by Alexa Kang
Tessa helped him remove his jacket. He thanked her and followed the kitchen staff member away. After they left, Tessa folded his jacket and put it in the cabinet next to his hospital bed. While doing that, she noticed something shiny and silver sticking out from under his pillow. Wondering what it was, she lifted up the corner of his pillow and found a dinner knife, the dull and harmless ones that the hospital cafeteria used. She stared at it, wondering what she should do. He still didn't feel safe when he was left alone.
"Hi, Tessa," Ellie said to her from behind.
Tessa quickly dropped the pillow and turned around to block the knife from Ellie's view. "Hi, Ellie."
"It's good to see Ron getting better, isn't it?" Ellie put a fresh bouquet of flowers into the vase next to Ron's bed.
"Yes," Tessa said. "It is wonderful to see him improve so much."
"He has you to thank for that. Maybe he can be released sooner if his progress keeps up."
Tessa stole a glance at Ron's pillow, then at Ellie. She didn't want Ellie or anyone to discover the knife in case they thought he was dangerous. She wanted to figure out a solution herself. To divert Ellie's attention, she asked, "So, your graduation is in two days. Do you know yet what you'll be doing after that?"
"Funny you asked. In fact, I got my assignment this morning. I've been commissioned to join the 33rd Field Hospital. It's one of the medical units attached to the U.S. Sixth Army Corps. I'll be shipping off at the end of the month."
"So soon? Are you ready for it?" The reality that Ellie would be leaving dawned on Tessa.
"I am," Ellie said as she straightened out Ron's blanket. "Don't look so worried. You're doing the same thing. You're even more eager than I am, switching to the Nurses Specialized Training Program. You fought so hard to help Ron, too. Whichever unit they assign you to will be very lucky to have you."
Tessa looked down. Everyone had misunderstood her. They thought she had switched programs because she was eager to serve. It wasn't her intention to deceive anyone, but she felt guilty nonetheless. Ellie's steadfast belief in her was the worst, as Ellie had supported her from the very beginning.
"Ellie, can I tell you something, if you promise not to tell anyone?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"I'm not the altruistic and dedicated nurse you think I am."
"What do you mean?"
"The only reason I switched programs is because my boyfriend was drafted. I want to join the medical unit that follows his unit. I did what I did for me. I want to go where he goes."
"Tessa," Ellie said, her voice full of sympathy. "It must have been heartbreaking for you to be separated from him."
Tessa didn't deny it.
"What unit is he assigned to?" Ellie asked.
"I don't know. He's still in training and hasn't been given his assignment yet. When he left, I felt so angry. I had to do something. Anything. I wanted to take back control of our lives somehow. So now, here I am."
"You silly girl!" Ellie took her by the hand and led her to sit down on Ron's bed. "How do you think you'll manage to get yourself assigned to follow his unit? The army assigns people. No one gets to make requests. The American troops are spread all over the world. You could be sent anywhere. The chances are minuscule that you'll assigned to serve in the same unit as he."
"I don't know." Tessa raised her hands to her face. "Maybe I can talk to Dr. Donovan and ask him to help me once I know where Anthony's assigned, and I've gathered a list of army officials I would write to." Hearing herself talk, Tessa felt stupid. Ellie must think she was stupid too. What she wanted to do was so unrealistic.
"Tessa, wouldn't your odds of being together with him again be greater if you stay safe at home and wait for him to come back?"
"I'm sick of waiting! I've been waiting for three years for this maddening war to be over. Maybe it'll never be over. Maybe we'll lose the war, then what?" she said, agitated. Some of the patients in the other beds looked over at them. She lowered her voice. "I don't want to be away from him if something should happen to him."
"If you go, something could happen to you," Ellie said. "You'll be doubling the risk that you two won't see each other again."
"There's no guarantee we'll ever see each other again now." A chill ran through Tessa the minute she said that. This thought had haunted her since the day Anthony left, but this was the first time she had said it. Until now, she had avoided bringing this idea into the open, as if by refusing to openly admit it, she could prevent it from ever becoming real. Now that she had said it out loud, it frightened her even more. She squeezed her eyes shut, then slowly opened them.
