by Quinn Loftis
“One person as opposed to five, or more, Dalton. One person who has the potential to bring him down. I’ve lived in my books my whole life. I’ve read stories of great evil and how good overcomes it and never thought I’d ever have to make the choices that those characters make. I always wondered if I would be able to be that selfless, and the truth is, I don’t want to be. I want you. But after the things Volcan said, I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve you. If I go with him, he will leave the other healers alone.”
“Is that what he told you?” Dalton asked. “And you believe a psychopath who has killed thousands?”
“Statistically speaking psychopaths are actually very honest because they have no moral compass so lying doesn’t necessarily benefit them.”
“Don’t really care at the moment, female.” Dalton knew that his voice was even and calm, something he had perfected over the centuries. “So you’re telling me that you’ve struck a bargain with the devil and expect the devil to keep his end of the deal?”
She nodded; her eyes were wide as she studied his face. He could tell she was memorizing him, taking in every aspect of him because she thought she was leaving him. He felt her attraction to him as her gaze ran over his rugged jaw and full lips. She wasn’t attempting to hide her feelings from him, and he ached for the touch she longed to give him. Don’t do it, Jewel, don’t touch him. He heard the thoughts though they weren’t directed at him. She was bolstering herself, attempting to make herself strong for what she was about to tell him. He wouldn’t make it easy on her. Dalton held her stare with a daring one of his own, challenging her to tell him.
“I have to go. Knowing what he will do if I don’t is not something I could live with.”
“But you can live without me?” It was harsh and perhaps not a fair question, but he wasn’t playing fair; he was playing for keeps.
“I can live knowing you are safe, knowing all of your race is safe, and the gypsy healers aren’t in his clutches where he can use them.”
He released her and stepped back afraid that if he held her while his wolf was growing more and more volatile he might hurt her inadvertently. Foolish female, that’s what he wanted to say but his wolf bit his tongue. He wouldn’t allow the man to say hurtful things just because he was hurting. But he would allow him to speak the truth.
“But I won’t be safe. They will have to kill me, Jewel. If you walk away from me my wolf will take over; there will be nothing left and no reason for me not to give into the darkness. No one will be safe.” His voice shook with the need his body felt to grab her and run, to take her far from this place and hide her away to keep her safe.
“I don’t believe that. I’ve seen inside of you. I know your wolf; there is still good in you.” Her voice was raw from the tears she had been shedding, her face was red and swollen, and yet to him she was still the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen.
“You!” he snarled taking another step back. “You are all that is good in me!” He turned from her; his shoulders were rigid as he attempted to get his emotions under control. Until Jewel he had not had problems with his control in a very long time, and in a couple of months she had managed to turn him inside out. He didn’t know how to make her understand that she was his light. She held the other half of his soul and without her he would be lost. He wanted to kill something, to feel flesh between his teeth, because if he lost her he would be reduced to a beast hell bent on killing everything in its path.
“If I was all that was good in you then you wouldn’t have spent all these years in your pack, helping them, being the wolf Dillon needed you to be. You did that Dalton, without my help you did that.”
“Dammit, Jewel.” His head tilted back as he stared up at the ceiling, fighting to remain calm, but failing. “I was barely holding on! I wasn’t living; I was surviving and had I not found you when I did I was ready to ask my Alpha to end my misery. Every day is a struggle not to give in to the darkness, to just let my wolf take over. It would be easier because then I wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt and memories of my past. The only thing that has stopped me is the desire to not sink as low as those who harmed my family. I will not kill innocents, and the only way for me to keep that promise is to leave this life.” His heart nearly shattered when he heard a sob pour out of his mate. He had been avoiding looking at her because it was too painful. She was standing right there within his reach and only moments ago he held her. Yet now he felt as though she didn’t want him to touch her. It was too much. But now he looked down to see her kneeling; her shoulders shaking violently as his usually composed little dove fell apart once again. He wanted to go to her, to hold her, and tell her it would be alright, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. She had pushed him away by being willing to walk away from him and hearing her say that had broken something inside of him. He had thought nothing could hurt him the way losing his parents, being tortured and molested, and then lost for centuries had hurt. He was wrong. To be rejected by his mate was worse, and he would take torture over that any day. Dalton couldn’t reach out for her, because he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions if she turned away from him again.
