She slid off his lap to sit beside him, both of them with their backs to the wall. Thighs touching. That was good. She needed contact with something in the here and now. Something that wasn’t a memory. “I’m sure Remy thinks otherwise.”
“What Remy thinks doesn’t matter to me.” He looked over at her. “You do. You okay now? What do you need? Anything. Just tell me.”
She smiled. How could she not? “I’m better.” She was too. Mostly. “Thanks.”
“You hungry? I could order food in. Or go out and bring something back. Whatever you want.”
She glanced over at him, meeting his gaze. She stared at him for a long moment, trying to see through his smoky brown eyes and into his head. He wasn’t always the easiest man to figure out. “You’re not going to ask me what just happened?”
“I know what happened. You had a panic attack.”
“But you’re not going to ask me why?”
“Do you want to tell me?”
She looked away. That was a hard question. Julian was about the best friend she had, and even if she couldn’t be married to him, she did want him to be part of her life. Understanding her past might help keep him around after the divorce was finalized. At least it would help him understand why she wouldn’t allow herself to love anyone.
But at the same time, she’d done everything in her power to make sure her history stayed just that. History. She didn’t like to think about it, for obvious reasons, and talking about it would only be worse.
He patted her leg. “How about I order us some pizza? One of the great benefits to being a vampire is being able to eat all the junk food you like.” He pushed to his feet. “And there’s a place in town that does pizza that’s so good it ought to be illegal.”
“Julian…”
“Yes?”
She put her head down and found the last remaining shred of her courage. “I was…married once before.”
Julian had heard and understood what she’d said, but it took a moment for the words to register. Married. She’d been married. Been was good. It meant not currently. But with vampires, that wasn’t always how it worked. Sebastian was an example of that. “Are you still? I mean, besides to me.”
She shook her head. She was staring at the floor, looking for all the world like a lost child. Her walls were down, destroyed by the panic attack, maybe, and she was the most vulnerable he’d ever seen her. “Pretty sure the statute of limitations has run out on that. If he’s still alive. Which…I don’t know.”
His mind raced to a thousand different scenarios, but he kept quiet and let her talk. This was her story. And it was hers to tell as she saw fit. But more than that, she was finally sharing something from her past with him and that was new territory for them.
She glanced up at him, said nothing, and went back to studying the floor. “I loved him to the point that I thought I would die of it.” Her voice was low and devoid of emotion. Almost monotone. Like that was the only way she could cope with sharing this much. “Fool that I was. First loves should be outlawed.”
Except that she was his. But Julian continued holding his tongue.
“He was my…” She swallowed, and a few hard seconds ticked by, and this time when she spoke, there was pain in her words. “My life.”
Julian sat down beside her again, facing her.
Her fists clenched, and she started shaking. Maybe with the effort it was taking to tell him this. “My heart.”
He’d never seen her like this. Desi wasn’t one to show this kind of raw emotion. At least she’d never done it around him. “Was he the one who turned you?”
“Yes.”
That explained so much. Being turned was a bonding experience unlike anything else. Elenora had turned him and, in doing so, saved him from the plague that was killing all those around them. He owed his life twice to his grandmother. It was something he could never repay, and for that reason alone, he knew if the time ever came, he would lay down his life for her. “The bond that a turning creates is a powerful thing.”
“Yes.” She lifted her head. Liquid rimmed her lower lids. “I felt like he had given a part of himself to me. Like I owed him my life. In one way, I did.”
Julian nodded. “I understand that. I feel that way toward my grandmother. She’s my sire, and that bond sometimes feels stronger than our family ties.”
Desi sat back, wiping her face. “His name was Alonso.” A sobbing laugh tore from her throat. “I haven’t spoken that name out loud in over a hundred years.”
Julian brushed a tear off her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “You don’t have to tell me about him if you don’t want to.”
“He made me who I am.”
“That’s what sires do, don’t they? It’s what makes them such a part of us.”
“No,” she said. “I don’t mean by turning me into a vampire.” Her eyes glowed with the magic of their kind. It was a sign of strong emotion, and right now, hers read as anger. “He destroyed me. Or at least my ability to love. He’s the reason that you and I are never going to be more than friends, so I figure I owe you this much.”
The muscles in the back of Julian’s neck tensed up. This was the man who’d hurt her. The man who’d caused her to live her life on the defensive. “I’m listening.”
“He was a privateer.”
“A pirate.” Julian understood her reaction to Remy now. “That explains why the name Lafitte had such an ill effect on you.”
“I knew Jean Lafitte.” She leaned back and tipped her head against the wall. Despite the daysleep she’d had, she looked exhausted. “He was nice to me. But I have no love for pirates. Not after Alonso.”
She blew out a long breath. Like she was trying to rid herself of the memories that had been stirred up. She glanced toward the kitchen. “I could really use a drink.”
“Water? I’ll get it.”
“No, something more substantial.”
He understood. He gave her leg a squeeze. “You need to feed. I’ll be right back.”
He got up and went into the kitchen. His phone buzzed as he reached into the wine cooler and took out some O positive. He checked the screen. Remy.
