by Cathy Glass
‘Perhaps,’ Andrew replied honestly. ‘I’m sure she would be relieved to know you were being well looked after. But remember, this isn’t your decision. The adults will decide what is best for you.’ Andrew appreciated that Oskar was far too young to bear responsibility for the decision that had to be made about his future.
Andrew wound up as he had begun and made light conversation by asking Oskar when he would be seeing Leo again and what they liked to play. He then looked around the house, as he did each visit, and left. It was 5.15.
‘Oskar, we need to phone your mother,’ I said as I closed the front door. ‘She may already be at work, in which case you can leave a message on her voicemail.’
‘She’s always at work,’ he grumbled, his face setting. ‘That’s why she can’t look after me properly. She doesn’t love me and I’m not going to phone her ever again!’ He stomped off up to his bedroom.
His reaction was only to be expected. The changes he was facing were huge and very unsettling. I gave him a few moments to calm down and then went up to his room. He was lying on his bed, cuddling his teddy bear, Luka, and looking very sorry for himself. I sat on the edge of the bed and placed my hand gently on his arm.
‘Your mummy does love you,’ I said.
‘No, she doesn’t,’ he returned, pushing my hand away.
‘She does, very much, although she doesn’t always show it.’
‘She never shows it,’ he said crossly.
‘Some people find it easier to show affection than others, but I know your mother loves you. Look how hard she works to try to give you and Luka a better life. She wouldn’t do that if she didn’t love you both a lot.’ I paused. He didn’t say anything, but I could see he was listening.
‘Unfortunately,’ I continued, ‘it didn’t work out as your mother hoped and bad things happened to you. Now she is having to be very brave and put aside her own hopes and feelings to do what is best for you. It must be very difficult and heart-breaking for her.’
‘How do you know?’ Oskar asked dubiously.
I made the decision to tell him about his mother’s phone call.
‘Your mummy telephoned me last night after you were asleep. She needed to talk about what was best for you. She was upset. She wants to keep you with her but knows Aunty Dol will look after you and keep you safe. She said Andrew had asked her to think about you going to live with your aunt and uncle, and she was finding it very difficult and upsetting.’
‘She owes a lot of money,’ Oskar said. ‘That’s why she has to work. I heard her on the phone when I lived with her.’
I nodded. ‘Yes, I know.’
‘When she’s paid back all the money will she be able to come and live with Luka and me?’ he asked, turning slightly to look at me.
‘I don’t know. That would be for your mother to decide when the time came.’ She was in a lot of debt, so I didn’t think it would be soon.
‘If I went to live with Luka, would I still see Leo?’ Oskar asked.
I smiled. ‘I can’t say, love. Leo’s mummy and your Aunty Dol would need to talk about that. I’m sure you’d be able to phone him sometimes, though, and you’d soon make friends at your new school.’
‘Perhaps I could use Aunty Dol’s phone to text Leo,’ Oskar said, brightening a little. ‘A boy in my class texts his dad.’
‘It’s possible, if Leo’s mother and Aunty Dol agree. Now I think we should phone your mother as we are supposed to. If it goes to voicemail, you can leave her a message.’
I offered him my hand and he took it and scrambled off the bed, leaving teddy bear Luka behind. Downstairs we sat side by side on the sofa in the living room. I pressed the speaker button on the handset and then Roksana’s number. As I thought, she was at work and the call went through to voicemail.
‘Say hi,’ I prompted Oskar, which was all he normally said: Hi Mum, it’s Oskar, goodbye.
But now he leant forward in earnest towards the handset and said, ‘Hello, Mummy. Andrew came to see me today. He told me I might have to live with Aunty Dol. I will miss you if I go, but I know it’s because you love me and Luka, and you have to work hard so we can have a better life. Don’t be upset. I will still love you. Bye, Mummy.’ I swallowed hard as tears filled my eyes. It was straight from his heart and I could imagine the effect his words would have on his mother when she listened to them at the end of her shift.
