by Lisa Lace
Once again, I felt a huge amount of respect for Jenna. Even when she was afraid, and knew that danger might come calling, she wanted to face it standing. She was a very strong woman.
“Maybe you should go to Kacey’s group. Do you think it would help?”
A little guilty smile crept onto Jenna’s face, and she looked up at me knowingly. “I’ve actually been going there for a few weeks now.”
“Really? Kacey didn’t say a word!”
“I asked her not to.”
“Did you think I’d run if I knew?”
Jenna shook her head. “I just wasn’t ready to share that part of my life with you then. Kacey’s been great though. You’re right about her. She’s been a godsend.”
“She’s great at helping people through hard times. She probably knows what you’re going through better than anyone.”
“Her ex was a heroin addict, she said.”
“That’s right. A real junkie.” I shook my head at the memory. “It was so hard to help her, too. She was love-struck and blind to the reality of what he was doing to her.”
Jenna looked terrified on Kacey’s behalf. “Was he… hurting her?” She tentatively asked the question. I could tell that she didn’t want to overstep any mark by asking.
I nodded. “She was only nineteen, and he was her first love. A drummer in a band. I don’t think she realized how wrong what he was doing was. I think she was too starstruck by the band life and that rockstar image he gave off. She idolized him; she’d forgive him for anything.”
Jenna shook her head sadly, twisting the hem of her cardigan in her hands.
I continued. “We all tried talking sense into her at the time, but she was in love and didn’t want to hear it. She only saw what she wanted to see.” I kicked at a stone on the path. “I thought about threatening him at the time. I thought about telling him to back off and leave her alone, but I knew that Kacey was smart. She’d know straight away it was me, and if she was mad at me, she might never let me help her. I worried she’d take off and elope with him or something like that, just to get us all off her back.”
I sighed and turned to Jenna. She was listening attentively, her eyes wide, her lips just slightly parted. I glanced ahead to check that Harriet hadn’t gone too far, and then carried on.
“He was really treating her badly. It started off with him just not caring about how he hurt her. He’d stand her up because something better had come along or he was too stoned to remember they had plans. Then he started stealing from her to feed his habit, and just say he’d borrowed the cash for cigarettes. To us, it was obvious what was going on, but Kacey would just believe every story he’d feed her. It was when she started to have bruises every time we saw her that we all said enough is enough. We all told her that we loved her and didn’t want to see her getting hurt. It took a while, but eventually, she broke down. Deep down, I guess she’d always known that he wasn’t good for her, but she loved him too much to leave.”
“She was lucky to have you all.” Jenna looked up at the tree branches above us with slightly glazed eyes. I could tell her mind was somewhere else. She sighed. “My family used to tell me how bad Victor was for me, but I never listened. I’d told myself for so long that he loved me. I had to believe he loved me. The truth was just too ugly to accept.”
I reached out and took Jenna’s hand, squeezing tightly. “You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be loved.”
And, as I looked at her, I knew that I was a man who could love her. In fact, I knew that love was already in me for her. Jenna was a warm, caring, nurturing person who didn’t have a selfish bone in her body. I wanted to give her the world.
Jenna didn’t say anything more, but she took hold of my arm and walked closer to me. Harriet danced ahead of us, exploring and showing us the treasures she was collecting.
I think Marie would have approved of Jenna. Marie would have wanted me to date someone who was kind to Harriet and who made me happy. She would have wanted me to love again. When I looked at Jenna, I knew that I was falling in love.
Jenna
“Tonight? Sure—I guess I’m free!”
I exited my apartment and headed out the building onto the street. I started walking towards the town, my cell held to my ear.
Nate was on the line. “They want to go to Sixes. It’s a bar in Fort Wayne.”
“Ooh! A big night out. What kind of bar is it?”
“A cocktail bar, I think. Not my thing, but I guess it’s Carla’s vibe.”
