~*~
Nothing went right the next morning.
No matter how many times I reapplied my eyeliners, those stubborn wings didn't curve the way I wanted.
I tried to put a little of an Egyptian eye. But I looked as if I loved cats too much I wanted everyone to know that through my makeup.
I couldn't decide whether to straighten my hair or curl it, or even to wear maroon lipstick or pink lip-gloss. I didn't know why I even bothered all of a sudden. But the truth behind it was like a cat hiding its claws, waiting to scratch my flesh. I had read somewhere that evolution had installed in females the instinct to find a mate. She would have to attract the one who would fight for her and breed with her.
I never thought about it until I, Antonina Volkova (now Nina Black), who pride myself as a strong independent girl, was now trying to attract a potential mate. Well, except in my case, it was another girl. Not that I was desperate for Allecra Knight to notice me. Maybe a little bit. But somehow, for the first time in a long time, I didn't just want to show up in class but also make an entrance. Geez, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
When I got downstairs for breakfast, there was a series of interesting reactions. Piper noticed me and raised an eyebrow. Jay noticed me and pursed his lips. Aunt Vikki, who was drinking her tea while reading the Time magazine, noticed me and smiled.
Maybe, I overdid my dress code a little. My aunt gave me a knowing look when I took a seat opposite her.
"Dobreya utra, krasivitsa," Aunt Vikki greeted me good-morning in Russian, but I sort of blushed when she used the last word ‘beautiful’.
"Dobreya utra," I replied.
Jay, as usual, looked at me like I was a stone stuck in his shoes. He scowled and stabbed his bacon noisily until Aunt Vikki whacked him with her folded Time.
"Bad mal'chik," she said. “What is wrong with you?”
"Mom! What was that for?" Jay cried, rubbing his shoulder with an annoyed look. "And why did you call me a chick?!"
It made me laugh. Then Jay scowled at me again before going back to his meal. It was so nice of my aunt to try and amuse me. She reminded me of my dad. Once upon a time, when I was still the apple of his eyes, he would tell jokes to make me laugh. But I guessed that apple had long rotten and was now replaced by a new seed.
Piper drove me to school as usual.
I thought it was because she didn't want Aunt Vikki to question her about my taking a bus. She had to drop me off in a hurry and swirled around to her friends' house.
In the hallway, I navigated through the honor-roll students. They were in honor of everything and planned to go to Harvard after graduation.
After them came the artsy kids. They were creative in art, music, and drama while I was just there—like talentless.
Then there were the jocks and the cheerleaders. Although I wasn't exactly a lazy bum, my enthusiasm would drop dramatically if I had to do anything physical. So I had no high hope of being a part of the sisterhood.
And after that there was the kind of kids who did community service. They preached the words of god with the capital G. I appreciated their hard work, but I just knew I could never get passed the Pearly Gate anyway.
But what made up the majority were the regular ones. They looked and dressed and thought like everyone else. Their world was two-dimensional. These background kids were best if a movie director wanted to cast them in a zombie movie or in a stampede scene. They didn’t stand out nor had perfected themselves in any skill. They annoyed me the most because they acted like a herd of sheep, boring and passive. I would rather hug a cactus than being near those kids. That was why I had lost interests in hanging out in a crowd. Or maybe I was designed to be alone.
I was fortunate that I discovered writing. Writing was the only thing that treated me so kindly in this world. People relish in things that take the pain away.
Before it was time for my first class, I went to my locker and took the books out. But when I turned around again, Jack was right there, grinning his thirty-two teeth at me.
"Privet!" he said, trying to impress me with the language.
"Hi, Jack," I said, shifting my bag over my shoulder. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanna know your answer about the party," he said, looking hopeful. "Will you join?"
"I don't know, Jack, I don't know anyone," I said and started to walk.
"But you know me!" he said.
Yeah, barely.
"Come on, Nina," he pleaded. "I will introduce you to new friends. They are going to like you heaps."
I was going to say 'no' when I saw her standing with her back against the locker. She was laughing at something her brother said.
It was a rare sight to see her smile, let alone laugh.
I watched her messy blonde lock brushed over her shoulders. Her peaked angelic face was glowing. She looked adorable like a child when she was like that. I realized then that Allecra Knight was not as intimidating as she pretended to be. Beneath her poise and stiff posture was another face full of mischief and mirth. Everything about her seemed like a faceted diamond caught in the light.
I wondered why she had to live inside a hard coconut shell.
The thought of her cramming inside a coconut cracked me up. Jack looked at me in confusion.
"What's so funny?" he said.
"Oh, nothing," I said. "Look, Jack, I will think about the party but I can't make any promise since I don't have a ride and I live with my aunt. So if I don't go, just know that it's not you. Are we clear?"
Jack wanted to say something more but the bell rang. I turned back to look at the spot where Allecra stood again, but they were gone.
I clumsily waved goodbye to Jack and took off without a second glance.
Mrs. Smith was already in the class when I entered and so was the blonde mystery. Allecra sat oh-so-majestically on her throne at my table while looking out the window.
How dare she took my window side!
I forgot about making an entrance and stormed towards the ignorant girl.