Ellie put her arm around Tessa's shoulder to try to comfort her.
"The way I see it," Tessa said, "my staying or going has no bearing on the odds of what might happen to him. No one knows for sure what will happen. All I know is, I would rather cast my own lot than leave everything up to fate. If there is any chance at all I could be with Anthony, I'll take it." She must sound to Ellie like a stubborn child throwing a tantrum, but she could not help it. "Besides, why should Anthony have to go to war and I don't? Even if I'm assigned somewhere else, at least he wouldn't be in this alone. I'll be in it with him."
She thought Ellie might laugh at her, but Ellie smiled. "His name is Anthony?" Ellie asked.
Tessa felt her face flushing at the mention of Anthony's name.
"Well then, I'll pray for you and I hope your wish will come true," Ellie said.
"And I wish you the best of luck when you go overseas," Tessa said. "You're a wonderful nurse, Ellie. You'll do a lot of good wherever you go."
"So will you. I know you will."
"I'll miss you." Tessa already felt sad at the thought of Ellie's impending departure. Ellie was the one who had first motivated her to become a part of the Cadet Nurse Corps. The hospital wouldn't be the same without her.
"I'll miss you too. Promise me you'll write me and let me know how everything turns out?"
"Of course. I'll do that." Of course she would write to Ellie, just as she had been writing to her parents, to her friends back in London, and to Anthony.
Letters. These days, writing letters was the only way to keep close to the people she loved.
17
A large American flag above the entrance to the Caldwells' residence greeted the guests as they arrived for the festive Independence Day cookout. The delectable smell of roast ribs and chicken on the grill whetted everyone's appetite as soon as they walked in. Meat was today's special treat. Children's laughter filled the courtyard, bolstering the cheerful atmosphere.
A waiter stepped up to each guest, offering fruit punch and ice tea. Alexander ran by with his friends, nearly knocking him over and spilling the drinks on his tray. "Sorry!" the boy shouted and ran on. His friends followed. Behind them at the putting green, William sunk a ball into a hole. "Good job, Will," Leon said. "Watch me." He took his turn twenty feet away from the hole. The ball rolled straight into the cup and the guests around them cheered. Over by the tent, the barbershop quartet belted out an a cappella rendition of "The Stars and Stripes Forever," delighting Sophia and all her friends at the table.
On the home front, life went on. Life could not stop because loved ones had gone away.
"Aren't they wonderful?" the lady sitting next to Tessa leaned over and asked her. Tessa forced a smile, but couldn't bring herself to join in on the others' lively conversations. She picked at the half-eaten potato salad on her plate. It was useless. She didn't feel like eating. Even among the noise and the music, she felt lonely.
She stared out at the Caldwells' courtyard and watched the children play in the sweltering heat. With the well-manicured lawns and lush green bushes, this place looked entirely different than how it had been on New Year's Eve half a year ago. That night, the courtyard was empty and silent. The grounds were frozen and the trees were bare. It must have been bitterly cold, but all she remembered was the fuzzy warmth inside her as Anthony led her away to some place unknow
n. Excited, she had followed him, leaving behind them a trail of their own footsteps on the light layer of snow on the ground.
While they walked, he had turned to her and flashed her a bright smile. She loved his smile. How she longed to see him with that smile again.
"Excuse me," she said and got up from her seat. The guests nodded in acknowledgment and returned to their conversations. She left the table and went inside the Caldwells' house.
Had it only been six months since the Fur Ball? It felt to her as if a much longer time had passed. That evening was now a distant memory.
She went to the window facing the courtyard by which she had stood that night, contemplating taking a walk outside. This was the very spot where her life took an irreversible change of course, where her destiny revealed itself. Her destiny. He had been right in front of her all along. Only she hadn't known it for the longest time.
“Want to get out of here?”