He answered, already knowing the call was going to have to be quick, but Remy was a good man and deserved some reassurance. “Hello.”
“Julian, I know what happened. I know her. Desi. She was Mary Clarke when I met her. I couldn’t have been more than seven or eight, but you don’t forget a woman that beautiful. She wasn’t as polished back then, but it was her. I know it was.”
“You’re right.”
He cursed in French. “She came to see my grandfather. She was with a pirate by the name of Alonso Mora. Alonso worked for my grandfather and his brother, Pierre, helping them with their smuggling operations. But my grandfather cut ties with him soon after that visit. The man was heartless. If the rumors of what he did to Mary Clarke are true, she has the right to hate every pirate ever born.”
Julian took a moment to compose himself so that the anger coursing through him wouldn’t spill out and further upset Desi. He cleared his throat, trying to loosen it enough to speak. “So I’m finding out.”
The words sounded calm, but his mind was churning. What the hell had that pirate done to her to leave such lasting scars? How after all this time did he still have the power to send this strong woman into a panic attack?
Julian took a glass down and filled it. “Anything else you care to share?”
“I’ll talk to my grandfather. See if he can give me any more information on the man.”
“Perfect.” If there was any chance this Alonso was also Desi’s stalker, Julian would gladly end him.
“I’ll be in touch as soon as I know something.” He hung up.
Julian tucked the phone away and took the glass to Desi. “Here, drink this. It’ll help.”
She took it and drained it, then closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she got to her feet. “I’m sorry for unloading all this on y
ou.”
“Desi, I love you. Don’t apologize for sharing this with me.” Although he still didn’t know what this man had done to her. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I’m happy you feel close enough to me to share it. And if I can help you bear this burden in some way, then so be it. I’m here for you in whatever capacity you need me to be.”
She smiled weakly. “That kind of love will destroy you.”
He shook his head, angst-ridden that her outlook on life was this shadowed. “Not if you love the right person.”
She turned away, then walked the glass back to the kitchen. “I’m not that person, Julian. Because I can’t love you back. Alonso took that ability from me.”
Julian wanted to meet Alonso. And introduce him to the sun. “But we’re friends, aren’t we?”
She rinsed the glass and put it in the dishwasher. “Yes. In fact, you’re my closest friend.” She looked wistful. “I don’t have a lot of friends. On purpose. But you sort of…”
“Forced my way in?”
She laughed. “A little. But I don’t regret it.” Her smile faded. “I also hope I don’t lose you after the divorce is final. But if it’s too difficult for you to stay friends with me, I want you to know that I won’t have any hard feelings toward you at all.”
“Speaking of the divorce…I haven’t started the process yet like I said I would.” He sighed. “I was focused on finding out who was after you and it slipped my mind.”
“That’s okay. Finding out who’s stalking me is more important. Especially with Sam being caught up in all this.” She bit her lip. “Do you think we’ll be able to stay in touch when this is all over?”
He hesitated, thinking about what it would be like to be just friends with the woman he loved so desperately. “I wish I could tell you it’s all going to be fine, but I can’t say that yet. And I don’t want to lie to you just to make you feel better.”
Her smile came back. A little sadder, but it returned. “I’m okay with that. I like your honesty. And whatever happens, I’ll understand.”
“Do you want to talk some more?”
She barely gave that a second of thought. “Not really. I’ve had about all of the past that I can take right now.”
“You want to go out?”
“Very much.”
“Where to? Dancing at Insomnia?” Although he didn’t much feel like that, he would do anything she wanted. “There’s a very nice French bistro in town if you’re hungry and want something more intimate and upscale.”
She tipped her head at him. “I want that pizza you were talking about.”
“Okay, sounds good to me.” He was happy to stay in with her, too. “I’ll call and order. They’re pretty quick with the delivery.”
“No. I want to go there.”
He stared at her. “The great Desdemona Valentine wants to go out for pizza? Have you ever done that in your life?”
“Not in a really long time. But I feel like it’s exactly what I need right now.”
“Then that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” He glanced down at his suit. “But I might be a little overdressed.”
She held out her hands. “How about me?”
“You’re perfect.” And he meant it, in every way.
She didn’t actually remember the last time she’d gone out for pizza at a hole-in-the-wall sort of outfit. Or anywhere, really. She never did it in Vegas. It didn’t fit her public persona. Desdemona Valentine was a caviar and champagne sort of diva.
Plus, the few friends she had were dancers in her show, and pizza wasn’t exactly on their diets. Mostly because they were human. Julian was right that having a rapid metabolism was one of the great benefits of being a vampire.
The place he took her to was exactly what a local pizza place should be. Brick walls, red and white checked curtains, pictures of Italy and Italian celebrities, and a bustling open kitchen. But the aroma in Salvatore’s was what really set the mood. It was a little smoky from the brick ovens, but it also carried the tang of garlic and the rich sweetness of the tomato sauce. Her mouth watered instantly.
