by Anna Post
How long should I hold dinner for a late guest?
Be flexible, but don’t let a late guest disrupt your party schedule and make your other guests suffer the consequences. Fifteen minutes past the time you were planning to serve dinner is the standard “hold time” for a latecomer. After that, go right ahead and serve dinner as planned. When Mr. Late does arrive, serve him whatever course is in progress. If that happens to be dessert, have a little pity and serve him the main course first.
What should I do if I’m going to be late for a dinner party?
Get on that cell phone, pronto! Call your host, apologize, and provide an ETA. This lets your host know (a) when to expect you and (b) that it’s okay to start without you. When you arrive, offer your apologies again and join the party. (P.S. Texting isn’t sufficient—speak to your host in person!)
What should I do if my host is serving something I don’t like?
Take a small portion and do the best you can, without making remarks. But don’t feel obligated to finish something you truly hate or that’s making you feel ill!
My husband and I attend many holiday parties hosted by his company and his clients. Should I write a thank-you note to the hosts?
Absolutely! Adding a personal touch is so appreciated by the people who organize or host business parties. If it’s a company party, your husband should send a thank-you note to his boss or department head. If a client is hosting, he should write to the person he works with at that company. Taking the time to write a personal, handwritten note is sure to be noticed by your husband’s boss or client. Not only is it the gracious thing to do, but it also makes good business sense. And in general, the best answer to “Should I write a thank-you note?” is always yes.
We’ve been invited to several holiday parties this year, some on the same day or evening. Is it okay to “double book”?
This is one of those times when it’s fine to double book and go from one party to another. The casual, drop-in nature of most holiday parties makes this perfectly okay. Just be sure you do each event justice—a lightning-quick drop-by simply doesn’t cut it. And don’t double book when you’ve been invited to a dinner party or a small gathering with a set time to arrive and a limited number of guests.
I’m planning my son’s second birthday party. Is it okay to put his clothing size and the activities he likes on the bottom of the invitation to help guests with gift ideas?
No. Other than “No gifts, please,” don’t include any gift suggestions on an invitation. Mentioning gifts on the invitation puts the focus on the gift, not the guest. It’s his presence that is important, not the present. Those who want gift suggestions or sizes should ask when they RSVP.
My kids are invited to so many birthday parties that it’s impossible to go to all of them. What’s the gift-giving protocol when you don’t attend a party?
You don’t have to give a present if you miss the party. It’s not expected, and doing so could put a big dent in your wallet. However, if the party is for a cousin or a close friend, your child could still give a gift either before the party or at their next get-together.
My child has been invited to a joint birthday party for siblings. He only knows one of the children. Should he bring a gift for each?
No; it’s really not expected. He should bring a gift for his friend. It’s nice to bring a card for the other birthday child to acknowledge her day, too. However, some people feel uncomfortable about not bringing a gift for the second child. In that case, an inexpensive gift or a gift certificate toward books, movies, or ice cream will do the trick.
My husband and I recently moved to a resort town. It seems like everyone we’ve ever met has asked to come for a visit. I’m already tired of scheduling visitors and changing sheets. How can I make it stop?
Just say no. It’s better for your friendships if you’re straightforward, rather than being a reluctant host. Say: “We’re so busy with our jobs right now, we’re not having guests until things let up.” Or “I can’t commit to anything right now, but I can give you the name of a nice inn down the road. We’d love to get together with you for dinner.” Or “I’m sorry, but we have family visiting then.” Just be truthful in whatever explanation you offer. You don’t have to give a specific reason, but saying that you’re “unable to commit to having visitors” can soften the blow. Be careful, too, when talking about your new town, not to sound as though you’re extending an invitation unless you mean to. And when you do take on houseguests, set parameters—even for family and A-list friends. A two- or three-night limit usually works best.
When I’m visiting someone for the weekend, how can I gracefully excuse myself for a while to give us both some space?
As long as you don’t do it in the middle of dinner preparations or a planned activity, you’ll probably make your hostess’s day if you disappear for a couple of hours so she can regroup, take a nap, or simply not feel obligated to entertain you for a while. Just say, “Jenna, all this sea air has wiped me out—would it be all right with you if I took a nap?,” or “If you don’t need me for an hour or two, I think I’ll drag out my laptop and check my e-mail,” or “That hammock looks so inviting—if nobody else has claimed it for the next hour or so, I’d love to try it out with the book I’ve brought along.”
Is the host responsible for providing all of the meals for houseguests?
Normally that’s the standard, but you also need to take the length of stay into consideration. With an overnight or weekend guest, the host pays for the groceries. If a houseguest is staying longer than that, he should offer to contribute to or split the grocery bill and come to an arrangement with his host. It’s fine for a guest to treat the host to a restaurant meal as a thank-you for the visit. Otherwise, decide how to handle any restaurant bills ahead of time. The host should make it clear that he’s treating, if that’s what he’d like to do, or it should be clear that the bill will be split. If a restaurant is proposed that seems to be out of a guest’s budget, he should let his host know: “I’m sorry, it looks great, but I think Chez Antoine is a little out of my reach. Is there someplace else we could go?”
