Nako liked the sound of that. It would give him a little while to put things into place that he wanted.
* * * *
“It’s late as hell. Let’s check if those great leaders of ours need any last refreshments, then we’ll call it a day.” Ulof surveyed his sparkling kitchen with pride, readied for the morning shift’s breakfast rush.
Piper smiled as she gazed at him. In the time she’d spent with Ulof that evening, she’d come to identify with him. Feeling inadequate as he did, he was every bit the outsider she knew herself to be. He’d done things he wasn’t proud of. Though Piper didn’t automatically respond with anger as Ulof tended to, she did entertain plenty of self-hatred. Frustration and guilt were their shared enemies, and they both acted out when confronted with those states.
She’d also figured out Ulof wasn’t dangerous to her. He claimed he hadn’t swung at anyone first in years, and he’d never attacked someone obviously weaker than him. “I wouldn’t consider striking a woman in any case,” he’d proclaimed.
Piper believed him. Her instincts swore Ulof was an honorable creature despite the criminal past and rough exterior.
I like him. He’s been good to Ob and to me.
More at peace with her situation than she had been in a long while, Piper followed her new friend out to the mess hall. They discovered everyone except Nako and Terig had left. They stopped short when they realized the pair were squaring off between the tables, with identical thunderous expressions twisting their bestial faces.
Between gritted teeth, Nako snarled at his Nobek, “This situation is severe. Any and all off-ship missions our crew is involved in should be led by you.”
Terig’s tone shook with emotion. “It’s the place of the weapons commander—”
“Our weapons commander is an idiot. I’m worried this assignment is too big to trust to Sesin. There are only so many times you can stop him from making a major mistake, and you know it!” Nako’s voice rose with each word until the walls reverberated.
“Shit. Stand back,” Ulof muttered to Piper. Looking as pissed off as his clanmates, he failed to take his own advice, moving toward the glowering pair. “Same shit, different day, I see.”
Terig growled, “Only because our Dramok insists on putting me in positions where I don’t belong.”
“You do belong in charge. Stop lying to me. Stop lying to yourself!” Nako screamed the words in the Nobek’s face, spittle flying as he gave in to frustration. He shoved his glowering clanmate.
Terig shoved back with his fists. They thudded against Nako’s armored chest.
Piper took a step toward the door to the kitchen. The men weren’t simply angry, they were downright cruel, as if they’d never entertained a kind impulse in their lives. Fists clenched. Faces reddened. Fangs showed as they yelled at each other.
Terig lunged so close to Nako, their bent and scarred noses bumped. “I’m not taking responsibility on this! I’m not getting everyone killed!”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake! You two can’t go half a week without this stupid dance.” Ulof shoved them both.
Terig turned on Ulof. “Who asked you? It’s not your problem.”
“It is when I have to listen to it, over and over and fucking over again. Terig, man the hell up and be the Nobek you are! Nako, stop pushing him into a corner when it doesn’t do any good! I’m sick of this endless bullshit!”
Ulof showed no trace of his previous angelic boyishness. He was every bit as nasty as the others, more demonic than when he’d first marched into the brig, yelling about how bad Ob smelled. He could have terrified Satan himself. His face darkened with malice, and he snarled like a lion readying to strike. One of his exposed fangs was broken, ending in a jagged peak. His tendons stood out, tensed for fighting. Nako and Terig were as petrifying as they growled at him in return.
Piper edged another step back, praying she could run from those monsters before they noticed her. Can I lock them out of my quarters? Prophets, I hope so! But…I can’t remember how to find my room from here.
While she closed in on panic, the three continued to scream abuse. Yelling over each other, not listening to what was being said, until Piper wasn’t sure who shouted what.
Any second now, they’d quit shoving and start fighting. They might not stop until at least one of them was dead.
Ulof threw his hands into the air with a crazed shriek that silenced the rest. “Fuck this! Fuck you! I’m sleeping in the kitchen—again! I refuse to be anywhere near you. You’re both assholes!”