“Oh, Sixes! I remember now. It’s new. Yeah, Carla’s been going on about it for days. Apparently, she knows someone who works there. She’s really excited about going there. It sounds fun!”
I could picture Nate making a face. “Sam and I aren’t really cocktail kind of guys.”
“Oh, lighten up! It’ll be fun! You can wear a nice suit. I’ll wear a nice dress…”
“Oh yeah?” Nate’s voice lifted on the end of the line. I could almost hear the smile on his face. “What kind of dress will that be?”
I laughed. “Come to the bar, and I’ll show you.”
“All right, all right. You win. Cocktails it is.”
“I could do with a proper night out. I’d love to let my hair down. Carla says this place makes great drinks.”
I was already picturing myself wearing a gorgeous green dress I’d just bought. In the last two weeks, I’d treated myself to more than a few outfits. Now that I was officially with Nate, I wanted to look good for him.
I never looked nice when I was with Victor. He didn’t like it. He’d always been paranoid that a short skirt or tight dress would have me falling into another man’s arms, so he criticized everything I ever put on until I found myself wearing nothing but baggy jeans and oversized sweaters, just to make sure that nobody would ever look twice at me. Until Nate, I’d almost forgotten that I was a young, attractive woman. I was rediscovering myself, and loving every second of the adventure. I felt free.
A night out sounded wonderful. Nate and I had spent a lot of time alone together over the last two weeks, but the early days of our relationship had been kept very quiet. Now we were at a stage where we weren’t keeping it quiet anymore.
Carla had been the first person I’d told, and she’d shrieked so loudly that I’d thought the glass of her coffee shop cake stands might shatter. In her own words: “I knew you guys were getting it on, but I didn’t know you were a couple!”
A couple. It felt amazing to let that sink in. Nate and I, together. Nate was, hands down, the most handsome, amazing, incredible man in the whole of Brayford, and he was all mine. We’d had a false start at first, but now, we were really together, and I woke up every day feeling like a brand-new person. Life was in color again.
I couldn’t keep the smile off my face as I headed into town to my PO Box. I wanted to read the latest letter from Charlotte, but I was more excited to write one. I wanted to tell her all about Nate and how happy I was. I was also expecting a whole bunch of catalogs I’d ordered so that I could go crazy buying even more clothes. It felt good to be young and alive.
“What time do they want to head out?” I asked Nate. “Will we be getting a cab?”
“I was going to drive me and you. I think Carla and Sam are getting a cab up there and having dinner in Fort Wayne before we meet, but I’ll be giving them a lift back. I know for a fact that Carla will be getting wasted. I’ve never gone on a night out with Carla that hasn’t ended in me carrying her home.”
I laughed. “That’s probably all part of her wicked plan.”
“It’s Sam’s job now! He can sling her over his shoulder while she keeps dropping the stilettos she’s taken off because they’re hurting her feet. Please tell me you’re better at holding your liquor.”
“Hard to say. It’s been a very long time since I’ve gone out for a night on the town.”
In fact, I’d never been one to go out drinking and partying. I’d always been a stay-at-home kind of gir
l; sensible. Then, once I’d met Victor, I couldn’t have gone out even if I’d wanted to. He’d have never allowed it.
Even now, it made me sad to think that I’d lived for so long that way, tethered to Victor like a prisoner. It made me even more determined to go out and have a great time. “And afterward? My place or yours?”
Nate chuckled. “Thinking ahead. I like it. My place. Kacey’s out tonight, so I’ve got a sitter for Harriet.”
“Where’s Kacey going?”
“You know, I think she might have a date of her own.”
“With the boring one?”
“No, someone new.”
“Good for her! I hope they hit it off.”
“Me, too.”
I reached the post office and stepped inside, pulling the key for my PO box from my purse.
“Did you submit your college application today?”
I smiled. “Uh-huh. I should hear back in a few weeks.”
“That’s amazing, Jenna. I’m excited for you.”
