by Debra Holt
Maybe he wished now he had done some things differently. Maybe. But then it was clear Kaitlyn was where she needed to be, her career was what she deserved, and it was a far cry from McKenna Springs. She wanted no part of this world any longer. Her staying away spoke that loud and clear. He only wished he could get to that point… where the sight of her, the thought of her didn’t matter at all. But the bald-faced truth of it all was simple. His heart had stared back at him from her eyes yesterday. She still held it captive. And he had no idea how to get it back.
Clay tried to shake the feeling but he couldn’t… they were all heading for some unknown precipice and he had no idea how to head it off. That day of reckoning was about to arrive.
Chapter Six
Feeling at loose ends and never being one to take afternoon naps, Kaitlyn rose from her chair and idly walked to the front door. Pushing open the screen, she stepped outside. Her attention went to an inviting rocker just to her right. Settling into it, she let her gaze glide over the garden below. A slight movement caught her attention. A large, orange tabby cat sauntered up the steps and paused at the top. Solemn amber eyes looked Kaitlyn over. After a few moments, a decision was made. The feline had decided to allow Kaitlyn to bask in her presence and share her porch. Settling just a little distance away from her, the cat turned its whole attention on giving herself a nice grooming.
Rocking on a porch with a cat at my feet. Kaitlyn had to smile at the picture it made. How many people back in New York would recognize her now? There never seemed to be enough hours in the day back in her “normal” life. She was always rushing to rehearsals or interviews or fittings. What would people say if they knew she considered this moment to be just about perfect? Better than any premiere or awards show or interview. She smiled again to no one in particular. It wasn’t lost on her that smiles seemed to come much easier of late, since coming to this house. When Clay wasn’t in the vicinity, of course. The opening and closing of the door behind her brought her head around. Edie appeared with two glasses in her hands.
“I thought you might like a glass of sweet tea about now. I know I can sure use one.” She handed Kaitlyn one cold glass, then took a seat in the rocker next to hers at Kaitlyn’s insistence.
“There’s always a hundred and one things to do on a spread like this and here I am sitting and acting like a queen.”
“You and Seth both probably work from sunup to sundown.”
“Well we don’t know any different. We both were born and raised into ranching. It’s all the life we’ve known. But soon, that’ll be changing. We’ll be retired and on our way down the road.” Edie’s eyes held a far off look for a moment, a soft smile on her mouth.
“Retired? Where will you be going?”
“Seth and I are buying one of those nice motor homes and heading off to see some places. But most of all, we’re going to visit our grandkids.”
“Grandkids! How nice. How many do you have?”
“We have a boy, Matthew, our son’s first son, he’s nine now.” The woman’s eyes beamed with pride as she warmed to the subject. “Then there’s little Edie Jo, named after me, she just turned three and belongs to our daughter Lisa and her husband Jimmy. It’ll be great to see them and spend time with them. Our grandson lives on the East Coast… and our granddaughter on the West Coast. So we’ll spend time traveling in between and also see some other places along the way.”
“You have it all planned out. I must admit that sounds great.” Kaitlyn took a long sip of her tea.
She wanted to ask the question but wasn’t quite sure how to approach it with the nonchalance she wanted. To put it into words would make it real, and she wasn’t ready. But what about Clay? She supposed he would make other plans once the couple left him. Another emotion crept into her eyes. Kaitlyn sat her glass down on the side table and looked over at the woman beside her.
“Edie, I want to say how sorry I am about how I behaved last night at dinner. I was rude and embarrassed you and Seth. Please accept my apology. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”
Edie reached out a well-worn hand and covered one of Kaitlyn’s, softly patting a reassurance. Her eyes were full of compassion.
“Never you mind about that. You didn’t mean any spite by it. You just had a long day with a few shocks thrown into it about your grandmother.”
Kaitlyn felt a twinge of guilt at those words. She had wanted to hurt the man… because he had ripped her own heart out of her chest long ago. And here was kindhearted Edie, giving Kaitlyn the benefit of the doubt, excusing it all for her. She moved on to the other subject that was even harder.
