She was quiet; she might have fallen asleep. His heart beat a million miles an hour, his head spun; he'd just laid out his feelings for her, and she was asleep. But then she stretched and yawned, shifting against him.
"You wanna go to bed?"
"You've got me hanging on a limb here, Lay."
She tipped her head back, raising an eyebrow. "Hmm?"
So maybe after a ten hour shift on her feet wasn't a good time to open up about how he felt about her. He spent at least half his nights here with her, she made his heart feel something it hadn't felt in a long time, and he couldn't envision another woman in her place. They hadn't put official words to it, and judging by the way she wanted to keep it out of the public eye, she wasn't going to want to, but this was what he wanted. Her, and this house, and that baby, and everything that came with it, whether that was her crazy family or Dell Ray's filthy mouth. He wasn't a young buck anymore, he was ready to settle down, and Layla Sullivan was who he wanted to do it with.
"I wanna be with you. Here, and in public. And I don't care who knows about it. Danny, Dell, your brother. I don't care."
"Nate," she said, her voice low.
"I've wasted a lot of time since the wreck, without any vision or direction. And being with you, for the first time, I feel like I want to plan for the future. So I gotta know, Layla. Do you wanna be with me as bad as I wanna be with you?"
She twisted, sitting up into his lap with a growl, but her smile gave her away.
"You're still here aren't you?"
A laugh rose out of him, his heavy mood suddenly lightened as he shifted, pushing her off his lap and onto her back on the couch, his fingers finding the spots he knew were ticklish.
"What kind of an answer is that, huh?"
Her laughter was high and light as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp.
—THIRTY-TWO—
A whole lot of tickling and teasing later found the two of them on the bed, Nate's fingers inching over her waist. When he paused, his fingers etching ticklish lines near her belly button, she knew he was tracing stretch marks, every one of them a testament to the time Mason had spent inside her.
"Nan says you labored for ten hours before you even called for anyone to be with you. And when you did, it was her, not your mama."
She could feel hot tears rising, but she swallowed them down. Talking about how Mason actually came into being with the man who didn't even know he was the baby's father felt too close to telling Nate he was a daddy.
"It was."
"Why?"
Rolling onto her side to face him, she lifted her hand to cup his jaw. She'd never get tired of this new, comfortable feeling; her body exposed, her emotions laid out. Almost as good as when Mason smiled at her, it was warm, satisfying, and even if it was temporary, it felt good to relax into, like a hot tub full of bubbles.
"Why are you asking?"
A line formed between his brows and he covered her hand with his own. Almost immediately, she missed the warmth of his touch on her body.
"Because I'm curious."
"You're nosy." She couldn't help her smile. Still, she couldn't put into words why she'd called Nan. It was part she thought the baby needed his family there, even if his daddy wasn't, and part Nan had never pressured her to tell the truth—Layla could count on her not to make her fill in a name for 'father' on the birth certificate. Nan would just let her be, exactly who she was, exactly how she wanted—a lot like Nate was right now.
"Okay, I'm nosy, but you're a superhero."
His hand left hers, slid over her waist, and tugged her the short distance that separated them on the bed, pressing her flush against his chest as his fingers landed in the small of her back. She pressed her smile against his neck. His next words took her by surprise.
"I wish I had been here."
A flutter of panic burst out of her heart, but fizzled when she told herself there was no way. She was the only one who knew; he would have asked already if he had any suspicions.
"Why?"
"Now who's nosy?"
She shifted her head back to meet his eyes in the dim light of the bedside lamp. Pressing her lips together, she watched for a sign, any sign he knew he was a father, and that that was why he wished he'd been here. His teasing expression changed, and he reached up to touch her cheek softly.
"I just think you shouldn't have had to be alone."
"I wasn't alone. I had Nan."
He shifted, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, so she couldn't see his eyes, only hear the emotion in his voice.