With that, he stormed past Piper as if he didn’t even notice her. The kitchen door shut behind him, clicking locked.
Piper stopped breathing. Nako and Terig’s hectic scrutiny had locked on her. She froze, a terrified rabbit trying to blend in with the landscape as two Kalquorian hawks stared.
Nako’s ire remained, but a moment of guilt clouded his visage. With a muttered oath, the captain pivoted on his heel and stalked out of the mess hall too, exiting through the door opposite to the kitchen.
Piper was left alone with Terig, his deadly gaze unwavering. However, his cold rage thawed, draining from his visage to make room for remorse. His aura of contrition was so at odds with the earlier fury that Piper was certain he’d been replaced by an entirely different man.
He motioned, as if to say calm down. “It’s all right, Matara. I won’t hurt you.”
Piper glanced at the hand missing fingers. At the many scars that spoke of a brutish history. Yet at that instant, Terig was worlds from the vicious creature she’d have sworn would descend into violence only seconds before.
Can he really get over being so angry that fast?
He continued to speak reassuringly. “I’m sorry you saw that. We acted like lunatics in front of you. We must have been terrible to watch.”
She spoke hesitantly, as if mere words might provoke him into wrath once again. “I thought you might hurt each other. You seemed pissed off enough to do so.”
“We have a rule not to physically attack when we’re arguing. We only yell. Okay, so we might push or slap each other a little too, but that’s it. I swear.”
“You looked like you wanted to do a hell of a lot more.”
“Posturing. Venting. Grabbing each other by the emotional short hairs. We do that damned well.” He offered her a sad smile, a strangely engaging expression on such a coarse man. “We know each other’s triggers. We may not draw blood, but we do plenty of damage anyway.”
“Why are you together?”
Terig uttered a surprised laugh. “Because we can’t live without each other. It doesn’t appear that way from the outside, but we’re dedicated to our clan. Don’t mistake our arguments for hatred.”
“Is it a Nobek thing?” Ulof had told her Nako was a dual breed too.
“It plays a part, but that’s not the biggest reason. We’re very angry men with huge chips on our shoulders. It’s convenient to take out our frustrations this way.”
“But not very respectful.”
Terig laughed again, the humor making his bearded face attractive, though no one could ever accuse him of cuteness, the way Ulof was capable of being. He waved for her to come closer. “I don’t attack women.”
Much like Nako, Terig wore danger as a second skin. Nevertheless, he showed no sign of threat as he grinned at her. Piper drew near him, though she kept out of grabbing range—just in case.
“This isn’t how clans usually act?”
“Ancestors, no. We’re rough bastards who haven’t been in the company of decent, civilized people such as yourself in some time.”
“Why do you think you’ll get people killed?”
Terig’s amusement fled. Guilt filled his gaze once more. “You caught that portion of our disagreement.”
“It’s happened in the past?”
Terig glanced down at his ruined hand. His brows drew close, and he hung his head so that his long, wavy hair fell over his eyes. “Because of me, nearly a hundred warriors under
my command died fighting a raid against Tragooms. I should have been killed too. Instead, I am fated to suffer a life of penance before I can look the ancestors in their faces.”
I am fated to suffer a life of penance. The words, echoing those Piper believed in for herself, jarred her.
She shook off the eerie feeling he’d peered into her soul. “Did you get them killed on purpose?”
“Of course not.”
“Did you do it out of selfishness? Pride? Greed?”
“No. I didn’t intend for any of my men to die for any reason.”
“If it was an innocent misstep, why would you beat yourself up over it?”
He jerked his gaze to her, surprised. “Innocent? Try stupid. I knew the odds weren’t with me, that they were too steep. Nonetheless, I led my company into battle, because I was supposed to be this up-and-coming commander who could do no wrong. I failed spectacularly, costing all those lives. It proved I was not the warrior everyone took me for.”
“You must have been under a lot of pressure.”
