“Easy, easy now, Vane. No one will hurt you. You’re safe.”
The voice sounded as if it came from a tunnel. It sounded so nice, so sweet, and Vane desperately wanted to believe it. He froze, listening to the soft crooning, the kind tone filling him with reassurances he’d never felt before.
“Come on, Vane. Lift your head. Open your eyes.”
Slowly, Vane took stock of himself. He felt hands on his shoulders and neck and face, but they stroked and caressed, soothing instead of causing pain. The scent of wood fire mixed with a musky male pleased his senses.
Opening his eyes and lifting his head, he didn’t see a dirty stone cave with bars on two sides. Instead, he saw a comfortable room, sparsely decorated with wood furnishings. He had his back pressed against a wall but he sat on a mass of blankets surrounded by pillows instead of a hard stone floor.
While the man leaning over him was human, his light brown hair hung in waves around a face full of compassion and his hazel eyes held affection and concern. He knew this man, this place, and he blinked, struggling to figure out what the hell was going on.
Vane frowned as it all came back, being rescued, learning what he truly was—a gargoyle—and that there were many others out there just like him. He lived in a comfortable manor and enjoyed working on a computer. Focusing on the human, Vane took in the man touching him.
My mate.
“Matt, what happened? What’s going on?”
Matt smiled a bit. “Glad you’re back with me, Vane.” He continued to touch him, exploring his face, shoulders, and chest. “I think you had a flashback. I think being held down by others triggered it.”
“A flashback? Held down? What are you talking about?” What the hell had just happened?
Resting on his knees before him, that damned towel still around his waist with his thigh sticking out the edge, Vane wasn’t sure if he even cared. All that pale flesh called for him to touch. Unable to resist, he settled one clawed hand on Matt’s thigh, rubbing the firm flesh.
Matt placed his own hand on Vane’s, then said, “There was a misunderstanding downstairs, after you slammed Kort into the wall. Maelgwn and a couple of other gargoyles pulled you away from me. They tackled you.” Matt squeezed his hand. “I could see it in your eyes, Vane. You weren’t really with us anymore.”
Vane frowned. He struggled to remember what Matt told him. He vaguely recalled getting tackled, then breaking free and carrying his mate away from his attackers, taking him to safety. Still, when he thought back, he also saw other images, of humans with stun guns, electric cattle prods, and thick chains. He couldn’t stop the groan from escaping him.
“Easy,” Matt murmured. “Easy.”
“There was a lynx shifter. I tried to protect him.” Vane closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the wall. “I couldn’t. They took him,” he whispered, fighting tears. “I don’t know where they took him.” Guilt flooded him. How could he have forgotten his friend?
Matt’s eyes widened. “W-What?”
Vane stared at his clearly shocked mate. “I’d already been captive almost fifteen years when they tossed him into the cage with me. I was hungry and since they thought I was a demon, they probably thought I’d eat him.” Scoffing, his tone turned bitter as he added, “I’m sure they didn’t expect to see us become friends.” This time, he couldn’t stop the single tear from tracking down his face.
“We made plans to escape, but Larson, he was the husband and ran the freak show, he somehow found out about it. He sold Roland—that was his name—the day before we’d planned to get away.” Swallowing hard, Vane muttered, “Gods, the beating I took that day. I ended up with scars.” He shook his head. “It’s not easy to leave scars on a gargoyle.”
“I’m so sorry.”
His mate’s softly spoken words and petting hands brought Vane back to his current surroundings. “What kind of a friend does that make me? To forget my only friend while in that place? To be free for over nineteen years and never once think of him?”
Matt squeezed Vane’s hand where it rested on his thigh. “You went through a very traumatic experience, Vane. Your mind blocked it out.”
Vane nodded once. “I remember now, though.” He sank his free hand into Matt’s hair and cupped his skull. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Matt’s. “Why is that?”
“I’m not sure,” Matt replied softly. “Maybe having me pulled from your arms triggered it. Was it similar to the way Roland was taken from you?”