“Was it an accident? What happened to his wife?” Kaitlyn knew no one else that she could really ask.
The older woman took a long sip of her tea, her eyes moving to the distant hills. Sadness lurked there at those remembered days. When she finally spoke, she seemed to search for the right words.
“Well, it was a very tragic time. It happened just before Seth and I moved out here to the ranch. Clay and Missy still lived in a house in town. Now and then, Clay would come out here to help his uncle out with the livestock or with the books or whatever he needed. Ben Morgan was up in years and not in good health for the last few before he died. Clay was a real godsend to him and this place. First, his uncle died, leaving everything to Clay. Then not long after that, he lost Missy.”
Kaitlyn could not comment at the moment. She was feeling too many emotions. She just sat and listened, her heart heavy.
“We were so worried for a while that Clay wouldn’t get past it. Those were some dark days I can tell you for sure. However, he came through it. Yes, he did. He had to become both father and mother to young Joshua. He threw himself into building this place and into his work. I was so worried about him at times. He had so much on his plate and he never slowed down. I guess that was one way he had of dealing with his own grieving. Any particulars of that time, well, I think that’s for him alone to share. But I don’t think he’s spoken about it to anyone since it happened. He just went ahead and did what was needed. He kept going with his head up. But it can’t be good for a man to do that… to keep all the hurt bottled up so long.”
She paused a moment and gave Kaitlyn a long considering look.
“I think it’s more than time he got back to the business of living. He needs to find himself someone to love and make this place into a real home. This house needs to be filled with laughter and more kids running through it. It needs to be lived in… if you know what I mean by that.”
“Yes,” Kaitlyn replied softly. “I know exactly what you mean. So he built this house after his wife died? She never had a chance to live in it?”
“No, it’s only been Clay and Joshua here. But I knew you’d understand what I meant when I said it needed to be truly lived in,” the woman replied with a knowing smile.
“Is Joshua away at school or something?”
“No, he spent last night with a friend who was having a birthday. He’ll be home this afternoon and you can meet him. He’s a good boy. Clay’s done a good job of raising him.”
Clearing her throat, Edie stood up, gathering both their empty glasses. “Well, that’s enough lollygagging for me. I’ve got some pies to make for dinner.”
Clay’s son. How would she be able to look at the child and keep her composure? Somehow, she had to do so. Life was about to change on her again. Would she be able to change with it?
Restless, Kaitlyn pushed out of the rocker, briefly bending over to scratch behind one of the feline’s ears before heading down the walkway. She needed to clear her mind and a walk in the afternoon sunshine just might help do the trick. Her thoughts were so jumbled. Thoughts of Clay and his tragedy, this place and how Edie had described that it needed to be lived in—a description she had often said to herself when she had drawn the lines of it so long ago. Kaitlyn had envisioned it filled with laughter, love… life. It was waiting for just those things. She picked up her pace, filled with a need to outdi
stance the sad thoughts.
Kaitlyn kept her concentration on where she was heading. She stayed to the blacktop road, not wanting to venture off into areas she had no knowledge of. Early spring, in this part of central Texas, was always such a delight. Around each curve in the road there was some new flower just bursting open. A stretch of pink and yellow buttercups finally brought a smile back to her face. They had been among her favorite wildflowers while growing up. She knew from experience that if one picked them, they would soon wither and die. She enjoyed them as she walked past, leaving them to be seen by others.
Around the second curve, Kaitlyn paused, her gaze catching sight of something in the distance off to her right. She suddenly felt a stirring of anticipation. Could it be? Her footsteps followed her gaze. Leaving the roadway, she carefully picked her way down the uneven bank and then made her way over several rocks across the streambed before climbing up the opposite side. Once she reached the top, she let out a sigh of appreciation. There, before her, spread a sea of blue—bright bluebonnets as far as the eye could see. She wished Angie could see them. She had tried to describe them often enough to her.
