by Jill Shalvis
The cab driver dropped her at the arena, where she got into her rental car, swiped at her wet eyes and took a few calming breaths.
Fifteen excruciatingly long minutes later, she was walking into the hotel, hoping nobody noticed her blotchy face. In the lobby, the clerk behind the check-in desk gestured at her. She reluctantly headed over and was surprised when he said, “There’s a man waiting for you in the bar.”
Hope and happiness soared inside her. Brody? He would’ve definitely had time to get here before her, since she’d had to pick up her car. Maybe he realized how foolish it was to end things because of something a reporter had written.
She hurried across the marble floor toward the large oak doors leading into the hotel bar. Only a few patrons were inside, and when she searched for Brody’s massive shoulders and unruly dark hair, she came up empty-handed. Disappointment crashed into her like a tidal wave. Of course he wasn’t here. He’d made it clear back at his place that he couldn’t risk his career by being seen with her.
She glanced around again, then gasped when her attention landed on a man she’d dismissed during her first inspection.
Doug.
Oh, God. What was he doing here?
“Hayden!” He walked toward her with a timid smile.
She stared at him, taking in the familiar sight of his blond hair, arranged in a no-nonsense haircut. His pale blue eyes, serious as always. That lean, trim body he kept in shape at the university gym. He wore a pair of starched tan slacks and a crisp, white button-down shirt, and the conservative attire kind of irked her. Everything about Doug was neat and orderly and unbelievably tedious. She found herself longing for even the tiniest bit of disorder. An undone button. A coffee stain. A patch of stubble he’d missed while shaving.
But there was nothing disorderly about this man. He was like a perfectly wrapped gift that only used three efficient pieces of tape and featured a little bow with the same length tails. The kind of gift you hesitated to open because you’d feel like an ass messing it up.
Brody, on the other hand…Now he was a gift you tore open the second you got it—the exterior didn’t matter because you knew what it contained inside was a million times better anyway.
Tears stung her eyes at the thought.
“Hi,” Doug said gently. “It’s good to see you.”
She wanted to tell him it was good to see him, too, but the words refused to come out. They stared at each other for a moment, and then he was pulling her into an awkward embrace. She halfheartedly hugged him back, noticing that the feel of his arms around her had no effect on her whatsoever.
“I know I shouldn’t have come,” Doug said, releasing her. “But after the way we left things…I thought we needed to talk. In person.”
“You’re right.” She swallowed. “Do you want to come up?”
He nodded.
Without a word, they walked out of the bar and headed for the elevator. Silence stretched between them as they rode the car up to the penthouse. Hayden wanted to apologize to him again, and yet she wasn’t sure she felt apologetic anymore. She and Doug had been on a break when she’d started seeing Brody, and though she regretted hurting Doug, she couldn’t will up any regret about what she felt for Brody.
“I was shocked when you told me that you were seeing someone else,” Doug began when they stepped into the suite.
“I know.” Guilt tugged at her gut. “I’m sorry I just dropped it on you like that, and over the phone, but I had to be honest.”
“I’m glad you were.” He stepped closer, his eyes glimmering with something she couldn’t put a finger on. “And it was the kick in the behind I needed, Hayden. It made me realize how much I don’t want to lose you.”
He reached out and tenderly stroked her cheek.
Discomfort crept up her spine.
“I love you, Hayden,” Doug said earnestly. “I should have said it a long time ago, but I wanted to go slow. I guess I was going too slow. I’m sorry.”
He moved closer, but he didn’t touch her again, or kiss her, just offered an affectionate smile and said, “I decided we’ve waited long enough. I want us to cross that bridge. I want us to make love.”
No, not the intimacy bridge. Hysterical laughter bubbled inside her throat. “Doug—”
“It’s finally the right time, Hayden.”
Maybe it’s the right time for you, she wanted to say. But for her, that perfect moment she might’ve shared with Doug had slipped away the second Brody Croft had walked into her life.
