by Merry Farmer
“Is that so?” It was still hard to tell what Cody was really thinking, even if he made his comment with a grin.
“Women who make their living on the stage have a terrible reputation for a reason,” she answered, arching a brow.
It could have been the memory of all the chorus girls and leading ladies that she’d known backstage over the years, the certainty that none of them were any better than her, that trickled confidence into her veins, but for the moment, she didn’t feel as miserable about her past decisions as she had when she started telling the story. She sat a little straighter, leaning into Cody a tiny bit more, and went on.
“I ended up with child.”
Cody tensed, his jaw clenched in anger. It didn’t feel as though it was directed at her, though, so she went on.
“Only for a few weeks. I lost it when we were on the road, traveling toward Pittsburgh. I can’t prove anything, but I suspect Ulysses was feeding me something that caused it to go away. I was devastated.” She laughed suddenly. “Imagine that. I was devastated over losing a bastard child when I could never even know who the father was.”
“You’re a caring person,” Cody replied, voice hard.
Miriam shrugged. “Like I said, I was young.” More memories squeezed at her, and the waves of guilt returned. “The second time it happened, I was nineteen and far less quick to brush it off and go back to doing everything Ulysses wanted me to do.”
“He did that to you twice?” Only then did Miriam realize how strong and possessive Cody’s arms around her had become. His fingers pressed into the flesh of her back as though he’d never let her go.
“I can’t prove anything,” she answered in a whisper. She swallowed and went on, more than ready to reach the end of her pathetic and sordid history. “We were in Nashville, performing in a traveling review, the first—and only—time he hit me.”
Cody’s body went rock-hard with fury. “He hit—”
“Shh.” She stopped him, wriggling her arm free of the cloak and his embrace to touch her fingers to his lips. “Yes, but by that point, I’d long since had enough. None of it was fun anymore. The nights with strange men had grown tedious and…unpleasant. I could barely stand the sight of Ulysses anymore. I could barely stand the sight of my own reflection.” She let her hand drop from his lips and lowered her head. “And I couldn’t fill the hole in my heart where those two babies I should have had could have been.” She huffed a bitter laugh. “And I kept telling everyone who asked that I didn’t want babies, that I didn’t want to settle down with one husband.”
She raised her eyes to meet his. “I was wrong.” Her lower lip trembled as she squeezed those words out. “So much of my life before I ran away from Ulysses that night and found myself at Hurst Home was so, so wrong.”
“All of it,” Cody ground out. “It was wrong that you grew up alone. It was wrong that no one hugged you and sang you to sleep at night when you were a little girl.”
The image that blossomed in her heart—not of herself, but of a daughter being sung and rocked to sleep in Cody’s arms—sent tears spilling down Miriam’s face.
“I thought I had a chance to start over when Mrs. Breashears said there was a man in Wyoming looking for a bride.” She swallowed and looked down. “And then, when I was almost here, I was terrified at the thought of what would happen.”
“You mean, that I would found out about the way your life used to be and that I’d reject you?”
Miriam shook her head. “No, I was terrified that all those feelings I’d had before my life went sour would come back. I was afraid you wouldn’t be enough, that I might look for other men to love me too. Sometimes the pit in my soul that needs to be loved seems bottomless, like there will never be enough to fill it up.”
Cody’s arms tightened around her. “Only you know if that’s true, sweetheart, but right now, what I feel for you could fill up the Grand Canyon ten times over.”
With a strangled cry, Miriam flopped against him, letting him encompass her with his loving arms to the point where she couldn’t breathe. No one had ever said anything like that. She’d never expected anyone to. She’d never expected anyone to love her at all, let alone that much.
“I…I think you would be enough, Cody Montrose,” she declared in a wispy, uncertain voice. Saying it aloud was like blowing a warm, spring breeze across a barren field. Tiny shoots of new growth, new life, began to grow. “I think that if you loved me like you say you do—”
“I do, Miriam. I absolutely do.”