“Everyone had huge expectations of me, especially myself. My fathers were decorated fighters, whose names are legend even while they still breathe.”
Piper was beginning to understand what had apparently turned tragic. “You were supposed to live up to the example they’d set.”
“I’d sailed through training camp as the top cadet. I was accepted into the fleet’s highest preparatory officer program. Once I was assigned to a ship, I advanced quickly. I was regarded as a star officer. As a fighter commander, my superiors agreed there was nothing I couldn’t do.”
“And then?”
“I went for the glory of winning an impossible battle.” Terig looked sickened.
“No one questioned your mission? I mean, if winning the fight was so impossible, someone should have reined you in.”
“I was unstoppable. Impeccable. Perfect, as had always been demanded of me. I couldn’t lose. My men cheered me, they followed me, and they died. And everyone else saw how wrong they’d been about me.” His lip curled. His eyes were bright with hatred for having bought into his own hype.
“Nako believes in you. Or else he wouldn’t be pushing you to step up again. He’s a smart guy.”
“Nako sees what he wants to. I’m no leader. No legend. I’m a piece of meat to put out there to fight until I join those I killed. That’s why they stripped me of all rank afterward.” Terig scowled, a ghost of his earlier rage returning.
Piper suddenly realized the Nobek hadn’t been angry at his clanmates at all during their argument. He’d been raving at his own shortcomings. At himself for being a failure. “How long ago did this happen?”
“Eight years.”
“Ah. Well, that’s fairly recent, especially when you’ve committed that kind of error in judgment. Of course you’re still be down on yourself with so little time between then and now. But, you’ve started rebuilding. That shows you’re progressing.” Inside, Piper rolled her eyes at herself. I’ve read too many self-help books. I sound moronic.
Terig stared at her as if she’d spoken gibberish. “Rebuilding?”
Feeling like an idiot—she’d ultimately decided one-size-fits-all therapy books indeed spouted mostly bullshit—Piper said, “Sure. You’re what, the second in charge of security—or ship warriors—or whatever it’s called?”
“Weapons Subcommander. But I’m that only because so many officers left the raider after we abandoned the fleet. My rank above others put me in this position.”
“You didn’t advance on your own merit before then?”
Terig hesitated. “I was awarded a couple of promotions after I was stripped of all rank, but never put in command of fighting troops. I refused those.”
“But they were offered to you?”
The grim Nobek pressed his lips into a straight line. He made it clear he had no intention of answering.
He was determined to shoulder his guilt, to pay the price of his errors. Piper knew that song and dance—but in her case, it was justified. She wasn’t so certain about Terig. “It sounds as if you aren’t a lost cause. Not if others wish to put you in a position of responsibility.”
“I’m not what they lauded me as. What Nako wishes to believe of me.”
Maybe you are, but your biggest issue is that you’re afraid. Terrified of doing something that would cost lives again. Piper regarded the shattered warrior, a lump rising in her throat. He had been great once, with potential to be greater still. That had been choked off by a horrendous mistake, leaving him determined to pay for the rest of his life.
Doubtful she’d make any difference, she tried anyway. “Maybe you’re not what you were pushed to be. But I doubt you’re as bad as you think you are. You won’t figure that out unless you give yourself a chance.”
“You can’t know that. If you’d been there, you’d realize what a failure I am.” Self-loathing filled his statement.
“Hey, I’m the woman who pals around with a Tragoom. Does the opinion of a such a person matter to you?”
The tension broke as Terig found reason to snicker. “That is a pretty low bar to overcome.”
“Trust me, Subcommander, you don’t have the market cornered on misdeeds and poor judgment. Not by a longshot.”
He considered her for a several beats. Then he moved closer. Piper’s senses lit at his intent expression. A shiver of excitement ran through her.
“Call me Terig.” The hopeful invitation brimmed with meaning beyond what he said.
“All right. Terig.” Her light voice went husky, especially at the way he looked her over. Her insides bubbled at the blatant evaluation.
