“That’s not true and you know it! We’re here, after all,” I said, frowning. “We’re hardly hiding.”
Ian’s words pounded the back of my head, giving me a headache. I couldn’t be a full Guild of Shadows operative until I broke free of Clay’s grasp. One betrayal wasn’t enough.
What did they want from me? What did Clay want? Why couldn’t people just leave me alone?
“You’re here because the Boss knows you exist,” Clay pushed on. “Because not to come would be an insult to the Pack. But, Tira, see what I mean? Don’t you get what you did? What you’re doing? That place will change you!”
“Oh, come off it, Clay,” the whole argument sapped whatever energy I had left. “How have I changed? How? I still just want to hide in my shadows. I still follow you into ill-thought-out ideas. I still bandage your wounds.”
My voice sounded tired in my own ears. I sighed. “Look. This is what it is. We can still be friends, though, but only if you’re okay with it. You’re the one who’ll eventually get killed in the arena, and I’ll probably have to watch it,” I stopped, redirected, not able or willing to even imagine Clay’s death. Not so soon after almost witnessing it. “It’s not like we’re given some nice, quiet retirement option, Clay. I just, I don’t know, I just think this is what we’ve got, and we can make it work. Right?”
His jaw tightened. “What did you do with the canister, Tira?”
“Does it matter?”
“You were willing to trade our friendship for it.”
“Of course not,” those words hurt, probably because they partly rang true. “I did it to protect you, Clay. A lot of what I do is to protect you.”
Clay considered for a few moments, his dark eyes searching mine, looking for the girl he grew up with, his best friend for years, the one who protected him and kept him safe, who fought by his side, who laughed the darkness away.
He gently placed his hands on my shoulders, came closer. I could feel his breath on my face, and my heart raced. I didn’t even mind the purple flush of my cheeks.
“I still don’t like it,” he said. “But, yeah, we’re still friends. Forever.”
I saw him then. My Clay. All anger and vulnerability, all power and little direction, all fight and fire. He was scared. For me, for himself.
For us.
I reached for his neck, pulled him to me, and kissed his lips. Then pulled away.
“Damn right we are,” I said, breathless.
We walked toward the entrance together, not needing to tell each other anything more. I felt more free than I had for months. Not since stealing the canister. Screw being an operative if it meant betraying where I came from. Clay was right about one thing: the Guild of Shadows wanted to change me. To drag me away from Clay.
But that didn’t mean I had to accept it. Or go along with it.
For the first time in a long time, the silence between Clay and I felt comfortable, and I didn’t sense the urge to fold my shadows.
It was nice that something good came out of all this shittiness.
Chapter Sixteen
By the time we got back to the Guild of Shadows, I was exhausted. Adrenaline and emotional rushes, plus having to speak in front of the assembled guild leaders, had all taken a toll. Okay, the speaking in front of people had by the far been the worse. After a silent walk, we entered the same entrance we’d exited.
I let my shadows relax, feeling their flexibility around me. I’d covered Sonsil, Ian, and Glitter on the way back. Four people when I could barely conceive of covering five just a couple of days ago.
If I could thank the creature-warrior-not-Annie for one thing, it was motivation to get better, faster.
Sonsil broke from our group as soon as we entered the safety of the Guild. Ian stopped and looked pointedly at Glitter.
“Go to your room and stay there until you’re called,” he told Glitter, leaving no room for discussion. Glitter hesitated before his shoulders dropped and he shuffled down the hall.
Ian indicated that I should follow him. I did, silently. Ian was still annoyed, which could be bad. A few weeks ago, I’d tried sneaking out (and failed miserably), and had been assigned to clean all the toilets in the Guild, plus six straight hours of training.
That had been a tad tiring.
He brought me to a door I’d never managed to open (not for lack of trying). The initiates were given access to their rooms, training areas, rec areas…but not any of the higher-level Guild areas. I suspected they had a better Mission Room there, too.
Ian placed his hand on the lighter metal area of the door, and it slid sideways. It must be linked to biometrics, making it hard to break into.
Hard, but not impossible.
The corridor beyond it looked disappointingly like every other corridor in the Guild. I was hoping for something more impressive. I mean, the Wolf Pack League had all this fancy stuff beyond the front-facing offices. Why couldn’t we at least get a piece of art, instead of just metallic walls?
So. Much. Metal.
Maybe the actual headquarters of the Guild of Shadows, which I’d yet to see, would wow me. If I ever got to see them, anyway.
I followed Ian down two corridors. He kept his hands casually folded behind his back. I recognized it as his “don’t you dare challenge me” look. Combined with his looking up and down the corridor regularly, I assumed he wasn’t supposed to bring me here. Finally, we reached a door, which he opened using the same biometric pad.
He indicated with his chin that I should walk in. I did, a smile splitting my lips at the fresh scent, before I even saw the wonders within.
The room overflowed with plants, gentle lights shining over them, accentuating the various greens and the vibrant colors of countless flowers, and sparkling off the fountain gurgling in a corner. Rocks were generously strewn around, a trail leading to a cave partially hidden by strands of ivy.
It was like being outdoors, except indoors.
