by Andrew Grey
“I honestly didn’t do much. I like to think that in the end, we might have put enough pressure on him that he finally made a mistake.”
Kevin turned toward what was left of the club. “I hope so.” The cost had been so high, though. He yawned and stumbled when he took his first step, but righted himself.
“Have you been drinking?” Antonio asked.
“I had one hours ago. I’m just tired. Thank you, though.” Kevin pushed the fatigue from his mind and went to find the others. Jeremy and Tristan were standing with Harry and Spook. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No,” Harry answered. “There’s a lot to go through, and then Bull and I can decide what we want to do. But for now, you might as well go home. They’re going to be here for a while because they need to see if there are any bodies.” He sounded as tired and drawn as Kevin felt.
“I’ll be at Angus’s if anyone needs me.” Kevin shared hugs with each of them, clinging to Harry the longest because he needed it the most right now. “It will be okay. You can rebuild.”
“I know. Not sure I want to,” Harry said, and Kevin realized in that instant that a part of Harry’s gayhood, his coming of age and realizing the person he truly was, had been taken away forever. Even if it was rebuilt, Bronco’s would never be the same. Kevin held Harry a minute longer, keeping his eyes closed so he could remember the club the way it was.
“Is he okay?” Angus asked from behind him.
Kevin released Harry, and Tristan took his place, comforting his partner while Kevin stepped away.
“He’ll be okay. We all will,” Kevin said and took Angus’s hand. “Can you go?”
“Yeah. I’m done here.” Angus walked with Kevin to his car. “I’ll meet you at the house.”
“What about the station?”
“I’ll pick up my stuff and go home. Just meet me there.” Angus patted the car lightly and then stepped back. Kevin pulled out and drove slowly through town to Angus’s house.
When he parked and got out, the scent of wet and charred wood hung in the air. He walked around the side of the house and peered into the backyard. The scent was stronger, coming from the small pile of burned wreckage that filled the back corner of the yard. This all had to be over. That was all there was to it.
Kevin heard the garage doors open and walked back around to see Angus getting out of his car. Kevin helped him with his gear, which Angus left in the garage because of the smell. Then they went up into the house. Kevin honestly expected to be led right up to the bedroom, but Angus motioned to the living room. “I’m going to take a shower, and then I’ll be right back.”
He wasn’t sure what was on Angus’s mind, so Kevin settled on the sofa to wait. The cushions were comfortable, and he yawned and rested his head back. He was half asleep when Angus returned and sat next to him. “What is it?” Kevin asked when he saw the serious expression on Angus’s face.
“I have something I need to tell you. Something I never told anyone… ever. See, I’m not a good person.” Angus fidgeted on the sofa. “We were talking at the station, and one of the guys said something that stuck with me. I won’t go into all that, but I think it’s important that you know something. See, I became a firefighter—”
“Because of your parents and uncle,” Kevin said.
“Yeah. But that isn’t all. Back in Edinburgh, when our house burned down and my parents died….” Anguish filled his voice and tears ran down his cheeks. “It was all my fault. The fire…. It was because of me. I used to like candles, and I had lit some in the house… and…. They said the fire started in the living room, where I had lit candles while my parents were out, and I must have forgotten one….”
“So you weren’t staying with a friend?”
“I was. Mom and Dad had gone out, and when they got back, I left. But I had filled the house with candles, and I must have forgotten one. If Mom and Dad didn’t know, then….”
“Wait. You think you started the fire that killed your mom and dad?” Kevin asked. Angus nodded. “And you’ve carried this around all those years.”
“Yeah.” Angus covered his face. “I became a firefighter to try to make up for what I did, I guess. I don’t know. I can never bring my parents back.”
“But you don’t know exactly how the fire started.”
“No. I was away.” But in his mind Angus did know. It was written in the misery on his face.
“But you’ve held on to this all this time?” Kevin asked. “You need to let it go. The candles may have had nothing to do with it.”
“I kept telling myself that for a long time, and I kept hoping for some kind of answer.”