“—then I would never need anyone else. I would never be tempted to look for more. I…I don’t think I would need to keep running from who I used to be.”
“Don’t leave too much behind you.” He cradled her face, kissing her gently before adding, “I love you just the way you are.”
Her heart felt so light that she giggled. “You mean you like who I am now.”
“No.” He shook his head, kissing her again. “I love you, Miriam Long. I love all of you—this woman here in my arms, the wild, wanton woman who needed a man to protect her instead of exploit her all those years ago, and the lonely girl who needed someone to rely on. I love all of them, because all of them are you.”
He wasn’t squeezing her tight anymore, but Miriam still couldn’t breathe. “Oh, Cody.” Those were the only words she could manage. For the first time in her life, her soul felt clean, joyful. Not only was she absolutely certain Cody would catch her if she should ever fall, the fact that he loved her for her wanton past and not in spite of it was too precious a gift.
She surged against him, capturing his lips with her own, sliding her arms fully around his back. It didn’t matter how cold the cabin was or how far the fire still had to go to warm things up, she was burning with desire. This was a new passion, a passion that was so much more than skin deep. She wanted Cody with more than just her body. Her entire being called out to him.
“Make love to me, Cody.” She rolled her hips against his, twisting together with him so that he could settle between her legs. “Make love to me not like a man looking for fun, but like a husband loving his bride.”
“Like you got off that train back in November,” he agreed. “Like we’ve been married for all these months.”
Under the cloak, he stroked the lines of her body, looking for the fastenings of her skirt and blouse. Miriam sighed, lips and tongue tangling with his, and did the same. She found the buttons of his shirt and fumbled through them as fast as she could. As he loosened her skirt and petticoat and pushed them down over her hips, she undid the front of his trousers, reaching in to wrap her hands around him.
“I’m sorry.” She slowed the heady momentum they’d been building with the softly-whispered words.
“No.” He shook his head, tipping her back further until she lay on the couch, then tugged her skirts all the way off. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about, sweetheart.”
He shrugged out of his coat—still managing to keep most of their swiftly-heating bodies wrapped up in the cloak—and Miriam pushed the suspenders from his shoulders. His trousers sagged loose, and she pushed them down, tugging up his shirt and spreading her hands across the hard muscles of his abdomen. Her body cried out for him, but she still hadn’t said everything she needed to say.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get off the train that day.” Her heartfelt apology was delivered between tender kisses. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust that you would be a good man who would love me for who I am.”
“You didn’t know me.” He worked on the buttons up the front of her shirt. “All you knew was that I’d done something wrong.” Constricted as they were, he couldn’t push her blouse all the way off her shoulders. He could unhook the front of her corset, however, and in no time he was also able to tug her chemise up to free her breasts. “I wasn’t exactly a trustworthy man at that point either,” he continued, panting as he caressed one of her breasts, flicking his thumb over her nipple.
Miriam groaned at the
shock of pleasure his touch shot through her. The old, familiar urgency to react to him in ways that would heighten the pleasure for both of them returned, but it was different—so different—than it had ever been. She had been with men before, but she would never be with another man besides Cody ever again. Every wicked thing she’d learned in the mixed-up days of her youth was now his and his alone.
She arched her hips up into his even as she raked her hand down his back and over his backside. He growled at the sensation of her nails across the firm muscle of his backside, then gasped as she explored further, brushing across the sensitive and oft-forgotten skin where his legs joined to caress his sack.
“That’s different.” He gulped, widening his stance and swiveling just enough for her to caress him more fully. She giggled low in her throat, teasing her fingers up to play across the puckered flesh of another spot men like Cody often ignored. He jerked in surprise, and his penis jumped as it pressed against her thigh. “That’s really different.”
“Do you like it?” She couldn’t resist sending him a coy grin and pressing against the pucker as if she might plunge in.
A shudder swept through him, but for a moment, he didn’t seem to know what to do. Miriam wasn’t surprised. Most men she’d known didn’t even know how sensitive their own bodies could be, were unaware of their own hidden wonders. The prospect of teaching Cody those things had Miriam squirming with desire. But that could all wait.