Sighing, Vane nodded, his forehead rolling against Matt’s. “Yeah. Yeah, it was.” Lifting his head, he loosened his grip and put some distance between them. “You shouldn’t be with me. I can’t take care of the people I love.”
Once again, Matt’s eyes widened for just a second, then they narrowed. Vane realized what he’d just said. Love. Love? How the hell could he love his mate already? Fear spiked through him. He couldn’t care for his friend, hadn’t even remembered him, how the hell could he care for his mate?
Vane needed to find Roland, prove he was good enough…that he could keep safe those that he cared about.
“I’ve got to go,” Vane mumbled, pushing Matt back gently but firmly. “I need—” He grasped for an explanation. “I need to explain all this to Maelgwn.” He swiftly rolled off the side of the nest of blankets and gained his feet. Panic flooding him, Vane just managed to keep from running out of the room.
“Wait,” Matt called.
Vane stopped and peered over his shoulder at Matt. His instincts at war, he found himself returning to his lover. Unable to leave his mate so confused, Vane admitted, “I need some time to process this. I need—” He paused and shook his head. “I need to find Roland, save him.” Cupping Matt’s jaw in one hand, he leaned down and pressed a gentle butterfly kiss to Matt’s lips. “I’ll send someone to get you, so you won’t get lost finding your room.”
This time when Vane headed to his door, he ignored Matt’s cry of wait, I can help you and kept going. Folding his wings around his shoulders, he clenched and unclenched his fists as he headed down the hallway.
His first stop was Raymond’s office.
Being newly mated, Raymond spent the first several hours with his human in the infirmary. Once Marty fell asleep, he’d head to his office and relieve the gargoyle monitoring security to take his shift. Since the small gargoyle’s mate had been injured, Vane knew it was possible Raymond was at the infirmary, but he’d check the office first.
Vane knocked on the door and relief filled him when Raymond called for him to enter. Opening the door, he poked his head in and stated, “I had to leave Matt in my suite. Will you see that he’s escorted to his chambers?”
Raymond stood, a frown creasing his brows. “I thought I heard that he was your mate. That’s what’s going around the clutch, anyway.”
“He is.”
“Then his chambers are your chambers,” Raymond stated, crossing his arms over his lean chest.
Vane curled his lip and growled. “Just go see him, then. I have work to do.”
Whirling away, he slammed the door shut and headed down the hallway to another door. He turned the handle and strode into the large room. This space was also set up as an office, but was devoted strictly to computer systems a few of the gargoyles used for hacking. He’d actually become quite adept at gathering information online, since he didn’t care for interaction much.
As the computer booted up, Vane’s thoughts turned to Matt, his lover and mate, alone in his room. Maybe he should have explained more, heard out his offer to help. He didn’t want his human to think he didn’t want to be with him, because nothing could be further from the truth.
Vane’s stomach clenched at the idea of Matt not waiting for him. He’d help Roland, then he’d figure out how to explain to his mate. Logging in, Vane decided to ask Maelgwn and Einan for advice…right after he fulfilled his promise to Roland.
Lost in the world of c
yberspace, Vane pulled every record he could find on the family that had held him captive for the first twenty-four years of his life, the Goldmans, husband Larson and wife Mary Beth. Damn, it had been fantastic to tear out Larson’s throat, watch the light fade from his eyes. Then, when Mary Beth had attempted to blast him with a shotgun, he’d flown high into the air and dive-bombed her, snapping her neck.
Vane was so wrapped up in searching for details of the past that his first inclination that he was no longer alone was when the scent of his mate brushed across his senses. Slowly, he lifted his head from the screen and found Matt sitting in a chair along the right wall on the other side of the desk. Maelgwn sat in a second chair, while Einan, Sapian, and Tobias leaned against the far wall, the door, and an end table, respectively.
“Matt,” Vane whispered. With the human in the room, his body nearly twitched with the desire to reach over the desk and haul his human into his lap. Unfortunately, the scowl on his lover’s face dissuaded him from that plan. In fact, the other males in the room didn’t look too happy, either. Somehow, he needed to make them understand. “I might have found him.”