The state flower of Texas, the stalks of blue petals had always delighted her with their coming each spring. Kaitlyn realized at that moment just how much she had missed them and her roots in Texas. Allowing her gaze to drift over the petals, she caught sight of the building standing just at the top of the rise above the field. The old weathered barn stood as a timeless sentinel over the scene surrounding it. It beckoned to her and its pull was too much. Without hesitation, she made her way across the field and up to the barn. The doors stood wide in silent welcome. She paused on its threshold, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dim light within. Hay bales sat in stacks along the back wall. The upper loft looked intact and was accessible by a ladder to her right. Should she? There was but a moment of hesitation. When would the opportunity ever present itself again? How many old barns did one have in New York City?
Carefully, she tested each rung of the ladder. It seemed to be sturdy despite appearance to the contrary. Moving slowly, she climbed upward. Just as she reached the top, she paused and surveyed the flooring. It appeared solid and she carefully stepped onto it. The boards creaked a little but held solid. Turning to her left, she found what she was looking for. The double doors easily swung back at her touch. A pulley system was in place overhead to allow them to be opened to raise and lower bales of hay that were also stored in the loft.
With the doors opened, Kaitlyn found what she sought. The view looking across the field of bluebonnets and to the far off ridge of hills was amazing. She couldn’t help but smile happily at the beauty of it all. Clay was a lucky man in one respect. His ranch certainly was beautiful; the landscape varied and well cared for. Dropping down onto the dried sprigs of hay on the floor, she swung her feet around, allowing them to dangle freely over the edge. A light breeze filtered through the barn with the loft door open, catching the smell of hay, old wood, and spring flowers. The fragrance swirled in the recesses of her mind. Closing her eyes, she let herself lie back on the floor, the silence settling around her. She breathed in the familiar smells. Time slowed and then stood still. Very slowly, images and smells of another barn and another spring settled over her.
*
A full moon had risen into the dark sky. Stars had come out one by one on that early June night. Clay pushed open the huge, wooden doors allowing the moonlight to flood into the loft opening. The sounds of the night creatures—crickets, a lone bull frog in the not too distant creek bed, and the wind through the oak trees below all floated up to them on the cool evening breeze. They could have been the only two people in the world.
Kaitlyn took the soft quilt from its place on the stack of hay bales. She had placed it there earlier in the day after she had made up her mind to carry out what she had planned for the evening. Shaking it open, she let it fall to cover the hay on the floor of the loft. Hay could be very prickly on bare skin. The thought brought a flush to her cheeks. No backing out.
The voluminous petticoats she wore under her deep blue evening gown rustled as she crossed to stand at the opening beside the tall figure dressed in black tuxedo pants, shirt, no tie and open coat. Clay took her breath away as he stood there so tall and dreamy. Her heart was beating wildly and she was afraid he could hear it in the silence. She slipped her hand into his. He smiled down at her, the warmth engulfing her and giving her courage. His smile always seemed to swallow her whole being in such an incredible feeling of love whenever he bestowed it upon her. It was the sun and she opened to him as a flower basking in its warmth. Tonight was theirs. She was positive of it. Once she had made her decision, a great calm had settled over her.
“Moonlight was made for you. You look even more beautiful under its glow, if that’s possible,” he whispered, lifting the fingertips he held to his mouth, placing a kiss on each one.
Kaitlyn thought her legs would turn to jelly any moment. She so wanted it all to be just as she had dreamed it would be. At first, she had been afraid. Afraid she would not be able to get him to come to the barn after they left the prom. But he finally agreed. He followed her—amused and intrigued by what could be so interesting in a dark and drafty old loft.
“I can see why this place is special to you. Thank you for bringing me here and sharing it with me.” Clay had smiled at her when they had reached the loft. She knew he would like it.
She was about to share more with him than he could imagine. She took a deep breath and plunged forward before she could lose her nerve.
“There’s so much I want to share with you, Clay.” Kaitlyn looked up at him. She wasn’t exactly innocent of the effect that had on him in the past. Her free hand moved along his shirtfront to rest just above his heart. She was thrilled to feel the sudden increase in its beating at her touch and words. His reaction emboldened her forward.
Her hand moved upward. One long fingertip touched the strong male mouth and lingered to trace his lips. He drew in a quick breath, his eyes darkened into deep dark pools of warm butterscotch. His hand at her waist tightened.
