by Lisa Suzanne
But we’ll never know now.
“I don’t think you can count it if you told me to go. You can’t say you want one thing and then act all butthurt when you get exactly what you asked for.”
“When did I act butthurt?” he asks.
“Just now. And maybe ever since I walked in the front door of this house.”
“I was just surprised to see you, that’s all.” His voice is low, almost like he’s confessing something.
“How different would things have been if we’d been honest about why we were both in Los Angeles when we met?” I ask.
“We can’t change it, so no use contemplating it.” His tone turns a little snide. “We weren’t honest, and we got here, and now one of us will leave with nothing while the other will get everything.”
“You’re right.” Except he’s not. One of us will leave with nothing, and the other will get...the final prize. But that’s it. It’s not like he’ll have me if he wins, not any more than I’ll have him if I do. But I see beyond his words. He may have said some things on that tablet, but that doesn’t mean he wants to be with me. I blow out a breath. He’s drunk, I’m tired, and now I’m a little angry on top of it.
Something changed from our frank conversation just a few days ago before the final competition. Maybe it’s nerves getting the best of both of us, or maybe the truth lies in the fact that soon this will all be over.
Whatever the case, I can’t have the conversation with him that I came out here to have.
So I bolt.
“There’s no use talking to you when you’re like this.” This time when I move to stand, he doesn’t say anything to try to keep me in my chair. He just lets me go.
And despite what I heard him say earlier today when Ben showed me the tablet, it feels very indicative of what the future holds for us.
CHAPTER 51: GAGE
I wince as I pry my eyes open.
I guess if I win, waking up hungover will be par for the course...right?
Something tells me it can be if I choose to make it that, or it doesn’t have to be. The MFB guys seem pretty laid back, so they probably won’t care what sort of shit I get into so long as I don’t make too many headlines and I’m ready to take the stage when the time calls for it.
Did I say something to her last night?
I vaguely remember her huffing her way back inside after a short chat on the patio, but I was pretty far gone at that point.
This situation is just...weird.
I’m here in a house with a girl who’s basically my ex—a girl who pretty much hates me—and I have literally nothing to do. No phone. No computer. No television. I can’t leave. I can’t go beyond the boundaries.
I can play my bass. I can eat. I can swim. I can drink.
That’s about it.
I feel very stuck.
But soon, one of us will be on our way to superstardom while the other will head home empty handed.
My heart aches once more at the very thought of it.
And all I can do is wallow in the ache.
The day drags, made worse by the hangover I stupidly brought upon myself.
I find Lexi in the kitchen after my shower, and a glare followed by a quick exit from the room tells me I must’ve said something dumb last night.
I wish I could remember. I guess I’ll find out when the show airs.
She seems to spend her day avoiding me. I spend my day on the patio. I found a book on the top shelf of one of the closets, some murder mystery, so I sit outside and alternate between sleeping and reading.
I go to bed without having uttered a word to her the entire day, which hurts considering it’s our last day together.
God, how different things could have been if we would’ve just let it.
But we didn’t.
When I wake up the next morning, a strange sense of doom washes over me. It’s an ominous feeling, one that leaves me feeling a little on edge.
Tonight’s the night.
I pack my bag, which takes all of five minutes. Whatever happens today, I’m done in this house. Tonight might be my last night...or maybe when I’m announced as the winner, I’ll be whisked away to some induction ceremony as the newest member of the band.
Or maybe she’s the one who’ll be whisked away and I’ll come back to this house to spend my last night in it alone.
I don’t know what today has in store. I don’t know when we need to be ready or who will win or how we’ll find out. I don’t know what life will be like when I don’t get to be with her every day.
But I do know that whatever happens, whatever change comes our way because of it...it has to be better than spending the day avoiding each other.
“All contestants please meet in the family room in ten minutes,” Camille’s voice booms through the speaker in my bedroom.
I head downstairs and find Lexi already on the couch. Camille, Kat, Ben, and Miles stand where the MFB guys usually do.
Camille takes the lead. “As you both know, today we will be filming the final episode of The Replacement War. We’ll leave here in two hours, and we’ll be heading to the Ashmark practice facility. You’ll each have a little time on the stage to practice a song, and you’ll each play one final song with MFB before Dax announces the winner. We ask that whoever is not chosen politely hugs the winner and then bows off the stage to allow the winner time in the spotlight to celebrate with the band. The winner will head to the afterparty at James McKinney’s bar with the band, and whoever doesn’t win will attend the afterparty with the other contestants who didn’t make it to the finals.”
“All eight of them?” Lexi asks.
Camille’s eyes dart to her. “Yes. You can use the time until then to grab lunch and get ready for the finale. We’ll do confessionals at the practice facility both before and after the winner is announced. Pack your bags because either way, you’ll be checking out of here tomorrow by noon. Congratulations for making it this far, and best of luck to you both.”
The four assistant producers leave the room, and Lexi jumps up to follow them so we’re not forced to be alone together.
