by Frankie Love
“I don’t fucking know,” Ethan screams. “I just know you guys will do a hell of a lot better loving Chloe than I ever will. I’m a fucking mess. I have no idea what a father is. How to be one. I’ll screw this whole thing up.”
“Oh, fuck you, Ethan,” Mason scoffs. “You don’t get the corner on pain, okay?”
“Right, because your life has been so fucking hard,” Ethan throws back.
Mason’s eyes narrow. “Remember the time I fought a fucking shark to stay alive? I’d say that was a mother fucking low point, Ethan.”
“Enough,” I shout. “But if you fucking told Chloe you were through–– leaving––out on the beach, Ethan. If you blindsided her, I swear to God I’ll kill you.”
“Then here’s my last will and fucking testament,” Ethan tosses in my face. “We aren’t all as fucking perfect as you, Noah.”
I draw back, my oldest friend’s words slicing straight to my heart. “Bullshit,” I say. “I’m not perfect. You know that, Ethan.”
“It’s hard to see,” he says, “under all those layers of perfection.”
“Dammit,” I scream, moving in ready to fight. I back him against the wall, my voice louder than necessary but I don’t give a damn. “You aren’t the only one who is fucking scared. You can’t just leave when things are scary,” I tell him, pinning him to the wall. “I fucking love you, man, but you’re being an ass.”
“Oh yeah? Why don’t you break it down for me?” he asks, pushing at me to say more.
“I don’t want to be a father,” I tell him, letting him go. “I never asked for this.”
The words are finally out and I can breathe. But then I see Chloe, walking into the house, completely broken by what she just heard.
“You don’t want me either?” she asks me flatly, her face completely void of emotion.
“I want you,” I tell her, reaching for her, but she shoves me away. “I swear I do.”
“Neither of you wants me?” she asks, her eyes pools of fresh water tears. “You and Ethan both are out?”
I run a hand over my jaw. “I don’t know what I want,” I tell her. “Besides knowing I want you, I know nothing.”
“I’m kind of a package deal at the moment,” she laughs bitterly. “Goddammit, I’m pregnant, Noah. You need to know if you’re in this or not. Ethan already told me where he stands.”
Ethan steps toward her, and I want to pull him back, to save her from getting hurt anymore. Then I remember she is equally as pissed at me.
“Chloe,” I say my voice low, my heart heavy. “If I can’t be honest with you, then what is the point of any of this?” I clench my fists, feeling out of control. Wanting so badly for Chloe to wrap her arms around me and rein me in. I don’t want to be alone, but I also know I can’t hide how I feel in order to protect anyone. That isn’t living.
“You can be honest. It’s just...” She buries her face in her hands, crying. “Your honesty still hurts.”
I close my eyes, knowing that is the mother fucking truth. “I love you, Chloe. I love you so damn much.”
She shakes her head, her disappointment in Ethan and me palpable. “Just not enough to man up and be a father?”
Ethan steps toward her, reaching for her, but she raises her arms protectively. “I want to be with you, both of you.” She wipes her eyes, then covers her mouth, her lips trembling. “I want to love you and be loved by you but not if this baby is going to come between us.”
“Can we talk?” Ethan asks. “Please, let me try again. I’m out of my mind right now, and I want to make this right. I just … I don’t fucking know how.”
She shakes her head. “I’m tired, Ethan. After what you said on the beach, I figured you’d already be gone. I don’t want to chase you, but heaven knows I’m willing to fight for you. I love you, Noah, but being your girlfriend isn’t enough. I need partners who can commit to this child.”
She turns to Mason and Enzo. “I love you both too, with all that I am. And I am not going anywhere. But right now, I really need to rest. And you two,” she says, pointing to Ethan and me, “need to figure out what you really want. No one is asking you to have it all figured out but you can’t find out if you can do this if you don’t try. I don’t know how to be a mom, either, but I’m not running.”
She turns toward the stairs, leaving for her room, leaving the four of us to figure out our shit all on our own.
Chapter 15
CHLOE
Mason and Enzo are in my bed, the three of us fell deeply asleep after they made love to me after my nap. Mason’s cock filled my mouth, his come sliding down my throat, just the way I crave. Enzo’s cock filled my pussy, his thick shaft driving deep inside me, causing my cries of ecstasy to echo in the room. I knew Noah’s parents were here but after the day I had, I didn’t care who heard or what they thought. I only thought about myself.
Selfish, maybe. But I no longer have space to make sure everyone else is happy. Right now, in this moment, I am taking what is mine. I’ve never done that so fully in all my life.
It was time.
I rise from my bed, wrapping a satin robe around my shoulders and stepping onto the patio outside my room. The sky is dark and the moon is heavy. But soon the night will turn to dawn, and I want to watch the new day come. I need to be reminded that each morning there is a new start. Another chance.
I thought after the day I had, that I would be broken but I don’t feel broken. I want Noah and Ethan to choose me, choose this life but I don’t want to force anyone. And I know my happiness and fulfillment can’t depend on their love.
Whatever happens next, I know I love myself. I love the woman I have grown to be.