My mother-in-law never lets me help in the kitchen when we visit. I hate not pitching in. What can I do to contribute?
Don’t take it personally: Some people prefer to work solo in the kitchen. And remember, the kitchen’s not the only place where you can help out. Offer to run errands, set the table, walk the dog, or just keep her company while she preps the meal.
My host has slippers by the front door and asks everyone to remove their street shoes. Is that rude? What should I do?
In some cultures and some parts of the United States, especially where the weather’s snowy or wet, it’s considered polite to remove your street shoes or boots when entering someone else’s house so that mud and dirt aren’t tracked in, and most guests bring “indoor shoes.” Other reasons to remove shoes are to protect hardwood floors or to keep a cleaner environment when there are young children who crawl or play on the floor. Considerate hosts, especially if they insist on shoe removal, will keep a basket of clean socks or slippers by the door in case a guest forgets to bring them. Whatever the motive, though, we recommend that you go with the flow and let your feet enjoy a little coziness.
I was at a party recently and knocked over my wineglass. Not only did I spill red wine all over the tablecloth, I broke the glass as well. What should I have done?
In this situation, an immediate “I’m so sorry” and damage control are the first things you should do. Assist with the mop-up—use paper towels and sponges (or whatever your host prefers to use) rather than your napkin. After dinner, find a moment to talk to your host privately. Offer to work out a way to make it right that’s within your means: Pay the cleaning bill for the tablecloth, purchase a replacement wineglass if it’s feasible to do so, or help with a repair. If your host refuses to let you, leave it at that and include an apology in your thank-you note.
Picture Credits
INVITATIONS
Sabrina and Eunice Moyle, Hello Lucky: http://www.hellolucky.com
Amanda Love, LoveLeaf Press: http://www.loveleafpress.com
Calligraphy on all envelopes and invites: Michele Papineau, Papineau Calligraphy
http://www.papineaucalligraphy.com/
PLACE CARDS
Calligraphy on all place card settings and name tags: Michele Papineau, Papineau Calligraphy
http://www.papineaucalligraphy.com/
Macaroons: http://www.paulettemacarons.com/
PLACE SETTINGS
Gumps
CUPCAKES
Gabrielle Feuersinger, Cake Coquette: www.CakeCoquette.com
Index
The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader.
Note: Index entries with asterisk* have photographs in color inserts.
A
Accidents and mishaps, handling, 20–22, 250
Alcohol, 21, 58, 237, 245–46
Allergies and special diets, 216, 236–37, 245
Anniversaries, 187
Antipasto platters*, 128–30
Appliances, kitchen, 7–8
B
Baby showers, 184–85
Babysitters, 54, 201
Barbecues, 154–56
Bar drinks and supplies, 105, 106–7, 120–21
Bartenders, 54, 58, 246–47
Bathrooms, 69, 70, 227
Bedrooms, 70
Beer, 103
Beverages, 95–114. See also Cocktails; Glassware; Wine
beer, 103
coasters for, 70
nonalcoholic, 112–13
self-serve bar for, 120
serving, at dinner parties, 75
what to serve with meals, 113
whiskeys, 104
Birthday cake, 215
Birthday parties (adult), 181–82
Birthday parties (children)
activities and games, 212–13
birthday gifts, 218–19, 221, 248–49
choosing location for, 209, 219
food and refreshments*, 215–16
hiring help for, 214
invitations for, 210–11, 216
length of party, 211
party favors, 217
party manners at, 220–21
planning considerations, 208–9
siblings at, 211
Blender, 8
Bourbon, 104
Bread, serving, 88–89
Breakfast, beverages for, 113
Bridal showers, 184–85
Brunch, 89, 113
Buffet tables, 74, 75, 146–47
Butter, serving, 89
BYOB (bring your own beverage), 44
BYOF (bring your own food), 44
C
Cake, birthday, 215
Candles*, 66–67, 73
Caterers, 5, 55–57, 247
Caviar, 90–92
Cell phones, 241
Centerpieces*, 64–65, 73
Chairs, dining room, 71
Champagne, 100–102, 134
Champagne flutes and coupes, 107
Charger plates, 148
Checklists, 32–33, 140, 194
Cheese platters*, 126–30
Children. See also Children’s parties
at family parties, 201