But I want to be alone with her.
“Nashville?” I say softly.
She stops and turns with a little glare, her hands on her hips.
“What changed?” I ask.
Her brows dip. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...we seemed to have a breakthrough the other day when we each admitted we weren’t ready to move forward with other people because of what we shared. And now you refuse to be alone in a room with me. You avoided me all day yesterday. I just...I guess I’m at a loss, and the last thing I want to do is leave here with anything at all unsaid.”
She heaves in a breath. “I’m just focused on the end of this competition.”
“Is that really all?”
Her eyes soften when they land on mine. “I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
She flicks her gaze to the window. “Of not winning. Of winning. Of not seeing you every day.”
I stand and walk a few steps toward her, and her eyes follow me until I’m close enough to touch her. “How did we get here?”
“We beat the pants off our competitors.”
I chuckle, and then I shake my head. “No. I mean how did we get here?” I motion between the two of us.
“We made mistakes and we said hurtful things and we held onto our stubbornness for far too long.”
“How do you really feel about me?” I press because I fucking meant it when I said I didn’t want to leave here with things unsaid.
She looks a little taken aback by my question, and she doesn’t answer. Her hand flies to her chest. “I, uh...”
I love you, Lexi Weber. I fell in love with you when you were nearly naked on a massage table beside me, and I’ve only fallen harder and harder for you since that moment. I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve said stupid things, and if I could take them all back, I would.
I try to say th
e words. I even open my mouth, but they don’t come out.
I nod and press my lips together. I take a step back, and then another.
If I say it now, it’ll just look like I’m trying to distract her from the finale tonight...and I refuse to do that. She deserves to go into whatever’s about to happen free and clear of me.
“Maybe in another life, this could’ve worked. Like you said, though, we both made too many mistakes.” I shake my head a little sadly. “Good luck tonight.”
She stares at me for a long beat before she nods. “Good luck to you, too.” And then she walks out of the room, leaving me behind.
CHAPTER 52: LEXI
We’ve each played our final song with the band.
On one side of the stage stands the eight contestants who’ve already been cast off.
On the other stands the four members of MFB along with their wives and fiancées.
And in the middle stand Gage and me.
He turns and looks at me, and then he grabs my hand.
And when he does...something lights in my chest.
It’s something contestants always do on these shows. It’s a sign of solidarity, something to show that no matter what happens, we’re happy for the other one. But when he links his fingers through mine, it means just a little more.
My heart squeezes.
And suddenly, none of this matters. Dax is about to announce the winner, but I don’t know if that matters as much as me telling Gage the thing I need to say.
All because he grabbed my hand.
I turn to look at him, and he’s already gazing down at me.
The audience filled with executives and fans is currently screaming since Dax just said he’s about to announce the winner, and it’s deafening even from up here. But that just means that whatever I say now is just between the two of us.
I offer a smile, and then I draw in a deep breath and lean over. “You asked me earlier how I feel about you. I love you, Motley Crue. I love you so much.”
He looks momentarily shocked by my revelation, which makes sense given the fact that I’ve been pretty standoffish over the last few days...weeks, even.
But before he gets a chance to respond, Dax says, “The winner of The Replacement War and our new bassist is...” he pauses, and everyone in the room seems to hold their collective breath. “Gage Hoffman!”
It’s so strange, the feeling that comes over me at that very second.
I’m at once completely devastated for myself while totally ecstatic for him.
He deserves this. He’s the better fit, and he’ll take flight now.
But where does that leave me?
I turn toward him and he grabs me into a hug. He says something, but I don’t hear it over the confetti cannons shooting confetti everywhere and the champagne bottles popping and the screaming roar of the audience.
“Congratulations,” I scream over the chaos, and he grins at me before he squeezes me once more, and then he has to let me go because everyone that was standing on the stage has started descending upon us.
Tyler gets to me first. “You deserved it more,” he says into my ear.
I offer a small smile, but I’m not exactly sure how to feel about him right at this moment. I appreciate his confession and the fact that he bowed out before the final two, but I also think it was pretty craptastic of him to do what he did in the first place.
Hugs are issued all around, and when Dax gets to me, he holds me tightly for a beat. “I’m so sorry, Lexi. It was a tough decision.”
“But the right one,” I say back with a wry smile, and he grins.
“Don’t worry, you’ve got big things in store.”
I lift a shoulder. Do I? I guess we’ll see.
The other members of MFB issue similar apologies and condolences, and all four of them refer to something along the lines of my musical future.
But their guess is as good as mine as to what that’ll actually look like.
I guess it’s back home to Electric Red Summer...in a few months, that is. Whenever I’m allowed to leave LA and go back to Nashville.
That’s not such a bad thing. I love ERS, even if my dreams are a little bigger than theirs.
Okay, a lot bigger.
Maybe this show was my chance to spread my wings. I guess now I can go back home and say I did it.