“Kat, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” he said, but made no move to leave—another positive sign.
“Don’t worry,” she said softly, her head resting against his chest, the beating of his heart louder beneath her cheek. “I have a later curfew because it’s prom. We have lots of time.”
“That’s not what I mean.” His voice was tinged with a deeper rasp.
“I’m eighteen now, Clay. I graduate this week. Maybe it’s time you realize that I’m not a little girl anymore.”
A wry look crossed his face as he looked down into her upturned one. “I realized that quite a while ago, my little Kat. That dress you have on tonight leaves little doubt as well. I’m surprised your grandmother allowed it.”
Kaitlyn was glad the dress she had saved her allowance for months to buy had just the impact she had desired. The skirt was full with shimmering crystals among the yards of tulle that caught the moonlight as she moved, but it was the top or lack of one, that was the real heart-stopper. For most of the evening, she had kept the rather demure short jacket on to cover it, particularly until her grandmother was no longer in viewing distance. And during the dance, she had done so—until the last dance. Kaitlyn undid the button and slipped it off just as they moved to the floor. The lights dimmed. A slow ballad filled the room. She watched from underneath lowered lashes as the look in Clay’s eyes flared and then grew darker as he turned to take her in his arms. He let his gaze drift downward. To say she knew how desirable she was in that moment would have been an understatement. Score one for the dress!
She was a woman on a mission and all caution was being tossed to the wind this night.
Clay had held her so tightly during the dance that, at one point, she really thought she would lose her breath. But by the end of their time on the dance floor, she had become worried she had done something wrong. Maybe she had misread somethin
g? As soon as the dance was over, Clay had moved her off the floor and grabbed her jacket from the chair, holding it while she slowly shrugged into it. They had walked out of the building and crossed the parking lot without a word. She slid into her seat as he held the car door open for her. Very few words passed between them. She ventured a side glance over at him as he drove.
Clay’s face was a closed book. Her mind flew back over the evening. What changed? Did she do something wrong? She simply could not let her plan crash and burn. Kaitlyn had to do some pretty serious talking to get him to stop at the old Bailey place. It had been empty for a long time. But it was the barn she wanted to get him to stop and see. There was something amazing and he had to see it, she had cajoled. “Quickly then.” He relented.
But, once up in the loft, he found the place as inviting as she did. Clay appeared to loosen up and his smiles for her returned.
“I’m glad you like my dress.” She spoke up nervously, fingering the folds of skirt. “I bought it when Ja’Net Simms and I went into Dallas last month. Grandmother couldn’t go with us. Besides, I bought it just for you.”
For over a year now, she had tried to get him to see her as a woman. For ages, it seemed he saw her only as a child—to be patted on the head and taken about to a movie or dinner and then hugged at her doorstep. That was until the last couple of months. More accurately, until the night of the ride on the Ferris wheel at the Old Settlers Reunion.
Clay had taken her to the dance. There was a small carnival there also. The centerpiece was a large Ferris wheel. He wanted to ride it. She was afraid of them, but she had not wanted to appear immature in front of him so she had forced an agreeing smile to her face and held on tight to his arm as she took her place in the tiny gondola beside him. Her stomach felt as if she were leaving it behind when they began their ascent. And as luck would have it—or divine intervention—they were brought to a sudden stop at the very top. Naturally, their seat rocked a good bit and this made her grab tightly to him, her arms went around his neck and her face buried under his chin. That was when she felt it. Something changed in an instant. She looked up at him, still with her arms locked around his neck. The look in his gleaming tiger eyes made her breathing go all crazy. Her blood raced through her body. Kaitlyn watched mesmerized as his mouth moved ever so slowly toward hers. Her eyes closed just as his lips touched hers. A thousand fireworks exploded inside her. Clay’s arms had gathered her closer to him and the kiss deepened, his tongue searched for and found the entrance it wanted. Never had she been kissed like that before. She had never imagined it in her wildest dreams it could be so perfect. She felt it all the way to her toes and unfamiliar sensations were rolling around in her very core.