Her words hurt, but I didn’t want to cause her more pain. I backed away a few steps and drew a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m not your mother. I’m your sister. I don’t want to advise you—I just want to love you.”
“Well, I’m not looking for love or advice.”
I thought of Mark’s comment to me—how I was looking so hard for love. Piper was looking for love too. She just didn’t know it. And just like Mark with me, I couldn’t show her the truth.
“I don’t want to leave you like this.”
She looked at me oddly. “I’m not going to jump off a building like Mom, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Her comment sent a shiver through me. “Piper, I just don’t think it’s good for you to be alone. I definitely don’t think you should leave without telling anyone. Please. Just wait for daylight and I’ll drive you to the ferry myself. I’ll even drive you to the airport if that’s what you want.”
“What I want has never mattered,” Piper said, raising her voice. “I wanted a mother. I wanted a real family with a mom and dad. I wanted to live in a house with my sisters—not some boarding school.” She shoved a pair of pants into the suitcase.
“What I’ve wanted all of my life was normalcy, and no one could give it to me. I wanted a puppy and friends. I wanted birthday parties and—” Her voice broke and she shook it off. Sniffing back tears, she shook her head almost violently. “No. I’m not going to have this conversation with you. Especially not with you.”
Her words stung, but I tried not to show it. “If not with me, then with Dad or Judith or even Geena. Talk to one of them if you don’t want to have anything to do with me.”
Her expression suggested she thought I was completely crazy. “You ought to understand if anyone does,” she said. “I can’t talk to anyone in this family. You’re all a part of the same conspiracy. Oh sure, we’re all so very adult about it now. All so proud of ourselves for speaking the horror aloud and admitting there has been a monster living under the bed all these years. But it’s too little too late.”
“But it doesn’t have to be that way, Piper.” Her declaration made me even more concerned that she was contemplating suicide. “Now that the truth has come out, we can—”
“What?” she interrupted. “Fix it? This can’t be fixed, Bailee.” She sounded exhausted, as if any further movement would require effort she simply didn’t have. “If I promise to stay until it’s light, will you please go and leave me alone?”
I nodded. If that was the only way to get her to agree, I had to do what I could. It would be easy enough to keep an eye on her. I could leave my bedroom door open and watch to be sure she didn’t leave. She would have to pass by my room if she were to head out.
“I’ll be in my room if you need me—if you want to talk or . . . whatever,” I said and walked to the door.
Piper looked hesitant. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. Shaking her head, she went back to the closet for more clothes. Without turning around I heard her determined voice. “Just go.”
Back in my room I set my door ajar and crawled onto the bed. I could see the hallway lit by the dim glow of the night-light. I felt sick at heart. There was nothing I could do to help Piper. She was desperate and determined.
“I just want to help her, but I can’t,” I whispered. “I can’t change the past and I can’t fix the present.” But even as I said it, I knew who could. Prayer was all so new to me, but at this place and time, it seemed the most natural thing I’d done in years.
“She needs you, God. Please help her. Please let the healing begin for her—for all of us.”
I couldn’t suppress my yawns as I stepped onto the deck. I’d fallen asleep sometime after my conversation with Piper, and when I awoke, her room was empty. Dad and Judith were busy at the barbecue grill. I’d fully intended to tell them that Piper was gone, but instead I found her sitting beside Geena, sipping orange juice.
“You look tired,” Geena commented.
I nodded and sank into a seat. “I am. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
Judith brought a plate of grilled ham to the table. “Since the rain cleared we thought we’d enjoy breakfast out here.”
I noticed a bowl of scrambled eggs and a platter of toast. “It sounds great,” I admitted. I looked around. “Did Mark decide to sleep in?”
“He had a conference call. Said he’d join us as soon as he could,” Dad replied, joining us at the table. He offered grace and as soon as he said amen, Piper drew everyone’s attention.
“I’m the reason Bailee is so tired.”
Everyone stopped mid-reach and looked at Piper. Judith smiled. “Were you girls up talking all night?”
“Not exactly,” my youngest sister admitted. “Bailee caught me trying to run away.”
I was surprised at her candor. I reached for a piece of toast and tried to act nonchalant about the entire matter.
“Why would you want to run away?” Dad asked good-naturedly. “You’re a grown woman. Grown-ups don’t have to run away when they want to leave a place. They just leave.” He grew quite serious. “You were never meant to feel like you had to stay.”
I completely disagreed with Dad’s analysis. Adults ran away all the time. After all, he’d spent most of our childhood and teen years on the run. If anyone knew about getting away from discomfort, it was Dad. But I said nothing. I forced my silence by stuffing toast in my mouth.
Geena reached for the ham and shrugged. “I think adults run away more often than kids, if you want my opinion. When things get uncomfortable they just up and quit. They quit jobs, marriages, families, churches, relationships of all kinds. We aren’t exactly a committed people anymore.”
“She makes a good point,” Judith interjected.
My father considered their comments and nodded. “I suppose I know that better than most.”
