by Jean Oram
“I know,” he said simply, giving Olivia a smile that made her heart flutter.
“I’ll admit I wasn’t sure about you,” Mary Alice said, sizing her up. “All sophisticated and from the city, no less.” Olivia self-consciously smoothed her jeans. She’d dressed much more casually this afternoon, trying to fit in, and her outfit hadn’t received a single second look. “But when I heard you were helping out Jen with her wedding dress? Now, that’s just kindness. That’s what we do here in Blueberry Springs.”
Devon was watching Olivia with a soft look that made her feel self-conscious and seen. He just had that way about him and it turned her insides over every time.
“Well, it would be silly not to,” she said. She explained to Devon, “Her dress is too big because of the weight she’s lost since having Finn, and there’s nobody else available to adjust it in time.”
“Livvy is great with that kind of stuff,” Devon said, smiling at Olivia.
Mary Alice turned her focus to Olivia. “And as for the wedding, we’ll plan it for you. How’s June 30?”
“This is where I bow out,” Devon said, quickly backing away.
Olivia laughed and turned to Mary Alice. “You know I like veils?” she teased. “White flowers with flecks of pink in my bouquet?”
“I’m writing it down,” the woman said, pretending to scribble in the air.
“How much did she put on that bet?” Olivia asked Liz.
“Enough that she wants you married by the end of the month.” Liz sighed dejectedly, which made Olivia reassess her sister.
“Well, that’s very soon…” Was she really going to start planning a wedding?
Olivia nearly laughed. Of course she wasn’t! She was just teasing, knowing she could take Olivia along for a ride. Just as long as she wasn’t kidding around about voting for Devon.
“All the best things in life fall into line quickly,” Mary Alice said. “Let us know what kind of cake you’d like.”
“Chocolate,” Olivia replied, without thinking.
“Midnight lunch for the reception? Dance?”
“Of course.” Olivia waved them out the door and shook her head. They were too much. But they made her feel welcome and accepted. As if she could become a part of this place that was full of laughter and warmth. This town felt like it could bring out the best in her, that it could become home.
Which was silly.
She’d be leaving as soon as the two of them had what they needed, and all of her feelings, which were simply an effect of being included in Devon’s oversized life, even temporarily, would fade away. Fleeting. Elusive.
The pub was almost empty now and Olivia looked around for something to help with. Nicola was pacing in front of the bar, hands on her large belly. She looked uncomfortable despite her tent-like shirt and leggings. Before Olivia could go over to see if there was something she could do, a lanky man with dark hair came up to her. He was dangling her car key. Cautiously, she took it.
“The car looks good. I left it out front.” He smiled and shook her hand.
“The car?” she asked.
“Yep. Congratulations, by the way. Mandy’s ecstatic she’ll be having a sister-in-law soon. Too much testosterone in the family is her claim.”
“She’s just tired of being outvoted,” Devon said, joining Olivia, his chest pressed against her shoulder, staking his claim. “This is Frankie, my sister’s husband. He, uh, cleaned up your car.”
“Oh, the mud?” She smiled at Frankie. That was nice. “Thank you.”
“If you need any tips on how to handle the stubborn Mattsons, let me know,” Frankie said with a smile and a wave, before turning to head across the room to his wife.
“Oh, I think I can handle you,” Olivia said, facing Devon. “Can’t I, baby?”
“That you can.”
“So he cleaned my car?” she asked, changing the subject before her flirting got out of hand.
“Uh, yeah. He did.” Devon was frowning at the floor and she had a feeling he was omitting something. Something that would smash the beautiful globe of happiness she’d been enjoying.
“What are you hiding?”
“The protesters stuck a bunch of posters to your car yesterday, so I had Frankie clean it up for you.”
“Oh.” A bitter taste filled Olivia’s mouth. They’d vandalized her car? How was she going to keep that from impacting the way she reacted in the meeting with Muriel?