Some of the Ashmark executives and all four members of Vail take the stage, too. They issue congratulatory back slaps to Gage and hugs full of condolences to me.
Until Ethan Fuller gets to me.
He grabs my shoulders and shakes his head as he looks me square in the eye. “They made the right choice.”
My brows dip down. That wasn’t what I was expecting. Everyone else was so...nice, but his words cut deep. I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t belong with them. Those insecurities that plagued my thoughts jump right to the surface at his dig. “What?”
He grins. “You’re way too big a star to be relegated to the replacement bassist, and I’m going to make sure you get everything you deserve.”
My heart thumps in my chest. What, exactly, do I deserve?
I don’t have the nerve to ask. He pulls me in for a hug, and then he says, “I’ll be at your exit meeting tomorrow. I’ll be in your corner fighting like hell for you.”
He walks away and I’m pulled away by Ben for a confessional, where he attempts to squeeze every last ounce of pain out of me for the cameras.
“How do you feel now that you lost?”
I sob at his question. The way he worded it is so blunt.
I lost.
They didn’t pick me, and that hurts.
I saw it—my entire future, fitting in with them, becoming best friends with their wives, being a part of something so much bigger than my biggest dreams could even fathom. And now...it’s over. It’s done. It wasn’t me.
The devastation rolls through me.
And even though everyone told me there are bigger, better, brighter things in my future, it was Ethan’s words that gave me hope.
I guess I’ll see what they have to say at my meeting tomorrow at Ashmark.
But it isn’t just all that. It’s over with Gage, too.
I told him I love him.
He said something back, but I couldn’t hear him, and now he’s the winner and how do I go back and say what did you say at this point?
He deserves the chance to revel in his victory.
I’m supposed to be there, too, at the afterparty. The last place in the world I want to go right now is that afterparty.
“I feel devastated,” I admit as I wipe the tears away. It’s futile as they continue to rush down my cheeks. “But even though I’m devastated, I’m happy for Gage. He deserved to win. He was the better fit from the start.”
I need to pull myself together. I’m obligated to go to the party. If I don’t, I’ll just look like a sore loser. And maybe I am—not at the loss of this competition, because I think that’s something I’ll get over.
But what I might not be able to get over is losing Gage.
CHAPTER 53: GAGE
I’m swept away by the celebration, and that leaves me with no chance to talk to Lexi.
She loves me?
And I love her, and I told her that, but I have no idea if she heard me. The expression on her face made it look like she didn’t.
But she needs to know.
Winning this competition was important to me, but winning her means more. I feel pain in her loss and I’m wrecked that she might think she told me how she feels and it isn’t reciprocated.
But after everyone showers me with congratulations, the men of my new band—holy fuck, my new band—whisk me off to the afterparty.
As an official member of MFB now, I ride with the band.
Holy shit.
When I got the call not so long ago about this competition, I thought someone was playing a prank on me.
And now I’m walking away as the newest member of My Favorite Band...and I’m
leaving as a man head over heels with a woman I didn’t even know all that long ago.
Jesus.
Those were some a curveballs I didn’t see coming.
We walk into McKinney’s, the bar owned by Vail’s own James McKinney, and the afterparty is already in full swing as the crowd who attended the finale—and signed nondisclosure agreements—made their way over here right after I was announced as the winner. We’re mobbed by the fans who were in attendance. I sign my first autograph—on a bra, no less. And my second and third and fourth. I smile for selfies and I drink tumblers full of whiskey that’re shoved into my hands.
Dax and Brody hang close, but Adam and Rascal settle into a booth with their women—one which is incredibly pregnant.
I shoot the shit with Ashmark executives and members of bands I’d only ever dreamed of meeting, guys like Mark Ashton and Ethan Fuller of Vail, and Sebastian Cresswell of Noteworthy, and Gavin Brooks and Liam Ward of Beyond Gold.
Now I’m in one of those bands.
Kane is here, too, hanging out with the MFB guys like they’re the old friends they are—and including me in that equation. There appears to be no bad blood between any of them, which feels reassuring to me as the newest member. It shows me these are good guys who don’t hold grudges.
I drink more whiskey and Brody pulls me out back behind the bar, where we share a joint. I’m ushered inside where I drink more whiskey. Someone hands me a tequila shot.
I keep my eyes peeled the entire night for Lexi, but I never see her. Did she even come to the afterparty? I wouldn’t blame her for being a no show, to be honest, but I thought she’d show up.
Women approach me and hug me and hit on me. They grope me and squeeze my ass and rest their hands on my chest. I fend them off, and if you would’ve asked me how I’d react to advances from women a month ago, my answer would have been shockingly different.
Shockingly.
I’d have taken more than one of them out behind the bar for a little quickie. I’d have taken more than one of them back to my place. I’d have done all of that without a care because I didn’t want the attachment.
I’d kick them out the next morning—if I even waited that long—because I wanted to be in control. I didn’t want to feel that abandonment.
