by Joyce Alec
Lucy remained quiet for some time before sharing her feelings. "You must know this isn't my choice. I have no say in this marriage. I do not care to be a duchess, but it is important to my family, and I don't want to disrespect my parents' wishes." Lucy looked down and took a deep breath before she said, "And to be honest, I have not stopped thinking about you. Your actions saved my life. For that, I am eternally grateful, Lord Harrogate." Lucy raised her eyes to meet Lord Harrogate's gaze, "But, that is not the only reason I have been thinking about you. I wanted to see you again, as I feel a connection with you like I have never felt with another."
"I wish we had met under different circumstances," said the earl. "If only we could have met before you were engaged."
"I do not see a way out of this, Lord Harrogate, so wishing will not do either of us any good."
"Well, then, I suppose I better leave before someone finds us in here alone."
"Yes, Lord Harrogate, I do believe that's best."
Lucy's heart broke as she watched Lord Harrogate turn and leave. Although she hardly knew him, Lucy longed to run after him and run away with him.
Chapter 5
Christmastime was Lucy's favorite time of year, and Christmas day was only two weeks away. Lucy's wedding day was fast approaching, but the despair Lucy had been feeling lost its hold over her.
Instead of focusing on her future, Lucy decided to make the most out of her time before she wed. Christmas provided plenty of distractions. The food, parties, games, and music brought her endless joy. The spirit of giving was in the air, and Lucy enlisted the help of her sister to provide food and gift baskets for the poor residents that lived in the surrounding villages.
Lucy's parents were glad to see Lucy's change in spirit, and they believed her positive attitude had something to do with her upcoming nuptials. This wasn't the case at all; Lucy felt as she always did about the duke.
Lucy's joy mostly came from harboring a secret, which she shared with no one. Lord Harrogate had written Lucy a letter soon after she returned from the duke's housewarming party, and since that time, the two had become close friends.
Lord Harrogate signed his sister's name, Emmaline, to all his letters. Lucy addressed her letters to Emmaline, so Lucy's family believed she had developed a close friendship with the earl's sister.
Lucy knew she was being deceitful, as did Lord Harrogate. Through the letters, Lucy and Lord Harrogate had shared their interests, hopes, and dreams. They both had an appreciation for fine literature, loved the opera, dreamed of traveling, and most importantly, Lucy learned that the earl had a heart to help the less fortunate, as she did.
***
Days had passed, and the duke was set to arrive at Lucy's home the following morning. Lucy had asked to spend one last holiday at her childhood home with her family. The duke and Lucy's parents obliged. The wedding guest list was small, as Lucy did not want a big celebration. The duke was only bringing his eldest son, Lord Pearson, much to the delight of Margaret.
Lord Pearson and Margaret's relationship had evolved into a beautiful romance, and Lucy suspected it was only a matter of time before Margaret was planning her own wedding.
At breakfast, on the morning before the duke was to arrive, the marquess and the marchioness provided the week's schedule to Lucy. They planned several dinners while the duke was visiting. Lucy wasn’t paying attention to the conversation, as the plans did not interest her.
"…and Lord Harrogate will be joining us tonight for dinner," was all Lucy heard her father say, and her ears perked up.
"Pardon me, Papa. Who did you say is joining us for dinner tonight?”
"Lord Harrogate, dear. Apparently, the duke was a close acquaintance of Lord Harrogate's father, and the duke wishes to see him during his visit."
The marchioness interrupted, "I just hope that he doesn't share the story of how we lost the carriage."
Anger welled up inside of Lucy, "I do believe that the most important outcome from that day was that he saved my life, not that you lost a carriage."
"Of course your wellbeing matters more than a carriage, dear. I just don't want the earl to share the story, as I don't want His Grace to second guess his marriage to you."
Lucy remained silent; her feelings were hurt. Lord Harrogate's actions were heroic, not something to hide. Lucy was trying to help the less fortunate and got herself into a predicament. Lord Harrogate saved her life. The ridiculous rules of society could turn a beautiful event into a scandal. To Lucy, this didn't make sense.
Lucy excused herself and retreated to her room.
***
The duke arrived early in the afternoon and wished to see Lucy right away, but Lucy complained of a headache so she could remain in her room. She wouldn't be able to avoid the duke much longer; she wished to enjoy each minute she had to herself.
Her thoughts led to seeing Lord Harrogate. She hadn't seen him since the duke's house party, but she received several letters from him each week. They both promised to burn each letter after it was read, lest they be found out. Lucy couldn't bring herself to burn the letter where Lord Harrogate first confessed his love.
Lucy reread the letter every single day. The letter that brought her so much joy, brought nothing but sadness on this day. She decided to read it one final time before she placed the letter in the fire. After the wedding, she would have to cut off all ties with the earl. The pain in the pit of her stomach was unbearable.
She read the letter and ran her finger over the words, I love you, Lucy. She placed the letter in the fireplace and watched the flames engulf the one thing that had brought her so much happiness. She gazed out the window and watched as the snow began to fall.
***
Agnes helped Lucy dress for dinner. Lucy chose a dress that she believed Lord Harrogate would love. The red dress was trimmed with gold ribbon and had beautiful floral embroidery on its hem.