Yes, it was just a car, but it was the same make and model Grammy had bought her for her sixteenth birthday. Devon might be sentimental about his Honda, but she was about her car, too. And having someone disrespecting it felt personal.
She went to check her phone for the time, to see how long she had before meeting Muriel, when Nicola let out a pained moan.
Devon was at his friend’s side in an instant, his tone calm. “Hey, you look like you should sit down.”
The woman waved him off, her face pinched.
“Can I help with anything?” Olivia asked. Her top bet was that Nicola was in labor. “Maybe find a doctor?”
“I’m fine,” she snapped.
“Whoa, easy now,” Devon said. “Don’t eat anyone. Leave that for the mountain lions.”
He was rubbing the woman’s lower back like they were…like…
No, Devon and Nicola were good friends. That was all. Olivia knew that.
Her head was seriously out of whack if she was struggling with jealousy right now. She had absolutely no right.
“It’s all going to be okay,” Devon said soothingly.
Olivia remembered that voice. It meant he cared deeply for…
No. No jealousy.
“We’ll take care of everything,” he said, trying to coax her toward the door. “Find everything you need and get you to a hospital.”
“You think just because I’m pregnant I can’t still be organized?” Nicola said, digging in her heels. “I’ll have you know I planned this party this very morning and it was good.”
Olivia found herself taking a step back even though Devon chuckled, as if Nicola’s mood was harmless.
Olivia glanced around. “I think I’ll just…”
Nicola’s hands spread across her midriff as she winced.
“You okay?” Devon asked, his expression one of alarm.
“Cramps. Just cramps,” the pregnant woman breathed. She was waving a hand like she was looking for something to sit on.
Devon swooped under her arm to support her and Olivia grabbed a nearby chair.
“I think you might be in labor,” he said mildly, as he helped Nicola onto the seat. “Maybe we should take you to the hospital. Find that man of yours.”
“I need to stand.” Nicola struggled to her feet again, with Devon trying to help. “Walk it off,” she wheezed.
“Should I call an ambulance?” Olivia asked, pulling out her phone and nearly dropping it. The woman’s expression suggested she was about to pop out both babies at any moment.
“No,” Nicola protested. “No. I need to stay. Todd said he’d be back in town by two. I can hang on until then.”
“Nic, I’ve already told you, no having babies on the lawn,” Devon stated. “And that also goes for the pub. Moe and Amy would not be impressed with the cleanup.”
“Tell me about it,” Moe grumbled, wiping down the bar behind them.
Nicola growled at Devon and he took her hand, letting her squeeze it as the “cramp” rocked her. He winced, but otherwise didn’t let on that he was basically being crushed.
He was strong, solid. Steady. Calm, caring and confident.
Any woman would be lucky to have a man like that by her side.
And it could have been Olivia.
But it hadn’t been because she hadn’t trusted him to take care of things, hadn’t understood that the Carrington way wasn’t the only way and that an out-of-wedlock pregnancy while still years away from completing her degree wasn’t the end of the world.
“I have to make
sure Moe gets paid,” Nicola panted, scrambling for something.
Olivia found a purse that had been dropped on the floor and passed it to her.
“I know where you live, so don’t worry about it,” Moe said easily.
“Is Nash still here?” Devon asked. The bartender pointed down the washroom hallway and Devon nodded. Still the epitome of unfazed and in control, he directed Nicola around a table as her contraction eased up. “Olivia? Can you find Nash Leham? He should be just down that corridor.”
There was a cluster of people coming and going near the back entrance, chatting away as they dealt with decorations, gifts and such.
She had no idea which man was Nash.
“What does he look like?” she asked.
Nicola and Devon both glanced at her. “Like you,” they said in tandem, taking her aback.
“Wha—excuse me?”
Devon’s attention was riveted to Nicola as he said impatiently, “Just search for someone who looks like he’s from your world.”