I felt a sense of relief. I hadn’t had to make a single statement and all my thoughts had been expressed. Even so, I supposed I still hadn’t learned the value of just being honest and speaking up. There was some sort of war going on inside me that suggested telling the truth equated being cruel. I would need to talk to Dinah about that when we got back to Boston.
“I’m depressed.” Piper’s simple statement shut everyone up once again. She shrugged. “I’ve been depressed most of my life. I tried to talk to a counselor in school, but she just said it was normal because I’d lost Mom at such a young age. She told me to meditate on positive thoughts and look for the good things in my life and I would be fine. But I’m not.”
“How ridiculous,” Geena commented. “That’s a bunch of bunk.”
Piper sighed. “Bailee kept me from leaving before talking to you all. I didn’t want to deal with this, but she gave me a lot to think about. I guess I want to get help.” Tears came to her eyes, and she struggled to speak. “I’m just so afraid that I’m crazy . . . like Mom.”
To my surprise, it was Judith who acted first. She put her arm around Piper and pulled her close. “Don’t be afraid. We’re here for you. We won’t abandon you.” She stroked Piper’s hair and let my sister cry.
Dad looked pale and distressed. I could almost hear the questions pouring through his thoughts. Is this the beginning of schizophrenia? Is Piper going to end up like her mother? How do we handle this without making it worse?
Judith continued to deal with the matter as if none of us was there. “Piper, we can head back to Boston whenever you’d like. When we get there I’ll help you set up a physical. That’s the best place to start. You may just be run down or deficient in something. Don’t give yourself over to worrying about the worst-case scenario until we’ve at least gone that far.”
Piper lifted her face to Judith. “Will you go with me?”
I ignored the stab of pain I felt at her question. I wasn’t going to feel betrayed just because Piper wanted Judith to help her in this situation instead of me. I knew that it would be petty to try to make this be about
my feelings, but there was that burning question in my heart. I had tried so hard all of my life to be whatever my sisters needed. What did I do wrong?
“I will go with you if you want me to,” Judith agreed. “I will even help you find the right people to see.”
“Thank you,” Piper said. She wiped her face with a napkin and looked back to me. “Please don’t be angry.”
Her expression was so full of pain. “I’m not angry,” I told her. At least that much was true.
“It’s not because I don’t love you,” she added. “It’s not really about you at all. I just need someone who can be . . . well . . . I guess . . .” She stammered for the right word.
“Objective?” I asked with new understanding. I was too close—too connected to the problem. Piper needed a neutral third party, although I knew Judith was anything but neutral toward her new stepdaughter.
“Yes,” Piper said. “Objective.”
“I think that’s very wise.” I reached for the coffee and poured myself a cup. This was how the healing would start, I thought. Perhaps we would one day look back on this moment and realize that God had begun to knit us back together as a family. Not because of my abilities or my desires, but because of His.
Chapter 20
Mark still hadn’t joined us by the time breakfast was over, so Geena and I went ahead and cleared the table. Dad and Judith took Piper for a walk on the beach so they could talk, and the time afforded Geena and I an opportunity to do likewise.
“I was surprised when Piper asked Judith to accompany her to the doctor,” Geena began, “so I figure you must have been pretty hurt by it.”
There was no sense in lying. I put a bowl in the dishwasher and straightened. “It did hurt, but I think I’m seeing the good of it. Judith truly can be more objective than any of us. I’m not Piper’s mother, and in trying to take on so much responsibility with her and with you, it’s robbed me of the rightful position I had to just be your sister and friend.”
Geena looked at me with such intensity that I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like her next comment. “Do you think Piper is schizophrenic?”
Hadn’t I already asked myself that question a hundred times? I shrugged. “I don’t know, and frankly, I’m not even going to try to guess. I’ve spent my entire adulthood doing that. At least she’s willing to seek professional help. Now I don’t have to be the one to second-guess her actions.”
“But surely you have an opinion. I mean, you know more about this than I do. You remember Mom better than I can. Did Mom act like Piper?”
“I don’t know, Geena. I can’t remember when Mom first started getting sick. I know Mom was sad much of the time. I guess learning about Noah explains a lot. Dealing with her demons couldn’t have been easy.”
“And maybe Piper is having the same struggle with her demons. Maybe the truth has been staring us in the eye for years.”
“The truth is supposed to set us free,” I said, considering all that had happened. “Even with all that’s been revealed, however, I feel like there’s just more work—more to confront.”
“Like searching out the details for a case,” Geena agreed.
“Exactly. And I can’t help but feel there is something else I’m here to do—to understand. I don’t know what it is, but I’m not ready to leave until I figure it out.”
Geena looked at me for a moment. “So stay. Just because they’re going back doesn’t mean you can’t stick around. Maybe I can even stay an extra few days.”
“I suppose you’re right. We could stay up at the cottage and let the rentals start up here at the house. I wouldn’t want Dad to lose all of his summer income.” I smiled.
“Especially now.”
“What do you mean?”
Geena leaned closer, although there was really no need. “I think Dad is planning to retire early. He didn’t say so, but there were just little things I heard him comment on to Judith.”
“Well, I certainly hadn’t considered that possibility.” Dad’s work had seemed to be his life for so long. “Do you really think he would quit?”