So instead he just stood there watching the one person he never wanted to hurt shaking with the pain of all that she was feeling. She was confused; he could feel it through their bond. Her mind was chaotic and he couldn’t pick up on a single thought because there was just so much. Dalton didn’t know what to say. He’d never been good with words; hell, he wasn’t good with people and up until Jewel he’d never given it a second thought. Now he would give anything to be eloquent and convincing.
“Jewel.” He found himself kneeling where he stood, mimicking her position though he didn’t move any closer to her. She was at least ten feet away. It was the longest ten feet he had ever seen in his life. “Talk to me, Dove. Please just talk to me. Tell me what your logic is. Help me understand how you could possibly come to this conclusion.” He decided that if he couldn’t appeal to her emotions, maybe he could reason with her knowledge or lack thereof.
She finally looked up. Her cheeks were red and streaked with tears. Her eyes were deep pools of sorrow that he found himself drowning in. Sucking in breaths between the small sobs still forcing their way out of her, she met his gaze.
“Why would you think you should be with him, that you deserve him but not me?” Dalton nearly choked on the words. His wolf was ramming at the boundaries he’d forced around him to keep him from taking over. He didn’t want to hear anything about Jewel going with another. The wolf didn’t want Dalton discussing it with her because it wasn’t an option, not to them anyway.
“I’m a gypsy healer,” she said and her voice wavered slightly. “I was created to serve the Canis lupis― a servant, Dalton,” her voice grew stronger as she spoke. “The lowest of the low, that is my lot in life; it has always been my lot in life and just when I think that will change, just when this magical world dropped in my lap, I find out that nothing will change. I will still be the one on the bottom. I know that compared to what you have endured my grievances are miniscule, but to me they are painful. For once I want to not feel helpless. If I stay with you, I will serve the wolves and I will serve you; I will feel as though all the protection you feel is so necessary simply means that you don’t think I am capable of taking care of myself. I will live in your shadow, submitting to your every command because you’re my Alpha, right? You might be Dillon’s Beta, but as my mate you are my Alpha, and I will never be your equal. I don’t want to be the one hiding in the shadows anymore. I can’t be.”
Dalton took several deep breaths before he spoke. The air felt heavy and stifling in his lungs, but he knew if he didn’t take a moment to compose himself, all that would come out were growls. Every word that came out of her mouth was a thought planted there by Volcan. Jewel knew how precious his species considered the gypsy healers. She knew that she was everything to him, and he would never consider her lower than himself. Once he had decided to take her as his
true mate, to not walk away, he had never hidden any of his emotions or feelings for her. She could not possibly truly believe that he would expect her to simply obey him like a mindless slave. “Do you really believe what you are saying? Do you really think I could ever treat you as though you were beneath me, like a servant?”
He watched her carefully, searching for any sign that his Jewel was still there. The Jewel who had endured hell at the hands of Lorelle, holding on just five minutes longer, over and over again. He saw her lips tremble as she fought some silent emotion and finally nodded.
“Now you’re just lying to me.” His eyes narrowed on his prey, because that is what she was becoming to him. She was running from him and it was stirring up his wolf’s desire to hunt. He would be victorious in this hunt, any other outcome would destroy him.
“I,” she began but he shook his head slightly cutting her off.
