by Alexa Kang
Castile crossed his arms. "Are you aware I once used to interrogate prisoners of war?" he asked. "You're a very good liar, Graham, but I can always tell when people are lying."
Her body froze. She wished that there were some place in the room where she could hide.
"Tell me the real reason why you're asking for this," Castile said.
Unable to look him in the eye, she looked sideways and tried to think of what to say. Telling the general about her love life was the last thing on earth she wanted. She considered withdrawing her request and leaving the room. But if she did that, she would lose any chance of finding her way to Anthony. It was now or never. She tightened her grip of her hands. "My boyfriend is in the Army Sixth Corps and I want to be with him."
Castile stared at her. He showed no hint of what he was thinking. But now that the truth was out, Tessa felt no fear or embarrassment anymore. She dared to face him and waited to hear what he would say.
"I admire your devotion to your boyfriend, Graham, but I don't like distractions within the army," Castile said. "Your presence in the same division as your boyfriend could be a distraction for both of you. And if you think he could protect you because you two are working at the same place, then you're sorely mistaken."
"I won't be a distraction!" Tessa said. "I am a responsible nurse. I am good at what I do. You can see that in my records. If I go, I will do my job, and I will make sure to let him do his. I'm not afraid of being on the front lines either. I don't need him or anyone to protect me."
Castile seemed unmoved. She felt her chance slipping away. "I don't have any illusion it would be a honeymoon if I am assigned to the same unit with him," she said. "I want to choose my own role in this war. I want to be by his side when he fights. Whatever he has to face, I want to face the same. That is why I intend to serve overseas even if you refuse my request. But if you would grant me this one favor, I would cherish the chance to be near him, in case…" In case he doesn't make it. But she could not bring herself to say that.
"Who is this young man you're so intent on joining?" Castile asked.
Thoroughly embarrassed, she said, "His name is Anthony Ardley. He's a junior officer with the 3rd Infantry Division." Her voice nearly faded to a whisper.
An odd smile came across Frank Castile's face when he heard Anthony's name. Unsure why Castile found this so amusing, Tessa started to feel irritated. Did he think everything she said was a joke? That was enough. She couldn't stand this. She would not stay and be interrogated and mocked any longer. She should cut this meeting short before she lost control of herself and said something to him that she might regret. "Sir, I will take my leave now if you won't help me. Please forget I asked." She got up from the chair.
"Sit down," he said. His voice was not harsh but still commanding. Tessa sat back down in the chair.
"If I grant you your request, would you give me your word you will put your duties as your number one priority at all times? And I mean at all times."
"Of course, sir," Tessa said. He didn't have to ask. It never crossed her mind to do anything less.
"And would you promise me you will not be a distraction to him in any manner whatsoever?"
"No, sir, I promise I will not. I'll do everything I can to make sure of that. I'll make sure he promises the same." She would do anything she could to convince Castile.
"I don't welcome distractions. But then again, the army can always use a morale boost. Perhaps an honorable young lieutenant would be motivated to fight harder if he knew his girlfriend was fully committed to the cause of his mission and fighting alongside with him."
Tessa sat up in her seat. Was Castile saying what she thought he meant? Would he give her the assignment she wanted?
"I might be making a terrible mistake," Castile said, "but I will grant your request, on the condition that you will always remember your promise to me."
Tessa couldn't believe it. This was happening. After all this time, after running into one stonewall after another until she had almost given up hope and the entire prospect seemed more and more ridiculous, unrealistic, and far-fetched, she would get what she wanted. She wanted to jump out of her seat. "I will, sir. You have my word. I promise."
Castile nodded. "This is not a request I would have ordinarily granted. I'm agreeing on the account that you've proven yourself to be dedicated to your work. Don't break my trust."
"I won't." She couldn't hold her smile in anymore.
"Thank you for what you've done for my son," Castile added.
"It was always my wish to see him recover too." She sincerely meant that.
"I will send word to notify the officer in charge of administration at the Sixth Corps. When you get to your destination, go see Colonel Callahan. Tell him that I sent you. He'll put you in touch with Lieutenant Ardley."
"Yes, sir." This was beyond what she had hoped for.
But just as joy overtook her, a new realization came to her. The general's consent meant she would soon have to say goodbye to all the people she loved here.
And her parents. What would they think when they found out?
25
On a bench by the Buckingham Fountain in Grant Park, Tessa and Ruby watched the water shoot high into the air. It was a beautiful spectacle. Tessa was sure she would miss it when she left.
"I'll miss you so much," Ruby said. "I can't believe that you're really leaving."
"I'll miss you too," Tessa said. "You're my best friend here, and you're the only one I trust to help me. No one else knows I'm leaving except for the people I work with at the hospital." She took two envelopes out of her bag. "This letter is for my parents. You can mail it. And this letter is for Uncle William and Aunt Sophia. I'll tell them I need to stay at the hospital for a weekend shift. When you give this letter to them on Monday, I'll be well on my way to deployment."