‘That was lovely,’ I said, returning the handset to its base. I slipped my arm around him.
He snuggled close and we were quiet for some moments, then he said, ‘I should tell Mummy I love her more often, then she will tell me. We don’t say it, not like you and Aunty Dol do. I think I’m going to say it more and she will say it back to me.’
‘That sounds good,’ I said, and held him closer still.
I knew then that if it was decided Oskar wasn’t going back to live with Dol but would stay here in care then I would do all I could to keep him with me.
I wondered if Roksana might phone me after she’d listened to Oskar’s message, but she didn’t. Oskar had a very unsettled night and kept calling out – hardly surprising given all he had on his mind. Each time I heard him I went to his room, reassured him and, once he was asleep, I returned to my bed. The following morning when I woke him, the first thing he said was, ‘Am I seeing Mummy today?’
‘Yes, the same as usual.’
‘So I won’t go to live with Aunty Dol and Luka today?’
‘No, love. Nothing will change for some months.’ I realized this hadn’t been made clear to him. ‘The judge will make the final decision on where you will live, and the court case isn’t for another month. If you are going, Andrew will then have to visit Dol and Ivan first, so you could be here for some time.’
‘Oh,’ he said, relieved. ‘I thought I was going today.’
‘No, love.’ I hugged him. ‘Don’t worry. If you are leaving, we’ll have plenty of notice.’
However, all the reassurance I’d given Oskar was undermined that afternoon during contact. When I collected him he was very agitated.
‘Mummy says I’m definitely going to live with Aunty Dol and Uncle Ivan soon, and I haven’t said goodbye to Leo.’ I looked at Roksana, who was busy checking her phone. The contact supervisor was at the table, writing.
‘Roksana, the court case isn’t for another month,’ I said. ‘Nothing has been decided yet.’
She looked over. ‘I’ve decided,’ she said bluntly. ‘Oskar will go. I’ve spoken to my solicitor and he says that’s what will happen.’
I felt sure her solicitor wouldn’t have been so foolish as to pre-empt the judge’s decision and say that. What he’d probably said was that if Roksana agreed with the social services’ recommendation that Oskar should go to Dol’s then it was likely the judge would rule that way. However, there was the Guardian ad Litem’s report to be considered too – whatever that might hold – and I knew of cases where the judge had ruled against the social services.
Oskar was looking at me anxiously. ‘It’s OK, I’ll explain later,’ I said to him. ‘Say goodbye to Mummy.’
‘Bye, Mummy,’ he said, then added, ‘I love you.’
But Roksana was too immersed in whatever was worrying her on her phone to pay much attention to him. ‘Bye,’ she said absently, and then made a call.
Oskar took my hand and we left.
‘Am I going to live with Luka?’ he asked once we were outside and in the car. ‘Mummy says I am.’
‘None of us know yet,’ I said. ‘But if the judge decides you can, you would like that, wouldn’t you?’
‘Yes, but I’d be sad to say goodbye to Mummy and Leo.’
‘I understand, and it’s worrying for you not to know.’ I’d seen similar before with other children I’d fostered: caught in limbo with their future in the hands of the social services and a judge they�
��d never met.
As I drove us home, I explained to Oskar a bit about the reports Andrew and Tamara would write and send to the judge, the court case and the judge’s decision at the end so he had some grasp of what was involved and the timescale. ‘It will be at least a month before we know for definite,’ I emphasized. ‘Then, if you are moving, it won’t be straight away.’
But, of course, all this talk about moving unsettled Oskar even more, and children usually believe what their parents tell them. I found that little I said could reassure him and at dinner he told Adrian, Lucy and Paula he was going to live with Luka. I told them – as well as Oskar – that we wouldn’t know for certain until the court case next month, and then afterwards I explained it to my family in more detail.
Oskar had another restless night and then the following afternoon, at the end of school, Miss Jordan came to find me in the playground, looking rather bothered.
‘Oskar tells me he’s going to live abroad with his aunt and uncle,’ she said, concerned. ‘I haven’t heard anything from Andrew.’