“I’m excited, too! It’d be great to think I could finally get it finished, finally teach.”
“They’d be crazy not to accept your application.”
I laughed. “Let’s hope so.”
The thought of getting accepted into college again made my heart flutter with joy. I’d put so much on hold for Victor. I’d been about halfway through my degree when he’d been accepted into the academy. He’d argued with me for days about how he couldn’t earn while he was at the academy, and how I should support him by pausing my degree.
I’d known he was being selfish and that it was unfair, but he’d worn me down, like always. I’d done what he’d wanted and stopped my studies. The remaining credits I needed to finish my degree had been like a splinter in the back of my mind ever since, torturing me with the memory of all I could have achieved if I’d put myself first. Still, things were changing now.
Nate wasn’t like Victor at all. Nate was thrilled that I wanted to study and supported me all the way. With him by my side, I felt like I could achieve anything. All my dreams were in reach.
I pulled out a bundle of mail from my PO box and began sifting through. A couple of catalogs had arrived, and I smiled at the pretty images on the cover, already thinking about what I wanted to order. I had a letter from Charlotte, which I slipped into my purse. A couple of bills.
I stopped shuffling the mail when I came across a small, light envelope with a handwritten address. My heart stopped in my chest. I recognized that writing.
My voice came out choked when I ended the call to Nate. “Nate, I have to go. I’ll see you later. Bye.”
I hung up and stared, petrified, at that letter. I looked all around me as if Victor might be standing at the window or looking over my shoulder. My hands were shaking. I pressed my thumb into the fold of the envelope and tore it open.
Inside, was a short, chilling note:
I’ve found your mail. Now to find you.
I swallowed back a scream, but couldn’t hold back my tears. This was it. It was happening. All my worst fears were coming true. Victor had tracked me down. I didn’t know how, and I didn’t know when; it didn’t matter. He had found me.
I felt the world come crashing down around me. My ears were ringing. I thought about all the things that made me happy here: my apartment, my friendship with Carla, my job, Nate… I imagined all those things slipping away.
I knew I couldn’t let it happen. Not again. Not now. I had more to lose than ever before in my life. When Victor had sent me running in the past, it had been from one unfulfilling, dead-end existence into another. This time he was out to destroy my life. A real home, a real future.
I began to sob loudly enough for other people to turn around and begin to whisper. I put a shaking hand over my mouth to try and stifle the sound.
An old lady came and rested her hand on my shoulder in concern. “Are you all right, dear?”
I forced a nod and then fled from the post office. I raced back to my apartment and bolted the door behind me.
I kept thinking about all the years that Victor had tormented me; all the countless hours of my life that were gone forever—lost in fear and obedience. I thought about all the places I had run from and all the fragments of myself that I’d left along the way, trying to escape him. I thought about my dear sister and her kids, so far away from me now, because of him.
Then my thoughts turned away from the past and towards the present again. Carla. Nate. My home. My job. My head started spinning, and I felt sick at the thought of losing any of them, let alone losing it all. Victor couldn’t win. Not this time. Not again.
I looked up at the clock. Only a couple of hours until Nate came to pick me up. With a calmness I didn’t feel, I slowly placed the letter in the drawer of my bedside table and headed towards the shower. My mind went numb as my body went through the motions of getting ready for a night out.
I’d been so excited before I’d gotten that note.
I knew I would have to face the fact that Victor was here sometime, but I needed time to think about what I would do. I knew that the best person to talk to was Kacey, but the support group wasn’t for another few days.
I would tell Carla, I decided. But not tonight.
Once I’d finished getting ready, I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom, staring at my reflection. Hair done, makeup applied. Body not hidden under some oversized outfit, but on show in a tight green dress. Was I really the same woman that had run from Victor all those months ago?