11
Devon stood in a hospital he’d been in too many times to count. The familiar, unnaturally shiny floor and the scent of the harsh hand soap brought a wash of unease. And yet today was a happy day. He was wearing a gown over his clothes and holding a tiny and impossibly perfect child. A baby girl. Every finger and toe accounted for, her miniature hands full of unexpected detail.
“She’s amazing,” he said to a happy, glowing Nicola, who was limp in bed after a quick, two-hour labor with Dr. Nash Leham at her side. Two babies. Boy and girl. Both healthy. “She even has fingernails.”
Nicola’s husband, Todd, returned to the room with more ice chips for his wife, and placed a kiss on her head. Devon offered the baby to the proud dad, but Todd was already scooping her sibling out of the nearby bassinet, offering him to Nicola. She waved him off with a feeble yawn, having already held the babies, and obviously feeling exhaustion setting in. Todd had arrived just in time for the delivery. Until then, Devon had been the one in the room holding Nicola’s hand—well above the business end of things—stepping in for the man instead of her two aunts, Mary Alice and Liz, who Nicola had asked to stay in the waiting room with Olivia.
Devon should go, let the new parents be alone. But instead he walked the length of the room, marveling at the package in his arms.
All those years ago, his words expressing to Olivia what he’d wanted from their pregnancy, from their relationship, had merely felt like the unattainable, not quite real. But right now he knew just how deeply he’d meant them, even if he didn’t fully understand them.
He’d wanted this. And as a result he’d kept everything to do with babies, creating a family and even falling in love again at bay, since Olivia.
He’d been denying himself for too long.
But could he let go again?
Put himself out there?
He peeked into the hall. Nicola’s aunts had abandoned their station, but Olivia was still there, looking overwrought, her hands twisted and her face white. A total emotional minefield. One false move and they could both be blown to bits.
And yet he knew if he wanted to rebuild his life, find love, family and happiness, he had to start somewhere. He had to face the past, the guilt for not being present when she’d miscarried, for not trying harder to be there for her and holding on, when everything was pushing him under and away from the only woman he’d ever truly loved.
“Want to see the babies?” he asked her, a funny lump developing in his throat. Play it cool, he reminded himself. This wasn’t about the two of them. “They’re gorgeous little poopers.”
Olivia hesitated, then came closer, peeking at the bundle settled in his arms.
“She already loves me,” he said with a joviality he didn’t feel. “Even babies know a handsome man when they see one.”
Olivia didn’t speak.
“Want to hold her?” He needed to leave. Now. He couldn’t field the imminent emotional fallout that was mired in their past. It was zooming in like a sudden summer storm, set on decimating what was left of his shields, the only thing that protected him from laying his heart bare and torn at Olivia’s feet.
He needed to heal, but this was too much.
They’d almost had this. A child of their own.
He shifted the baby closer to Olivia, desperate to relieve himself of the warm infant, but she shook her head. He turned back to the room, saying over his shoulder, “Come meet the boy so I can I teach him how to pick up chicks.”
Olivia followed him in. He settled the baby in the crook of Nicola’s arm, then pulled out his phone. One last act of it’s-all-good before he could burn rubber, maybe tear along one of the mountain dirt tracks in his aging Honda. The thing could barely take the abuse anymore and he’d promised himself months ago that he was done racing, but the need to push the line, tempt fate, was too strong.
“I think we need a few family pictures.”
Keep it light, then bow out.
Todd moved closer to his wife, holding their son, kissing Nicola on the forehead again. Devon took several candids, as well as a few posed shots. Over his shoulder, he could feel Olivia watching the new family.
“You okay?” he asked quietly, after he’d taken a requisite number of pictures.
She nodded, her chin wrinkling.
He had no doubt what she was thinking. His mind was already there, too.
“I’ll send you the pictures,” he said to the new parents, having to clear his throat once or twice. Nicola nodded in agreement, admiring her babies once again as if she couldn’t believe they were truly hers. She smiled at Todd, leaning closer for another kiss.
