Moon releases me and my unsteady feet hit solid ground. I look at Fernandez, who has gone quiet. He’s realized he isn’t getting out of this alive. His silence is only momentary and after a few seconds of quiet he spews more filth. “Your whore’s cunt was sweet,” he tells Moon.
Moon looks behind him and tells one of his men to get Goose out of the car before turning back to Fernandez. He places his hand out toward Alex and Alex places a knife in it. Moon releases me completely and steps toward Fernandez. He nods at Alex who steps forward and pinches Fernandez’s nose. Alex grabs a handkerchief from his pocket and holds it. They work in tandem like they’ve done this before. Fernandez finally opens his mouth to breathe and Moon grabs his jaw. Alex uses the cloth to grab his tongue and slaps him across the jaw when Fernandez tries to bite him. Before I realize what’s happening, Moon slices his tongue off. Fernandez’s eyes grow large and he squeals like the pig he is. I don’t look away because I’m back to feeling nothing. It’s like what’s happening is taking place on a television screen. Fernandez’s screams cause my shaking to grow worse, but otherwise I remain frozen.
Moon looks at me and then turns to Alex. “Get Madison and Cori out of here.”
“No,” I say with more force than I thought I had. I look into my husband’s eyes. “I need to do this.”
Moon stares at me and I hold his gaze. I see so much emotion in his eyes. He might be angry, but he still loves me. “Come here, Madison.”
I walk the few feet separating us and he folds me in his arms. They wrap tightly around me. I stare past him at everyone in the kitchen. Dax wraps his arms around Sofia from behind and she sinks into his chest. Alex places his arm around Celina and pulls her into his side.
“Madison?” Moon says to get my attention. “There’s no coming back from this, baby.”
“I’ve killed before,” I whisper.
“To save yourself. Not to kill for the sake of killing.”
I can’t stop the tears running down my face. Fernandez starts pounding his head against the countertop like the insane animal he is. I want to cut out his eyes, which are staring at me. I want to remove his dick and balls while he’s still breathing. I want to go to sleep and not wake up until this nightmare is over.
Moon releases me and hands me his knife. My fingers are trembling so hard it’s difficult to take it. The knife feels good in my hand, though. Fernandez’s blood on the blade holds my attention. I can do this, I think to myself. I will do this.
Without saying a word, Moon kisses my brow then pulls out his gun, presses it to Fernandez’s head, and fires.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Moon
Part of my heart-stopping fury recedes when I pull Madison back into my arms. Her entire body is shaking and she’s still clutching the knife I handed her. Alex takes it from her hand after I scoop her into my arms and cradle her against my chest. I breathe in the scent of her hair and try to gain more control.
This woman is everything. She’s the reason I wake up in the morning. Everything I hold dear is wrapped up in her. Cori meets my eyes and she tips her head in acknowledgement. When she turns away, Duke is standing behind her. He pulls her into his arms and walks her toward the front room. He stops when Goose is dragged closer by one of Dax’s men and places himself between Cori and Duke. Duke casually pulls his gun and fires, striking him between the eyes. Goose blankly stares at the ceiling by the time the sound of the gunshot fades from the room. Cori spits on Goose’s body before Duke leads her forward. Alex gives orders to clean up the bloody mess.
“Please take me home,” Madison whispers into my chest.
“Home it is,” I say softly into her hair.
I could never allow her to change who she is fundamentally. She’s embraced my world and it’s brought her heartache. Killing Fernandez would have killed her slowly. My anger and the revenge I wanted to take against him meant nothing after I saw the haunted look in her eyes. He needed to die quickly because it was no longer about him. My wife needed him dead.
I carry Madison past the men. Dax, who has a tight hold on Sofia, hands me a note before I reach the door. I don’t look at it, just stuff it in my pocket. I place Madison in the front seat of one of our SUV’s and buckle her seatbelt. Her gaze stays fixed on something in the distance. I climb into the driver’s seat and we drive away. I don’t take her to the house in Phoenix, I drive north to Flagstaff. I won’t take her back to the other house until the outer wall is repaired and the police are clear. If they want to talk to me, they can come to Flagstaff or speak to my attorney.
