"Actually, I won't," I clarified.
"But why? Is it because of me? Do you mind that I'm not human, or that I'm neither a boy nor a girl?"
"No, it's nothing to do with you being you," I said.
"Then why?"
"I just don't, okay?" I retorted. "If you don't like that, it's your problem— not mine."
"Oh Nina," Allecra breathed. Then her gaze met mine again. I had to look away. I knew that angel's face was the end of my unbreakable vow. Silence descended on us once again. I could hear the leaves on the nearby trees rattled softly in the wind.
After a while, Allecra leaned herself back against the seat and looked up at the stars in the sky. I couldn't help but do the same. It was exhausting to me as well. We both looked up at the serene night together — a black canvas of velvet had been laid over and sprinkled with twinkling gems. We let the tranquil atmosphere eased away the tension of our earlier chagrin for what seemed like a long time.
"I am the Endling, Nina," Allecra spoke again. "You know what an Endling is?"
My heart sort of froze. I knew what it was from biology class. An Endling is referred to an organism that is the last of its species. Once the endling dies, the species becomes extinct.
"You're the last of your kind?" I sat up straighter to look at her.
"Yes." She nodded weakly. "I am the last Arzurian now."
"What about your brother and sister?" I asked.
"They're not my biological siblings. They were created to accompany me to Earth," she said. "Triton and Xenon are the products of cloning, a genetic engineering, alteration, manipulation, or whatever the word they called. But like everyone else on my planet, they can't reproduce."
"Why is that?" I said. "How did it happen?"
"I will tell you another time," Allecra said with a long exhale. "But Nina, I was made from the best DNA there is. I came from the strongest and healthiest of the Arzurian gene pool. I was supposed to carry these genes and travel through the galaxy just to find the potential one. My entire existence is to breed so that I could continue the Arzurian bloodline. I am my species' last hope, but now I guess—it doesn't matter anymore."
She turned and looked at me meaningfully and I finally understood. I was the thing that went wrong.
"Were there other potential ones before me?" I asked.
"You're not the first human girl that we have found, or that I have attempted to breed with," she said and then paused to glance at my face.
"How many?" I said in a bold tone.
"Seven."
I kept myself composed.
"What happened to those seven potentials?"
"It is still extremely difficult to find the one that is my match," she just told me. "None of the Earthlings I have been with bore me any child."
"What did you do when you found out they weren't the right one for you?" I asked.
"Just like I have warned you, Nina," she sighed softly. "If it doesn't work..."
"You leave," I concluded.
"That's why I was trying to protect you from me," Allecra said. "For the first time I am afraid. None of the potential girls I met made me afraid. But with you, it terrifies me."
"You're afraid of what?"
"Of having to lose you, Nina," she said softly.
"But I can't give you what you want," I said. "You should try to look for someone else."
"No, it's already too late," she said. "The thought of not being near you again made everything suddenly unbearable. And to see you with someone else is far worse."
I dropped my eyes to my hands that rested limply on my lap. Then gentle fingers brushed my hair back behind my ear and stroked my cheek. Allecra tipped my chin up and turned my face back to her. She leaned over until our foreheads were inches apart. Her bright enigmatic eyes gazed into mine.
"You seemed so happy with that girl," she said softly. "In that moment, I never wanted anything so badly than to be in her place."
I heard my pulse humming through my veins as I stared at her. Allecra looked miserable. She then tilted her head and placed her face at the curve of my neck.
"Allecra, I..." I tried to say something but trailed off. I listened to her breathing and felt the tickling of soft blonde hair as the wind brushed through it. Gingerly, I put my arms around her. With deliberate gentleness, she slid her hands down to my sides and enveloped my waist. Her nose drifted over my throat, skimming across my collarbone. I shivered from both the sensation and the cold air, but I felt strangely comforted by her warmth. Allecra let out a heavy sigh again. She came to rest her head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat.