"That doesn't count. You shouldn't have had to be alone, Layla. I wish I had been there to see how brave and strong you were. To see how amazing you did."
Those tears were back, now, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Her heart ached to tell Nate the truth. They were so deep into this now, she couldn't see how she could. And if it was going to go down in flames anyways, she could hold on for just a little while longer, couldn't she? Draw all of the warmth and comfort and love out of whatever this was, so she could at least have something to remember when she was alone again.
As she drew a shuddering breath, Nate tipped his head back, catching sight of the tears.
"Hey…hey, I thought I was saying something nice." He brushed at her tears gently. "Don't cry, Lay. I'm just being nice."
"I wish you'd been there, too."
He held her for a long, quiet moment, stroking her hair and murmuring softly to her. For the first time, she admitted to herself she wished things had gone differently. All this time, she'd told herself she was happy to raise Mason alone—having Nate with her would only complicate things, but now she felt differently.
Nate could love her. He didn't right now, but she felt like he could, someday, if she worked hard at it. He was so good with Mason. They could have maybe done it the right way, not this backward, deceitful way that was only going to end in heartache for two thirds of the equation.
"Well, I'm here now," he finally said. And that was almost as heartbreaking as the idea he had wanted to be there in the first place. Letting out a slow breath, she shifted, pressing up to taste those words on his lips.
It wasn't long before Nate took control of the kiss, easing her back onto the bed and moving over her. The weight of his body pressing her into the mattress was a comfort; his hard steadiness against her soft vulnerability. He was here now. For now. And that was enough. But she needed more of this, more of his skin against hers, more of their bodies melting into one another like they were designed to fit together. Her fingers curled into the hem of his t-shirt, her knuckles brushing his warm skin underneath as she drew it upward, craving that heat against the places he'd just had his fingers.
To her delight, he shifted backward, discarding his shirt before he started on hers, exposing what he'd been touching just moments before. He inched the fabric up over her stomach.
"An honest-to-God superhero," he murmured, shaking his head as he dropped his mouth to the spot just below her navel. "Amazing. And beautiful." He punctuated his words with kisses, until he'd worked his way up, past the band of t-shirt just under her arms, and took her mouth again for a hot, intense second before he slid her shirt the rest of the way up over her shoulders and over her head.
"You're not half bad yourself," she said, tracing her fingers over his abdomen, the ridges of muscle firm under her touch. He paused, closing his eyes as her hand moved upward, splaying her palms over the taut muscles in his chest that held him hovering inches above her. Finally, she closed her fingers around the nape of his neck and drew him back into the kiss.
When she was soundly kissed, he made his way back down, trailing a wet line of kisses along her jaw, down the side of her neck, between her breasts, and down to the waistline of her panties. Carefully, he slid them down, following the exposure of her skin with kisses, to her hips, her knee, and when her thighs fell open because she had no other choice than to offer herself to him, he started back upward. The arch o
f her foot, the soft, ticklish spot at the back of her knee that almost earned him a kick in the chest, and then time stopped as he moved, finding softer, damper flesh, until his mouth stopped at the apex of her thighs.
Her heart felt like it would burst when his hot breath hit the most sensitive part of her, her hips pushing up toward the touch that hadn't even come yet. The first slow, warm slide of his tongue against her heated flesh reduced her to a puddle. When she might otherwise have been self-conscious about her body, the angle, the intimacy, pleasure flooded her senses and pushed any doubts out of her mind, reducing her stream of consciousness to her heartbeat thudding wildly, her breath rasping out in long, harsh exhalations, and where Nate's tongue would touch her next. And then her orgasm, a vague idea in the distance at first, snowballing into something greater, quicker; a bright, hot burst of pleasure that made her call his name, her fingers grasping at the sheets by her hips, just trying to find purchase, something to ground her. And then he did, shifting up her body and anchoring her with the weight of his, pressing into her with one sure, easy stroke that made her sigh with relief.