Madison remains quiet in the car. She keeps her legs pulled up close to her chest and stares out the window at the trees as we climb higher into the mountains. When we first hit the freeway, I called the couple who looks after the Flagstaff property and let them know we were headed up for an indefinite period of time. Alex will call if I’m needed, though I’m praying for downtime. My wife needs peace and calm in her life right now. I need to know she isn’t in danger.
I keep an eye on my rearview mirror like I do each time we make this trip. Our vehicles are swept for tracking devices each day and this one’s clean. We’ll be safe at the cabin and Madison will find her way back to me. I take her hand and she gives mine a slight squeeze in return but doesn’t look at me. “I love you,” I say into the quiet interior.
She doesn’t reply.
So many thoughts travel through my head as we approach Flagstaff. I don’t deserve Madison and I also need her in order to breathe. I may be stupid for thinking we can ever live a normal life, but it’s what I dream of. The image of her with child snaps into my thoughts and I wonder if it could ever be reality. My wife deserves normal and safe. Bringing a child into this world is something neither of us ever thought we would consider. I glance at her and her blank eyes. I seriously doubt she would be on board even if we changed everything about our lives.
After a two-hour drive, without a word from Madison, I reach to lift her from the seat when we arrive at the cabin, but she stands on her own. I clasp her hand and lead her up the stairs and through the front door after I put in the code that unlocks the entry. Phily, Madison’s cat, runs to her legs, rubs against them and commences purring. I release Madison’s hand when she bends down to pick him up. Her face sinks into his fur for a few seconds before he wiggles to get down. As soon as Phily jumps free, Madison walks upstairs and I follow slowly behind. When she reaches our bedroom, she takes off her clothes and climbs beneath the covers of the bed without looking at me.
I think about all the things I need to say and decide to hold my thoughts and give her a little space. Not a lot this time, though. The kitchen beckons and I check the freezer for a casserole, which I pull out and place on the counter. Mrs. Loche keeps us supplied so when we’re here, we don’t need to worry about cooking. Neither Madison nor I have the talent for more than sandwiches and we’d rather not starve.
I head to the Loche’s cabin, which is on our property about a hundred yards to the east. They have a small backyard with a wooden fence so the elk stay out of Mrs. Loche’s vegetable garden. It’s a beautiful day in the low eighties, so it’s no surprise when I see the front door to the Loches’ cabin open with just the screen door to keep flies out. I knock on the wood panel and Mr. Loche comes around the corner from the kitchen. He opens the door and shakes my hand.
“The missus is around the back weeding her garden. Come inside and I’ll grab her. Where’s Madison?”
“She’s under the weather and needed a nap.”
“The missus won’t like hearing that. She’ll whip up some soup and have her right as rain in no time.” I loosen my tie and shrug out of my suit coat while he fetches Mrs. Loche. I glance around the small cabin and a sense of peace takes over. I want this for me and Madison someday. Just her with no criminal empire taking our time and placing us in danger. Hell, I want so much more.
I look to the back door when Mrs. Loche enters followed by her husband. She doesn’t shake m
y hand. The first time I met her, she wrapped me in a hug and this time is no different. “You stayed gone too long and that darn goat misses your Madison.”
She and her husband met fifty years ago. He was the right hand of a mob boss in Chicago. She was the boss’s daughter. They lived the criminal life for many years. When I made a deal with her brother, after her father’s death, her husband and I kept in touch. They are more than able to handle anything that comes their way, but they love the simple life and it gives me hope that someday, Madison and I can have this life too.
I actually laugh at Mrs. Loche’s statement because the goat would never miss me. He thinks of me as the interloper who takes Madison’s attention away from him. “She was glad to see Phily, but she’s not feeling well. We’ll visit Fred tomorrow when she’s better.” I hope Madison is better tomorrow, though I have my doubts. “We’ll be staying for a week, maybe longer.”