“And go where? Home?”
“I know of a better place.”
“All right.”
“Go get our coats. I’ll tell Mother and Father we’re leaving.
A bittersweet sadness crept up her heart.
"You miss him very much, don't you?" someone said behind her. She turned around. It was Katherine.
Katherine came up next to her and pushed the curtain further open, exposing fully the beautiful sunlit view outside. The room immediately brightened. Tessa turned back toward the window. Quietly, they gazed out.
"We miss him too," Katherine said. "The week after he left, Father was beside himself. Uncle William had to come to calm him down, can you believe that?"
Tessa did not answer but kept her gaze out the window.
"I hope he'll come back soon and you two will be together again."
Tessa gave her a doubtful look. That Katherine cared the least bit about her involvement with Anthony never occurred to her. If anything, she thought Katherine would rather Anthony be with one of the girls who were well known within Chicago high society.
As if she had guessed what Tessa was thinking, Katherine tilted her head and looked Tessa in the eye. Embarrassed by her own presumptuous thoughts, Tessa looked away.
Katherine smiled. "In the end, only someone as extraordinary as you could have captured his heart anyway. When I saw you two together, I realized that you two were always meant for each other."
Not expecting such words from Katherine, Tessa didn't know how to respond, but Katherine disregarded Tessa's silence and continued. "You should've seen the look on Lilith Reinhardt's face that night when Anthony left with you in full view of everyone." She narrowed her eyes with a playful smile as if they were sharing a secret. Tessa couldn't help but smile back.
"When Anthony left for the war, I finally realized how silly and frivolous I'd always been," Katherine said, her tone now serious. "The war's been going on for years. The whole world has turned into a mess. Men are dying every day and people are suffering everywhere. Me? I was oblivious, living in my sheltered world, tête-à-têtes with girls as mindless as I was, all of us dreaming of marrying the perfect guy who would come and sweep us off our feet." She gripped the curtain and snickered at herself. "But we forgot one thing. All those perfect guys are kind of preoccupied at the moment, you know what I mean? They are a little busy trying to outrun gunfire and escape bombshells."
Tessa didn't know what to say. She had never heard Katherine talk this way.
"I thought the war would never touch me," Katherine said. "Then Anthony was drafted, and it all hit home. Everything I used to care about felt stupid." She let go of the curtain. "I worry about him too. We all love him. The only thing that matters now is that he comes back safe. As long as he's away in the army, I won't be able to go on like I used to as if whatever happens to the world would not affect me."
Tessa reached out and touched Katherine on the arm. Even if they had nothing else in common, they both cared about Anthony. What happened to Anthony impacted all of their lives.
"You always knew better," Katherine said to her. "You were way ahead of us. You became a cadet nurse even before Anthony was drafted."
"You did well too, Katherine," Tessa said, feeling awkward. Just a moment ago, she was doubting Katherine, still holding her old prejudices against her, while here, Katherine was giving her praise and support. "St. Mary's is a first-rate academy. Graduating from there is no small feat." She meant this too. It was not a hollow compliment.
Katherine waved her hand in dismissal and gazed out the window again. They stood side-by-side, each carrying their own heavy thoughts.
"I'm heading off to Wellesley in the fall." Katherine broke the silence.
"You are? That's wonderful news! Congratulations." Tessa was truly happy for her. "Uncle Leon and Aunt Anna are willing to let you go to Massachusetts alone?"
Katherine nodded. "Before Anthony left, I thought I would go to a women's college nearby, be close to home and establish myself in Chicago society. I thought I'd pass the time in school until I found myself a husband and got married. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't even want to think about marriage for a long, long time." A spark of soul appeared in her once vapid eyes.
"What do you want to do instead?" Tessa asked, curious.
"I want to become a journalist. I want to know what's going on in the world, and I want to help inform everyone about what I find out," Katherine said, her voice full of conviction. "We can't afford to live in a protective bubble and be ignorant of what's going on around us anymore."
