Mesmerized, she watched the stoplight ahead change to yellow, then to red.
Caution.
Stop.
Such obvious warnings.
Except what did warnings matter now, really, when she’d already ignored the most important ones…?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“DAD!” JENN RACED UP to her father in the hospital waiting room, Neal’s footsteps behind her announcing that he was still there. Thank God he’d been back from his run when her dad called. Jenn wasn’t sure she’d have been able to drive herself. “What happened? Is Traci all right?”
Bob and Betty Carpenter were huddled in the corner, distraught and terrified. Despite their public battle with her father, he’d been the first person they’d called.
“She ran the red light at North and Chestnut,” her father explained. “She hit another car at full speed.”
“Oh, my God. How—”
“We don’t know,” her dad said. “I got here the same time as the Carpenters, just after the ambulance arrived. The ER staff were already working on Traci, and no one could tell us anything else. Someone from the sheriff’s department is supposed to be on the way over.”
“How could you let her drive when she was so upset?” Bob Carpenter demanded from where he was holding a sobbing Betty to his chest. “The EMT said she must have been speeding through the intersection, given the amount of damage done to the cars. Do you understand? She was so upset, she ran the light on purpose!”
“No.” Jenn’s blood froze in her veins. Neal’s arm came around her shoulder, encouraging her to lean against him. “Traci didn’t run that light. I know her. I know how hard her decision was to keep this baby. To face what she’d done and make the most of it. There’s no way she’d harm herself like this.”
“Then explain it to me.” The man pushed to his feet. “Explain to me how such a violent accident could have happened on one of our safest streets! Both cars were totaled. You convinced my daughter everything was going to be okay.” He pointed a shaking finger at Jenn. “You let her believe that this would all magically work out. And when it didn’t, she…she—”
“Bob.” Jenn’s father laid a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Let’s hear what the sheriff’s department has to say before jumping to conclusions.”
“What other conclusion is there?” Mr. Carpenter grabbed her father by the shoulders. “My daughter might be dying…. She’s tried to hurt herself…. Because I made her feel like she couldn’t come home. I made her…I made her think I didn’t want her anymore….”
The sight of Traci’s father weeping, the ugliness of what he was saying, memories of another father’s grief in this same waiting room, ripped the floor out from under Jenn. Neal caught her against him, turned her to face him and held on, never saying a word.
He didn’t have to. All he had to do was be there for her, and he was everything.
Everything she’d been afraid to believe in again.
Traci couldn’t have…. She just couldn’t have….
“Bob?” Sheriff Hamilton said from the doorway of the waiting area. Brett was standing just behind his father, worry and shock clouding his handsome young face. “Do you and Betty want to do this now, or do you want to wait until after you hear about Traci?”
“What happened?” Betty rushed across the room. “Can you tell us anything about why Traci would have done something like this? Could something have been wrong with the car?”
“What?” Sheriff Hamilton steadied her with a touch to her elbow. “No. Best we can tell, the car Traci was driving was running fine. She tried to brake. There were skid marks. But there was no way to stop at the speed she was spinning into the intersection.”
“Spinning?” Bob joined his wife. “We were told she’d run the light.”
“Yes, because of the other car that—”
“What other car?”
“The one that caused the accident.” The sheriff shoved his hat back from his forehead. “What exactly did the EMTs tell you?”
“Nothing,” Jenn’s dad replied. “We made it here after they left.”
“Then I think you folks need to sit down.” The sheriff glanced toward Jenn, including her in his warning.
The Carpenters returned to the waiting room couch. Jenn couldn’t sit. Sitting meant moving away from Neal, and she couldn’t do that. Not now. The sheriff took his hat off to twirl it between his fingers.
“There was a third vehicle involved,” he said. “Besides the one your daughter was driving in and the one her car hit. We have an eyewitness that saw Traci slowing as she approached the intersection, then another driver pulled into the passing lane and appeared to be trying to run her off the road. Traci must have accelerated or swerved, or both. She lost control of the car and spun through the intersection.”
“Oh, dear God.” Betty grasped for her husband’s hand. “Who would try to run my daughter off the road?”
The sheriff glanced Jenn’s way a second time, hesitating before answering.
The sick feeling that had been building in Jenn’s stomach made a startling lurch upward.
“Your daughter was driving Ms. Gardner’s car,” the sheriff explained. “We think Jenn might have been the intended target.”
“Someone was coming after me?” Jenn asked, horrified by what the sheriff’s explanation could mean. “Oh, my God—Jeremy?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Sheriff Hamilton confirmed. “Jeremy Compton just blew point-eight on his Breathalyzer test. He’s been drinking all day, according to the bartender over at Bandit’s. And for some reason he got it into his head to try and stop your car while Miss Carpenter was driving. When I left the scene he was babbling something about his kid and you living with Neal.”
Everyone in the room was staring at Jenn, waiting for an answer. Everyone but Neal, who stood strong behind her, his support the only thing keeping her from collapsing on the floor.
“Are you telling me that my daughter’s in there,” Mr. Carpenter said, staring at Jenn, “because of you?”
“I…” She had no idea what to say, no idea how to process what was happening.