A year ago, I would never have believed I could be this strong, this sure. I would have been terrified to take on motherhood without any guarantees, but I am no longer held back by that fear.
Harlow’s words earlier today helped to remind me of the strength that I have harnessed. If she saw it in me, then surely, I can see it in myself.
Ethan slides open the porch door and when I see his silhouette, I’m not in the least bit surprised. Of course, he is here, in the middle of the night. This is when he and I have all our best talks.
But this time it is different. He ended things with me today and I spent all day in bed because of it.
I want to yell at him, curse him, fight him, but then I see his eyes and I know he has beaten himself up enough for both of us.
His eyes fill with tears, his shoulders shake. “I’m so fucking sorry, Chloe,” he says. “Forgive me. Forgive me for being so fucking blind.”
I press my fingers to my lips, wanting to believe his apology.
“I know that I haven’t been there the way you need but I swear to you, Chloe, I will never walk away again.”
“Shhh,” I say, wrapping my arms around him.
Do I need to forgive him? No.
But I am choosing to believe Ethan’s best intentions.
“I was so fucking scared. So scared of failing you, Chloe. I thought leaving would be easier but I couldn’t walk away from this. From you. Our baby. This life.”
His voice cracks during his confession and I know that for better or worse, he is mine. My man, my lover, my mess, and my hero. He is part of a whole and without him, I can’t have the rest.
The package deal wasn’t just the baby and me.
It was this whole relationship, all five of us. I mean all six of us.
“Good,” I tell him, pulling back so I can look in his wounded eyes. Eyes that have seen more pain than one man should have seen in a lifetime. “But you know, I wasn’t going to let you break up with me.”
His chin quivers, a smirk trying to break through. “Dammit, Chloe. I love you.”
“I love you more, Ethan.”
“Even if I’m a fucking fool?”
“Even if.”
“And you aren’t scared I’m gonna be a shitty dad?” He looks so transparent, an open book. “I don’t even know
how to change a diaper.”
“Diapers are the easy part. It’s the not giving up when it’s hard that is tricky.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Chloe, I promise.”
“Good. Because neither am I.”
He kisses me then. It’s soft and tender. A new start neither of us probably deserve. Why should we be so damn lucky to have found a love like this? Who are we, beside two lost souls?
Then I look through the glass doors and see Enzo and Mason sitting up in bed, having had woken, watching us.
We’re not just two lost souls, after all.
We’re not alone. And thank God, because what a mess we would be.
Mason and Enzo join us on the porch, and in the moonlight, we hold one another, tight.
We are not letting go.
Together we watch as the sun rises, the past behind us, the future ours for the taking.
I lean my head against Mason’s chest, Enzo holding one hand, Ethan the other.
All is perfect in paradise.
Except for one thing.
Noah isn’t here.
And I’m terrified that after he revealed his fears today, he might never be.
Chapter 16
NOAH
I toss and turn, with reason.
I fucked everything up yesterday and now all I can hope is that I can do this competition without failing this too.
The beach is crowded, tents and stages are everywhere. My parents are here and so is Leo, Enzo’s dad. And even though Chloe is avoiding me, I know that she’s here too, cheering us on all day but also making sure we’re everywhere we need to be. Registration and the morning events went without a hitch with her in control.
I’m so proud of her, taking command as our manager. And she is good at it too. In fact, the way she has taken charge is sexy as hell. The scared and timid virgin I met in Jamaica is long gone. She has been replaced with a woman so capable in her own right, so comfortable in her own skin. Damn, it gets my cock hard just thinking about how badass she is.
And hell, I know she’s gonna be the best mom. She may have been scared of the idea at first, but she will give her everything to this child. She loves so damn deeply, gives so fucking much. She is the best woman I’ve ever known.
Black Bull is here with their new team and it fucking pisses me off, but I also know that what the guys and I have built is way better than that brand. Working for a company that serves in their own interests, got old. Eventually, we knew that if we wanted to grow, to expand, become more than what we were, we needed to step out and take a risk.
And with Chloe championing us, we did.
I’m happy for her too;she has her new friend Harlow with her today, and I love seeing her begin to step out of her comfort zone and take a risk with more people. She’s been hurt so much in the past, so seeing her now, with a friend, makes me really proud of her.
It also makes me wonder what is holding me back from taking a risk. This morning I woke up to find Chloe in the kitchen with Ethan. They’d been making green smoothies–– spinach and almond milk and frozen berries were out, but clearly they had gotten sidetracked. His hands were down her panties, finger banging her on the kitchen counter. She was gripping his neck, coming against him, and I was glad my parents had already left for the beach considering the show they were putting on.
My cock was instantly hard, sure, as Chloe’s bathrobe opened up, and Ethan began sucking her gorgeous tits. But walking in on them ended their moment together, and my first thought was that I was fucking happy for Ethan, that him and Chloe were able to work through his demons and get here today, in one piece.
The second thought to go through my mind was wondering what my fucking problem was that I couldn’t do the same for the woman I loved with all my heart? What was holding me back?
