"It's too late," I told her.
"Why?" she asked, her voice laced with frustration and curiosity.
"Because I decided that it is."
"Because you decided it?" she echoed my words.
"That's so ironic, don't you think?" I snapped back. "After everything you have done to me, you've got me hooked on whatever it is that you are. But now you're trying to push me away?"
Allecra let out a sigh of exasperation. This time, she turned away from my gaze. Her eyes were darker as she stared into space. She knew what I said was right, but she seemed to be torn up inside by something unbeknown to me.
We sat like that for a moment before she suddenly leaned over to me again. Her face was inches away from mine. I could smell the exquisite scent of her flawless skin. Her eyes paralyzed me in my seat and I couldn't look away from them.
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into when you're with me," she said in a slow and clear voice. "For the first time, I'm afraid to break a heart like yours. I don't have time to entertain your idea of romance. I can't make you any promise, Nina. I want something else you can offer me. You might or might not have it, and if you can't give me what I need, I will have to leave you. Are you okay with that?"
"Allecra, you sound like a guy!" I cried and glared at her in tears of anger. "What do you want from me? My body?"
"No, not just your body although that's also the case," Allecra said calmly and then she paused. "I want something more."
"What is it?"
"I can't tell you yet."
"You're so complicated," I snapped. "Weren't you the one who said people don't say what they mean? Now you're just like them."
"I'm trying to protect you, Nina," Allecra said. "I'm not normal like other people."
"Of course, you're not!" I spoke in the angriest voice I could muster. "The moment I met you, my intuition already told me that you were trouble. You were like the chain that would tie me and hold me down for eternity, but the messed up part is, I am willing!"
"Then you should have trusted your intuition more." Her words cut at me like cold jagged ice.
"Allecra, what are you trying to scare me away from?" I bit my lips from crying.
"I can't tell you,” she said. “Not yet."
"Then let me tell you this— whatever you say to make me forget about everything that has happened between us, it doesn't work."
"I'm just stating the facts."
"Well, that doesn't work either," I said stubbornly. Allecra laughed and shook her head.
"Tomorrow." She turned to say instead, which confused me. "We will talk about it again tomorrow. It's late. You need your beauty sleep."
I considered it for a moment and decided to let it go for now.
"You promise?"
"I promise."
"Fine." I nodded but not without a sigh.
"Your car will be delivered to you the next day," she told me. "But I will pick you up in the morning if you want."
"Really?" I said, trying not to sound perky about it.
Allecra nodded, but she didn't smile. I was still unable to look away from her captivating face. I didn't want to look away from her. It was like I was afraid if I did, she would vanish.
Gosh, I really got it bad.
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," she reminded me. "After you know the whole truth, you can decide for yourself."
"So, it's now or never— deal or no deal?" I said.
"Yes, Miss. Antonina Black," she said, giving me a dazzling smile at last.
"Well, good night then, Miss Allecra Knight," I said.
Allecra's bright eyes kept staring at me as I reluctantly unbuckled my seatbelt. I stepped out of the comfort of her presence.
The night air was cold on my skin. The black shiny Lambo growled and revved up again. Then I watched it rolling out of the driveway, taking Allecra away from me.
I felt deprived and sad as if I had just woken up from a fairytale dream and came to face my reality again. Maybe that was how Cinderella felt after the night with the prince. Allecra Knight was like a prince who came to rescue me out of nowhere.
Walking into the big empty house, I wondered where my cousins were. And just to complicate things even more, I was starting to feel responsible for their safety and got paranoid at the idea of them being corrupted by the outside world.
But after a long while later, I heard Jay's car pulling up through the front garden. If he was home, then maybe Piper was alright. At last, I could rest with the thought that they were safe.
When I finished my bath and was ready to go to bed, my head was kind of spinning, probably from trying to unscramble all thoughts in my mind. I wished I had someone to talk to about it, but since my fate had linked me with Allecra Knight's, it seemed no one would ever understand.
This was the strangest night. It was all miraculous yet confusing. The fact that I began to fall deeper for a girl who might probably cause me great pain didn't help either. I could feel it in my bones, but for some strange reason, I was already prepared to fight against the odds.
Maybe I was no different than Piper. We both put love first.
My heart fluttered at the word 'love'. Was I that quick to fall in love? I had never thought I became that kind of girl who let love blind her eyes. But now, I felt helpless against Allecra's spell.
Maybe it was true that being in love means you give someone the power to destroy you, and hope that they wouldn't.
For the first time, I knew for certain in all the years I had been on earth, that as long as I was going to be with Allecra, I would sacrifice anything for her. Probably that was the nature of women. My mother was a perfect example of that. Now, I kind of understood why she did what she did.
But will I be like her? I thought.
I stumbled towards the bed. My unsettling mind was exhausted from all the emotions of tonight. Then a familiar flash of a vivid ten-second image came back to me without a warning. It was projected directly onto the screen of my consciousness. The air grew thin, and I had trouble breathing all of a sudden. The scene was not my own imagination.
It was a hidden file in a locked drawer of my memory.
I sat myself down on the bed. The dizzying flashback gripped me like an iron clasp. Then the scene became clearer like a camera was finally coming into focus.