She made her way to the drawing room with her heart racing. Lucy searched for Lord Harrogate, but instead, the duke was the first to notice his bride-to-be. Lucy was polite in her conversation, but her mind was elsewhere. Along with the marquess and marchioness, Lord Pearson and Margaret joined in the conversation.
The butler announced Lord Harrogate, and Lucy locked eyes with him. Margaret cleared her throat to regain Lucy's attention. Lucy realized she had been staring at the Earl and gestured a thank you to Margaret for saving her from the embarrassment of getting caught.
The snow continued to fall, so the dinner guests who were not already staying the night were invited to stay. Lucy tried to work up a plan to sneak out and spend time with the earl, but she just needed to get him alone to share the plan. However, Lucy kept missing her opportunity as her mother kept a close watch on her.
The guests were called to dinner, and Lucy took her seat next to the duke. As she expected, there was no laughter and no engaging conversation. At one point, the duke attempted to hold Lucy's hand under the table. Lucy withdrew her hand and refused to make eye contact with him. When she finally glanced in the duke's direction, Lucy could see the anger in his eyes for refusing his affections. Lucy didn't care.
Towards the end of dinner, Lord Pearson stood up and called everyone to attention. Margaret's cheeks flushed, as she knew what was about to happen. As everyone suspected, Lord Pearson asked for Margaret's hand in marriage. Lucy silently giggled to herself, as she once joked with Margaret that she could become her mother-in-law. The joke came to fruition. However, Lucy was eternally grateful that her sister would be joining her at the duke's estate after her wedding. The company of her sister would make her future existence with the duke much more bearable.
The evening ended, and Lucy never had the opportunity to speak to the earl. She had thought about telling her plan to Margaret, but decided against bringing her sister into her mischievousness. Instead, Lucy succumbed to the fact that her fate was sealed.
***
Lucy couldn't sleep. She was lying in bed under the same roof as the
man she loved. How she longed to go to him, as she had dreamed of kissing him since the moment they met.
As her eyes finally began to close, she heard a loud commotion, which sounded like it was coming from downstairs. It sounded like the duke was screaming at someone. Then, she heard Lord Harrogate's voice. Another loud crash.
Lucy dashed out of bed and put on a robe. As she headed downstairs, she saw other house guests and servants running to see what had caused the uproar. Lord Harrogate and the duke were screaming at each other at the bottom of the staircase. Lucy hid behind a large sculpture so nobody would see her in her nightgown.
Lucy's father ran past her, not noticing that she was watching the scene unfold.
The marquess wasted no time in taking control of the situation as soon as he reached the bottom of the stairs.
"What is the meaning of the this, Lord Harrogate?"
"My lord, I was going to step outside for a breath of fresh air, when— "
The duke interrupted, "Don't listen to a word that man says. I see the way he looks at Lucy, and everything that will come out of his mouth is a lie!"
"You do not intimidate me, Your Grace," said Lord Harrogate. He once again faced the marquess, "I found the duke with one of your maids in a very compromising position."
Lucy heard gasps from the houseguests and servants who had all come out of their rooms.
The marquess looked around at the eavesdroppers, and said, "Lord Harrogate, Your Grace, I suggest we take this conversation to the study."
Lucy had to know what was happening. She started to sneak down the stairs when her mother grabbed her arm.
"Lucy, darling. I am so sorry you had to hear that. Now, let's go back to your room while your father handles the situation at hand."
Not wanting to draw attention to herself, Lucy said in a loud whisper, "Go back to my room? Mother, I must know what is happening. Please, release your hold on my arm."
"I will not argue with you. Go to your room immediately. Please, darling, let your father handle this.”
Lucy had no choice. She retreated to her bedroom and waited for her father to come and speak to her, but he never came. Eventually, she drifted off to sleep.
When Lucy woke the following morning, she rushed to get dressed and descended the stairs. Her parents were waiting for Lucy at the breakfast table, along with Margaret and Lord Pearson. There were no signs of the duke, Lord Harrogate, or any of the other houseguests.
"Where is everyone else?" asked Lucy, as she took her seat at the table.
"After last night's situation, I asked everyone to leave as early as possible."
"I see," said Lucy.
Lord Pearson said, "Lady Lucy, may I be the first to apologize for my father's behavior. Your mother has informed me that you heard Lord Harrogate's accusations, and I am afraid to say that they are true." He looked down as if embarrassed about what he would say next, "His behavior caused my mother much sadness while she was alive. I had hoped that after my mother's death, he would choose to treat his next wife differently. I am sorry to say that he is the same man."
"Thank you for your honesty, Lord Pearson," said Lucy. "Please do not apologize. Your father's actions have no bearing on your character."
"Please do not think that his behavior is reflective of my own. I will treat your sister with the utmost respect. I will always be loyal to her. I do love her so," said Lord Pearson, as he smiled at Margaret.
"I do believe you will treat her well, my lord. I can see she is quite happy."
"Thank you, Lady Lucy. I will take my leave now, along with Margaret so that you can have a word in private with your parents."