The hostess, a pretty young woman with her hair slicked back into a ponytail and Georgia bulldog earnings dangling from her triple-pierced ears, greeted them as they approached the hostess stand. “Good evening. Two?”
“Yes, please,” Julian answered.
She looked at her seating chart. “I think I have a table that just left. Let me go check if it’s clean, and I’ll be right back.”
The restaurant was filled with humans, but Desi didn’t mind it. Some vampires thought humans a lesser class, but she didn’t. Not when they made her show in Vegas possible. Besides being her dancers, they were her audience, and she was incredibly grateful for their curiosity about her kind, even if they thought she was just a human playing a vampire.
Considering that, it was no wonder this town was so popular. Nocturne Falls catered to that same inquisitive nature and desire to be entertained. Where else could humans go to be so fully immersed in all things supernatural? Sure, there were a few other spots that dabbled in the paranormal side of things, but this place owned it. She smiled. The town was genius, really.
Julian leaned in. “Does the thought of pizza actually make you that happy?”
She laughed. “It does, but I was smiling for a different reason.”
The hostess returned and picked up two menus. “Okay, right this way.”
She led them to a small table in the back corner. It was out of the way, but had a great line of sight for people-watching. She put their menus at their places. “Tim’s going to be your server. Enjoy your meal.”
Desi gave Julian a look as they sat. “Did you call ahead and arrange this when I wasn’t looking?”
His brows lifted. “Arrange what?”
“For us to get this cozy table back here. It’s perfect. Is that the power of the Ellingham name?”
He shook his head. “My name had nothing to do with this. Just the right place at the right time.”
“Huh. Well, good for us, then.” She picked up her menu, then put it right back down. “I don’t need to look. Order whatever you think is good.”
He closed his menu too. “Anything you don’t like on a pizza?”
“No anchovies, clams or seafood of any kind.” That was a food category she could do without.
“How about spicy?”
“Jules, I’m from the islands. I can take the heat.”
He grinned. “How hungry are you?”
“I’m…” She looked at his handsome face and sparkling eyes and thought about how willing he was to put her first. Part of her, a part she’d long thought ruined, ached for him in that moment. Ached to be close to him. To touch him. To kiss him. But those things had consequences. She smiled despite the war going on inside her. “Starving.”
Tim the server came and got their drink orders. “I’ll give y’all a few more minutes to look over the menus.”
“I can tell you what we want now,” Julian said.
“All right, what’ll it be?”
“A large king and a large queen.”
“You mean a slice of each?”
“No,” Julian said. “One large pie each.”
The kid picked up their menus. “Are there more people joining you?”
“Just us,” Julian reassured him.
Tim gave him a thumbs-up. “Going for the leftovers. I like your style. I’ll get that right in.”
He left and Julian snorted. “Kid should be used to the way supernaturals eat by now, working in a town like this.”
“Maybe he’s new.” She glanced back toward their server, who was tapping their order in on a screen. “Are the larges really large?”
“They are. About twenty-four inches, I believe.”
“That’s a lot of pizza. But not a lot for people like us.”
“Exactly.”
Julian’s hands were directly across from hers on the table. She moved hers to her lap to he
lp resist the urge to touch him. “What kind did you get? What’s a king and a queen?”
“A king is their version of a supreme and a queen is their white pie.”
“Ooo, I love white pizza.” Then she laughed. “I guess my fans would be disappointed to know that their vamp’s favorite pizza is heavy on the garlic.”
“Some myths are better left alone.” He shifted in his seat. “It’s one of my favorites too.”
She put her hands back on the table. Inches from his. “Thanks for bringing me here. And for not pushing me to share more than I was ready.”
“I’d do anything for you. You know that.”
She nodded. “I do. I really do.”
“Would you do anything for me?”
She gave him an odd look. That was a complicated question. “What are you after?”
He cleared his throat softly. “We’ve been invited to dinner at my grandmother’s house. Tomorrow night.”
She blinked at him. That sounded…serious.
Julian didn’t expect her to answer instantly with a yes, but he also hadn’t expected her to sit there looking at him like he’d suddenly developed a gaping head wound. After a long minute of silence from her, he frowned. “It’s not that dreadful a request, is it?”
She shook herself like she’d been lost in thought. Maybe she had been. “No, I just…that’s a lot to unpack, is all.”
“In what way?”
Tim returned with their drinks, tall red plastic tumblers of Coke, two plates, and two sets of silverware wrapped in napkins. He put one of each in front of them. “Pies will be up shortly. Need anything else?”
“We’re good,” Julian answered. Except they weren’t. He leaned in toward her as the server left. “You were saying?”
“Meeting your grandmother sounds pretty serious. And the fact that she’s invited us to dinner implies that you told her about me, and if that’s true, well, that’s also serious. Did you tell her we were married?”
“First of all, it’s not that serious. Yes, I told her about you. My grandmother would have found out sooner or later, and it was better if she found out from me. Trust me. So she would have wanted to meet you either way. She’s sort of the silent ruling power in this town.”
The Vampire's Accidental Wife (Nocturne Falls Book 8) Page 10