Her smile lights up the room. She and Madison have become good friends. “I’ll bring soup by this evening and she’ll feel better.”
I don’t tell her I pulled out a casserole. The soup can’t hurt at this point. “Thank you,” I say with a smile for her benefit. After a little small talk, I head back to the main cabin. Ours is much larger than the Loche’s place and not nearly as intimate. It doesn’t matter, though, because we love the large windows and their beautiful view. With multiple decks we can sit and watch the sun rise or set. While here in the summer, we take advantage of Mrs. Loche’s vegetable garden. Even with the tasty produce, Madison has never understood how they could fence in their backyard. She loves watching the wildlife from birds to elk and the occasional coyote. We even saw a bear once. I climb the stairs to the bedroom and peer in at Madison. She hasn’t moved. There’s a stack of wood in the back of the house that always needs splitting. Mr. Loche leaves it for me. I change into jeans and a T-shirt along with my hiking boots and head out back.
As soon as I begin, I can’t stop. I’m lost without my wife and I have no idea how to fix this. A short time later, I can feel her watching me, so I turn toward her. She’s sitting on the back porch and I heave a sigh of relief. When I lay the ax down to walk over to her, she holds out her hand in a classic stop gesture.
“I need time,” she says quietly.
“I’ll give you whatever you need, baby. Mrs. Loche is making you soup. I told her you’re under the weather.” She gives me a grimace.
“You need to eat.”
“I need time.”
My heart clenches. “Do you want to stay here alone?”
She wipes away silent tears. “No. I need you here.” She picks a thread at her shirt and isn’t looking at me when she speaks again. “I’m not sure who I am any longer and I need to get my head straight. I can’t do that without you. I’m just not ready to talk.”
I walk over to her and squat down so I’m at eye level. “No questions and no pressure.” She looks into my eyes and it’s me who lifts a finger and stops her tears this time. “I love you.”
“That’s why I know I’ll be okay,” she says and sniffs with a small smile, but this isn’t my Madison. I have a feeling I’ll never have her back again. I can only hope the new Madison who comes out the other side will continue loving me.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Madison
With revenge motivating me, dealing with what happened was easier. The need for blood became a driving force that allowed me to put my thoughts and feelings on hold. Now my feelings, doubt, and shame overshadow everything. My mind is a dark hole with a smoky mist that Moon stands in to beckon me out. His hand is there. I can almost touch it, but my fingers slide away, a millimeter short, and the darkness covers me once more.
Sleep is the worst. Nightmares make me toss and turn throughout the night. Most center around blood on my hands. They drip the red, congealed mess onto everything I touch and when I open my eyes it’s still there. Or so the dream goes.
I find it strange that I don’t dream about what Fernandez did to me. It’s his laughter, though, that wakes me night after night. Moon is always there to comfort me during those horrible hours. He pulls me close to his body when I give the slightest gasp. I breathe in his scent and fill my lungs with his strength. Until I fall asleep again, I think it’s enough. And then I dream of more blood. More violence. More death.
I hate the night.
After three days, nothing’s changed.
“You need to take a walk, dear,” Mrs. Loche says from the kitchen where she’s preparing us a meal. She arrived twenty minutes ago and I’m trying like crazy to carry on a conversation with her. I appreciate all she does and the food she cooks. I’m just not hungry, and she finds it very disturbing. “I think I will try a walk,” I answer. “Just up the hill and back.”
“Fred will like that.”
Fred. I haven’t left the house and visited him since we arrived. He has a large enclosure to keep him happy and safe from the wildlife who would make a dinner out of him. “I’ll take Fred with me.”
Really what I want is to be alone. Moon is helping Mr. Loche with the engine on his small tractor. It’s more Mr. Loche trying to teach Moon about the engine and Moon nodding like he knows what the older man is talking about. I usually find it funny and endearing. Now I’m just relieved Moon has something to do and I can be alone. When Mrs. Loche decided to restock our freezer, and do some cooking, my quiet morning ended.