"I don't know how to feel about all this yet," she whispered. "All I know is I miss our kisses as soon as they end. Something that I can't define makes me crave you. I crave your voice, your hands, your lips, everything. There is not a single part of you that is not worth kissing. It leaves me sleepless at night. You can't imagine how hard it is for me. I don't care if I'm an Endling anymore as long as I have you."
CHAPTER 17
It was past midnight when Allecra parked her car in front of my aunt's house. Before I turned to leave, she pulled me back by my elbow gently and took my hands in hers.
"Nina." Her voice saying my name shouldn't have been so alluring and familiar. It was as if I had heard that melodious tone all my life while we'd only met for barely a couple months. I looked up reluctantly at that inhumanly stunning face. Allecra seemed to brighten a little after the talk. But I still felt a bit nervous as she stared at me imploringly.
"Yes?" I said.
"I just want you to know that I'm not pressuring you. You don't have to do anything with me, and I mean anything," she said gently and stroked my hand with her thumbs in a circular motion.
"Do what exactly?" I asked, although deep down I kind of knew what she was referring to. Allecra almost looked sheepish before she answered in a quiet tone.
"You don't have to have sex with me."
I tried to remind myself to suck in the air through my nose and not my mouth.
Allecra looked concerned when she heard me gasp.
"Are you okay?"
"Well." I gulped, feeling my face heated up a little. “Why the change?"
I was still trying to calm my heartbeat when Allecra startled me by lifting my hand to her face and pressed my palm to her cheek. Her face was so smooth and soft, I had to resist to the urge to trace my fingers over her flawless skin. I watched her eyelids closed and saw those long black lashes curved.
"Because I want you more, Nina," she whispered, and I felt my breath leaving me again. "If it scares you so much to make you wish to leave me, then I don't want it at all. It doesn't matter anymore. None of it matters if it's not about you."
All of a sudden, I could almost conjure up a physical pain just to think about being separated from her.
"No, Allecra." I shook my head. "It's not just the sex with you that frightens me. I mean, yes, the mere thought of doing it does scare me a little, but it's because I have never done anything like that with anyone. Besides, I'm not a normal girl."
"You're not into boys, you mean?" she said. "That's what makes you hesitate because I have a boy's part."
Sometimes, Allecra's ability to understand human internal conflict was too impressive. It gave me a fresh surge of admiration.
"Right." I nodded. "But it's not just the sex with—your boy’s thing itself. There's something else I can't do with you."
"I see. It's the breeding, isn't it?" she added.
I bit my lips and looked away. I felt Allecra graze my cheek with the back of her fingers gently.
"Don't worry," she said. "I won't do that to you if that's what push you away. This, being around you, is enough."
"Am I worth it?" I said. "You have come a long way for something important to your race, and you are willing to give it all up because of me?"
"I would give up the entire universe just for you, Nina."
She brought my hand to her lips and kissed it
softly. I watched her perfectly sculpted mouth pursed over my skin before releasing me again. The cold tingling sensation was pleasant where her lips touched.
"Goodnight, Nina," she said. It took me a while to recover. I had to tear my eyes away from the finest curves of her lips and those brilliantly piercing turquoise eyes.
"Goodnight, Allecra," I replied softly before getting out of the car.
I watched her until she was gone, then entered the house in a daze once again. What still shocked me was Allecra's willingness to give up her future generation and even the pleasure of having (you know) just to be with me. I found that incredibly touching, yet also terrifying. Because of me, she would go to this great length while I wouldn't have done the same for her.
Was I being selfish?
No, no, stop it, Nina. You shouldn't feel like that.
Allecra might look sincere enough to melt the hearts of every human virgin girls, but I couldn't just throw caution to the wind. How could I tell whether she said all this just to lure me in and have her way with me before she dumps me? Allecra must have done it so many times since she had been with those seven potential ones prior. What made the eighth any different?