Were these the words of Leon Caldwell's daughter? Leon Caldwell, the most outspoken isolationist in Chicago before Pearl Harbor? Tessa could not believe what she had heard. "That's very ambitious. Anthony will be so proud of you when he hears about this. He will!"
"I hope so," Katherine said.
"I'm surprised Uncle Leon is okay with your decision though."
"It took Father a few days to get used to the idea of me going off, but I've decided this is what I want. He's come to terms with it. He's already contacted his old Harvard Business School friends in Boston to set me up with an internship with the Boston Daily News. I know I'm still privileged, but I will make the most of my opportunities."
"I have no doubt you'll do well," Tessa said.
"Don't doubt yourself either," Katherine said in return. "Don't give up hope. We'll win this war, and Anthony will come back. And then, you, me, Anthony, Alexander, we can do anything. The world is ours."
Katherine held up her head and Tessa followed her gaze. The clear blue sky outside looked limitless. At that moment, even though the world was as uncertain as ever, everything did seem possible.
A yellow Labrador ran up to Katherine, barking and wagging its tail. Katherine bent to pet it and it poked its nose into her hand. "Coco, good dog." She stroked its head. The dog jumped up on its hind legs and tried to hug her. "Whoa! Calm down, girl. Down!" Katherine laughed.
Alexander came into the room. "Tessa, do you want to see the new puppies?"
"Coco had puppies?"
"You've been so out of touch these days. We never see you anymore. Coco had new puppies last month. Come take a look." Speaking with excitement, his voice cracked. He made a face and walked out toward the back of the house. Tessa followed him. He must have grown at least two inches taller since the last time she saw him.
Yes. She had been out of touch.
Alexander led them out to the veranda where the puppies were cuddling in a large dog bed. Coco hopped over and sniffed the litter, then circled excitedly around Alexander. The puppies that were awake crawled over each other, disturbing the ones that were trying to sleep.
"They're so cute!" Tessa came close and played with each one.
Katherine kneeled down next to her. "Do you want one?"
Tessa looked at the litter. One of the pups had the most adorable droopy eyes she had ever seen. When she petted it, it raised its tiny paw and brushed its own face. "With my schedule? I don't have time to take care of a
dog," she said, but she already knew the perfect person who did. "Would you save this adorable little fella for me? I want to give it to a friend of mine."
"Sure."
Tessa picked up the puppy and held it up to her face. "We're going to find you a very nice home, you cute little snowball."
18
June 30, 1943
Dear Mother, Father, and Tessa,
I have completed my training at the OCS and am now officially a second lieutenant. I've been assigned to the Third Infantry Division of the Sixth Army Corps. I had hoped that I could come home for a brief visit before being shipped overseas, but unfortunately, it is not to be. As I write, I am awaiting deployment at the military base at Newport News, Virginia. I won't know where I'll be sent until I arrive at my destination. Even if I knew, the military rules forbid disclosure of our locations. I can only promise you that I will write as often as I can.
I hope you are all well. Please give my regards to Uncle Leon and everyone else.
— Love, Anthony
Trembling, Aunt Sophia held onto the letter, trying not to cry. Uncle William put his arms around her and tried to comfort her while he gazed at the family photos lined up above the mantle of the fireplace. The photos displayed a collage of images of Anthony growing up, from when he was a small child visiting Santa Claus, to when he was a teenager camping with his father, and his graduation from high school. Nothing in the photos gave a hint that this boy would one day become a soldier.
Seeing how worried Uncle William and Aunt Sophia looked, Tessa wished she could do something. In all the time since she had lived here, she had ever seen Uncle William look so fazed and helpless.
Noticing Tessa's stare, Uncle William turned to her. She was at a loss for words. She didn't know how to console him. When their eyes met, she thought she understood what was going through his mind besides his worries for Anthony's safety. Once Anthony was deployed, his life would change. The boy in those photos would embark on a life different from the one they had planned for him. What would happen after that, no one knew. The secure world they had built for him had crumbled.