“Is this your room?” I asked in awe. This place screamed Ian and wildlife.
“It was a concession Sonsil was willing to make.”
“I’m glad,” I gently cupped a flower in my hand, its yellow petals bright against my skin. “This place is magic.”
“Well,” he sounded embarrassed. “I generally shift to sleep. If I can’t, I wake up shifted anyway. So, this makes more sense.”
“It makes you more comfortable,” I said. He looked even more embarrassed. “No, that’s good. It’s like my shadows. They make me feel safer. Feeling safe is important, Ian.”
He sighed. “It is. And feeling supported is important, as well.”
I let go of the flower and turned to face him. “I’m sorry I made you feel unsupported,” I sighed. “I just lose my head a bit with Clay, I guess.” I remembered kissing him, and flushed. Damn it. Ian probably saw that.
“That’s not it,” he said, shaking his head slowly. “I mean, I didn’t support you.”
Now that, I hadn’t expected. “You supported me,” I said softly, remembering him staying with me when I had to stand before the Boss.
“No, you shouldn’t have had to do any of that,” he looked frustrated, but I didn’t think it was with me. I waited for him to finish, even though I just wanted to comfort him. Ian was a good friend. I hated that he thought differently.
“I’m worried,” he admitted, pacing up and down. I sat on a rock and listened. It seemed like that’s what I’d been brought here to do.
“It’s Sonsil,” he said, forcing himself to stay still. He stood in front of me. “Something’s going on, and I don’t know what it is. It’s worrying me.”
“You think it has something to do with the canister?”
“Maybe. Yes.” He spoke more softly, as though he couldn’t believe he uttered the words. “It does. I’m sure of it. And our involvement with it.”
“And the attacks,” I added, remembering Glitter’s words.
Ian nar
rowed his eyes, and then sighed and sat down on a rock opposite me. “I shouldn’t be surprised anymore when you know things you really shouldn’t, but delight me with details – how exactly do you know that?”
“Glitter told me,” I said. “He’s been researching the warrior, and thought she was after something related to the portal.”
Ian sat quietly for a few minutes. I knew he absorbed the information and distilled it, adding it to the information puzzle in his mind.
“How did he find that out?” he finally asked.
I shrugged. “He’s a researcher.” Ian raised an eyebrow slowly. “Okay, maybe we need to question Glitter. But nicely! Poor guy’s been through a lot. We don’t need to hurt him.”
“No, I don’t think we need to hurt him,” Ian said. “Do you think we would?”
“If necessary? Yes.”
He looked at me quietly, and I thought I saw sadness in his eyes. “You’re right. Would you hurt him if it had a greater purpose, Tira?”
“Like maintaining the balance? Keeping the Traded and humans safe? Maintaining the peace?” I managed to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
“Yes,” he said softly.
“Ian, none of that exists now, so there’s nothing to maintain. A Traded is slaughtering us. What even are we trying to maintain?”
“Survival,” Ian whispered. He looked tired. I resisted the urge to walk up to him and gather him in my arms. “If we don’t get this under control, Tira, it might get out of hand. The Traded will all be in danger from humans if it slips out. We’re honestly lucky it’s only picked on us so far.”
“It doesn’t feel lucky,” I muttered, remembering the piles of bodies.
“It’s better than it could be,” his voice picked up strength again. “And I need you to believe that. Look, Tira, you’re the only one who managed to reveal the creature. You survived an encounter with it. Twice!”
“So did Glitter,” I offered.
“Because he was with you,” Ian said. “How did you manage to get your shadows to do that, anyway?”
“I…” I paused, thought back to that moment. Clay and Glitter needed me. We were all going to die, unless I revealed our assailant. I looked up to Ian. “Survival.”
“Survival,” Ian nodded.
“You’re not just worried about this thing killing us, are you?”
“No,” he placed his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands, observing me closely. “Can I trust you to keep something a secret? Even from Clay?”
“I don’t know that I’d get the chance to tell Clay anyway,” I shrugged.
“Tira.”
“I got the canister back for the Guild of Shadows, didn’t I? My loyalties may seem split, but as long as I can keep Clay safe by falling in line, I will. Always.”
“I know,” Ian said. “And I am sorry about that. But they will use Clay against you time and time again to keep you in line.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. I wondered if that was why Ian wanted me to break from Clay. Not because he didn’t like Clay, though I knew he didn’t, but because it was like a big control button on my life.
Ian wanted me to be as free as I could be. And to keep Clay safe by not having him as leverage.
“Thank you,” I said.
He looked perplexed. “For what? We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends look out for each other.”
Perhaps due to exhaustion, tears began to gather in my eyes. I simply nodded. Ian was a different friend than Clay, that’s all. It didn’t mean he was a bad friend. Just…different.
“Okay,” he said, as though confident I wouldn’t betray his thoughts. “I’m afraid these attacks have a secondary purpose of making Traded reveal their true potential.”
“Isn’t that what the schools were for? To test us?”
“Yes,” Ian said, “but overall, they weren’t super successful. They managed to get a baseline of powers from the Traded, and teach most how not to explode, but they didn’t provide individual training, so it lacked depth. I mean, no one taught you how to push your shadows, did they?”