Besides, if I let her have a hold on my heartstring again, I might end up being her willing puppet, serving her needs day and night. And the next thing I knew, I would be brainwashed and feel obligated to even go further as to carry her baby. I'd also have to abandon all my dreams and future, my only chance of spreading my wings and be free.
No, I couldn't let that happen. That was what had happened to my mother. I wouldn't let Allecra Knight rob me of my freedom in life like my dad did to my mom.
~*~
That night, I had a dream about Allecra again just before dawn. It was extremely realistic and sexually charged. But I knew it was a dream — one of those dreams that are so vivid it's hard to distinguish it from reality.
In the dream, we were lying on a large flat rock. It was polished smooth and cold. The sky was a perfect light purple. There were white clouds hanging low. I could see a very big pale grayish moon just above us. Yet there was also another aqua-blue moon hovering over the horizon. The grass was tall and swaying, even though there wasn't any wind. It felt like twilight and some large featherless birds were hurrying off to their nests. It was a strange place, different than anywhere I'd ever seen on earth. So there the two of us lying under the violet sky, silently had sex.
My body was entangled with Allecra's beautiful feminine form. The only thing that stood out was the soft bulge nesting between our pelvises. I felt my wetness and smelled the sweet musky scent. My core was burning for something. I felt an indescribable pleasure when Allecra pushed herself against me and then slipped into me. Now to think of it, I would never have given in to a desire like this with Allecra. It only made sense that this happened in a dream. But for the first time, I had thrown away all restraints and hesitation and succumbed to my lust.
I felt the friction inside me. It was deliriously delicious. She was so hard, and I was so soft. We both were slippery and burning with passion. My heart was pounding and I found it hard to breathe. I didn't know what I was doing, but in that moment, I didn't really care, as if I had no sense of self anymore and every part of me was Allecra's. I was hers to take and I was wildly going at it with her in pure joy. Strangely, in the dream, I never saw her infamous secret. All I had was the feeling of that invisible member inside me. I tried to see it, but I never got a glimpse.
Allecra's skin was pale like milk and her tattoos were glowing bright blue. She looked at me with hungry eyes and they, too, were glowing. I wanted to touch her face, but I couldn't move my hands. It was as if I was paralyzed. Her hips kept moving against mine, and I felt her thing deep in my core. I was gasping and whimpering in her arms, but Allecra didn't stop. Over and over, I felt her all the way until I climaxed.
It all was so strange and so new to me. It also scared me. I wanted Allecra inside me, but at the same time, I wanted to run away from her and all this. It was so confusing and a complication at its worst.
When I opened my eyes, it was still dim outside, and I felt very odd. My panties were drenched in slipperiness, and it felt as if I had just been penetrated. The idea made me cringe in embarrassment.
It was not until after dawn that I got up. I drew the curtain back and looked out at the morning sky. It seemed like it had just stopped raining since everything was still wet and drippy. Clouds to the east were sharply etched into the sky, each one framed by light. The sky looked ominous one moment and alluring the next. It all depended on the angle, like everything else in the world. I wondered why it had to be like that, even something dirty like sex.
I decided to banish the thought of my dream and went to the bathroom. For some shameful reason, I kind of let myself marvel in that sweet erotic feeling that came afterward. Was it how it felt like having sex with Allecra? If the dream happened again, it would be my secret, my guilty pleasure, and no one else had to know, not even Allecra herself.
As I expected, I was experiencing a mild hangover. My head pounded a little as I stepped down the stairs, but it wasn't that bad. I could have used some aspirins but didn't. I figured my headache would be gone by itself anyway. Then I found Piper in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. She turned when she heard me.
"Hey," she greeted with a small smile. It was the first time since the party night that my cousin spoke to me.
"Morning, Piper," I murmured, trying not to be so surprised about it.
"I'm hungry and I just—" She gestured to the content inside the fridge as if she needed to explain herself. I nodded and walked over to the stove.