Kevin knew that doubt mixed with guilt and then left to fester and build for years couldn’t be erased with a single conversation. “You know that what happened has nothing to do with how I feel about you.” Kevin cupped Angus’s cheeks in his hands.
“But I could have been responsible for killing my parents. How could you care for someone like that?” Angus asked, and Kevin brought his face closer and kissed him, softly, on the lips.
“Because it doesn’t matter. Not to me. And for the record, I doubt you had anything to do with that fire, and I can be just as stubborn as you.” Kevin folded his arms over his chest and set his jaw. Angus smiled and shook his head slowly. “You don’t know what happened, but you’ve assumed and let guilt take over the rest. I know your parents died in a fire, and that’s all you know as well. The rest is supposition, and you need to let that go.”
“But….” Angus seemed confused. “I just told you the one thing I’m….”
“Most ashamed of?” Kevin supplied.
“Yeah, and you don’t seem to care.”
“I care that you’re hurting because of it. But it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.” Kevin leaned closer, placing his forehead against Angus’s. “Think of it this way. Things happen for a reason. You became a firefighter because of that, didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” Angus answered.
“And you never told anyone else?” Kevin asked. Angus only shook his head. “Not even your uncle?”
“No.”
Kevin stood and held out his hand. “I’m not making light of this, but it doesn’t affect how I feel about you. Well, it does in a way….” Kevin saw worry flash across Angus’s face. “Because it means you trust me, and I trust you. You’ve saved my life twice, and you’ll always be my hero.” Angus put his hand on Kevin’s, and he tugged Angus to his feet.
“That’s it?”
“What were you expecting?”
“I’ve held that inside all these years, and you act like it’s not a big deal. Like the fact that I might have been responsible for my parent’s death doesn’t….”
“Make you a monster? Is that what you were going to say? Because it doesn’t. You were a kid, and like I said, you don’t know what happened. But let’s just say you did leave a candle burning, and it did start the fire…. It still doesn’t change how I feel. Why should it? It was a mistake.” Kevin didn’t say that he thought it strange that if a candle had been left burning that Angus’s parents wouldn’t have checked the house before they went to bed. “But I’m not willing to concede that you had anything to do with it at all.”
“Damn, you’re as stubborn as a mule.” There was no heat in Angus’s voice as he pulled Kevin to him, their warmth mingling.
“You love it,” Kevin said.
“Yes… I do.” He leaned closer and kissed him, hard. Kevin wasn’t totally sure what had gotten into him. But when Angus lifted him off his feet, Kevin giggled.
“Put me down, I can walk,” Kevin said as he laughed.
Angus didn’t argue and instead kissed his words away as he carried him toward the bedroom. When Angus set him on the bed, Kevin held him around the neck, deepening the kiss as Angus quickly divested him of his clothes.
“I don’t understand what’s gotten into you,” Kevin said as Angus pulled away his briefs, leaving him naked and most d
efinitely confused. “Whatever I did, tell me so I can be sure to do it again.”
Angus pressed him back on the bed, stroking his chest and down his belly. “You didn’t reject me,” he said and kissed just above his navel.
Kevin cupped Angus’s cheeks in his hands. “Why would I?” He brought Angus up to him, eye to eye. “We all have things we’re afraid of or ashamed of. It doesn’t mean we should spend the rest of our lives alone or hating ourselves because of them. I’m honored that you told me, but it doesn’t change anything. I still think you’re the hottest, sexiest man I’ve ever met.”
“Is that all?”
“No. You’re my hero.” Kevin felt his eyes well with tears, and he didn’t know or care why. Angus’s might have done the same. All he knew was that his heart was bursting. “You’ll always be my own personal hero.” He tugged him down and held him, kissing, pulling at Angus’s shirt.
Angus pulled back and got off the bed. Kevin watched as he frantically yanked off his clothes, and then he was back, heat on heat. “I need you,” Angus whispered. Kevin hugged Angus around the shoulders, holding him tight, pressing their bodies together, soaking in Angus’s heat and strength and giving Angus what he seemed to need. After a few seconds Angus trembled against him. Kevin thrust his hips upward, sliding his cock alongside Angus’s, earning a soft moan. Kevin didn’t fully understand what had happened, or why Angus seemed so passionate, but he drank it in.
