by Alexa Kang
Aaron only smiled. Ollie and Jonesy took their leave. On their way out, Jonesy said out loud to Tessa, "Goodbye, Lieutenant Graham. Lieutenant Ardley sends his love and kisses."
Tessa stared at him in horror. Milton and Aaron Haley both looked at her as her face turned crimson red.
36
"Dr. Haley? You wanted to see me?" Tessa knocked on Aaron's door and entered.
"Yes. Come on in please, and have a seat," he said, inviting her to take a seat across from him at his desk. He had meant to meet one-on-one with her and the rest of the new replacements for weeks. Some of them hadn't had a chance to work directly with him yet. He wanted to make sure they knew they could approach him.
"I'm sorry if I haven't done much to check on you and see how you've been doing," he said. "I try to get to know my staff individually whenever I can. It's difficult as we get very busy here. I have some free time today, so I thought I'd check in with you and the other new arrivals." He reclined back in his seat. "How are you doing? Are you handling the work okay?"
"I'm doing fine. Thank you for asking."
"I hope you're mentally prepared for much tougher situations." He looked out the window and sighed. "I don't know when it will happen, but when we're sent out into the fields again, things will get a lot tougher. It'll be intense. There'll be very long hours, a lot of pressure, and what you'll see will be much more traumatic."
"I will do my best when the time comes, Doctor."
"I have no doubt about that," he said. "I'm more concerned about you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Remember, you can come and see me if you ever have any problem."
"Yes, Doctor," she answered politely. He didn't expect her to say more. From what he had seen, Tessa Graham tended to be quite reserved. She appeared ready to leave and he was about to dismiss her when she unexpectedly asked him, "Doctor, why did you decide to join the military? You don't seem to enjoy the army culture at all, and men can't be drafted to be doctors."
Her question caught him off guard. No one had ever asked him this before. In fact, for many years now, no one had asked him anything about himself. Being the head of the surgical department back in Boston, and now the superintendent of the field hospital, people came to him with their stories and their problems, not the other way around. No one thought someone as successful and esteemed as he would have problems they needed to ask about. If he had problems he couldn't resolve, then they wouldn't be able to solve it for him anyway.
"When the war started in Europe, there were a lot of rumors about potential American involvement," he told her. "Even four years ago, the American military had already begun mobilizing. The army started laying the groundwork for organizing military hospitals too. People at the hospital where I worked in Boston knew that. We talked a lot about it. Even back then, I knew the work here would be very important, especially if America went to war and our own troops were directly affected."
Tessa leaned forward in her seat. Her interest in his experience touched him.
"One day, I got a call from an old colleague of mine asking if I would like to help the army plan and set up military hospitals. The army needed a consultant to advise them on logistics. I did that for a while, part-time. Then Pearl Harbor happened, and overnight, the army needed a new pool of doctors to serve abroad. Doctors aren't like the enlisted soldiers or even commissioned officers. The enlisted men and officers are mostly young unmarried men. Doctors with proper qualifications are typically older and already married with children. It was difficult for them to leave their families behind. I don't have a family. I have a sister but she has her own family. I felt that, if I went, it'd be one less doctor with a family who would have to be here. So I came."
Tessa glanced at his ringless index finger. "If you don't mind me asking, why don't you have your own family?"
What a complicated question.
For years, everyone around him had told him it was time he should find himself a suitable wife and settle down with a family. More times than he could remember, people had tried to introduce him to women who would make good wives. How could an accomplished doctor be without a wife and a family?
Of course, he would love to have a family. But for him, that was not enough. He wanted more. He wanted more because life could offer more. He wanted that special feeling. That special feeling when he knew he had met the one.
It was not the kind of thing he could tell people. A man could not tell people such things without making a joke of himself. But he knew that feeling. He had felt it once long ago, when he was still a student studying medicine, still trying to make his way in the world.
She lived only two streets down from him in the little town in Michigan where they had both grown up. They were both so young then. They had so many dreams. When they fell in love, he knew he had found what he wanted in life. He thought that was what she wanted too.
Except it wasn't.
Papa thinks I should marry Vernon.
She wouldn't look him in the eye.
Forget what he thinks. What do you think?
When she finally gathered her nerves and faced him, he already knew the answer before she spoke. That magical feeling had disappeared. She was no longer the girl he knew.
You'll never be anything more than a country doctor. Vernon's going to do great things.
The day after that, he packed up the few belongings he had and left for Boston. He hadn't told her the hospital in Boston had offered him a full fellowship. He was ready to turn it down. For her, he would have stayed in their little town and lived a simple life with her with no regrets. Life was more than wealth, or status, or any such related things that people worshipped. Unfortunately, she too had fallen into that trap.
But he would not. He swore he would find that feeling again, and he would not settle for anything less.
For the next five years, he devoted his life to his work. In that time, he discovered another kind of love. He loved the work of a surgeon. If anything good had come out of that painful separation, it was that it gave him a chance to find out how good he could be. In the many years since, he had saved so many lives and healed so many people. That in itself had been a very rewarding experience.
