do.” She closed the door.
Blaise stuck his foot inside so it remained open. “I admit I should have told her the truth from the beginning but I meant well.”
“You lied to me.”
“What? No, I didn’t.”
“You told me you’d tell her the truth. Instead, she found out in an appalling way, and now she’s hysterical with a broken heart. You were still with Danielle like I suspected.”
He sighed. “I know…I want to make it right.”
“You can’t. Now leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere until I talk to her,” he said firmly. “We can work this out.”
She opened the door and stepped toward him, rage on her face. “If I can’t trust your word, how can I trust anything you say? How do I know you weren’t still screwing that girl?”
“Because I wouldn’t do that,” he snapped. “Don’t accuse me of being a cheater. It’s not in my morals or my nature.”
“Blaise, I know how you are. You’re a man that likes to have his line of women. Nothing has changed with you. And you don’t have a single person who can confirm your story, not even Danielle. Admit it. You used Alexandra and cheated on Danielle.”
His eyes widened at the insult. “I’m nothing like I used to be. I loved Alexandra with my whole heart. I want her—only her.”
She didn’t seem convinced. “Don’t bother my niece again.”
Blaise sighed. “You know me, Martha. You know I would never hurt her on purpose.”
Her eyes softened. “Blaise, I’ve always considered you to be my own family. There are many qualities that I admire in you. But Alexandra is my family too. And she isn’t just my niece, she’s a daughter to me. And you know this better than anyone. If you hurt her, you hurt me. I can’t allow you to bother her, make her feel worse than she already does. Please don’t come back to the house unless it’s business related. And even then, a phone call would suffice.”
“Martha, please help me. I’ll treat her right and give her nothing less than what she deserves. Ask her to give me another chance.”
She stepped toward him, her arms across her chest. “Right now, I’m thoroughly disappointed in you. You claim you weren’t betraying Alexandra but there’s no proof to indicate it. Even now that you lost Alexandra, you still won’t explain yourself. But I don’t hate you. But if you continue this behavior, that will change.” She walked back into the house and closed the door.
Blaise gripped his hair, trying to keep calm. He had to get Alexandra back. Losing her would be losing himself. But he didn’t know how to reach her. Now her aunt was a watchdog, not afraid to take him out if she had to.
He walked back to his truck then leaned against the door. When he saw the warehouse in the distance, his heart raced. It was a long shot, but she may be inside. If she wanted to hide from something, that’s where she’d go.
He walked inside then moved to the ladder. When he peered up, he didn’t see any movement. “Alexandra?”
The hay rustled from above.
He climbed up the ladder in a flash and saw her leaning against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest. The bags under her eyes and the frown on her lips broke his heart. Her knees were pulled to her chest, keeping him away. “Hey.” He didn’t know what else to say.
She stared at her shoe.
He moved onto the landing and took a seat a few feet away from her. “How are you?”
“How do you think?” she whispered.
“I hate this.”
“And I hate what you did.” The anger escaped in her voice.
Blaise had never seen her upset like this. It was like she hated him. “I didn’t d
o anything, Alexandra. I wish you would just believe me.”
“You’ve given me no reason to.”
“It’s called faith. You know me, Alexandra. I’m not a cheat or a liar.”
She ignored his comment. “Why did you have to ruin what we had?” She sighed deeply. “I’ll never forgive you for that.”
“Please don’t say that. I meant well, honestly. My hands are tied behind my back. If I hadn’t made a promise to Danielle, I would spill everything.”
Tears streamed down her face. “You were everything to me and now you’re gone.”
He moved closer to her. “Alexandra, I’m not gone. I’m still here.”
“Stay away from me,” she whispered.
He didn’t come any closer. “Do you love me?”
She stared at him. “That’s a stupid question.”
“If you do, you should put your faith in me. I know you see the good in people. You see my heart and the love I have for you, only you. You don’t seem like the type who doesn’t trust people even when everything is working against them.”
“Because I’m not.”
“What we have is different, Alexandra. It’s beautiful, passionate, real…please don’t throw that away. It was an unfortunate situation. No matter how I handled it, I looked bad. I should have just rejected you from the beginning, but I was scared someone else would sweep you off your feet.”
She grabbed a strand of hair and twirled it in her fingertips. “I don’t even know you, Blaise.”
“What? Of course you do.”
Alexandra shook her head. “No, I don’t. If you weren’t with her, what happened with Danielle?”
His heart weakened. “I told you my hands are tied.”
She glared at him. “I opened up to you and told you everything about me. Now it’s your turn.”
He sighed. “I can’t break my promise to her.”
She fidgeted with her hair. “What’s more important? Her or me?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is.”
Blaise stared at her. “Okay.” He rested his arms on his knees. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship because I preferred to sleep around. I could have any girl I wanted because of my money, my looks, and my…performance.” He looked at her face, seeing her stoic expression. “And I liked it that way. Danielle was no different. She and I had a purely physical relationship. She told me she was on the pill so we didn’t need condoms. Then she said she was pregnant. I was depressed about the situation. I wasn’t ready to get married and have a kid, but the more I thought about my future son or daughter, the more I became excited. And I wanted them to have two parents that were still together. So I decided to try to have a serious relationship with Danielle, but it was disastrous. There was never anything between us. When she had the miscarriage, I wanted to end the relationship, but she didn’t. That’s when I realized she just wanted to suck me into a marriage so she could get her half of my company. It was a stupid mistake, one that I’ll regret forever.”
“That doesn’t explain anything.”