He reached out for her again, but she moved back, guilty when she saw the hurt in his eyes.
“It’s not the right time,” she said quietly. “And I think there’s a reason we never got to this point before, Doug. I think…it wasn’t meant to be.”
He went still. “I see,” he said, his voice stiff.
She took hold of his hand, squeezing his fingers tightly. “You know I’m right, Doug. Would you honestly be saying all of this, now, if I hadn’t met someone else?”
“Yes.” But his voice lacked conviction.
“I think we got together because it was comfortable. We were friends, colleagues, two people who liked each other well enough…but we’re not soul mates, Doug.”
Pain circled her heart. She hated saying these words to him, but there was no other choice.
Being with Brody had made her realize that she wasn’t going to settle for a man just because he happened to be nice and dependable. As wild and sexy and unpredictable as Brody was, he was also honest and tender, more intelligent than he gave himself credit for, strong, funny, generous…Oh, God, had she fallen in love with him?
No, she couldn’t have. Brody was just a fling. He might have some wonderful traits, but his career would constantly keep him away from her. She wanted someone safe, someone solid. Not someone who was so big and bold and arrogant and passionate and temporary and—Damn it!
She loved him. And wasn’t it ridiculously ironic that she’d figured it out the day he broke up with her.
“Hayden? Please don’t cry, honey.”
She glanced up to see Doug’s worried expression, then touched her cheeks and felt the tears. She quickly wiped them away. “Doug…I’m sorry,” she murmured, not knowing what else to say.
He nodded. “I know. I’m sorry, too.” He tilted his head, looking a bit confused. “But I don’t see what’s so wrong with comfortable.”
“There’s nothing wrong with it. But I want more than comfort. I want…love and passion and…I want earth-shattering.”
He gave her a rueful smile. “I don’t have much experience in shattering a woman’s world, I’m afraid.”
No, but Brody did.
Unfortunately, he also had plenty of experience in shattering a woman’s heart.
* * *
TWO DAYS LATER Hayden woke up feeling confused, devastated and angry. The anger surprised her, but most of it was directed at herself anyway. She’d tossed and turned all night, thinking about what a mess she’d gotten herself into since she’d come back to Chicago. She’d propositioned a stranger, then proceeded to fall in love with him. She’d hurt Doug. Discovered her father had a drinking problem and was probably a criminal.
And what exactly are you doing to fix any of it? a little voice chastised.
She forced herself into a sitting position, her anger escalating. What was she doing to fix it? She’d spent all day yesterday lying on the couch in her sweatpants. She’d watched the Warriors play the Vipers, trying to catch glimpses of Brody. And when the team had lost, her heart ached for him. The Warriors were officially out of the play-offs, and she knew how disappointed Brody must be. She’d been so tempted to call and tell him she was sorry. Instead, she’d devoured a carton of ice cream and gone to bed at ten o’clock.
How was that going to help anything? She wasn’t the type to let problems pile up without looking for solutions, and although she might not be able to “fix” Doug’s broken heart or Brody’s decision to stay away fr
om her, she sure as hell could do something about her father.
Jumping out of bed, she threw on some clothes, headed for the bathroom to wash up, then stepped into the elevator with renewed energy and determination.
Enough was enough. She needed to look her dad in the eye and demand the truth from him. This scandal was affecting her, too, and she deserved to know whether or not the trust and faith she’d placed in her father was justified. Presley’s mess had taken her away from Doug and brought her to Chicago, it had broken up her and Brody, caused stress to tangle inside her. It was time to quit avoiding her father and try to make sense of everything that had happened.
She drove to the Lincoln Center with a heavy heart, knowing her dad was scheduled to be interviewed by the league investigator today. Come to think of it, Brody was being interviewed, too. She hoped she wouldn’t run into him. If she did, she’d be tempted to hurl herself into his arms, and she had no desire to be pushed away again.