Jeremy… He wouldn’t—
“Answer me!” Traci’s father raged, shock giving way to anger.
“Bob.” Jenn’s father sat beside him. “I’m sure—”
“I’ve heard the rumors that boy’s been spreading all over town,” the other man said. “About Jenn and Neal, and how she slept with Jeremy years ago. If this was some kind of lovers triangle and—”
“Damn, Bob. You got this all figured out, don’t you?” Nathan Cain of all people stepped into the room, Mandy at his side.
“What are you doing here, Dad?” Neal asked.
“I still have one car that’s drivable,” he said. And Jenn could have sworn his eyes twinkled as he glanced at his son. “I wanted to see how the Carpenter girl was doing.”
The girl he’d been nothing but crotchety with from the moment she’d stepped foot inside his house.
“Nathan.” Jenn’s father crossed the room, his hand extended.
The warm shake that followed stunned everyone but Jenn. Her dad had found a way to visit Nathan last week, making her love him even more because of his concern for his old friend, rather than for whatever they’d argued about or what the community would think if he was seen at the Cain house. Now the two men were coming together out of concern for another man’s child.
“It’s good to see you again, Joshua.” Nathan turned to the Carpenters, his demeanor that of the distinguished lawyer from years ago, instead of the grumbling hermit who’d been as vulgar as it took to run the entire town away. “Bob, Betty. I’m sorry to hear about Traci’s accident. But—”
“I…I appreciate that, Nathan.” Bob Carpenter took Nathan’s outstretched hand and shook. “But we’re—”
“If you think Jenn Gardner had anything to do with what’s happened to Traci, you’re full of crap.”
“Excuse me?” Bob flushed. “Where
do you get off—”
“I’ve spent more time with the woman in the last few weeks, and your child for that matter, than you have. So take my word for it. Jennifer Gardner’s not to blame for a single wrong thing that’s happened. Bad things just happen, Bob. Seems to me blaming anyone for it only causes more bad to follow.”
You could have heard a pin drop. No one in the room could recall the last time they’d seen Nathan in public, let alone heard him wax philosophical about “live and let live.”
The man winced, and some of the punch went out of his posture. With a sigh, he headed for the closest chair and sat.
“Are you okay?” Joshua asked when Jenn couldn’t find her voice.
Nathan’s complexion had grayed since he walked in the door. His hands were shaking now.
“Never been better,” he said, regardless, nodding his head in Jenn’s direction, “thanks to that girl over there. You two gentlemen, take care of your daughters.” He took Mandy’s hand as she came to stand beside him. “’Cause look what they go and make for you if you’re lucky.”
The longing in his words caught at Jenn’s heart. So did the expressions on Bob and Betty Carpenter’s faces as they finally let themselves see in Mandy what their own grandchild might look like.
“I’m going to take this little one to get some ice cream while we wait.” Nathan made it to his feet again. “Seems to me I remember the cafeteria in this place having some pretty good ice cream.”
Neal squeezed Jenn’s shoulder as they watched his father go. When Nathan stumbled around the corner, Mandy helped steady him, then charged forward like the trouper she was.
Just helping a friend.
It’s my turn.
Jenn looked up to see Neal’s eyes glittering with unshed tears.
“Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter?” asked the doctor who stepped into the waiting area. He nodded at Jenn’s dad and the sheriff as he walked over to Bob and Betty, then consulted the clipboard in his hand. “We were very lucky. The surgeon who consulted found no sign of internal injury, though we’ll want to keep her under observation for at least twenty-four hours to be sure. She suffered a concussion and two broken ribs, but her seatbelt kept her away from the steering wheel.” He dropped his clipboard to his side then, apology written all over his face, even though he’d just told them their daughter was going to be fine.
Jenn’s head was slowly shaking. Her heart shattering for Traci. She knew what was coming, and she couldn’t be there to hear it. She just couldn’t.
“Your daughter mentioned her pregnancy to the firemen that cut her from the car,” the doctor was saying as Jenn ran, leaving Neal’s strength and warmth behind. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but…”
NEAL FOUND JENN SITTING ON an empty bed in a corner ER alcove, silently crying her eyes out.
Alone.
“You’ve got to stop this,” he said. “You’re not doing Traci any good hiding in here.”
Her shoulders stiffened.
“Any good?” She jerked away when he wiped at the tears on her cheek. “Jeremy came after me, and now Traci’s lost her baby.”
“And she’s going to need you there when the doctors tell her. You’ve been with her every step of the way during this pregnancy, and—”
“And now it’s over, because of me!”
“You know better than that. You’re a trained social worker. Do you take on the guilt of every young mother you know who loses a child?”
“No.” She sprung off the bed, looking ready to hit something, hit him for understanding. “I usually save it for the ones who miscarry because some creep from my past gets them mixed up with me!”
“Damn, Jenn. If Bob Carpenter knew you were this good at blaming yourself for everything, he wouldn’t waste nearly as much time pointing his finger at you.”