“No more lies, Jewel Stone. I have a pretty good idea of the poison that Volcan filled your mind with; although I don’t understand how he got you to so thoroughly believe him. As much as I hate to state the obvious, let alone repeat myself, I will go ahead and say this again and I’ll say it until you believe it. You. Are. Mine. My mate, created for me and I was created for you. There isn’t a male Canis lupis alive that would allow another to take his mate from him and I am not the exception. I will not let you leave me and if you think that means I consider you less than me, then you haven’t been listening to me very well.”
“Dalt—,”
“Let. Me. Finish.” he bit out each word. He was angry, no that wasn’t strong enough for what he was feeling. He was completely enraged. He didn’t want to scare her, or intimidate her, but she needed to understand that there was no way in seven hells he would give her up. He would not condemn either of them to an existence without the other; it would be agony. “From the moment I realized that you really could be my mate, I prayed that it wouldn’t be true. Not because I didn’t want you, but because I didn’t think that I deserved you. I was a fool to think that my will could compete with the Great Luna’s ordained plan. I realized that there was no walking away from you, and then I realized that I didn’t want to walk away. I wanted you. The revelation hit me like a two ton battering ram, and I knew that I would tear down any obstacle, kill any opponent, destroy any species, level any kingdom, and sacrifice all that I am to keep you. I’ve envisioned the life we could have, and I want to grab onto it with both hands and never let go. I’ve seen you in my minds’ eye in my bed, lost in my arms. I’ve seen you swollen and glowing with my child, holding our baby as I held you. Every possible dream I never thought I would get, I have seen with you. And if you think your inferiority complex is going to keep us from having that, then you need to check your facts.”
Her eyes were wide and her mouth had dropped open slightly as she listened to him. He had not meant to be so blunt, but then he was literally fighting for his life. He would stoop to any level necessary.
“We, I,” she stammered. Finally taking a slow breath and squaring her shoulders she tried again. “We are two broken people, Dalton. It’s a case of the blind leading the blind; how can two broken people be good for each other? How can I be what you need when I’m constantly analyzing your intentions and wondering if all of this sweetness is just a ploy to make me yours? Because let’s face it, Dalton, you are not the type of guy that ever takes a second look at a girl like me. And what about you? You can barely touch me for fear that you are going to contaminate me from your tainted past. Yes,” she nodded. “I heard those thoughts. You might have thought I wasn’t listening but I heard how hard it is for you to put your arms around me, how you have to force yourself to touch me because your wolf demands it. How is that supposed to make me feel? The man who is supposed to be mine doesn’t even want to touch me! How can we possibly be good for each other?”
“WE LEARN!” he roared finally giving into the wolf just a little. His wolf hurt over the fact that he, the man, struggled with touching their mate. But Jewel had it wrong, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to touch her. “How did you come to know all that you know? Were you just born full of knowledge? No, you studied, you read, and you learned the things you know. We will choose to learn how to be mates.” The distance between them was beginning to tear a hole inside of him so he stood and walked towards her. His, no doubt glowing, eyes held hers as he stalked her, and once he was standing in front of her, he reached down and grasped her arms pulling her to her feet. Even standing she still had to tilt her head to look up at him. “I can promise you that I will be the most diligent student you have ever seen. I will make it my life’s mission to study every aspect of you, to learn you inside and out, so that I can meet your every need, your every desire, and your every want. I will spend the rest of our lives showing you that there is nothing that will stand between me and you. Not your past, not my past, and sure as hell not an evil fae who wants to convince you that he is better for you than your true mate.” She was shaking in his hands but he didn’t let her go. He wasn’t about to break the connection he finally had with her.
“And for the record I want to touch you. In fact, if you knew how desperately I crave to touch you it would terrify you. The reason I am afraid to touch you is because I know that once I have a taste of you, once your skin is burned into my hands and my memory, I will never be sated. I will need more and more of you, like a drug you will ensnare me and hold me captive to your will.” He leaned down closer to her until his face was less than an inch from hers. “The few times that I have allowed myself the luxury of touching you nearly drove me mad. I want to wait until we are bonded and the Blood Rites are complete before I give into my need of you. If I had known that you took my struggle with touch as rejection, I would have explained it the moment the thoughts entered my mind. It seems one of the things we are going to have to learn is communication. I will consider this my first lesson. Now I will give you your first lesson.”