"Sit down. I'll make you something," I said as I got the toaster and took some whole wheat bread out of the cupboard.
"Where's Jason?" Piper asked after she took a seat on the island. I had to pause to see whether I knew where her own brother was right now.
"I don't know," I said. Piper turned to look out the window facing the garage and returned to her stool.
"His car's here. Probably sleeping, that sleepyhead. So where have you been last night?" Piper swirled around to ask me. She seemed strangely conversational today.
"I was out with a friend," I told her while I wrapped aluminum foil over the bread. I was making some grilled cheese sandwiches. Then I felt Piper coming to stand beside the counter.
"Uncle Peter called, and he asked for you," she said. "But I didn't know where you were, so I told him you were sleeping."
"Who?"
"Your dad, my uncle, remember?" she said.
I had to keep in mind that Piper couldn't say my father's Russian name, so she chose an English equivalent for his name.
"Your uncle's name is pronounced, 'Pi-ooh-ter'. Take note," I said. "And thank you. I'll get back to him—which is never."
I mumbled the last part, so my cousin didn't hear. What did my dad expect to hear from me? That I missed my step-mom and his newborn baby? I didn't even want to know if the new apple was a girl or a boy, which proved that I was a terrible sister and would never make a good mother, which served me right.
I sensed Piper coming to stand beside me.
"So was it the Knight girl you went out with last night?" she asked nosily. "I saw you and her in the car by chance when I got down for water. Are you guys—you know— dot dot dot?"
I turned and gave her a disapproving look. Piper put her hands up apologetically. I sighed and went back to slicing cheese again.
"Shouldn't you concern with your love life instead, Piper?" I said. From the corner of my eyes, Piper pouted.
"Well, I just want us to make up and be cousin-friends again and forget about what happened," she said at last and then she took my hand, causing me to stop my work and look at her. "I'm sorry for what I said and how I treated you that night, Nina. I have been thinking and thinking. It wasn't your fault. My relationship took a nose dive long before you came, and I should have known it better than to blame you. I meant, yo
u are gay, for crying out loud, and you are not into guys, right? So it was just Jack. He is the biggest jerk I've ever met. All my friends kept telling me he's not a keeper, but I didn't believe them. Looking back, I couldn't get why I was obsessed with him. I mean he's handsome and all, but he's an a-hole. I guess I was just afraid to be single and lonely and horny—"
"Piper, I get it," I cut her off.
"Sorry," she murmured. "Now I understand. Until I'm comfortable being by myself that I know whether I want someone because I'm in love or because I'm just desperate to be loved. Gosh, I'm such an idiot!"
"No, you're just straight and blonde," I said sarcastically, which caused Piper to frown in confusion.
"Huh?"
"My point exactly," I said under my breath. "Anyway, never mind." I waved her off with my free hand.
"So, are we cool?" she asked, swinging my arm a little. The movement made my head dizzy. I had to nod in acceptance.
"Okay—okay, we're cool."
Piper squealed cheerily and bounced forward to kiss me on the cheek. My eyebrows automatically rose at her.
"Now I can't wait to go shopping with you again!" She clapped her hands together and laughed. I just rolled my eyes.
When I put the grilled sandwiches in front of her, Piper inhaled and sighed.
"I have missed your cooking," she said and began to chomp down on her sandwich delightfully.
"Was it why you wanted to make up with me?" I teased.
"Partly, yes," she said, but it made me smile. Piper wasn't that bad after all. While we were eating, she went on about how guys were a disappointment throughout her entire history of dating, and how she was tired of relationships and being cheated on and whatnots.
I was only half-listening as my mind was still pondering about last night.
Then Jordan popped into my head like a bubble. I felt my heart sunk at the thought of my friend. It was rude and terrible of me to leave her like that, and I was still mad at Allecra about it. It was obvious that I needed to apologize to Jordan today.
"You know, the only thing guys know how to do is lie to you," Piper still complained energetically.
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