As it was said, time healed all wounds. Five years later, even that break up began to feel like a distant event from another lifetime ago. Everyone had moved on. He had moved on.
Still, he never met anyone whom he felt had that special inner light that could light up his world. He saw no point in compromising and his work kept him plenty busy. He would not force himself into a relationship for the sake of meeting social expectation.
And then, time flew, and time was unforgiving. Once time left, it would not turn back. Before he knew it, he was no longer a young man. He had all but given up since he turned forty. He was settled and established, and he was comfortable with the idea of spending the rest of his life the way he now lived. It wasn't bad, really. He was highly regarded in his field. He had friends and supportive colleagues. His patients and their families appreciated him. He mourned when his mother passed away several years ago, but his sister and her family visited him once every summer, and his nieces and nephew were growing up to be fine young adults.
What he did not expect was that right here in this god-awful place that the army called the European theater, that special inner light had come to him again in the form of Ellie Swanson. He felt it the very first time he met her. The moment they shook hands, he thought they had both felt something.
The problem was, she was only in her early twenties. He was in his mid-forties already. How could he even think of pursuing her? While it was not unheard of for men to pursue women much younger than their age, he couldn't. He told himself to forget about it. She deserved someone her own age, someone who could share a full life and future with her, not someone who had already lived half his life like him.
"I could've had a family once. That was almost twenty years ago," he said to Tessa.
"Why didn't you?"
"Never?"
That wasn't true. "I'm too old."
"Nonsense. You look about the same age as my father, and I can tell you even now there are girls my age who would jump at the chance of meeting him."
"Your father?"
"My father's an actor. He's very popular and he's very handsome, although he is extremely devoted to my mother."
"I see." He couldn't imagine Ellie pining for him the way fans might swoon for an actor. "That's different then. I'm not an actor, and I'm probably nowhere near as handsome as your father."
"Actor or not, I don't think you're old. I don't think my father is old."
He smiled. "If there is someone, I would be too old for her." He didn't know why he was telling Tessa this.
She didn't say anything, but she gave him a knowing look and he knew right then she knew his secret.
How unbecoming of him, he chided himself. He was the chief superintendent. He should not have revealed such things about himself.
"Doctor, why don't you come to the Christmas party? I'm going, and Ellie's going." She made a point to stress the last part.
He hesitated.
"Just because you don't have a family doesn't mean you should be taken for granted. In fact, I think you of all people should not spend Christmas alone. Come to the party. You can meet my boyfriend. He's an army officer. I'm sure you'll like him. He's much nicer than I am. We can be your family for the night."
Her sincerity touched him. It had been a long time since he had celebrated the holidays. Being a single man, Christmas holidays came and went. It was all the same to him. When his mother was alive, she preferred to visit his sister and her family instead of him because his mother loved seeing her grandchildren. A few times he had gone to Michigan to spend the holidays with them, but usually, he volunteered to work through the holidays to relieve his colleagues who had families. It always felt like the right thing to do. The last two years in the army, he had worked through all the holidays too.
He glanced at his drawer. Last night, he had finished carving the dove.
"Join us, Doctor," Tessa said. "Ellie will be thrilled."
The way she said it gave him the push he needed. "All right. I think I will enjoy it."
"Wonderful! Ellie will be so happy."
Now he was worried again. "Tessa, please don't say anything to Lieutenant Swanson that I didn't mean. I mean, I don't want her to think that…" he stopped short and didn't know how to properly say what was on his mind.
"You don't want her to think what?" Tessa said with a mischievous smile.
"I don't…I…please don't make her feel uncomfortable around me. All I want is to go to the party and celebrate the holiday with all of you. All of you. Like a family."
"I won't say anything." Tessa got up, still with that mischievous smile on her face. "I'll be off now. You have a wonderful day, Doctor."
What had he done?
But, how wonderful! He could finally feel excited about the holiday.
He opened his drawer and took out the dove. It would be a nice little gift in the spirit of Christmas.
XI
Part Eleven - The Christmas Ball
37
Christmas Eve.
Against the gloom of war and the wounded, a festive mood prevailed among those stationed at the army base. The level of anticipation was perhaps even more so than normal as everyone sought a chance of escape from their brutal reality.
Convoys of armored vehicles arrived at the General Hospital to transport the nurses to the Italian Count's villa for the Christmas party. For one night, the women could wear evening dresses for a change. Some got to try on dresses sent to them from home but which they thought they would never have a chance to use. Others bought gowns from local dressmakers who made them in haste. The change of climate to cold weather could not deter their determination to look their best this evening.
Alone in her office, Fran Milton sat at her desk, reviewing patients' charts and graphs. All day long, she had to bear the noises of her staff's idle chatter about the Count's party. Nobody was concentrating on the work at hand. She would be glad when this foolishness was over and all the absurdities along with it would pass.