Nate paused then, brushing her hair off her forehead, and gave her the chastest of kisses, as though they weren't one body, an easy smile tipping up one corner of his lips.
"Look amazing, feel amazing. I'm an idiot for staying away so long." He slipped his rough fingers behind her knee to draw it up, changing the angle without moving at all and making Layla pull in a sharp breath.
She tightened her fingertips into the muscle of his shoulder, pleasure blurring the edges of her vision with a warm fuzziness she welcomed. She'd never asked for what she wanted before, never felt confident or cheeky enough to encourage a partner—the words always came out wrong—but she felt it rising up in her chest, pushing past her vocal cords. Easier than last time.
"Why don't you make up for it, then?"
One of his eyebrows shot up, that smile widening, and he wedged a hand under her hip, drawing her up tight to him, applying pressure in all the right spots. A little chuckle came out of him when her head dropped back on the pillow, electric shots of pleasure coursing through her when he made contact with her already-sensitive flesh.
"Needy girl," he breathed out a second before he shifted his hips, withdrawing, then pressing into her again. "You don't have to ask twice."
She sure as hell hoped not, because she couldn't find any more words once he started moving, finding a rhythm within her that felt so natural, so perfect, she could have easily been convinced it was a dream Nate Montgomery was here, loving on her body in a way nobody had before.
Well before she'd had her fill of him; the way he smelled, the way he tasted, the way he felt, right down to that little line between his brows as he focused, she felt another orgasm rising up, her blood rushing in her ears. Her fingers scrabbled against his skin as her hips rose, pushing into him, her breath coming out in hitched sobs. It was entirely too much and never enough all at once.
"Easy, Lay," he breathed out, the strain of his wavering control reading loud and clear. "Come with me."
And she did, because it felt good to let go. Of the bare shreds of control she had over her life, of all of her secrets and her belief that she didn't deserve anything good. Because this was good. Too good. Her head fell back against the pillow as the first wave washed over her, and he followed her, his mouth leaving a wet trail up along the column of her throat before his teeth raked lightly back down, and he let out a groan, his movements stilling as his body tensed, his fingers digging into her hip where he held her.
When he finally moved, he lifted his head, once again brushing the hair off of her forehead, his eyes tracing along her features as if he was memorizing them. The emotion in them scared the hell out of her. She knew she was edging into dangerous territory but it was so much worse if he was, too. She could handle disappointment; she'd lived with it her entire life, she knew how to manage it. But the big blow Nate got with his accident was enough for a lifetime. This time it wouldn't be a bull; she was going to let him down.
"As good as Denver?" she asked, trying to lift her voice beyond that same crushing emotion she saw mirrored in his eyes.
"Hell, better. Ten times better," he said with a laugh as he rolled onto his side, bringing her with him, their damp bodies still just as close. He wrapped her up in his arms, resting his lips against her forehead. "Layla Sullivan, I'm falling in love with you."
His last words were barely a whisper, but they sounded loud, like a megaphone right over her shoulder. Her first instinct was to laugh it off. Because that was the safest thing. Because this was the thing she feared the most. But she couldn't. She swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry. Even if she'd had words to respond, she couldn't have forced them out over a tongue that felt like lead, all of her afterglow ruined by those eight words.
—THIRTY-THREE—
"Thanks again for letting me stay to study," Kerri said, punching a couple keys on her laptop distractedly. Clearly, the studying portion of the evening was over. "It just gets crazy at home with the kids."
Layla smiled, drawing her knees up and wrapping her palms around a mug of chamomile tea. "With two kids under five and a ten year old boy? No way."
The younger girl glanced up with a smile.
"Besides, I don't mind the company."
"Where is Nate anyway?" Kerri's eyes drifted back to her laptop as she scrolled through a block of text.
"What do you mean 'where's Nate'?"
"I mean he's normally here. When he's not at the ranch, making rodeo school plans."