They loved each other, had overcome a crazy amount of fear to be together and had changed, finding their love to be enough.
It gave Devon hope that one day he could find what they had.
“And it’s a good thing you listened to the future mayor or your kids’ birth stories would have involved being born in a pub,” Devon said with a chuckle, edging toward the door.
“Shut up and save the river hike. There are some rare flowers down there,” Nicola muttered. He had a feeling that if she hadn’t just birthed twins she’d be pulling out her whiteboard and planning the more intricate details of his campaign here and now.
“You’re just saying that because it’s where you and Todd discovered you loved each other.” Nicola rolled her eyes in reply. “But don’t worry. It’s on the list. I’ll pop in tomorrow, okay? Text if you two need anything. Sorry, you four.”
“Would you like to hold one of them?” Nicola asked Olivia, as Devon moved toward the door.
She shook her head, arms crossed over her stomach. She started backing from the room. “Congratulations. They’re wonderful.”
Devon caught her gaze before she fled past him, her pain and sorrow as evident as if it was his own.
He let out an involuntary, jagged shudder. Everything with Olivia just kept feeling too close to home.
Olivia’s feet ate up the hospital’s hallway despite her efforts to slow down, act cool and unaffected like Devon. People were pausing, watching her go by, sensing something was wrong.
“Are you all right, dear?” It was Mary Alice, hauling a mittful of helium balloons that said Congratulations and It’s a Boy and It’s a Girl.’
“Yes, yes. Fine. The babies—they’re great,” Olivia whispered, trying to find a quiet place to haul herself back together.
It had been ten years. So very long ago, but right now it felt raw and fresh like the pain was new again. Her parents had been intent on them giving their baby up for adoption, but that had never been Olivia’s plan.
Devon hadn’t believed she would give him their child, hadn’t trusted her, just as she didn’t trust herself whenever she was around him. She knew he believed she’d shut him out because his love and the life he offered wasn’t enough for her, but the truth was he had always been enough. More than enough. So much so that it consumed her, caused her to lose sight of
reality and start believing in fairy tales.
When she’d lost the baby she hadn’t been relieved, as her parents had. Instead she’d felt like she’d failed Devon in one more way. And watching him holding Nicola’s child, seeing that happy yet haunted look in his eyes, she knew just how badly she’d hurt him. He’d been a reflection of what she’d been hiding inside for so long. His pain was just as deep as her own.
She’d wanted to reach out, share the sorrow like true lovers, true friends. Heal each other.
Just look for someone who looks like he’s from your world.
No matter what she’d felt today, their connection couldn’t overcome the fact that they were from two different worlds and that nothing was different, nothing had changed.
“Livvy?” Olivia flinched at the nickname and the way Devon said it with such tender care. “You okay?”
His face was creased with pain, loss and grief. But he was worrying about her. Her.
She’d failed every single one of them, then spent the past ten years striving to never let so many important people down again.
It hadn’t worked.
Nothing ever worked.
And she was on the brink of failing again. Trying to straddle two worlds and feeling as though she didn’t quite belong in either one.
Devon felt like he was losing Olivia. He hadn’t realized he’d even had her, that her walls had tumbled, until now. She was throwing them up again, pushing him away. He could feel her retreating, see it in her big, scared brown eyes. Closing off.
During the party, when he’d heard she was helping out in Ginger’s shop, working on a wedding dress…he’d felt as though she was choosing this life, her old dreams and self, this world. Him.
And darned if that hadn’t felt like the most amazing, natural thing. And then with the babies…he’d felt his own walls dissolve.
He reached for her now, knowing he couldn’t run away from their pain, couldn’t leave her to deal with this on her own no matter how much he wished to. He had to pull himself together and be there for her. He snugged her body tight to his, cradling her against him, grateful for her lack of resistance.