Ironic that she’d been fighting this relationship from day one, set on keeping it a fling, and in the end he’d been the one to break things off.
And she’d been the one to fall in love.
Forcing the painful thoughts from her mind, she parked the car and walked to the arena’s entrance. After greeting the woman at the lobby desk, she rode the elevator up to the second floor, which housed the franchise offices.
Her father’s office was at the end of the hall, through a pair of intimidating wood doors more suited for a president than the owner of a hockey team. Tucked off to the right was the desk of her dad’s secretary, a pleasant woman named Kathy who was nowhere to be found.
Hayden walked up to the doors, but stopped when her dad’s voice practically boomed out of the walls. He sounded angry.
She slowly turned the knob and inched open the door, then froze when she heard her dad say, “I know I promised to cover your ass, Becker, but this is getting out of hand.”
Becker…Becker…hadn’t Brody shown up at the Gallagher Club with a player named Becker?
Her blood ran cold. She knew she shouldn’t stand there and listen, but she couldn’t bring herself to announce her presence.
“I don’t give a damn about that…they won’t trace the money…”
Enough. She’d had enough.
Feeling sick to her stomach, Hayden pushed open the door and strode into her father’s office. He was standing behind his desk, clutching the phone to his ear, and he nearly dropped the receiver when he saw her enter.
“I have to go,” he said into the phone, hanging up without giving the other person—Becker?—a chance to respond.
Hayden inched closer, fighting the urge to throw up as she stared into her father’s eyes. His face had gone pale, and she could see his hands trembling as he waited for her to approach.
“So it’s true,” she said flatly, not bothering with any pleasantries.
Her dad had the nerve to feign ignorance. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, sweetheart.”
“Bullshit!” Her voice trembled with anger. “I heard what you said just now!”
Silence hung over the room. Her father looked stunned by her outburst. After a second, he lowered himself into his leather chair, gave her a repentant look and released a heavy sigh. “You shouldn’t have eavesdropped, Hayden. I didn’t want you involved in any of this.”
“You didn’t want me involved? Is that why you asked me to come home? Is that why you practically forced me to give a deposition in your divorce? So I wouldn’t be involved? Too late, Dad. I already am.”
Her legs barely carried her as she stumbled over to one of the plush burgundy visitor’s chairs and sank into it. It was hard to think over the roar of her pulse in her ears. Anger and disgust and sadness mingled in her blood, forming a poisonous cocktail that seared through her veins. She couldn’t believe this. The signs and suspicions had been there from the start, but hearing her father confirm his criminal actions was like a switchblade to the gut.
If someone had told her that the father she’d loved unconditionally, whose flaws she’d always ignored, whose attention she’d always craved, could be capable of such dishonesty, she would’ve laughed in their face. And yet it was true. Her father had broken the law. He’d lied. He’d probably cheated on his wife.
When had this man become a stranger to her?
“Honey…” He gulped. Guilt etched into his features. “At least let me explain.”
“You committed a crime,” she said stiffly. “What’s there to explain?”
“I made a mistake.” He faltered. “I made some bad investments. I…” Desperation filled his eyes. “It was only two games, Hayden. Only two. I just needed to recover the losses, and…I…I screwed up.”
Her belief in him slowly began to shatter, tiny jagged pieces of trust and faith chipping away, ripping into her insides as they sank down to her stomach like sharp little razor blades. How could he have done this? And why hadn’t she seen it, damn it?
“Why didn’t you call me?” she whispered.
“I was too ashamed.” His voice cracked again. “I didn’t want you to know I’d destroyed everything I’d built.” His eyes looked so tortured Hayden had to turn away. “I never wanted another woman after your mother died. None of the ones I met even compared to her. So I focused on my job instead, first as a coach, and then as an owner. Money was tangible, you know? Something I didn’t think I could lose.”