Layla let out a breath. Right. He was normally here. And she was starting to enjoy his casual presence in her life. Which was what made the next step suck so badly. Her heart hadn't stopped pounding since he'd used that word. The 'L' word. The word she'd promised herself she wouldn't venture toward, no matter how right it felt. And then he had turned around and used it. Okay, so he hadn't come straight out and said he loved her, but he was falling in love with her, and that was just as dangerous. She had to tell him. She couldn't put it off any longer. She had to tell him or this bridge wouldn't just burn, it would incinerate.
"Hey, can you keep a secret?"
"Depends on the secret," Kerri said, twisting her lips as she focused on the screen of her laptop.
"No, I really mean it."
The younger girl drew in a long breath, then dragged her eyes away from the laptop. Once she took in Layla's expression, she slowly closed the computer.
"Okay. Sure. You know you can count on me, Lay."
Blood rushed in her head and she uttered words she'd never said. Not to anyone.
"Mason is Nate's."
Kerri's jaw dropped and she jumped to her feet, nearly dumping her Macbook on the floor.
"What!" her voice was high and thin. "Are you sure?"
Pressing her lips together, Layla nodded.
"Lay, does anybody know? Does Nate know?" Her eyes wide, Kerri took two steps toward the door and then turned tight, swinging back to Layla. "Does Nan know? Does anybody know?"
Layla shook her head this time, swallowing hard. This felt more vulnerable than being open and exposed on the delivery table. More vulnerable than Nate seeing all her stretch marks and extra jiggly bits for the first time. This was the secret she'd worked hard to hide for nearly two years, and she'd tossed it out casually on the table. Judging by her babysitter's response, nobody was going to not make a big deal of this.
"That's the first time I've ever said that out loud," she mused quietly, twisting her fingers together. "Nobody knows. Except you, now."
"Oh my God, why would you tell me?" Kerri's eyes went wide as she threw her hands up.
"Because I needed to test it out before I tell Nate. I should have told him before, but I promised myself this wouldn't amount to anything, and now…"
"It's something." Kerri nodded. She folded her arms over her midsection and took the seat at the other end of the couch, visibly making at least an attempt to r
ein in her reaction. "So you're going to tell him now?"
"Well not right now, but soon. Tomorrow, probably, when he comes over after work." Now it was Layla's turn to get up, crossing the floor anxiously before doubling back and doing it again.
"You look like you're going to throw up," Kerri supplied unhelpfully.
"I feel like I'm going to throw up."
"Okay." Kerri paused for a moment, her lips pursed in thought, her brow furrowed in concentration. "Do you remember what I said about Nate being a decent human being back before he met Mason?"
Layla's pacing paused and she let out a long breath through her nose. This whole thing, in theory, inside her head, seemed much less daunting before she'd actually said the words.
"This is different, Ker. This isn't just something I was hiding because who wants to tell a hot guy that wants to take you on a date that you have a kid. This is something I intentionally kept from him. Something that affects him directly. Because I didn't…"
"Because you didn't what?"
"Because I didn't want him to think I was only going out with him because I wanted something from him."
"There it is." Kerri got up and crossed the floor to where Layla was standing. She was young, but she was an old soul who had experienced a lot before she and her sister had settled in Three Rivers. Her warm fingers closed around Layla's forearm and the shorter girl caught her eyes. "You work hard to provide a nice life for Mason. It's not as if you're sitting back with your feet up, expecting someone else to take care of you. You're doing the right thing now. I'm sure Nate, decent human being that he is, will see that. He might have a tough time at first, but he loves Mason as if he was his own already, and he doesn't even know. So that counts for something. I'm sure that love will overpower any disappointment he might feel about you not telling him to begin with."
She wanted to believe what Kerri told her, but the truth was she knew the sting of rejection all too well. She barely had anything worth him wanting, and when she added dishonesty to the mix…well, she wasn't a betting woman, but even she wouldn't have put money on Nate sticking around.
Secret Heart Page 17