"Are you sure you don't want to tell them in person? They'll be so upset when they find out."
"I know, but I don't want them to try to stop me."
Ruby took the letters. "You're so brave to do this. You did it all on your own too. I wouldn't have dared."
For a while, they sat in silence. Tessa looked out to the lake. She still had a few days left in Chicago, but her mind had already sailed off far away.
"Do you know where you'll be going?"
"No. We're not supposed to know until we arrive. Troop movements are military secrets. All I know is, I'm supposed to join the people in my unit leaving from Chicago at the train station Saturday morning."
"Anthony will be so surprised when he sees you," Ruby said. "You love him very much, don't you?"
Hearing his name made Tessa smile. "I didn't even think much of him at first. We argued with each other from the day we met. And then, it was as if he had always been there, waiting for me. The best thing to ever happen to me was right there in front of me, and it took me so long to see it."
Ruby listened with dreamy eyes. This was the first time Tessa had spoken openly about her feelings for Anthony.
"Will you tell Jack and Henry I'm sorry for not saying goodbye before I go?" Tessa asked. "I know they'd be worried, and I don't want to alarm anyone before I leave. Tell them I'll write to them as soon as I can."
"I'll do that," Ruby said. Tessa could hear the sadness in her voice. She thought of the old days before Jack left for the war, when the four of them would cruise around in Jack's old car on Saturday afternoons or play Monopoly and card games together. Those days that passed would never return.
She took out several packs of bubble gum and a box of chocolates.
"Where did you get these?" Ruby asked, surprised. With the sugar ration, candies were not easy to come by these days.
"The black market." Tessa unwrapped a pack of gum and offered it to Ruby. "I paid good prices for these." They each took a piece and started to out-do each other blowing bubbles. When Ruby blew a large one that covered half her face, Tessa poked it. The gum flattened on Ruby's lips and Tessa laughed.
> "Hey! No fair," Ruby said, but she laughed too.
Behind their laughter, Tessa felt a shadow of loss. This would be the last time she and Ruby would have fun together this way. She did not know when or if they would ever see each other again. All the good times they had together like this one would soon be a thing of the past. If they did see each other again in the future, they would no longer be schoolgirls talking about boys and playing silly games. Their girlhood was over.
What lay ahead? She could not tell from looking into the vast horizon before her.
Tessa boarded the vessel with a large red cross painted on the sides of its hull. On the deck, she stopped and turned around to look once more at the American shore. Three years had passed since she first arrived here at the port of Boston with Uncle William. Today, this port would once again set her onto the path of her new life.
For a long time, all she had dreamt of was the day when she would board a ship to leave, but this was not how she had envisioned she would depart. No one was here to bid her farewell like she had imagined. No suitcases filled with gifts for her parents and her friends in London would come with her. In her fatigues with her hair tied up, the only things she carried were her uniforms, mess kit, gas mask, and a few other government-issued items. Other military medical personnel walked past and hustled her along.
Her desired return destination had always been London. But now, her destination was unknown.
No regrets, she told herself. And no, her destination was not unknown. Her destination was Anthony. With that thought, she smiled to herself and stepped ahead.
She made her way to her cabin. A cheerful young woman with a sweet, heart-shaped face greeted her. "Hi. You must be Tessa Graham. I'm Gracie Hall. We're cabin mates. We're both assigned to the 33rd Field Hospital." The young woman warmly introduced herself.
Tessa gave her a reserved but courteous smile, then dropped off the duffle bag and excused herself to go back up to the deck. The ship had begun its journey. She could feel the floor swaying beneath her feet.
On the deck, the large American flag flew in the ocean wind. She looked at the views all about. The land behind was shrinking farther and farther away. Two other ships had joined them, one on each side of the vessel she was on. More ships followed and moved toward them. Soon they formed a full naval convoy.
Above her, the booms of jet engines thundered from the skies. She looked up. A squadron of destroyers flew directly above, escorting the ships to shield them from submarine attacks.
She had entered Anthony's world.
I'm right behind you, Anthony. She sent her thoughts out to the sea. Right behind you.
26
October 20, 1943
Dear Mother and Father,
When you receive this letter, I will be far from Chicago. You will probably have heard from Uncle William and Aunt Sophia already. Please don't fault them for what I have done. They had no idea. I kept my plans secret from them and I am the only one to blame. They have been nothing but kind, loving, and generous to me these last three years. I love them dearly like my own family. I know that they must feel terrible and they must be thinking that they failed you. They did not. I made the choice all on my own.
I am on my way to wherever Anthony is. I will be an army nurse for the U.S. Army's 33rd Field Hospital. It is one of the military medical units attached to Anthony's division.
I know that no amount of apology from me will make up for taking off this way. You sent me away three years ago to protect me, and now I am defying your wish by heading straight to the war. Please understand that I can no longer hide every time people I love are placed in danger. Not anymore.