She was a sucker for these men who were so obvious about what they desired. First Nako, and now his Nobek. Hell, Ulof had stared at her with barefaced interest a few times. And as long as he wasn’t sporting that glower of walking murder, she’d be willing to enjoy him too.
It was wonderful, their unashamed show of interest, exhibiting transparent want. No pretense, no dancing around the subject. Especially when it was flavored with the sense that they sought the same acceptance Piper craved—a notion that they weren’t so unworthy of contact after all.
Damn this clan for being so recognizable in their wounded states. It’s as if I’m meeting pieces of myself.
When Terig’s arms slid around her waist, Piper moved close, making their bodies touch. He hissed in a breath. “I told you, I’m not used to polite society. I don’t know how to seduce beautiful women. All I know is how to be blunt and tell you I’d kill half the Basma’s fleet to fuck you.”
Piper could have cared less about politeness. It was the burning hunger in his gaze that sent lust spearing through her. “I’m not a big fan of blood and carnage. Let’s skip the killing part and go straight to the sex.”
He grinned. Then his mouth was there, bruising hers with demand.
He’d said he wouldn’t hurt her, but he was, his lips smashing hers against her teeth. Piper didn’t resist. She dove into the brutish kiss, exalting in both the abuse and delight that sent a violent surge of heat from head to toe.
He broke free, pulling at her dress with rough hands, tossing it and her knife aside. The metal clanged to the floor, echoing in the room. Piper wondered if anyone would walk in on them. As Terig grabbed and mouthed her, moving down towards her breasts, she decided she didn’t care.
The Nobek was overeager, his grasping as harsh as his kiss had been. He didn’t bite her, but his teeth scraped in his enthusiasm to taste her. Shards of discomfort accompanied his fervor, but Piper welcomed it. Though Terig didn’t break the skin, something bled out of each point of stinging contact.
Atonement. With each punishing embrace, guilt was expiated. Suffering was her release, her path out of the hell she’d brought upon herself.
Terig’s confession had ignited Piper’s heavy conscience, and she offered only the slightest of whimpers when he latched onto her breast, drawing on it as if he’d tear the mound from her
chest. She surrendered to him, silently urging him on to be cruel.
No mercy. Make me pay for my crimes.
Every stab of physical torment was glorious, bringing her closer to salvation. Piper responded to Terig’s coarse handling with relief. With gratitude. And his passion woke her own, turning punishment into ecstasy.
The Nobek came off her breast with an oath. “Fuck. I’m not used to such soft skin. Shit, I’m marking you!”
Piper gazed down at her reddened flesh. Darker, angry scarlet streaks displayed where Terig had dragged his teeth against her. Evidence of penance paid. A shock of elation barreled through her sex, making her cry out in rapture.
“More. Do it.” She shoved her other breast, with its pristine, unmarred pinkness, at him.
“You enjoy it?” Excitement warred with concern as he glanced from her chest to her face and back again.
“It’s wonderful. Don’t stop.”
“Matara.” He breathed the word like a prayer before attacking with zeal.
She tangled her fingers in his shoulder-length hair. Whenever she feared Terig would gentle, when she thought he might be easing off in a bid for kinder handling, Piper tugged, delivering pain to incite him to do the same. It worked; Terig went at her in a frenzy, offering violent euphoria.
However, torment-fueled desire could push such a principled creature only so far, even if he was a Nobek. With a snarl, Terig released her. “No. I can’t harm you, and I fear that’s what I’ll do if I don’t stop. I am monster enough without doing that. I don’t deserve sex with a woman like you.”
He hadn’t punished her anywhere near what she craved, and it seemed he would walk off now when she burned for the man as much as his discipline.
It’s not fair to make him feel worse about himself than he already does, just because I’m desperate for someone to remove my crimes. Stop being selfish, for once!
She clung to Terig, not letting him leave. “Whatever wrongs you’ve committed, I see the respectable man you are. You deserve to believe in yourself again, as your clanmates do.”
Alien Outcast Page 10