Okay, maybe not the best thing to blurt out, but that was the only thing he could think to say.
Maelgwn leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Found who?”
“Roland?” Matt guessed. The corners of his lips pinched a bit as his jaw clenched.
Vane wasn’t great at reading facial expressions, especially on a human, but even he could tell Matt was upset about something. Carefully eyeing his mate, he nodded. “Right. Maybe.”
“Who’s Roland?” Tobias pressed.
“A lynx shifter,” Matt actually growled.
Vane wasn’t the only one who looked surprised. An acrid scent filled the area…one Vane wasn’t certain of.
“Damn, Vane,” Einan rumbled. “What the hell did you do?”
Frowning, Vane glanced around the room at the other male’s faces. While Matt’s jaw clenched and unclenched, Maelgwn shook his head and Tobias sighed and lifted a brow, silently questioning. Not understanding, he looked toward Matt and it finally clicked.
“You’re angry with me,” Vane murmured.
Matt worked his jaw for a couple of seconds, then jerked a nod. “Little bit.”
“But, why?”
“Well, let’s recap,” Matt snapped, his eyes narrowing. “When I first thanked you for saving my brother, you sent me away. Then after we fucked and you claimed my ass, you regretted it.” Rising from his seat, Matt pointed his finger at him. “And don’t try to deny it. There’s only one way to interpret oh shit and fuck!”
Resting his hands on the desk and leaning close, Matt continued hotly, “Then, the second you remember your little lynx friend, and while I can appreciate you wanting to find and help him, you send me away again. No explanation except you need to go talk to Maelgwn, which I find now was a blatant lie, and you’ll have a friend find a room for me.” Scoffing, Matt straightened and shook his head. “I get that I’m human and don’t really know how this mate thing is supposed to work,” he stated, waving a hand between them, “but something tells me ditching me with someone else ain’t it.”
Licking his lips, Vane glanced around the room again, but the other four gargoyles pointedly stared away from him. No help there. Okay, what could he say to smooth this over? “Matt,” he started, struggling to choose his words. “You’re my mate. Freeing Roland isn’t going to change that.”
“And sending me away?” Matt asked gruffly.
“I-I want you to be safe,” Vane explained. “I can’t go save my friend if I don’t know you’re safe.” He reached out and rested his hand as close to Matt’s fingers as possible. “I didn’t lie. I did send Raymond to find you a safe place and as soon as I found information on Roland, I was going to see Maelgwn.” He glanced toward his chieftain, who now watched him impassively. “I need to know you’re safe while I’m away.”
“I see,” Matt muttered. He nodded slowly, then reached down and patted Vane’s hand. “When you decide you’re ready to commit, to actually think of me as an equal in a relationship, look me up.” Matt’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be waiting.”
Watching Matt turn and head toward the door, Vane opened his mouth. Except, just as he started to call his lover back, Vane’s voice stuck in his throat. This was what he wanted, right? For his lover to be safe? Then why did watching Matt disappear out the door feel so wrong?
Sighing, Vane rubbed a hand over his skull. “I’ve made a mistake, haven’t I?”
“I don’t even have a mate and I know the answer to that,” Tobias stated dryly. He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “You don’t let anything come between you and your mate.”
“But, Roland and I promised each other,” Vane stated. “We promised we’d always come for each other if we escaped, and then I went and forgot about him.” Pain ripped through him anew at his failure. “I need to find him. How can I be a man of my word with my mate if I’ve already broken my word to my friend? Hell, without Matt, I wouldn’t even have remembered Roland.” Grimacing, Vane remembered the last time he’d seen the skinny lynx shifter. “Being kept in captivity…” His voice trailed off as he shuddered.
Sighing, Maelgwn leaned back in his chair. “Okay, one thing at a time. Tell us about Roland, then we’ll help you with your mate.”