I sighed inwardly. ‘Nothing has been decided yet,’ I said. ‘But it is a possibility. We won’t know until the court case next month.’
‘I think Andrew should have told me,’ she said, affronted, and with good reason.
‘Yes, so do I,’ I agreed. But at the same time I appreciated that telling her – someone who wasn’t directly involved in the case – wouldn’t be top of Andrew’s hectic work schedule. Miss Jordan had expressed an interest in adopting Oskar, but adoption wasn’t being considered at present. ‘Next time I speak to Andrew I’ll remind him to phone you,’ I said.
‘Yes, please,’ she said a little tersely.
For those who are not familiar with the ruminations of the social services, it can appear illogical, exclusive and divisive. It can also sometimes appear that way to those of us who work within the system. Miss Jordan had made a serious request to adopt Oskar, so why shouldn’t she be kept informed?
On Saturday morning I took Oskar to gym club and then in the afternoon we went to see my mother; Lucy and Paula came too. Visiting my mother brought some normality back into our lives. The uncertainty surrounding Oskar wasn’t only destabilizing for him, but for my family, as I’m sure it was for Dol’s family and Roksana. Needless to say, Oskar told Mum almost immediately that he was leaving. ‘I’m going on a plane to live with Luka and Aunty Dol,’ he said. I then had to explain to Mum the real situation.
‘Oh, so it’s possible he’ll go,’ she said. ‘You’ll miss him.’
‘Yes, if he does go, we will.’
That evening, once home, we telephoned Dol and the first thing Oskar said to her was, ‘I’m coming to live with you. Mummy says.’
I heard her hesitation before she replied. ‘We’re not sure of that yet, are we? Unless you know something I don’t?’
‘No, we don’t,’ I said. ‘I’ve explained to Oskar that nothing has been decided, and we won’t know until the court case next month.’
‘That’s right,’ Dol said, relieved.
‘But Mummy says I am coming,’ Oskar persisted.
‘It’s too early for her to say that,’ Dol replied. ‘She doesn’t know.’
‘Can Leo come and see me?’ Oskar said with attitude. ‘I’m not coming if he can’t.’
‘Oskar, don’t be rude,’ I admonished lightly so Dol could hear me.
‘Is Leo your friend?’ Dol asked.
‘Yes!’ Oskar replied curtly. ‘And I want to see him when I live with you.’
‘If you do come to live with us, we can think about how you will keep in touch with Leo. Maybe you could Skype like your mother does with Luka sometimes.’ She then changed the subject by asking Oskar about his week at school and gym club. I was impressed with the way Dol had handled it and thought that with two children of her own and bringing up Luka, she was well equipped to deal with Oskar.
We also telephoned Roksana but it went through to voicemail and Oskar left his usual message: ‘Hi, it’s Oskar. Bye.’ Then he added, ‘I love you. Do you love me?’ It was very sad.
On Sunday I made the most of the last of the fine weather and took Oskar to an activity park a short car ride away, which he loved. I was still taking plenty of photos and short video clips of him – some for Roksana, some for Oskar’s Life Story Book and some for us. It was even more important now to have this visual record, as there was a possibility he could be leaving us. His Life Story Book would go with him and give Dol and her family some idea of the time he’d spent with us.
On Monday morning Tamara, the Guardian, telephoned. Please don’t say you want to visit Oskar and unsettle him even more, I thought. She began by asking how he’d been after Andrew had visited and spoken to him. I said he was a bit unsettled but otherwise all right.
‘I won’t see him again before the court hearing,’ she said. ‘In your opinion, is Oskar happy about the prospect of living with his aunt and her family?’
‘Yes, although he is worried about only seeing his mother once a year and leaving his good friend Leo. I’ve reassured him as best I can.’
‘He probably won’t see his mother more than once a year,’ Tamara said. ‘But then he didn’t see much of her while he was living with her here.’