When she looked at him again, she was stunned to see tears on her dad’s cheeks. “But I did lose it. I lost it and I got scared. I thought I’d lose Sheila, too.” He swiped viciously at his wet eyes. “I know part of the reason she married me was for my money. I’m no fool, Hayden. But Sheila and I also loved each other. Sometimes I think I still love her. She’s so full of…life, I guess. And after so many years of feeling dead, I needed that. I didn’t want to lose her. I started drinking too much, trying to forget about what was happening, I guess. Sheila tried to help me, but I wouldn’t listen. I didn’t want her to think I was weak…”
His voice drifted, his eyes glistening with pain, shame and unshed tears. Tears sprang to Hayden’s eyes, too.
She’d never seen her father cry before. It broke her heart. And it hurt even more knowing that she hadn’t even noticed while his life was spinning out of control. She knew how much his career and reputation and, yes, his wealth, mattered to him. The threat of losing it had driven him to make such hideous decisions. And she’d been so busy living her own life that she’d failed to be there for her father. Because no matter how dishonorably he’d behaved, he still was her father, and she couldn’t write him off just because he’d screwed up.
She rose slowly from the chair and rounded the desk, placing her hand on her dad’s shoulder. His head jerked up, his eyes wide with surprise, and then the tears flowed in earnest down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Hayden,” he choked out.
She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I know you are, Daddy. Don’t worry. We’re going to get you some help.” She swallowed. “And you’re…you’re going to have to tell the truth today, okay?”
Dropping her arms, she stared into her father’s eyes, seeing the remorse and guilt flickering in them. After a moment, he nodded. “You’re right,” he whispered. “I know I need to face the consequences of my actions.”
“I’m here for you, Dad. And if you want me to go to the interview with you, I will.”
He shook his head. “It’s something I need to do alone.”
“I understand.”
Her father rubbed his cheeks, then looked up at her and sighed. “Don’t you think it’s time for you to explain?”
“Explain what?” she asked in bewilderment.
“I do read the newspapers, Hayden.” He shook his head. “How long have you been seeing Croft?”
Heat flooded her cheeks. “Not long.”
“And this affair…you think it’s a good idea? Croft isn’t your usual type, sweetheart.�
��
“It’s not an affair,” she blurted out. “I…I love him.” She couldn’t fight the tears that stung her eyelids. “I want to be with him, Dad.”
She paused as the words settled between them. I want to be with him. And then she thought of what she’d told her father, just a moment ago. I’m here for you.
Why was it so easy for her to say that to her father, but not to Brody? He might not have the stable life she’d always longed for, but didn’t he have so many other incredible qualities that more than made up for having to travel every now and then?
She suddenly realized how unfairly she’d treated him, wanting to keep everything on her terms. Fighting him when he tried to make her see they were good for each other.
Well, he was right. They were good for each other. Brody was the first man she’d ever been truly herself with. He made her laugh. He drove her wild in bed. He listened.
God, she didn’t deserve Brody. All she’d done since the day they’d met was set boundaries, have expectations, find reasons why he wasn’t right for her. Yet he’d stayed by her side. Even when she came up with silly rules, or told him he was nothing but a fling. Wasn’t that what she claimed to want in a man? Someone solid to stand by her?
And didn’t Brody deserve the same thing, a woman who stood by him? He cared about her, she knew he did, and if he thought putting their relationship on hold until the scandal blew over was best, maybe she needed to trust him.
She stumbled away from the desk, suddenly knowing what she had to do.
“Hayden?” her dad said quietly.
“I need to take care of something,” she answered, inhaling deeply. “We’ll talk after your interview, okay? We’ll talk about everything.”
Her father nodded.
She was halfway out the door when she glanced over her shoulder and added, “And, Daddy? I hope you remember to do the right thing.”
* * *
BRODY STOOD outside the conference room, anxiously tugging at his tie as he waited. Damn, he hated this tie. It was choking the life out of him. Or maybe he found it so hard to breathe because any minute now he’d be sitting in front of three people who could very well destroy his career.