She checked the clock on her desk. Six o'clock. Time for her daily evening tea with Dr. Haley. She took the small raisin cake she had asked the kitchen to prepare for her today and headed to Aaron Haley's office. It was Christmas Eve after all. The cake would be a nice treat for both of them.
She arrived to find another doctor, Colonel Bernstein, at Aaron's desk.
"Captain Milton!" Dr. Bernstein said when she walked in.
"Why are you here? Where's Colonel Haley?" She demanded to know.
"Dr. Haley left half an hour ago. He's gone to Count Zeffirelli's Christmas bash. I told him I'll sub for him tonight." He smiled. "I don't celebrate Christmas anyway. I'm Jewish."
"He didn't tell me he was going."
"He didn't? Was he supposed to tell you?"
Unable to answer, Fran tensed her lips.
You'll be here, and I'll be here…
She tightened her hold on the plate of cake.
He said he'd be here. This was not right. This was not right.
Her hands shook.
He stood her up. This was humiliating.
"Thank you, Colonel Bernstein," she said in her usual cold voice and left. Heat flushed through her veins. Her body quivered. How could this be? Aaron Haley was not an irresponsible person. There was only one person to blame for this. She knew exactly who was at fault. He would not have neglected his duties and gone off like this on a night when the hospital was drastically understaffed if it weren't for that person. That person must be held responsible.
She walked down the corridor to the patients' ward. On her way, she dropped the raisin cake into a garbage disposal.
Before heading off to the Christmas party, Irene, Alice, Gracie, Ellie, and Tessa stopped by the patients' ward to say goodbye to those who were unfortunately not well enough to attend the holiday banquets and festivities of various army units and divisions. To cheer them up, they had promised to come in their evening dresses instead of their uniforms.
Although normally not one to put herself forth as the center of attention, Tessa agreed to go along with the nurses' promise. It was a small imposition to bring a lot of fun to the soldiers. When they entered the ward, the howls and whistles even made her laugh.
"Alice! Marry me?" a lieutenant with a broken leg asked.
"Skip the party," a corporal said. "Spend the evening with us instead."
In the midst of the excitement, Tessa went to a young soldier with bandages wrapped around his eyes. She sat down beside him and placed her hand on his. "Hello, Nicky, how are you doing?"
"Hi, Tessa. I'm fine." His voice was weak.
"So, Irene and Alice are both wearing black. Irene's gown has a gold belt and she looks ravishing. Ellie has on a beautiful blue dress, and Gracie is wearing dark pink. They all look gorgeous tonight."
The boy named Nicky smiled. "What about you? What are you wearing?"
"Me? Oh... I'm just wearing my uniform.
"You are?"
"No. I'm just kidding. My dress is red."
"You must look very pretty tonight. I bet Lieutenant Ardley can't wait to see you."
Tessa squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Nicky."
On the other side of the room, a soldier said aloud, "Save a dance for me, Ellie."
"Get better then," Ellie said. "When you're back on your feet, I'll dance with you."
"Is that a promise?" the soldier asked. He was about to say something more but a harsh voice interrupted him.
"There will be no dancing of any sort for you tonight, Lieutenant Swanson."
Everyone turned to see who was speaking. Fran Milton was standing by the door.
"I found out one person
had taken an unscheduled leave. That's one more absence than we had originally planned for this evening. Lieutenant Swanson, I'll need you to stay to make sure we are adequately staffed."
The room quieted down as Captain Milton made her announcement.
"Wait," Tessa said. "Who has taken an unscheduled leave? Why does Ellie have to stay for this person?"
"It doesn't matter who," Milton said. "The important thing is we need to be properly staffed. I've decided that Lieutenant Swanson shall be the one to stay."
Alice, Irene, and Gracie all looked at Ellie. The patients in the room, too, were shocked.
"Come on, Captain," one of the soldiers said. "Let her go. We'll be fine for the night."
A few more mumbled and concurred.
Fran would not relent. "I've made my decision. This is a matter of hospital administration. Please stay out of it."
"Captain." Tessa stepped up to Fran. "You said you need Lieutenant Swanson to replace the person who had left without authorization. That's easy enough. You need one replacement. I'll stay. Lieutenant Swanson can go."
"Tessa!" Ellie gasped. Tessa shook her head at her, then looked at Milton.
Not expecting this turn of event, Milton stared back at Tessa, unsure of what to do but unwilling to back down. Everyone in the room watched and some started to plead on Ellie and Tessa's behalf again.
"Very well," Milton said in a huff. "You want to work too, you can both stay." Her harsh voice whipped across and silenced everyone.
Infuriated, Tessa glared at her. She grabbed her skirt and tightened her fists to control herself.
"Both of you, change back into your uniforms and start the evening rounds. Now!" Milton ordered, then said to Irene, Alice, and Gracie, "The rest of you, are you leaving yet or do you want to stay and work too?"
Irene, Alice, and Gracie mumbled inaudible responses and left the room.
On her way out, Alice patted Tessa on the back and whispered, "I'll tell Lieutenant Ardley you can't make it." Tessa nodded and forced herself to smile in response.