“I like this,” Cody answered at length, squeezing her captive breast. It was her turn to gasp in surprise as he lightly pinched her nipple. “I like all of it.”
He shifted their position, the pressure of his hips between hers spreading her legs farther. She drew her hands up his back, pulling him closer for another, long kiss. They had so little room to maneuver with the cloak wrapped so tightly around them for warmth, but it hardly seemed to matter. She was aching with the need for him to fill her already, and the short, urgent thrusts Cody made against her thigh proved just how hard and ready he was.
He reached down, fumbling for the drawstring of her drawers, then hummed as he discovered she was wearing a scandalous pair that were split in the crotch. “What a great idea,” he growled, spreading his fingers through her curls and against her hot, wet flesh.
She gasped and writhed into his touch, bringing him into fuller contact with the parts of her that yearned for release. “They’re more practical in winter,” she managed, unable to stifle a moan of pleasure as he circled two fingers around her nub. “No need to undress when you need to—oh!”
She couldn’t go on. Her mind went blank as his intimate explorations poured liquid fire into her core. She wished they were not cloaked and wrapped. She wanted to spread her legs wide and let him see what he was doing to her. She wanted his eyes on her as his touch lifted her to the heavens, then caused her to burst like a thundercloud.
What he couldn’t see, he could feel. As she gasped and cried out with the first tremors of orgasm, Cody thrust a finger into her bunching muscles. He groaned, long and deep, with the satisfied sound of a man who knew he had brought a woman pleasure.
He wasted no time taking that pleasure further. As the waves of her pleasure began to subside, he shifted and thrust into her. Miriam sighed aloud and clenched around him. He held still at first, feeling her body squeeze him. When those tremors finally stopped, he began to move—slow and deep at first, but with increasing fervor as he grew nearer to his own release. He was strong and wild, and bucked into her with abandon that would make a less experienced woman blush. But Miriam loved it. She loved that he didn’t hold back, that he took her like a man who knew just how much he wanted and how far he would go to get it. They were restrained by the cloak and pieces of their clothing now, but she could just imagine how wicked they would be once they were home, in their bed, unfettered.
That thought sent her spiraling up to giddy heights all over again. Cody pumped harder and faster, making the most glorious sounds of passionate abandon. She loved that he was vocal, loved that he was energetic, loved that he continued to hold on and hold on, pleasuring her more and more, until they both burst with enough force to stop the blizzard in its tracks. His whole body shuddered with release, and as his passion subsided, he collapsed, thoroughly spent, on top of her.
The world ceased to exist for a moment. For that one glorious moment, it was just the two of them and heat and pleasure, separate from the world. Cody remained firmly planted inside of her, even as he softened, his weight limp above her. Miriam didn’t mind a bit. She clamped her legs tighter around him holding him close as his breathing slowed. The heady, soul-deep realization that she wanted more than a man to love her sank in. She wanted a man she could love with her whole self.
Now she had one. She had Cody, and she would never let him go.
Somehow, with the wind beating against the sturdy walls of the cabin, the meager fire fighting an uphill battle to warm the frosty room, and Cody’s horse standing by, taking up space but adding to the warmth, Miriam slept. The exhaustion that overtook her after making love with Cody went far deeper than the trek they’d made in their search for the twins or the stress of the last few days and weeks. It seemed to rise up from the frantic place in her soul—the place that hadn’t let her rest for so long. It was quiet now for the first time in years. Cody had her. He loved her, darkness and all. She could stop running.
Through her fuzzy dreams, she could hear her heart beating as she lay entwined with Cody on the couch. He had gotten up in the middle of the night to add more wood to the fire, warming the cabin even more. Then he’d climbed back onto the couch with her, making love to her once more with slower, steadier passion. It was still too cold to undress all the way, so by the time her heartbeat sounded loud in her dreams, she was still fully dressed and cozy under the fur-lined cloaks. She was so comfortable tangled up in Cody that she could have slept for days, but for the pounding of her heart.