at grown-up parties, 44, 54, 234, 245
kid-friendly holiday food, 202
not included on invitation, 44
siblings of, 211
Children’s parties, 207–22. See also Birthday parties (children)
activities and games, 212–13
childproofing party area, 214
choosing location for, 209, 219
food and refreshments*, 215–16
hiring help for, 214
invitations for, 210–11, 216
length of party, 211
mother-daughter holiday tea party, 222
parent pitfalls, avoiding, 221–22
party manners at, 220–21
planning for, 208
preparing guest list, 210–11
siblings at, 211
theme parties, 213
Chocolate, 93
Christmas, 192, 205
Cider, 112
Cigars, after-dinner, 144
Cloth napkins*, 7, 71
Clowns, 212
Clutter, removing, 69
Coasters, 70
Cocktail parties, 117–36
cheese and antipasto platters*, 126–30
hiring help for, 53
hors d’oeuvres*, 122–25, 135–36
hors d’oeuvres menus, 123
invitations for, 117
menu guidelines, 90
planning the party, 53, 119–20
preparing guest list, 118
self-serve bar for, 120
stocking bar for, 106–7
timeline for, 121–22
two bars for, 121
wine-tasting party, 131–36
Cocktail recipes
Bloody Mary, 110
Gin and Tonic, 111
The Lemon Drop, 111
Manhattan, 111
Martini, 109
Mimosa, 109
Pimm’s No. 1 Cup, 114
Red Sangria, 114
Simple Syrup, 112
“Top-Shelf” Margarita, 109
Uncle Mac’s Cosmo, 110
Cocktails. See also Cocktail recipes
aperitifs, 106
calculating liquor quantity, 105
frosting glass rim for, 109
glassware for*, 105, 107–8
ice for, 105
recipes for, 109–11, 114
reference books for, 111
simple syrup for, 112
stocking bar for, 106–7
Coffee, 112
Company parties
“business casual” dress, 239
business dinners, 150
holiday office parties, 200–201
thank-you notes for, 248
Conversation, 18–19
Cookbooks, 94
Cushions and pillows, 69
D
Desserts
Almond Dream Cookies, 169
Buttercream Filling, 86
Buttermilk Feather Cake with Nutmeg, 85
Little Chocolate Spice Cakes, 199
Little Espresso Brownies, 170–71
Mrs. Pettigrew’s Lemon Cake, 223
Dietary considerations, 216, 236–37, 245
Dinner parties, 137–50
beverages for, 113
bringing hostess gift to, 240
business dinners, 150
checklist, 140
clearing the table, 149–50
creating game plan, 142–44
guests’ children at, 234, 245
hiring help for, 53
invitations for, 139
menu guidelines, 90
offering second helpings, 148
passing food, 147–48
place cards*, 142, 242
planning the party, 53, 138–39
progressive dinner parties, 203–4
seasonal fall menus, 79–80
seating plans, 140–41, 242
serving at the table, 146
serving buffet style, 146–47
spring menu for eight, 144
when to start the meal, 147, 247
Dinnerware*, 7, 71, 148
Dress codes, 43, 195, 237–39
Drinks. See Beverages
E
Easter, 204
E-mailed invitations, 37, 235
Entry or foyer, tidying up, 70
E-vites, 37–38, 235
F
Family parties, 201
Farmer’s markets, 10
Favors, party, 203, 217
FHB (Family Hold Back), 21, 22
Finger bowls, 149
Flatware*, 7, 71, 75
Flowers*, 62–64, 73
Food. See also Menus; Recipes
caviar, 90–92
cheese and antipasto platters*, 126–30
for children’s parties*, 215–16
chocolate, 93
estimating quantities for, 87–88
favorite cookbooks for, 94
food allergies and special diets, 216, 236–37, 245
food and wine pairings, 97–99, 134
fresh truffles, 92–93
hors d’oeuvres*, 122–25, 135–36
kid-friendly, for holiday party, 202
Food (continued)
not enough, how to handle, 21, 22
overcooked or undercooked, 22
places to buy, 10–11
prepared, buying, 5
sea salts, 94
serving bread with meals, 88–89
shopping lists, 32–33
shopping tips, 29
Food processors, 7–8
Fourth of July, 204
Fruit centerpieces, 64–65
G
Games and activities, 28, 212–13
Gifts
baby shower gifts, 185
birthday gifts for children, 218–19, 221, 248–49
group gifts, 188
hostess gifts, 202–3, 230–32, 240–41
on invitations, 44, 45
registry information, 42
thanking people for, 185, 186, 202–3, 219, 221, 230
wedding gifts, 185
when to open, 186, 218–19
Glassware
buying, 7
coasters for, 70
cocktail glasses*, 105, 107–8, 109
frosting rims, 109
at place setting*, 72
primer on, 107–8
wineglasses*, 107, 108, 133
Grater, 8
Grilling basics, 154–56
Grocery stores, 10–11
Guests, 233–44. See also Houseguests
allergies and special diets, 216, 236–37, 245