Then I remembered how I had also taken her seat the first time we met. But that was an honest mistake. Was she doing it on purpose?
But Mrs. Smith started doing a roll call, and I had to forget about being snarky with the girl and sat down.
Her lean body turned half way from me, so I couldn't see her face. But I could have sworn she was smiling.
The teacher began to talk about today's activities. We were going to write a poem about romance. Almost everyone in class cringed.
When I took out my notebook to write, she glanced at it for a brief moment and turned away as if it bothered her. I frowned and ignored her as much as my mind could manage.
I didn't know if Allecra listened to what was being said, but soon she began her writing too.
As we were scribbling away, I glanced at her hands. The fingers of her left hand were tapping in contemplation. Allecra had the most delicate hands I'd ever seen. The fingers were like sea-smoothed shells and long like orange thorns. I just wanted to hold them and kiss each fingertip. Just looking at her hands was doing the same wild things to the secret places of my body. And the remembrance of the dream did not help at all.
Stay focused, Nina!
I tried to concentrate on my work again. Poetry wasn't my forte, but I could come up with two rhyming lines that were packed with imagery of romance or sadness. Some lines didn't have to make any sense and then a final one.
“When the seagulls fly over the sea,
They carry the message from me,
It says that we will never be apart,
Even while you are away,
And the seagulls weep for the day,
We come back to each other's heart.”
Okay, that was lame.
But you couldn't blame poetry. Poetry is always beautiful even my poem had a delusion of faithful love that made me want to gag.
Mrs. Smith then said we had to read to our partners and let them comment. My heart dropped t
o my stomach. What did she just say?
I felt Allecra turned to face me at last. My palms were sweaty as I gripped my notebook.
"You first," she said coolly, her bright eyes half shut. My face obviously flushed as I cleared my throat. In the dullest tone, I read the poem in one breath and finished it.
Allecra was silent for a minute and then said, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"A lover is being far away," I explained.
"Then why are the gulls crying?" Allecra asked.
"It's a figure of speech," I said, feeling a little defensive. "You can't state the meaning too plainly."
Allecra arched her perfect blonde brows at me.
"I don't get this thing,” she said with a confused look. “Why don't you say what you mean?"
"It's poetry," I told her. "People use it to express their hidden feelings."
"Who invented this writing? It's such a waste of time."
"What? No, it's not!" I protested.
"I bet there's not a single bird out there boohooing about some lovers being away."
"Forget about the seagulls then," I muttered. "Tell me about the rest."
"I forget."
I gritted my teeth to keep from screaming at her. But I reread the whole poem to her.
"I thought you were going to forget about the seagulls."
"No, you forget about the seagulls. Now tell me how it is with the rest."
She shrugged and said, "It doesn't make sense."
I looked at her in frustration and exasperation. I didn't know which emotion was the strongest. Allecra just sat there as if she hadn't done anything to ruin my state of mind.
Before I could ask her to show me her poem, the bell rang. The blonde girl just gathered her stuff and got up then left. I wanted to scream.
CHAPTER 6
When I got back home, Aunt Vikki told me that Pyotr had called. He apologized for not checking up on me earlier because Dominika went into labor right after I had left. What a perfect timing. And then the whole baby thing took his overpopulated mind. I couldn’t blame him for that. I also had a similar issue and didn't have the heart to even think of him either.
Robert came back from Las Vegas in a good mood. It was like he just came back from a fishing trip with a big fish. He was one of the board members of a shipping company. Robert married my aunt after he lost his heart to her during a business trip to Moscow. My dad said my aunt was really close to my mother before she moved away. Dad wasn't one to talk about my mother much. She died giving birth to me. In fact, I was supposed to be dead before I was even born, and by being alive, I was her murderer.
If she hadn't had me, they could still have another child later and would have lived happily ever after. I used to question why my mom didn't give up on me when she hadn't even seen me yet.
I tried to imagine the pain that raged through her — how I refused to leave her body while trying to split her into halves. And not until she shed her last tear and took her last breath that I was brought into the coldness of this world. But she was gone. Maybe the occurrence of this death and birth that had taken place at the same time was what made me feel different from other people.
At dinner with the family, I stayed quiet and only answered when my aunt asked me. The foods were prepared by the maid. You wouldn't believe how costly it was to hire a cook in this country. I was self-conscious to even eat. Piper was chatting away easily with her dad. And before we knew it, she was asking permission to go to some friend's party.
"I promise I will be back like a Cinderella," she said.
"Then I should ask John to drive you," Robert said. "You don't want to drive that late."
"No, dad! That's embarrassing!" She made a face. "Jason is going to be there, too, right Jason?"
She nudged her twin brother with her elbow. Jay nodded vigorously.
"Yeah, it's a celebration of my team winning the rival high school the other week," he said. "Our coach will join us too, so you don't have to worry."
"Well," Robert said, scratching his double chin in consideration and then nodded. "Alright, you kids can go, but don't break my trust or do something stupid. I won't bail you two out of jail the next day, understand?"
"Yes, sir!" Jay said and mirrored his sister's big grin.