The marchioness stood, took a seat next to Lucy, and took Lucy's hand in her own.
"Darling, please forgive me. You begged us to allow you to refuse the duke, and we did not allow it. We should have listened to you. Will you forgive us?”
Lucy, excited by her mother's words, asked, "You mean I don't have to marry him?"
"Of course not! Lucy, we love you and would never put you in a situation with a man who would treat you poorly. We thought the duke was an honorable man," said Lucy's father.
"So, that means I am free to marry whomever I want?" asked Lucy.
"If you are asking about Lord Harrogate, then the answer is no," said the marquess.
Lucy raised her eyebrows in question.
"Don't believe for one minute that your mother and I don't realize you have feelings for each other. If Lord Harrogate were to come to me in private with last night's situation, things would have been different. But too many ears heard his accusations. If you were to pursue a relationship with Lord Harrogate, everyone would assume that you hid a romance with the earl behind the duke's back."
Unable to hold back her feelings, Lucy screamed, "Enough already. I am so tired of you making every choice about my happiness. I never wanted to marry the duke, yet I said yes after you forced me into the engagement. Now that I am no longer engaged, I want to marry a man who makes me happy. Lord Harrogate loves me, Papa. Please, let me by happy."
The marchioness fanned herself, acting shocked from Lucy's revelation.
"What do you mean he loves you? Have you been communicating with him while you were engaged to the duke?"
Lucy realized her blunder and was at a loss for words.
Her father's next words stung.
"Lucy, please go to your room. I do not wish to see you right now."
***
Lucy avoided her family for the next few days and ate her meals in her room. Agnes had helped her unpack her trunks as she was no longer moving to the duke's home.
It was Christmas Eve, and Lucy knew it was finally time to face her parents. She finished wrapping the gifts that she had purchased for her family and asked Agnes to bring the gifts downstairs.
It was the first time in days that Lucy had seen her parents. They ate breakfast in silence, except for the attempted conversations about the weather or a story the marquess had read in the paper.
The marchioness was the first to excuse herself, and said, "Lucy, we are having a special guest at dinner tonight. I do hope we can put the past few days behind us, so please join us at dinner. We cannot continue to ignore each other while living under the same roof."
"Of course, Mama. I would also like to put the events behind us. It is Christmas, after all. I would love to enjoy the holiday as we always do."
Lucy's mother kissed her on the cheek before she headed upstairs.
At dinnertime, Lucy entered the drawing room to meet the special guest before dinner. To her surprise, it was Lord Harrogate. He was alone in the room, which was unexpected.
"I asked your father for permission to be alone with you, and he agreed," explained Lord Harrogate, as he saw Lucy's confused state. "I came to see your father yesterday, and I told him everything. I told him how we met, which he already knew. I told him about the letters, to which he was shocked. But most importantly, I told him how much I love you, and that I would do anything in this world to make you happy."
Lucy started crying, "Lord Harrogate—"
"Lucy, please call me, John," said the earl as he rushed to her side. "Your father has agreed to allow us to marry. That is, if you'll have me."
"Oh, John, nothing would bring me more joy." Lucy paused, "I don't understand why my father agreed. It seemed he was adamant that we shouldn't be together. Is there something that you are not telling me?"
John sighed and then told her the other part of the story, "Your brother seems to enjoy cards and gambling, but he does not appear to want to pay his debts, which are considerable. Your parents hoped that your marriage to the Duke of Selby would provide them with means to pay your brother's debts."
"Do you mean that the duke was going to give them money?"
"Yes. The duke agreed to pay off your brother's debts. However, your brother happened to owe money to a man I knew well from my time serving in the Navy. I have made arrangements to have the debt forgive
n."
Lucy sat in stunned silence. It all made sense why her mother and father wanted her to marry the duke. She had no idea that they were so desperate for money that they were willing to sacrifice her happiness. She felt anger at first, then pity.
"John, I will never regret taking the carriage out alone on the day we met. You saved me that day, and you just saved me again. What would I have ever done without you?"
"You will never have to answer that question, my dear. From this day forward, I will always be by your side. You have made me the happiest man in England. Your mother has informed me that you already have a dress. Your cousin, the Vicar, is already here because he was going to perform the wedding ceremony for your marriage to the duke. It seems like we have everything we need to have a wedding."
"What? You mean now?" asked Lucy.
"Well, if you would like to marry now, we must, but my sister, Emmaline, will arrive in the morning. I would like to wait for her arrival. She is very eager to meet you."
Lucy laughed. She had been addressing letters to Emmaline for months, when she was actually writing to John, but she had never met Emmaline. "I am eager to meet her as well. A wedding on Christmas Day would be delightful."
John smiled and embraced Lucy. He held her hand and kissed the top of it. "My darling, this is the best Christmas present I have ever received."
Lucy leaned closer to him and looked deep into his eyes, "Now that I am to be your wife, I wonder if you might give me a small present?"
"What is that, my darling?"
"Kiss me," she said softly, as she wrapped her arms around him. He embraced her, and from the moment his lips touched hers, it was as if all was right in the world.
*****
THE END
A Lady’s Reluctant Heart