“No,” I remembered the Margrave Academy mostly using my love of shadows to control me. “They really didn’t.”
“Okay, so, if you want to find out what a bunch of Traded can really do, what do you do?”
“I guess not just teach them.”
“No. You test them. Push them. Some will die. But the strongest will live.” He stopped, looked straight at me.
“I’m not that strong,” I argued. “I have the right power, that’s all.”
“You do,” Ian said. “You can manipulate shadows. That’s what originally put you on the Guild of Shadows’ radar.” I listened with renewed interest. I’d never heard anything about why I’d been brought on board. “What if someone wanted to see how far you could push your shadows?”
“But that has nothing to do with the canister. And, besides, I’m not the only one who can manipulate them. You had some shadow snares set up here the first time I snuck in. You were a mouse,” I added for good measure.
“Yes, I remember,” he said. “That operative is dead.”
“Oh,” Pause. “Oh.
“And the old woman from the Wolf Pack League? She could do slight shadow manipulation, too.”
“They took her,” I whispered.
“It’s a shift in pattern which worries me. She managed to push the creature back a bit, too, though not as effectively.” He looked at me meaningfully. “And you’re already connected to the canister. Which it seeks.”
“Okay, but how would it know about me being connected to it at all?” I wracked my brain, remembering all the details I could. I wish I’d have asked Clay for more details back then. “I mean, it was Clay’s contact who gave us the mission. I just tagged along. It had nothing to do with me.”
“Didn’t it?” he asked, his dark eyes peering at me, like he willed me to draw my own conclusions.
“Clay wanted me to join the fighter’s league. He probably told them about me.”
“And your powers?”
Clay would have done anything to convince them to take me. Including reveal some of my abilities.
“I don’t understand any of this,” I whispered.
“Neither do I,” Ian said.
“Wait, you said you were worried about Sonsil?”
“Yes,” he ran his hand through his hair, breaking it free from its ponytail, letting it be its usual wild self. “You should be benched,” he glared at me. “You need to be benched for leaving us in the fighter’s league.” His voice softened. “Which, at this point, suits me just fine. Especially if this thing is in any way after you.”
“I’m not in complete disagreement. I take it Sonsil disagrees?”
“He insists on keeping you active.” Ian hesitated, ran his hand on the leaf of a nearby fern, as though its presence grounded him. “He’s considering making you a full-fledged operative now.”
My heart skipped a beat. A full-fledged operative? I could leave the Guild! Go on missions! Have more ability to control my destiny! I mean, I’d have to follow every order, but it was as free as I’d ever be! Plus, I’d get a smartphone of some sort! Have my biometrics open cool doors!
“Okay,” was all I could think to say, trying not to betray my enthusiasm in the face of his worry.
“Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not ready, Tira, and he knows it.”
“I don’t see how I can not take that the wrong way.”
“I can keep you safe if you stay under my charge,” he said, ignoring me. “I can’t if you’re a full-fledge operative. My job right now is getting the initiates ready. I keep you safe. And I can’t imagine why Sonsil would make you a full operative unless he didn’t intend to keep you safe.”
He paused, let go of the leaf and looked at me. “He knows you’re my friend.”
“He’s using me against you?” I whispered. Just like they’d
use Clay against me. Maybe friendships didn’t pay off for the Traded.
“I’m not sure,” Ian said. “I think he just wants to be able to send you into a dangerous situation without my stopping him.”
“But he could now, couldn’t he?”
Ian shrugged. “He can technically do anything he wants. But he knows I keep my people safe.” Ian looked crushed at the thought of Sonsil betraying him.
“Like a mother bear?” I said with a slight smile, trying to lighten the mood.
He snorted. “If ever I’m a bear, trust me, I don’t think it’ll go well for any of you.”
“So, what do we do?” I let the silence stretch as he pondered his options. Ian was a harsh but kind soul. I had no doubt he wanted to keep me safe. But Sonsil’s will had to be followed.
“I don’t know,” he said softly. “I guess I just wanted you to be aware.” He looked at me, as though searching for something in my eyes. I hoped he found what he looked for. “If we’re both aware, we can keep each other safe.”
I reached out across the empty space behind us and held out my hand. He hesitated for half a second before taking it. His hand was rough but warm in mine.
“Let’s all get out of this alive,” I said. “And, in the meantime, let’s go have a chat with Glitter.”
He nodded, but we still held hands for a bit longer before letting go.
Chapter Seventeen
Glitter sat before Ian and I, hands on his knees, staring back and forth at both of us, only his eyes moving. Even his grin seemed plastered on.
“Glitter,” I said, kneeling beside him. “Look, it’s important you tell us what we need to know, okay?”
“Okay,” he said, his eyes dropping a bit to look at me. Poor guy seemed ridiculously uncomfortable, even for him.
“How did you figure out the creature was after a piece of the portal?” Ian asked, his voice soft but steady.
Glitter glanced at me, then shifted his eyes to look at Ian. “I shouldn’t say.” His shoulders dropped a bit.
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