Please forgive me. I am in love with Anthony. I know he is in love with me too. I can't bear to be away from him. I want to be near him and face whatever dangers that he must face, together with him and alongside him. If anything were to happen to him and I were not there, I would regret it forever. My life would be hollow without him.
But when I think of boarding the ship to head to where he is, when I think of seeing him again, my heart flares. Every part of me feels this is the right thing to do. I feel like I can soar high into the sky.
So I made up my mind to find my way to him. I decided to follow his path. After he was drafted, I transferred to a special programme at the hospital for training military nurses for assignments overseas. That enabled me to complete my training this year. I did everything I could to obtain an assignment that would allow me to be with him. For a long time, it seemed like a futile effort. But with luck on my side, or perhaps it was fate, I finally succeeded. When you get this letter, I will hopefully have reunited with him already.
It is hard for me to admit my feelings so openly, even to you, but I want you to understand why I have done this. Please don't worry about me. I am no longer the little girl you knew when I left London. I am not afraid of what will come. I promise I will take care of myself.
I hope that wherever I am going will be in the European theatre. Then I will at least be closer to you. Maybe where I am heading is England and this will bring me closer to home. If that happens, I might even be able to see you again. I miss you both immensely.
I will write to you as soon as I can, once I find Anthony.
— With all my love, Tessa
October 20, 1943
Dear Uncle William and Aunt Sophia,
Please accept my deepest apology for leaving so suddenly without saying goodbye, for concealing my plans from you for such a long time, and for leaving you in this difficult position as my guardians. I am sorry for all the agony and troubles that I may have caused you.
As of last Thursday, I have left Chicago for deployment overseas as an army nurse. By the time you receive this letter, I may have already left the country. I have been planning this for a very long time. After Anthony left last January, I transferred to a special program for training military nurses for overseas assignments, which enabled me to finish my training in September. Since we learned of Anthony's unit assignment, I have done all I could to get assigned to a medical unit attached to his division. I succeeded. I will be joining the U.S. Army's 33rd Field Hospital and am now on my way to where Anthony is.
I have not told Anthony about this. I didn't want him to tell you or my parents, and I didn't want him to try to talk me out of it. I didn't want any of you to try to stop me.
Please forgive me for not having told you any of this until now. I love Anthony. I want to be by his side. I cannot wait to see him.
Thank you for taking care of me these last three years and welcoming me into your home. I am blessed to have you both as part of my family, and also Uncle Leon and his family. Although it pained me to be apart from my parents, I am so glad that I have had the chance to get to know all of you.
I have already written to my parents to break the news to them. I asked them not to blame you for what I have done. If they do, then please accept my apology. One day, I will make it up to you.
On July 4th, at Uncle Leon's party, Katherine and I had a talk. From that talk, I realised I must take my future into my own hands. The world now belongs to Anthony and me, to Katherine, to Alexander, and to everyone in our generation. It is only right that we should be the ones to fight for it. Please don't worry about me. I am not afraid at all. I am so happy to know that I will be by Anthony's side, and both of us will be doing all that we can to make our world and our future a better one.
Ruby has the army postal address where you can write to me. I will write to you again when I arrive at my destination. Maybe Anthony and I will write to you together.
— Love, Tessa
October 27, 1943
Dear Tessa,
What happened?! We received a telegram from William today telling us that you have left Chicago to become a military nurse overseas? His telegram said he and Sophia were unaware you had left until your friend Ruby delivered a letter to them, and that you have sent a letter to us too? Are you all right? Where are you?
>
How could this have happened? We don't understand. I have so many questions! Your father and I are waiting anxiously for your letter and more information from William, but I cannot wait any longer to write to you. I wish I could have jumped onto a ship to America to talk some sense into you before you left. I want to go and find you. How could you do something like this without telling us? I am worried sick and so is your father.
I hope this letter reaches you soon. When you get this letter, please contact us at once! Send a telegram if you can. Let us know where you are and whether you are safe.
Please write to us immediately!
— We love you, Mother and Father
P.S.: Your father is too distraught to write to you at this moment. He has cancelled all his performances until we hear from you.
October 27, 1943
Dear Tessa,
I am at a loss for words! I don't know how to begin writing this letter. I don't know when this letter will finally reach you. You left us nothing but a military postal address. I hope the army will forward this letter to you as soon as possible after you arrive, wherever you are.
First, I want you to know that I am praying every day for your safety. I pray that no harm will ever come to you. Your Uncle William and I love you and we miss you very, very much.
Now, I am very, very upset at what you have done. I am pained that you, too, are now drawn into this tide of events beyond our control. Although I am not your mother, I have loved you as my own daughter ever since you have come to live with us. I feel no less pain at your deployment than I felt when Anthony left. I fear for both of you. I wish you were back here with us, safe and away from danger. Speaking as Anthony's mother, I know he would not have wanted you to take on this kind of risk.