“I love you,” Angus whispered, and Kevin stopped, all his wondering ceasing in an instant. “I know it’s too soon, and you don’t have to say it back, but I love you.” Angus’s eyes shone.
“You do? How? I….” Kevin wasn’t sure what he should say. “I love you too. But I didn’t expect….” He’d waited so long for someone to say that to him, and now he’d messed it up.
“Hey,” Angus said, locking his gaze onto Kevin’s. “I do love you. I knew it the minute I raced into that club and saw you trying to help Bull. You’re the most unselfish person I’ve ever met.”
“Then what was all that about your parents and the fire? I don’t understand.”
“One of the guys said that if you tell someone your biggest secret, the thing you’re most afraid of, and if they love you anyway, then they’re the person you should be with. The person who loves you more than anyone else. I don’t know if Mark was right, but as scared as I was when I saw you in that fire, I had to tell you my secret, the one thing I feared most.”
“So that was a test?” Kevin asked.
“No. More like a leap of faith.” Angus swallowed, and Kevin kissed him once again, making sure that Angus knew his faith hadn’t been misplaced. Being trusted with something held so deep and close all that time was heady. And when Angus pulled back, gazing down over him, he heated even more under the fire that burned in Angus’s eyes.
“I used to dream of someone looking at me like that,” Kevin whispered, arching his back as Angus trailed his fingers over his belly. The touch was barely there, and yet it burned straight to his heart. “I watched all my friends find these grand passions that took them away from me… in a way. They all found love, and I thought I had too, but… he… never looked at me like that.”
Angus lifted his gaze. “How exactly is that?”
“Like you’re dying of thirst, and I’m the oasis on the horizon.”
Angus grinned, wide, his smile lines going all the way to his eyes, and damn if that wasn’t bright enough to light the night for miles. “You are my oasis.” Angus claimed his mouth in a ravenous kiss that damn near blew the top off Kevin’s head. Heat coursed through him, pulsing through his veins. He clung to Angus, body thrumming, cock so hard it ached and jumped between their bodies with each beat of his racing heart.
When Angus broke the kiss and slid down him, licking a blazing trail across his skin, Kevin had to remember to breathe so he wouldn’t break into a coughing fit. Not that it mattered, because when Angus opened his mouth and sucked him between his lips, Kevin gasped deeply as the sensation of heat and pressure washed over him. “Angus!”
He stopped. “Do that again. Call my name with such need….” He sucked him once more, and Kevin did just what Angus wanted, crying out his name over and over until all his senses centered only on him. “I do love you, Angus.”
“Aye, and I love you,” Angus said, letting the accent that hardly ever showed come through loud and clear. He smiled and went back to sucking Kevin’s cock as though it were candy, gripping him with his lips, pulling like he was trying to yank his release from him. When Kevin came in a rush, screaming, “Angus,” at the top of his lungs, Angus swallowed, taking it all.
Kevin slipped from between Angus’s lips, and he lifted his head. What he saw stole his breath once again. Angus leaned over him, a smile on his full lips, the light from the hall shining in his beautiful blue eyes. Kevin knew this was what it felt like to be loved. Warmth spread through him, filling him from head to toe as he basked in the heat of a single smile.
“Kevin,” Angus whispered, almost as though he were praying.
“Yeah?” he whispered.
“Why couldn’t I have met you a long time ago?”
“Because you weren’t ready for me. Like I said, things happen for a reason. Maybe those fires and all that’s happened in the last few weeks had to happen so I could meet you.” Kevin shrugged and wound his fingers through Angus’s soft, curly hair. “I know it sounds dumb and extreme, but having something good come from all this helps me get through it.”
“I’ll help you get through everything you need,” Angus whispered, and Kevin nodded. “So I guess the big question was, was it worth it?”
Kevin smiled. “Only time will tell. I know that’s a cop-out, but it’s too early to give you an answer. That’s a question that can only be answered with distance.” Kevin pressed to Angus and rolled him on the bed until he lay on top of him. Angus wound his legs around Kevin’s, stroking down his back. Kevin gasped when Angus slid his hands over his butt, rubbing and teasing.