Looking at my reflection now, I knew that I wasn’t her anymore. I was someone different, stronger, and this time, I wouldn’t give up. I gripped the edge of the basin, my hands clammy, and took a few deep breaths to push back the feeling of nausea that was churning inside me. When I looked up, I looked myself straight in the eye and gritted my teeth.
Not this time, Victor.
I didn’t feel strong as I picked up my purse and waited by the window for Nate’s car to pull up, but I felt determined. This time, I was not leaving.
Nate
Jenna stepped out of the lobby of the apartment building. She was wearing a tight emerald green dress that showed off every curve of her incredible body, and a pair of high heels. Yet, although she was wearing the right clothes, and her hair and makeup were done, I sensed that something was off.
Maybe it was the way that her smile was so tight when she greeted me, or how she didn’t really say anything in the car. That wasn’t like Jenna. She was usually so happy to see me, and normally started our dates with excited talk about her day, or questions about mine. Tonight, she sat in stony silence beside me, clutching her purse on her lap and staring wordlessly out the window.
“Is everything all right, Jenna?”
“Mm-hmm.” I saw the back of her head tilt in a little nod, but she didn’t turn around to face me.
“You’re quiet.”
“Just tired.”
I looked over at her again. She was still turned away. The fingers grasping at her purse were white at the knuckle, she was gripping it so tightly. Her whole body was tense.
“You know, we don’t have to go tonight. I can turn around right now. We can have a quiet night in if you’re not feeling up to it.”
Jenna finally turned to me and shook her head. She forced a smile, but I could see the worry underneath. Her skin was pale under her makeup. Her eyes looked puffy like maybe she’d been crying.
“Has something happened at work?”
“No, Nate. Everything’s fine at work.”
“Something wrong with the apartment?”
“No.”
I paused, trying to think of what else might be on Jenna’s mind. “Have you had a fight with Carla?”
Jenna let out a big sigh and turned back towards the window, resting her head on her hand wearily. “It’s nothing, Nate. Seriously. I’m just tired.”
I frowned. I didn’t believe her. I’d not known Jenna long, but long enough to know that
something wasn’t right.
The rest of the drive to Fort Wayne was pretty quiet. I tried to draw Jenna into a conversation, but she only gave short, one-word answers or made only some small sound in response. I was worried about her.
When we arrived in Fort Wayne, I helped Jenna out the car and then put my arm around her. She didn’t nestle into me like she usually did. She was stiff and rigid, her arms wrapped around her.
We walked towards the bar, where Sam and Carla were already waiting for us outside. Carla was wearing a tiny purple dress that left nothing to the imagination and heels so high you’d imagine nobody could ever walk in them, although, I had to admit, that Carla seemed to walk like she’d been born wearing them. Sam had his arm around her waist and was grinning ear to ear, shooting sideways glances at Carla in her mini-dress.
“Hey, Nate.”
“Hey, Sam—how you doing?”
We shook hands. Sam said hello to Jenna, and then I turned back to Carla. “I haven’t seen you in a dress like that since high school, Carla.”
Carla grinned. “Well, that’s because you’re no fun, Nate. Some of us go out on the weekend.”
“You look nice.”
“Thanks.”
Carla turned to Jenna and let out a little squeal of excitement. “Jenna! You look fabulous. I adore that dress! Where did you get it?” She linked arms with Jenna, and the girls went ahead into the bar.
Sam held back to walk with me. “So, that’s your girl then, huh? She’s pretty.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Sam. You know, she’s a really wonderful woman.”
“Carla’s right, you know. It’s been a long time since you’ve come out with us—any of us. It’s good to see you out.”
“Can’t say that cocktails are my thing, but Jenna was excited to go. Although now she seems pretty tired tonight.”
“She’ll be fine once Carla’s got a couple drinks in her.”
We entered the bar and were hit with a wall of music and the smell of syrup. The bar was styled in neon and chrome, very eighties. There were stools at the bar and some booths around the edges of the floor, but we went to stand at the high-table in the center of the room.