"Honey!" Aunt Vikki turned to her husband. "You're spoiling them again!"
"Oh, mom!" Piper whined. "All my friends go!"
"I'll take care of Piper," Jay added reassuringly. "If she's a bad kid, I'll make sure to change her password on her Candy Crush."
"Oh, since when you take the role of a big brother so seriously?" Piper scoffed. "It should be me to keep you on the leash."
Jay reached his hand out and tousled her hair. Piper shrieked, shielded her head and kicked him under the table.
"Don't fight at the table! You're not five anymore," my aunt hushed them.
"So, when is the party?" my uncle-in-law asked.
"This weekend," Piper turned to say excitedly.
"Oh." Robert looked at his wife. "Honey, did you tell the kids yet?"
Aunt Vikki shook her head.
"Tell us what?" Jay asked.
"Actually, we were planning our anniversary this weekend," my aunt said a bit shyly.
"Oh my god!" Piper gasped. "Your anniversary! I totally forgot."
"Will we have a celebration on a cruise ship again?" Jay asked curiously.
"Well, no, your mom and I just want to have a getaway vacation this time," his father said. "We've always wanted to have a quiet time for once. We're thinking about Fiji or Hawaii, but we haven't decided yet.”
"And now I'm a bit worried about leaving you kids for a whole week," Aunt Vikki said.
"No, mom, don't be! We're old enough to take care of ourselves," Jay said with a puffed chest. "Remember that one summer you left to Florida and we didn't burn down the house or anything?"
I pushed my broccoli into my mouth as I listened to the conversation. The taste was a bit blunt for my liking.
"I'm just afraid when the cat is away, the mice will play," Aunt Vikki said.
"Geez, mom!" Jay groaned. "You need to quit using all that cheesy sayings!"
"I think you two should go. You deserve a break," Piper said in encouragement. "If there is anything wrong, I will hold Jason responsible."
"Hey!"
Robert chuckled and then looked at my aunt. I knew he was the first to give in.
"Maybe we should let them learn how to be independent, darling," he said. "Strict parents only produce rebellious kids."
"But honey, Nina just got here not that long. I don't think it's a good idea to leave her like that," she said. Suddenly, everyone's heads turned to me as if they just remembered I was there.
"Oh, don't worry about me," I said. "I'm totally fine with that. Pyo—I meant my dad let me stay home by myself all the times."
"Yes, mom, she'll be with me anyway," Piper said.
Robert had a slight look of discomfort when he heard that, but only I noticed. Aunt Vikki seemed like she was in a deep thought. I kept my eyes on my hot buttery pasta.
"Oh and Nina can also come to the party with us," Jay said all of a sudden, making me look up from my plate. "So she won't get bored at home, you know."
I narrowed my eyes at him, but Jay pretended not to notice. After a long while later, Aunt Vikki nodded.
"Alright then," she said at last. "But you will have a lot of rules from me, are we clear?"
The twins smiled back, simply overjoyed.
After the meal, I went back to my room and started doing my homework. I finished an evolution paper for Bio II and a printed report for European History. Now I was trying to tackle five problems for my math homework. I thought that math was probably the reason why teens go into depression, but Mr. Oliveira made it funny. He talked about limits, logarithm, and linear like they were beautiful women. It was hard not to feel his passion with math even it still frustrated me the way Allecra frustrated me.
Thin
king about that one blonde always made my heart beat a little faster, and I hated myself for that. Then I realized I had to write a diary entry for Mrs. Smith's class. I didn't know what to write about.
As I was thinking, I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and found Jay standing there.
"Yes?" My tone was sharp, even I hadn't meant to.
Jay looked nervous. He scratched the back of his neck, but when he didn't say anything, I yanked the door to close.
"Nina, wait!" he said, stopping me. "I just want to talk to you about the whole party thing."
"Don't worry. I'm not going,” I said. “You and Piper can go ahead and have fun."
"No, it's not that," Jay said, licking his dry lips. "I—er—sort of told my friends about you coming from Russia, and they asked me to invite you."
"So that you can display your Russian gay cousin around?" I said without breaking my stare.
Jay's eyes grew wide and his ears went red.
"No! God, no! That's not what I meant!"
"Well, tell them I can't go," I said and started to close the door again when Jay arrested it with his strong hand.
"No, please, Nina, I know we haven't been on a good term lately. But please, do me a favor. I already said you would join us," he pleaded, looking at me with his big cow-like eyes. "They just want to make friends."
"Why?" I asked.
"Look, I'm sorry for how I have been acting around you," he said. "I knew I'm a total jerk but I was just a little upset that—that—you—"
"You're a homophobic beef brain, you know that?" I said.
Jay looked at me, blinking.
"A homophobic what?" he said and tried to muffle a laugh. "Nina, where did you learn to curse like that?"
"From the children books I read while I was learning English," I said. "And there is no amount of cootie shot in the world could cure you of this phobia, I tell you."
Jay burst out laughing. Watching my cousin in his ridiculous hysteria, I had to press my lips together to hide my smile. I sort of agreed that my cursing ability would make even a five-year-old roll eyes.
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