Now, I’m out here on the beach, ready to ride the waves in hopes of bringing home a trophy for my team. I get out on the surfboard, taking over this part of the race because Mason still doesn’t have the leg strength to do it. I can’t help but think about Black Bull. How taking a risk when we left them actually gave us a better life than the one we imagined for ourselves.
With my chest pressed against the board, paddling out to deep waters, it’s like a gut punch as I put two and two together.
Our career is better because we stepped out in faith ... how much better would my life be if I lived like that?
A wave begins to gain momentum, far out on the horizon, but I anticipate it, knowing that it’s going to grow to the perfect swell for me to catch and ride.
And damn, I don’t want to miss it.
Hell, I don’t want to miss a fucking thing.
The truth pummels me, nearly knocking me off the board, but I stay on, holding tightly. As the wave moves toward me, I pop up at just the right time. Not too late.
With my feet firmly planted on the moving board, I see it all so damn clearly.
What would my life be if I let things pass without trying to stand up and ride them out? Catch them while they are here?
If Chloe and this baby were a wave that I chose to miss, I’d never know the greatest thrill of my life if I let it wash past me.
And if I don’t let Chloe know that she means everything to me–– that this life with her and the guys and the baby mean everything to me–– then what kind of fucking fool am I?
One who is missing the entire point.
After all that happened with Mason’s injury, I should have learned by now that life is a goddamn precious thing. Yeah, there are lots of places for laughter and playing around but it’s also mother fucking precious. It’s not all fun and games. There are hearts and souls on the line too.
I considered walking away from this all because of what? I was scared of growing up and being the best man I could be?
Fuck that. I want to be that man. For this baby and for Chloe. Also for my goddamn self.
I ride this wave like a boss, like a man who knows what he is fighting for. I ride that wave to the shore, salty tears in my eyes and a chest that pounds. I can’t lose this ride. It is here, right now.
And it’s mine for the taking.
I’m not talking about this competition. I’m talking about this life.
----
Winning the event no longer matters. I win, get off my board and run to Chloe. She’s on the beach with Harlow, who has pale pink hair flying in the wind, and when they see me, their eyes widen. I look like a madman, for sure. My facial hair rough, my hair tousled by the waves, and I’m running like a beast to my beauty.
“Chloe,” I say, falling to my knees before her. My parents and the guys are here but I don’t fucking care. All I care about is Chloe right now. “I’m sorry. I’m a fucking scaredy-cat who tries to play it cool. I’m scared of being a dad. That’s the truth, but there are worse things than being scared of change. I could lose you. Lose our baby. Lose fucking everything.”
Chloe presses her hand to her face and I hate that I’m making her cry, but I need her to hear this. Now.
“I love you, baby. I love your perfect ass and your perfect smile. And I love how badass you are in everything you do. This is all new to you too, yet here you are. On two feet, fighting for the life you want. Baby, let me fight with you. For you.”
She flings her arms around me. “You had me scared, Noah. I was so freaking scared.”
“I’m sorry for scaring you,” I tell her, kissing her hard. “I swear I’ll never run again. I’m here. By your side. Through thick and thin.”
We kiss again, this time with more intensity, my desire growing as our mouths part, her tongue finds mine.
It’s not until my mother starts hollering that I remember that there are about a thousand people on this beach. We pull apart and look at our audience.
“A baby? Who is having a baby?” My mother’s gripping my father’s arm.
The world falls away. Her fear is understandable, but it is not mine to bear.
“We are,” Chloe says. �
��The five of us are having a baby. Together.”
My mom gasps, my dad is confused. The girl with the pink hair beams and Leo, surprisingly enough, begins to clap.
Enzo steps forward, standing next to me. Then Mason and Ethan stand on Chloe’s other side.
All four of us surround her. Protecting her. Craving her. Forever.
Epilogue 1 … Three Months Later
MASON
She stands in white. Her belly blossoming, looking so beautiful. It’s no surprise. Of course, she looks gorgeous. But with the palm trees flanking her, and white sand under our feet, it’s more than picture-perfect.
It’s our wedding day.
Well, not exactly a wedding. This relationship isn’t exactly the kind you can file with the courthouse. But it is our commitment ceremony.
After that day on the beach, when Noah realized how badly he wanted this life, there was only one thing we could do. Make it official. Make more than promises.
It was time to make vows.
We stand in black suits, roses in our lapels. It’s hard to imagine the Chloe I met all those months ago in Jamaica. She was so sad, so scared. So alone. Now, here she is standing with a family. Our family. Forever.
“My makeup it’s gonna get ruined,” she says, wiping her eyes.
“Impossible,” I tell her. She’s standing with a bouquet of pale pink roses and her hair is in loose curls all around her shoulders.
She’s been nervous, scared she wouldn’t fit in her dress, but seeing her now in the flowing, white fabric, the strapless gown reveals her collarbone, hugs her baby bump perfectly. She looks like a goddess.
An officiant stands before us. She’s an older woman with grey hair and traditional Hawaiian lei around her neck. “We are gathered here today to join together Chloe, Enzo, Mason, Noah, and Ethan,” she says.
Chloe’s counselor from back in Los Angeles recommended her to us, having understood the dynamics of our relationship. It was a relief to have someone be willing to honor us like this today.