“I don’t know why not. He built up the business, but I know he prides himself on having trained a good team. My guess is he’ll sell out his interest in it and be done.”
“Then what?” I couldn’t imagine him sitting at home doing nothing.
“That’s where one of those comments comes in. I think he and Judith would like to travel a bit—see the world.”
“He’s seen the world many times over,” I said, putting detergent into the dishwasher.
“Yes, but only from a business perspective, and always alone,” Geena replied. “Having someone to share it with would make for a completely new adventure.”
“Anybody at home?” Mark called from the front of the house.
“We’re in the kitchen.” I set the cycle on the machine and turned my attention to the plate we’d kept for Mark. “We saved you breakfast,” I told him as he popped around the corner.
“Wonderful. I’m starved.” He was wearing jeans and a black T-shirt. I’d never seen him looking so casual.
He grinned at me with such enthusiasm I couldn’t help but return the smile. “Your meeting must have gone very well.”
Shaking his head, Mark took the plate Geena offered. “Not at all. In fact, I have to fly back to New York immediately.”
I felt a deep sense of disappointment. “Oh. Well, it’s just that you seemed so cheerful.” I turned away, hoping he wouldn’t see my frown. I wiped the counter and tried to think of something else to say.
“I’m going upstairs to clean the bathroom,” Geena said. “It’s my turn. Mark, if you want to pop that in the microwave, it’s there just over the stove.”
“Thanks.”
I heard Mark cross behind me, but I kept my focus on several coffee rings that had stained the counter. The microwave hummed to life and I remembered that we still had coffee in the pot.
“Would you like a cup of coffee?”
“I would. Why don’t you pour two and come sit with me while I eat.”
My feelings were back under control, so I smiled and turned around. “Of course.”
He was still grinning like he’d just won the lottery or a trip to Hawaii. I cocked my head. “For someone who had a horrible meeting, you certainly seem delighted.”
Laughing, he stepped forward and pulled me into his arms. I looked up without thinking and found his mouth only a fraction of an inch away from mine. “Your dad told me about your decision.”
It all became clear and I pulled back just a bit. “This is about my talk with God? You’re smiling like an idiot because I made sense of the voice I’d been hearing?”
“It makes me very happy,” he declared.
I looked at him oddly. “And just why would it make you so happy?”
“Because it eliminates any obstacle in my way to putting my plans in motion.”
“Your plans? And exactly what plans are you talking about?”
“Let me show you phase one,” he said in a low, intriguing tone. He touched his lips to mine, and I felt my body melt against him.
It was like I had no will of my own. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave in to my emotions. I stopped worrying about my sisters and our potential risk of mental illness. I put aside my insecurities and wounded feelings about having done my best to hold the family together. I even let go of my deepest fear that something was still unresolved, and passionately returned Mark’s kiss.
He trailed his mouth from my lips and showered my face with kisses so tender and enticing that I thought I might very well stop breathing. Was this what it was to be in love—to know true love?
My heart was pounding hard, and I pulled away, rather embarrassed by my own desire. “Wow,” I said, trying to gather my thoughts. “Phase one certainly packs a punch.”
He laughed and pulled me toward him again. “Just wait until you hear about phase two.”
I put my hands between us
and pushed on his chest ever so slightly. “I think we need to spend some time considering this phase before we move on.”
His grin didn’t fade. “I thought phase one was pretty self-explanatory, but perhaps I should reiterate my point.” His blue eyes twinkled, and I couldn’t help but feel his joy permeate my defenses.
I quickly broke his hold and moved to put the kitchen island between us. Just then the microwave chimed and I pointed. “Your breakfast is ready.”
Mark chuckled and went to pop open the door and retrieve his plate. “I thought you said there was coffee.”
Steadying myself against the island, I nodded. “I’ll bring it to the table. The clouds are starting to build in the sky, but I think we’re safe from rain if you want to eat on the deck.”
“Sounds good.” He headed across the room to the sliding door.
I let out a breath and went to the cupboard for a couple of mugs. I wasn’t at all sure I had the strength to explore what phase two might involve. With a shaky hand, I poured the coffee and headed to the deck. Was it acceptable to pray that God might keep me from jumping into the arms of a man who could kiss so thoroughly that I forgot my name?
Mark sat at the table with the chair pushed out. He patted his lap. “I saved you a seat.”
I handed him his coffee and moved quickly to the other side. “I’ll just sit over here.”
He laughed and gave me a wink. “Chicken?”
“Absolutely.”
That only made him laugh harder. He put the coffee on the table and scooted up. He bowed his head. “Father, thank you for this day and this meal. Thank you for answering my prayers. Thank you for this woman and thank you for what you’re going to do. Amen.”
I looked at him over the rim of my coffee cup. There was no way I was going to ask him what he meant by that last part. Instead, I hurried to ask him about work.
“So what has happened at the publishing house?”
“There’s conflict with two different authors over two entirely different issues. Their agents are causing all sorts of problems and Dad wants me to handle it. Push all of the proverbial pieces into place, so to speak. He also wants to know if I’ve convinced you to move to New York and join our office.”
House Of Secrets Page 19