He saw that she was going to argue with him, but he pressed a finger to her lips. “Listen, learn.” Dalton took her face in his hands cradling her as if she was the most priceless treasure because that’s what she was to him. “Close your eyes.” He waited until she complied and then continued. “Open yourself completely to our bond. Reach into my mind and learn something about your mate.”
Jewel closed her eyes as the fight slipped out of her. She knew everything he had said was sincere and true. But everything Volcan had said had been true as well, hadn’t it? Dalton’s voice drew her back to the moment and she found herself doing as he instructed. She released the tight hold she had kept on their bond, and the emotions that rushed into her would have knocked her back to her knees had Dalton not been holding her. She reached up and put a hand on his chest, centering her mind and pushing her magic into him. He wanted her to learn something about him. After what she had put him through, she owed him.
She was hit immediately with a need so strong that she felt as though it was her own. As she pushed further she finally caught the source of the need. “Touch, mine, mate,” his voice rumbled in her mind but she realized that it wasn’t him talking to her; it was like his thoughts were on a loop. Over and over they repeated. “Taste, hold, mine, hers, want.” What surprised her more was that they weren’t just thoughts, they were feelings. Dalton hadn’t been exaggerating when he had told her that his need to touch her was like a drug. Jewel felt his hands on her face slide down to her neck; the heat of his skin warmed her own and had her leaning into him. She saw his memories then, memories of her. She watched as he sat on the edge of the bed where she had lay unconscious for months and stared at her longingly. He turned to look at the door as Sally stepped into the room and the change in his face was remarkable. As if transformed by cinematic computer graphics, he instantly went from an adoring mate to a stoic male, his face betraying no emotion. Sally froze in her tracks. Realizing her intrusion might spark the already volatile wolf, she backed out slowly. As soon as Sally left the room and
Dalton turned back to look at her, his face morphed, returning to the affectionate male he had been moments before. The tight line of his lips loosened, his eyes softened dramatically, and every muscle seemed to relax.
To her surprise he reached out, his hand shaking like a druggie, and touched her face. It was a tender caress, and by the look on his face it brought him peace. As that memory faded, another emerged in its place. She stood before him, finally awake, though not of her own doing. She knew, though she had yet to mention it to Dalton, that Volcan had released her enough so that she slipped back into consciousness. Dalton had just walked into the room to find her standing, and she watched as he nearly fell to his knees. When he was finally close enough, he reached out and pulled her into the shelter of his strong arms. He buried his face in her hair and she could feel the sensation as if it were happening all over again. A tremor ran through her as she watched him nip her neck, remembering the sensation and utter joy at having him so near and her knees buckled. All the while as she watched his memories, she could feel the control that it took for him not to mark her, not to claim her, seduce her, and make her his in every way. No man should be able to have that much control over needs so powerful. It seemed impossible and she didn’t know how he had kept himself from giving in because he would have been successful. Jewel would have been a puddle at his feet if he ever turned that charm of his on her.
“Do you see?” Dalton’s voice filled her mind. “Do you feel what I feel for you?”
She nodded and was unable to speak for all the emotions, hers and his, flooding her senses.
“Do you feel my touch now, Jewel? Do you feel my skin on yours?”
Jewel sucked in a breath as she felt his hands slip under her shirt and up her back. She was surprised to feel a slight tremor in his large, warm, powerful hands spread across the expanse of her back. She could hear his wolf growling, and then she heard him speak to her. “Mate, ours, we won’t let you go. We are yours and you are ours. Feel, know, and learn us. We will learn you.” Other than the tremble, Dalton’s hands didn’t move on her back. He didn’t stroke her or caress her, just simply held her and yet it was more desirable than if he had been exploring her.