Vane rested his elbows on the desk and placed his head in his hands. Rubbing his face for a second, he tried to clear his mind. Damn, he’d fucked everything up but good. Hoping his mating with Matt wasn’t ruined beyond repair and praying his fellow gargoyles could really help him fix things, he nodded. “Okay, yeah.”
He turned around his laptop and showed him the few bits of information he’d found.
Chapter Nine
“How are you holding up?”
Matthew glanced over at Logan, scowling. “I’m tired, sore, and ready to not hold this piece of sheetrock over my head any longer,” he snarled. “Get that fucking nail gun moving.”
Logan chuckled low in his throat, but did as instructed. Once the sheet was firmly affixed to the ceiling, Matthew stepped off the step-ladder and rotated his arms. A groan ripped from his throat as his muscles screamed in protest. It’d taken the two of them three and a half hours, but they’d finally dry-walled the home’s entire ceiling.
Wayne and Newman—a couple of Logan’s day laborers—were following behind them, taping and spackling the seams. Next would be sanding and then painting. Matthew groaned mentally at the idea of rolling the walls for days on end.
“I tell ya,” he grumbled, going from stretching his arms and shoulders to his back and waist. “I can’t wait for Marty to be back doing his own damn job.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Matthew spotted Logan—still holding the gun—standing quietly, watching him. He turned to face his friend. “What?”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
Matthew did know it, but that didn’t change the fact that he still didn’t know how to answer the real question. His gargoyle had claimed him in front of his clutch, then sent him away so he could complete a rescue mission. While, in his head, Matthew knew it was the right thing to do, that didn’t stop his heart from aching that, after only one evening together, Vane had no trouble walking away from him.
Sighing, Matthew lifted a hand and opened his mouth, then lowered that same hand, closed his mouth, and shook his head. Shrugging, he finally answered, “As well as can be expected. There are times I’m so sure I see him.” He grimaced and met Logan’s green-eyed gaze. “You know, out of the corner of my eye? But every time I turn, he’s not there.” Sitting on the three-rung step-stool he’d been using, Matthew rubbed his hands over his face. “I jack off half a dozen times a day,” he admitted. “But never feel relieved. My skin feels too tight for my body. I crave him. It’s not a good feeling.”
Frowning up at Logan, Matthe
w stated, “What I don’t understand is, if me, the human, feels like this, what is he enduring so he can go help his friend?”
Sitting on an overturned paint bucket a few feet away from him, Logan reached into a small iceberg cooler and pulled out a pair of sodas. He handed one to Matthew, then cracked his own. Once he’d downed a swig, he sighed.
Matthew waited, watching. He recognized the expression on Logan’s face. The other man was bouncing his words around inside of his head, deciding how to respond. Finally, Logan locked his piercing gaze on Matthew. “I speak from experience when I say that being locked in a cage sucks. Hell, you know I was locked up for six months.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry, buddy, but if it were me. I’d do the same thing.” He smiled to soften the words, adding, “I figure, you’ve got two choices.”
“Two choices?” Matthew took a sip of his own soda and straightened.
“Yep,” Logan confirmed. He pointed at Matthew’s shoulder. “You’ve accepted him, so walking away is out. That leaves you with two.”
On reflex, Matthew reached up and felt for the bite mark hidden under his shirt. Just the light caress caused his blood to head south. Jerking his hand down, he folded his hands between his knees and asked, “Yeah? What’s that?”
Logan held up one finger. “You sit at home and stew, waiting for your lover to return from his mission.”
Matthew’s eyes narrowed. Yeah, he knew that was what he’d been doing and it really sucked. “Or?”
Snorting, Logan stated, “Go help him.”
“One, he didn’t ask me, and two, I have no idea where he is,” Matthew countered, irritation flooding him anew.
“Please,” Logan drew the word out, crushing the soda can and tossing it into a scrap bucket. “Stop sulking and have Marty and Raymond help you track him down.”
“What about work?” Matthew had no idea why he was fighting this. Going after the frustrating gargoyle had popped into his head more than once.
Calming a Demon Heart Page 7