“I want you so bad. I have for days, but I didn’t want to hurt you,” Angus whispered as he sucked lightly on Kevin’s ear. “And I won’t now.”
“I know you never would.”
“How?” Angus asked. “You haven’t known me that long.”
“It’s the way you look at me. Like I hung the moon.”
“In my eyes you did.” Angus tugged him into another kiss.
Kevin straddled Angus’s hips, rolling his pelvis so his cock slid back and forth on his belly. Damn, that was hot and slick. Angus cradled his ass in his strong hands, kneading and pressing him back.
“I need….” Angus’s voice broke and the last words came out only as the movement of his lips. Kevin ceased his hip rolls and reached to the bedside table. He found a condom and some lube and slicked his fingers.
“Jesus God, I want to see,” Angus said with a shaky voice as Kevin slicked himself.
“You’ll do more than see,” Kevin said huskily, pulling his fingers from his own opening and grabbing the condom from where he’d dropped it on the bedding. He opened it and slid back, running his fingers along Angus’s thick shaft, listening as his groans filled the room. Then he rolled down the condom, slicked it good, and positioned himself before slowly taking him in.
“Holy hell,” Angus swore as Kevin rolled his eyes and gasped, stretching to take all of Angus inside him.
“I forgot how big you are. Not something I’m going to do again.” Kevin’s mouth dropped open, and he whimpered. The burn and stretch felt amazing, the flash of pain morphing into mind-numbing pleasure. He heaved for breath, thankful he didn’t cough, as his butt rested against Angus’s hips. He stilled, breathing deeply, and then Angus thrust upward.
Light exploded behind his eyes, and Kevin shook as Angus dragged his cock over that spot inside, sending lightning up his spine to his brain.
“You are so beautiful like that,” Angus whispered. “Stretched out, covered in sweat, eyes sparkling, hair
a little wild.”
Kevin tried to smooth it down, but Angus stroked down his arms and then threaded their fingers together as he thrust up into him. “Angus, I….” Kevin clamped down on him, using his thighs like he was riding a horse. Hell, Angus felt like a damn horse. “What are you doing?” Kevin asked as Angus slid both of them toward the edge of the bed. He released Kevin’s hands and wrapped one arm around his back and the other under Kevin’s ass. Then he stood and Kevin circled his legs around Angus’s waist. “Were you in a circus?”
Angus turned Kevin around and laid him on the side of the bed. “I want you, Kev. I want to be in control.” He leaned over him, his lips inches from Kevin’s, close enough to feel his hot breath on his lips. “I made you a promise, and I intend to deliver.” Angus snapped his hips and Kevin gasped. “I want you to promise that you’ll give us a chance. I want you in my life.”
“I want that too,” Kevin groaned. “But this isn’t fair. Fucking me to get the answer you want.”
“I want to be in your life too. Will you do that?”
“God yes,” Kevin agreed. He stretched on the bed while Angus drove into him, taking him to passionate heights he’d only dreamed of. When Angus leaned over him once again, Kevin pulled him down. The kiss was sloppy and inelegant, but hot as sin. He held on and let Angus drive him higher and further until he could take no more. He came in a rush, shaking, cursing, and gasping, with Angus following right behind him and falling on top of him.
“Am I hurting you?” Angus asked without moving to get up.
“No. I like it.” Kevin stroked the back of Angus’s head and closed his eyes. Being held and loved felt amazing, and he didn’t want it to end for anything.
“You’ve been staying here for the better part of two weeks. Are you sure you want to get an apartment?” Angus whispered in his ear. “You could stay here with me.”
“I can’t. We need to take things a little slow for a little while.” Kevin stroked Angus’s cheeks. “My new apartment is just a few blocks away, and we’ll see each other whenever you’re off shift. But I need the chance to put my life back together after all that’s happened, and I need to be independent to do it. So much has happened and there is so much I want to do.” Kevin sighed when Angus backed away. “It isn’t that I don’t love you. I do. But I need a chance to get my feet under me again.”