After walking upstairs, I open my closet door and look at the clothes inside. We keep an entire wardrobe here and most of the clothes are items we would never wear in the city. I need shorts and a T-shirt and shoes. I make it as far as untying the sash on my robe when the tears start. My knees hit the carpet and then I curl up into a ball and cry.
I have no idea how long I lie there, when Moon scoops me up from the floor and carries me to the bed. “You need to talk to someone, Madison.”
“No,” I breathe through my tears.
“Then listen to someone. I don’t know what to do to help you, baby.” I keep my eyes closed when he wipes the tear-drenched hair from my face.
He holds me tight and finally I’m able to open my eyes and look past the tears. Moon’s expression is ravaged with uncertainty, which is so far from the man he is. Guilt fills me, but all I can do is shake my head. “I just wanted to take a walk. Help me get my clothes, please.”
He kisses my forehead, slides me from his lap, and brings me back the items I need for the walk. His warm hands lift my nightshirt after I shrug off the robe. He brought me a sports bra and helps me pull it on. I’m nothing but a big goddamn baby and for a minute I’m irritated at myself. It doesn’t last, though, because the gray fog that holds me down comes roaring back and I no longer want to take the walk.
“Come on,” Moon says with his hand out.
My tear-stained face tilts back so I can see his eyes again. This time they’re determined and something inside me tightens. I place my hand in his and he pulls me up slowly without releasing my hand. We walk down the stairs and out the back door. I glance up the side of the mountain. I’ve always loved hiking to the top. Today it seems a hundred miles away. Moon gives a slight tug on my hand and we head toward Fred’s enclosure.
Fred sees me and does a wild, bucking spin around the gate before we reach him. Moon opens the enclosure door and Fred streaks out and does more wild bucking until he’s calm enough to have his head scratched.
Moon places his fingers under my chin and tilts my face up. “It nice to see you smile.”
It actually feels nice to smile. “Let’s go,” I say with a total lack of energy. We start the climb and Fred runs around us enjoying his freedom. There is an outcropping of rocks about halfway and that becomes my goal for today. I’m panting by the time we make it there. Moon turns and sits before pulling me onto his lap. I lean my head back against his shoulder and look at the sky. Small clusters of puffy white clouds fill my vision.
“I know someone you can talk to.” Moon’s voice is soft against my ha
ir. “I know that’s part of your problem. We have secrets you can’t divulge and it worries you.” He squeezes my shoulder.
“Moon,” I whisper, drawing out the sound.
“You can tell him anything. Spill all of our secrets if needed. I’m calling him, but it could be several days to a week before he arrives.”
My fingernails dig into his forearm. I want to fight with him about this, but even that is too much for my brain to handle. I’d need to send words to my lips and then make sentences of the words. We sit like that for a short time. Fred walks over and sniffs my fingers for another head scratch and then runs off and heads for a higher outcropping of rocks. He loves playing king of the mountain, and I wish I had the energy to play with him.
A short time later, we head back down the hill and I return to our bedroom while Moon makes his call. I should care more than I do. Moon’s right, though. Talking about what happened would lead to questions I can’t answer honestly. If you can’t be honest with a therapist, who can you be honest with?
∞∞∞
It’s three more days before our guest arrives. I’m actually tongue-tide when Moon introduces me to Father Andrews. He’s American but lives in Mexico and drove all this way to return a favor he owed my husband. He’s younger than a priest has a right to be and he’s too damn good looking for his job. I place him in his early thirties. It’s strange because he looks oddly familiar even though I’m sure I’ve never met him.
The three of us walk into the living room where Mrs. Loche put out cucumber sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies. Father Andrews’s eyes light up. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast and these look delicious,” he says while filling a plate.
Inferno (A Hotter Than Hell Novel Book 7) Page 17