Allecra was standing in a dark building with her sister, having sex.
It wasn't just how two girls would do it. Allecra had something else that I knew was different from any other girls. I knew what it was. This one wasn't a delusional dream. I was sure because I was there. In all my dreams, my subconscious had pieced together the clues to Allecra's mystery.
My trembling hands went to my mouth, trying to smother the gasp that already escaped my lips. The image continued on to where Allecra and her sister found me shaking like a leaf on the floor. I looked at them in fear and shock. The blond rushed over to pull me up against her warm body. Her eyes and tattoos were still aglow as she stared at my frightened face.
"You shouldn't have found out too soon," she said. "I'm sorry, Nina, but I have to do this."
As she spoke, the glow brightened from those stirring turquoise eyes. I had struggled against her grip, but she was inhumanly strong. Then the scene was gone. It was as if the film got ripped out of the projector of my mind and everything went blank.
Only now it came back to me, and I remembered everything.
~*~
It was sunny as usual the next morning. The sky was pale blue and the air was crisp and fresh like an apple plucked straight from the tree. I didn't want to get out of bed but I had to. After a quick bath, I dressed in a black skirt and a white top under a denim jacket. The warm ray of golden sun shone through my window and made my hair look almost bronze as I brushed it.
I used some eye drops because my eyes were still sore and dry. I had never cried so hard over anything until last night. The only girl I'd ever found myself falling in love with turned
out to be something else entirely.
What I was positive about Allecra Knight was that she wasn't a normal human or a normal girl even. Another thing was that she committed incest with her sister. It made me sick although I had no solid ground to prove how accurate my assumption was.
But I wasn't scared as I was supposed to be. If anything, I was more hurt than scared. Why did she do this to me?
Then I heard Jay's voice calling from downstairs. I grabbed my purse and left the room. My heart pounded and clenched simultaneously. I had to stop in the hallway to breathe. Jay was standing there and frowning at me quizzically. He was still in his old clothes. It looked like he had been sleeping on the couch all night.
"Why is there a Knight kid in our driveway, Nina?" he asked.
"She's here to pick me up for school. My car had a little problem," I told him, "How's Piper?"
"She's at a friend's house," Jay said.
"Is she okay?"
"I don't know."
"I'm sorry about last night, Jay," I said honestly. "I didn't mean to ruin your friend's party."
"He's not my friend anymore!" Jay growled bitterly, "I don't want to know about the drama between you and my sister, but it would be better if you just try to be normal like everyone else."
With that, he stormed off. I swallowed back the pain and took a deep long breath. Then I turned to walk over to the front door. Leaning on her Lambo like a cover girl was Allecra. She was looking right at me. Instead of wearing all black today, she wore a red maroon jacket with black leather sleeves. A pair of sunglasses hung on the neck of her ultra-white T-shirt handsomely. Her long messy sun-drenched hair covered her shoulders as she stood with her arms crossed. Allecra could put any male models to shame. Even at this point, I still found myself marveled at her flawless presence.
My red cooper was already parked in the front garden.
I walked up to her car, unable to look her in the eyes.
"Good morning, Nina," her voice contradicted her words. It was unsure and dark. When I stood there like an idiot, looking down at my shoes, she sighed. "It's alright if you don't want to come with me."
My head shot up at her. It was unfair how the thought of us being apart wrecked me. It would be much easier if it were all about a chaste and a normal love life between two girls against the whole wide world. But the truth was there was nothing normal about us at all.
"We need to have a talk," I said, at last, my tone sounded weird to me, like an echoing chamber of an empty castle. I hated saying that to her, but I had no choice.
"After school," Allecra said. Her voice was steady and collected, but her words were uncertain. She knew I was troubled by something. I could feel her mood changed.
"I don't want to go to school today," I said helplessly.
"But you have to," she said in a heavy tone and then stepped back to open the door for me. I felt a slight sting in my chest as I got into her car.
At school, Allecra dropped me off, but she didn't come along.
"You're not going to class with me?" I mumbled, almost disappointed. She just shook her head. Her face was smooth like a marble statue. I couldn't see her beautiful brilliant eyes behind her sunglasses. In fact, she didn't even look at me again. The pain grew sharper, spreading throughout my body like needles in my veins.
"Will I see you after school?"
"Yes."
One word set like a stone on my shoulders. But I nodded and finally stepped out of her car. Allecra zoomed off immediately.
In biology, I sat still like a ghost next to Jordan. She didn't try to ask me anything. She let me be in my confused, unrealistic world. There no longer was any real world for me.
I drifted off to Language Arts, trying to stop myself from hoping yet I didn't succeed. The window seat was empty. What did I expect? Finding Allecra smiling at me and saying, 'everything is just a joke'? A black hole manifested itself in my chest. It was horrible, I realized. Everything without Allecra was horrible. Was this how her absence felt like? It terrified me to live like this every day.
What was I going to do with myself if there was no Allecra in my life anymore?
Mrs. Smith talked about the plot twist in the stories from classical mythology.
"How many of you have heard of the story of Pandora?"