“Neal, stop—”
“No, I’ve been stopping. I’ve been jogging two and three times a day, leaving the room when you come in, trying to stay out of your way because that’s what you needed. Now you stop!” He was done watching her slip away and pretending he was okay with it. And he was done watching her lose herself in other people’s lives, when what she needed—what he needed—was for her to start living her own. “No one’s blaming you for Traci’s accident, except her terrified parents. A drunk took a swipe at the girl, and what’s happened is horrible. But thinking it’s your fault is just selfish.”
“Selfish?”
“Yes, selfish.” She might never forgive him for what he was about to say, but at least he’d know he’d tried. He was going to fight for her this time. Damn it, he was done running. The rest was up to her. “As long as you’re mired in Traci’s problems, you don’t have to deal with feeling anything else, or take a chance on the life you’re too afraid to want for yourself. You think I don’t know that? That I don’t know just how much wanting anything scares you to death?”
“You… I… I’m not using Traci…”
“You’re hiding, same as I did, Jenn. You make your life about caring for everyone else, and I push people away while I help from a distance. But it’s the same thing. We both end up alone in the end, exactly the way we want it.” He needed to hold her, to make her listen. But this had to be her choice, or it would never work. “I used my dad’s anger and then my work to push everything about this place away, and I waited too long to make myself come back. I’ve lost the last years of my dad’s life, years I can’t go back and relive because I’m so damn sorry I could puke. And now I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my chance with you, too, and….”
“Neal…” She reached for him, fresh tears falling.
He pulled her against his chest, cherishing her instinct to comfort him even though he knew it terrified her.
“And that’s all right,” he assured them both. “That would be okay, if we couldn’t be together because we couldn’t handle what happened to Bobby, or the years we’ve been apart. If it really was too late to try and start again. But every time I hold you I can feel how much you still love me. How much you still need what we had, just like I do. But then you pull away, because you’re too afraid.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Neal.” She looked up at him. “I’ve never been afraid of you.”
“Not of me.” There was such passion in her insistence, in her heart, he didn’t know how he’d ever let her go. “Of what being with me would mean. What letting someone into your heart again could cost you if everything went to hell. You’ve been hurt so badly, Jenn. And I was part of that. It’s killing me to know you might never be able to trust your heart again.”
“I…” She swallowed twice, as if to keep herself from continuing. Then those brave shoulders straightened, and she stepped back. “I love you, Neal. I’ll always love you. But loving you makes me… You’re right. The thought of losing you again terrifies me. And I…”
The fact that she couldn’t finish saying it all didn’t change the truth written all over her face.
She needed to be alone and safe more than she needed his love.
“I understand.” He kissed her forehead, wishing to hell he didn’t. If he hadn’t spent so long running himself, maybe he could be angry at her for giving up. But all he could do now was understand, and somehow help make what she needed okay. “Don’t worry, it’s okay. You’ve given me my father back, Jennifer. You’ve let me be your friend again. Even let me help you just a little. It’s more than I ever thought we’d have. For the rest of my life, I’ll be grateful that I came back to Rivermist and found you here.”
He brushed damp hair away from her face, kissed her one last time and turned away.
He had to get out of there.
“Neal, don’t go,” she begged.
“I’ll meet you back at the house.” He needed some time. He had to be anywhere but next to her while she told him she didn’t have enough hope left to fight for the new beginning they’d almost had. “I…I think I’ll go for a run.”
“ARE YOU OKAY?” BRETT ASKED from
where he sat on the edge of Traci’s bed.
Jenn hesitated just outside the girl’s room, still shaking from saying she loved Neal, then watching him walk away.
When the bruised teenager nodded from her nest of pillows instead of answering, Brett took her hand.
“Are you sure you don’t want your parents?” he asked.
Traci shook her head, wincing and bringing a hand up to cup the bruise swelling from her right temple to her jawline.
“I can’t face them,” she finally said. “I know they’re glad I lost the baby, and I just can’t—”
“They’re glad you’re okay.” Jenn stepped into the room. She couldn’t let this child believe something like that. She couldn’t watch love die here, too. “And they know you’re hurting about the baby. They love you, Traci, don’t turn them away now. Don’t let yourself think you don’t need them, just when you need love the most.”
“She’s right,” Brett agreed. “I was there. Your mom started crying when she heard. I know you guys are still fighting, but they thought they’d lost you, and they’re really upset about the baby. Let them come back here. They want to be with you.”
Traci looked at Jenn, as the teen had done so many other times over the last few weeks, her eyes asking Jenn to tell her what to do. And Jenn’s answer had to be the same as it had been from day one.
“You’re the only one who knows what’s right for you, sweetie. You have to follow your heart.” It’s killing me to know you might never be able to trust your heart again. “What… What does your heart tell you to do?”
Brett squeezed Traci’s hand.
“I… I want my mom,” Traci whispered on a sob.
Jenn ran, relieved that Traci was giving her future this final chance to work. Terrified that she herself had just let panic and fear keep her from grabbing onto what she’d dreamed of always having. She returned in less than a minute with Bob and Betty at her heels.
“Oh, honey.” Betty engulfed her battered daughter in the gentlest hug Jenn had ever seen. “Thank God you’re okay. We’re so sorry about the baby, honey. So very sorry.”
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