Which made me think the Guardian’s report would probably recommend that Oskar went to live with Dol and Ivan, although she didn’t actually state that.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Court Case
The following week we didn’t hear from or see any professionals connected with the case and Oskar settled down again, so we invited Leo to tea after school. Leo was aware that I was fostering Oskar, as was his mother, but he hadn’t considered Oskar might one day leave, until now. Oskar and Leo were playing in the living room while I made dinner when Leo came to find me, looking very worried.
‘Oskar says he’s going to live in another country with those people in the photograph in his bedroom,’ he said.
‘His aunt and uncle, yes, it’s possible,’ I said. ‘But we don’t know for certain yet.’
‘Oskar says when he’s living there I can go on a plane to see him, but I don’t think my mummy will let me go alone.’
I smiled. ‘Don’t worry. If Oskar does go, your mother and Oskar’s aunt will talk about how you can stay in touch.’
Oskar now came into the kitchen looking a bit sheepish, for he knew this wasn’t his decision. ‘I bet your mother will let you come,’ he told Leo. ‘You can ask her when you go home.’
‘Yes, I’ll ask her. I like going on planes,’ Leo said.
When I took Leo home, before either of the boys could say anything, I explained the situation to Julia.
‘That makes sense of what Leo has been telling us,’ she said. ‘What a pity Oskar has to leave. He’s settled with you, and the boys get on so well. But I suppose it’s better to live with family. Of course we’ll stay in touch.’
This delighted both boys and, once home, Oskar told Paula, Lucy and Adrian that he and Leo would still be friends after he left.
However, it wasn’t long before Oskar became unsettled again – by his mother. It was at the next contact, and as we went into the room Roksana greeted me with the words, ‘Did you know Andrew’s with Dol and Ivan now?’
‘No, I didn’t,’ I admitted.
‘He’s started their assessment. My solicitor said it should speed things up.’
Oskar looked at me accusingly, as if I’d kept this latest information from him.
‘How long has Andrew gone for?’ I asked her.
‘Only a few days. It’s to meet my sister and her family and see their house and the school Oskar will be going to.’ This was standard practice for those offering a looked-after child a permanent home. But I thought it was a great pity Andrew hadn’t told me so I could have prepared Oskar.
‘I’m
sure Andrew will tell us when he has any news,’ I told Oskar. I then said goodbye and left them to have their time together.
So often in fostering the carer isn’t kept informed, or the parent knows something before the foster carer, which can place us in an awkward position. I guessed that, wanting to get the assessment underway before the final court hearing, Andrew had arranged his visit at short notice, but I wanted to confirm this and check that Roksana hadn’t made a mistake. While I waited in the car, I emailed Andrew from my phone and said that Roksana had told Oskar he was visiting her sister and could he confirm it so I could explain it to Oskar. Five minutes later he replied: ‘Yes, I am here. Please tell Oskar.’
When I collected Oskar I said his mother was right and that Andrew was visiting his aunt and uncle, but it didn’t mean he would definitely be going to live with them. It was part of the assessment; Andrew needed to make sure they were suitable to look after him permanently.
‘They are suitable,’ Oskar replied indignantly. ‘They look after Luka.’ Which I guessed had come from his mother.
It was no surprise that with so much uncertainty surrounding Oskar’s future, his behaviour at school deteriorated again. I hadn’t seen much of his new form teacher, Mrs Williams, since the term had begun, but that changed now. She came to find me in the playground at the end of school three times the following week to tell me of incidents involving Oskar. While she appreciated the reasons for Oskar’s behaviour, she rightly pointed out that he still had to do his school work and behave properly, the same as the other children, and not shout at her angrily when he was asked to do something he didn’t want to do. I apologized on each occasion and said I’d talk to him.
‘I don’t like Mrs Williams,’ Oskar moaned as we left the playground after the third instance. ‘She said if I’m badly behaved in class again I won’t be allowed to go swimming.’
‘That seems fair to me,’ I said.
‘I don’t like you either,’ he scowled.