A number of hands went up, but mine didn't even if I knew the tale.
"You meant Pandora of the Greek myth or in Avatar movie?" some kids asked jokingly.
"The Greek myth, of course," Mrs. Smith said. "Most people think that Pandora was sent to man as a punishment, but she was also sent as a gift."
The teacher went on about how Zeus ordered Hephaestus to mold a girl out of clay and to have Aphrodite pose for it to make sure it was beautiful. He breathed life into the clay figure and the clay turned to flesh as she lay sleeping all anew. Then he summoned the gods and asked them each to give her a gift. Apollo taught her to sing and play the lyre. Athena taught her how to spin. Demeter taught her how to tend to the garden. Aphrodite taught her how to look at a man without him noticing and gave her the power of persuasion. Poseidon gave her a pearl necklace. And finally, Hermes gave her a beautiful golden box, which he told her not to open. Because of those gifts, Zeus named her Pandora, which meant "the gift of all".
"But there are two more gifts that are the plot twist in this story. Does anyone know?" Mrs. Smith asked.
"I do!" Mary Jones said enthusiastically. "One of them was curiosity given by Hera."
"Is that why all women are snoopy? Because the first woman was given the gift of curiosity?" Ben asked.
"You should be thankful," Mary Jones hissed. "Man would have gone crazy with loneliness if he had a mute and boring Pandora."
The teacher cleared her throat and they turned back.
"The most important gift was a beautiful box covered in gold and jewels. And this is the main plot," she said. "The box was the very secret of life itself. Pandora was forbidden to open it."
"But she was too curious that she must look inside or die," Mary Jones added excitedly.
"And opened it she did," the teacher said and nodded.
I imagined what was inside the golden box. Of course, they were ills that beset mankind, the spites, diseases in its thousand shapes, old age, famine, insanity, and all their foul kins, flying out like a black shadow and mist. Pandora was frightened, and she tried to shut the box, but it was too late.
"And that's why there are all the hatred, envy, jealousy, and sadness in the world," Mrs. Smith concluded. "But there was one last thing inside the box. Without it, everyone on earth would have been told what a misfortune it was every day of our lives, and that would be the end of humanity."
"What is it?"
There was a brief silence in the class.
"It's hope." I heard myself speaking for the first time. Everyone looked at me and then let out a long 'oh' as they understood.
"That's right, Nina. ’Hope' is the last thing in the box," the teacher smiled, "We can bear endless troubles, but we cannot bear to live without hope at all."
After class, I kept thinking about Pandora's Box. I couldn't help but compare the plot twists of Pandora's story to my life. Imagine if there were gods in my own story. They breathed life into my clay form but then made me gay—you know, just for a laugh. They gave me a similar gift to the golden box but in the form of a girl and she also wasn't an ordinary gift. They told me to stay away from her, but Hera instilled in me a great curiosity, and I really, really wanted to know who that beautiful mysterious girl was. But just like Pandora's Box, my gift could cause me pain, sorrow, and heartbreak, and I could end up with the same regret.
Could Allecra contain the same misery and grief for me if I dare to be with her?
But would there be one good thing about Allecra like there was hope at the bottom of the bad box?
I hoped it was love.
CHAPTER 12
The outside world was cloudy with lots of little clouds spreading out in ripples.
It was a 'mackerel sky', my father once told me. I walked listlessly out of the school building and headed to the parking lot. My hand brushed over the well-trimmed bushes of the pathway, which snaked through the grassy hill of the campus.
Then I remembered I didn't bring my car today. I wondered if Allecra would still see me after school as she had promised. I could only hope that she would.
After all the thinking and crying, I had decided to ask Allecra about everything, once and for all. I wanted to know the truth about someone I was so emotionally involved with. The questions had been drafted inside my head. Where did she come from and why was she here? I was dying with curiosity to know who or what she really was, and most importantly, what did she want from me?
"I want something more."
If it was not just my body, then what was that 'something more' she spoke of?
I passed a clump of trees standing tall and dark along the school borders. There was one particular tree that I liked. Among a grove of eucalyptus was a pepper tree. It stood with graceful drooping branches adorned with clusters of beautiful red berries. I remembered a poem someone wrote about the pepper tree in a children's book. Although I never recalled who wrote it, but it had stuck with me.
The pleasantest place for a child to be,
Is under my tent, the old pepper tree.
Its fern-like branches droop clear to the ground,
Its red and green berries peep in all around,
The shiny brown grasses have woven a mat,
No gypsy queen has a carpet like that.
This poem comforted me as a kid while I ostracized myself from the ordinary world. I kept staring at the pepper tree for a while, indulging in this nostalgic thinking. My eyes tried to spot any bird's nest, but there was none.
When I reached the parking lot, there was no sight of the shiny black car. One by one, the students came and went in their cars. They were either in pairs or groups, talking and laughing. Their cars blasted out funky music. Everyone was ready for the fun after a school day. Some of them did glance at me as if they knew me, but not enough to say 'hi' or 'goodbye.' A few students walked by me and peeked over their shoulders again. Then they turned back to whisper in each other's ear. They thought I didn’t hear them, but I did.
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