With a start, Miriam came fully awake. That wasn’t the sound of her heart beating. Someone was knocking at the door.
“Hello?” an unfamiliar, male voice called from the other side of the thick, oak door. “Hello? Is someone in there?”
Cody jerked awake beside—and around—Miriam. “Yeah.” He managed to extract himself from Miriam’s embrace and leap to his feet, seemingly fully awake, in mere seconds. Miriam watched him, impressed down to the soles of her feet at his ability to be so awake so fast, as he marched to the door.
As soon as he yanked open the door—which seemed to be stuck on its hinges—a small flood of powdery snow blew into the cabin along with a puff of icy wind and a pool of bright sunlight. The blizzard was over.
“Handsome cowboy!” The unison, miserable greeting of Meizhen and Meiying shocked away any lingering sleep, and Miriam leapt up from the couch, the cloak still wrapped around her. A momentary flash of self-consciousness struck her. They could pretend and imagine all they wanted, but she and Cody weren’t married. Her friends would know at a glance what they’d done.
That spike of worry vanished as the greater joy of seeing her friends alive overcame her. “Meizhen, Meiying!” Miriam ran to the door as the twins pushed past the Chinaman with them. They met halfway across the half-warm cabin in a tight, three-person embrace. “I was so worried about you.” Miriam burst into tears. “The blizzard was so fierce and as hard as we tried, we couldn’t keep up with you. I was terrified that you’d frozen to death.”
As she spoke, Miriam shifted the cloak from her shoulders onto Meizhen’s, then ran to swipe the other cloak off of Cody’s horse to enfold Meiying.
“They nearly did freeze,” the Chinaman said with almost no accent. “Poor things tried to make it all the way out to Katz’s ranch in a blizzard. The horse pulling their wagon didn’t make it, poor old nag. It’s a good thing Jasper sent groups of men out looking for any stray cattle that didn’t make it back to the barn before the storm or I’m afraid these two would have gone the way of the horse.”
&nb
sp; The twins were so upset they chattered in unison in Chinese, tears streaming down their faces as they tried to huddle in the cloaks and hug Miriam at the same time.
“Who are you?” Miriam asked the Chinaman.
“Liu Chen,” the man answered.
For one glorious moment, Miriam’s hopes soared. “Are you Meizhen and Meiying’s brother?” But she knew the answer even before Chen could reply. He was too old by twenty years at least.
“No,” Meizhen answered. “Not brother.”
“Nice man,” Meiying added, then said something to Chen in Chinese.
Chen replied to her in their native language, bowing slightly.
“Boy, I thank the good Lord that you were able to find them before it was too late.” Cody thumped Chen’s back in gratitude, then shook his hand for good measure. “I’d offer you a drink as thanks, but I doubt this place has anything.”
“It does.” Chen laughed and crossed the room to a tall cabinet that Miriam hadn’t noticed until that moment. He opened the cabinet door, revealing shelf after shelf of supplies. He took a bottle from the shelf, closed the cabinet, then walked back to Cody. “This is one of Jasper’s hunting cabins. You’re right at the edge of his property. He keeps it stocked in the winter for exactly these sorts of situations ever since Hiram Scofield froze out here in the blizzard of ’71. Said he never wanted to lose a friend like that again.”
“Then God bless Jasper,” Cody laughed, running a hand through his hair. “Or maybe God bless Hiram Scofield.”
“Absolutely.”
Chen offered Cody the bottle he’d fetched from the cabinet. Cody took a quick drink, then passed it back. Chen hesitated, then offered it to Miriam and the twins. They declined, but only barely in Miriam’s case. She would have taken a hearty swig to celebrate, but after the night she’d just spent, her days of loose fun in the form of alcohol were over. She had a new promise in her heart now—the promise of doing what she should have done months ago and becoming Cody’s bride.