“Hold on,” he said. “Danielle doesn’t want our relationship to end. She’ll do anything to keep me around. So if I told you the truth, broke my promise to her, she would just lie and say we’ve been sleeping together this entire time, chasing you away. I’m literally screwed. No matter what I do, I lose.”
She stared at him. “Why don’t you just kick her out?”
He sighed. “I just can’t. That’s the part I can’t tell you about. There’s a lot to this story. All I can say is, if I kick her out, she’ll be in danger. I can’t let anything happen to her because of me.”
“I wish I could believe you.” Alexandra tucked the strand of hair behind her ear. “Were you just trying to sleep with me?”
He met her gaze, keeping the anger back. “I’m offended you even asked me that.”
“Answer me.”
“If I were, I would have fucked you a long time ago. Believe me, I could have gotten into your pants on our first date. Don’t insult me like that again.”
She stared at the anger brewing behind his eyes. “How many women have you been with?”
He didn’t want to answer that. It would only make her despise him even more.
“I told you my number.”
Blaise sighed. “It’s over fifty.”
Her eyes widened.
He didn’t look at her, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes.
“Wow…”
The reaction stung.
“Blaise, I’m nothing like that. I only sleep with people I’m in love with.”
“So do I.”
“You were in love with fifty people?” she asked incredulously.
“No, just one.” He finally looked at her. “I became a different person when I met you.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I love you, Alexandra. You’re an amazing girl. You’re compassionate, sweet, caring…you’re different than everyone else. I’m not as stupid as I seem. I know a diamond in the ruff when I see one.”
She hugged her waist.
“You can trust me, Alexandra. I promise.”
Alexandra didn’t look at him.
Blaise moved to the spot next to her, leaning against the wall. She didn’t move away, and he took that as a good sign.
“Did you sleep with her when we were together?” she whispered.
He sighed in annoyance. “Fuck no.”
“Did you do anything with her?”
He clenched his fists. “I never touched her. She never touched me.”
Alexandra kept her gaze averted. “How do I know you’re telling the truth?”
“Because you do. Trust your heart, Alexandra.”
“It’s lied to me too many times…”
“But it isn’t now.”
She pulled her knees closer to her chest.
Blaise leaned in and cupped her face, directing it toward him. Her eyes looked frightened, like she was afraid of him. He pressed his mouth against hers and felt her unresponsive lips. After a moment, her lips caressed his.
Blaise felt his heart swell with happiness. Everything made sense when they were together. Touching her always felt right. Kissing her was always a dream. He could do it for hours, days, weeks. She was the love of his life. There was no doubt.
He deepened their kiss and moved her to the floor, crawling on top of her. A few moans escaped her lips, exciting him. If she kissed him, she must still want him. If he kept fighting for her, he’d get her. Her heart was vulnerable and he prayed on it, knowing he was worthy of her love. He would prove it to her.
Alexandra pushed him off then scooted away, breathing heavily.
Blaise felt his heart fall as their connection was severed.
She pulled her hair out of her face and hugged her knees to her chest. “You should go.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “No…”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I hate hurting you.”
“Then don’t. Be with me and be happy.”
“I can’t.”
“I’ll prove it to you eventually,” he said with a frantic voice. “We can take it slow.”
“Never trust someone who lies to you, and never lie to someone who trusts you.” She stood up and walked to the ladder. “I need someone that can give me that. I can’t compromise.”
“I don’t want you to compromise,” Blaise said. “I’ll give you whatever you want. I’m just asking for one chance. I’ll figure out how to protect Danielle while proving my innocence. Just give me some time.”
She sighed. “I came here to start over. But all I did was repeat the same mistakes.” She climbed down the ladder until she reached the bottom. “Please don’t bother me again. I don’t have the heart.”
26
Alexandra was back to where she started. Now she had to pick up the pieces and move forward. To cope with the loss, she didn’t think about Blaise. At
least, she wouldn’t let herself. Anytime something reminded her of him, she pinched her arm, causing pain.
She attended the fields on her own. Secretly, she hoped Blaise would accompany her. She didn’t need the help, but she wanted to see him, talk to him. He was her best friend, the person she confided everything to. But now he wasn’t there. It was like he disappeared.
She considered taking him back. She wanted to more than anything, but she had to stay strong. Going back to him would just put her in a relationship she didn’t want to be in. She needed more in life. She deserved more.
And the idea of him being with Danielle kept entering her mind. She had no idea what she looked like, but that didn’t stop her imagination. Even though she didn’t trust Blaise because nothing he said made sense, she doubted he would ever betray her like that. But then she realized how stupid she was. She always believed people were loyal and would do the right thing. How many times did she have to be proven wrong until she accepted that fact? Not everyone did the right thing.
She focused on school and continued to work for the hospital. She quit working for Blaise, and submitted her resignation via email. He didn’t respond so she assumed he accepted it. He just didn’t have anything to say.
Her friends were attentive to her, concerned about the depression on her face.
“Are you doing okay?” Gabe asked when they got out of class for the afternoon.
“I’m fine,” she lied.
He stared at her. “How about we get some ice cream?”
“Ice cream?”
“My mom always takes me when I have a bad day. Even though I’m a man, she still does it.”
Alexandra smiled. “That’s really sweet.”
“Let’s go. I know the best place.”
They got sundaes then sat by the window. She ate hers slowly, not having much of an appetite.
“I’m glad you aren’t mad at me,” she whispered.
“Why would I be mad?”
“Well, I told you I wasn’t interested in dating anyone then I went out with Blaise right afterward.”
He shrugged. “It’s nothing to be mad about. You met someone you liked and you pursued it. Life is unexpected in that way. It’s why the world is so wonderful.”
