by Rye Hart
Finally, she said, “How about the Cheesecake Factory? I've never been there before.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I said.
We walked over to the restaurant, and there was a bit of a wait. I made small talk with her until we were finally seated, not wanting to bring up our conversation from the other night before she was ready.. I was content to just let her play it out at her own pace. I didn't want her to slap me again or storm out of the restaurant. Even though she seemed to be in a better mood, I wasn't going to take any chances.
As soon as we sat down, she started talking just as I did.
“Malcolm, I –”
“Casey, I just wanted –”
We both stopped, and then we laughed.
“Go ahead,” I told her. “Ladies first.”
Her smile wavered, and she took a deep breath. “I thought a lot about what you'd offered me the other night, Malcolm and I – ”
The waitress interrupted us, and Casey let out an agonized sigh. I could tell it was hard for her to say what she was trying to say, and she’d been trying to get it out while she’d had the courage.
“Welcome to The Cheesecake Factory, my name is Katrina,” she chirped brightly. “Would you like to start out with an appetizer or maybe a cocktail?”
“Can you give us a minute, Katrina?” I said. “We haven't had a chance to look at the menu yet.”
“Of course. Let me get you started with some waters for now, okay?”
“Sounds great,” I said.
Katrina wandered away from our table, and I stared at Casey. She looked like a deer in the headlights, her eyes wide. I felt like a complete and utter asshole. So, I decided to just nip it in the bud and take all of the strained tension, awkwardness, and pressure off of her.
“Casey, I'm sorry I even brought all that up with you,” I said. “Honestly, it was a spur of the moment thing, and I shouldn't have put you in the position. Really, I'm so sorry.”
“Malcolm, I was just going to say I'll do it.”
A strangled, choking sound escaped me. “You will?”
“I will.”
I couldn't believe it. I was staring at the face of the woman who would have my child. Well, if things worked out, that was. Still, hearing her say she'd do it was incredible. It felt like a two-ton weight had been lifted from my shoulders. At the same time though, it felt like another two-ton weight settled heavy in my stomach.
I was going to be a father. I found someone willing to have a baby for me, which meant that I was going to be a dad. Great. So, now what?
My head was spinning, and from the look on Casey's face, hers was too.
“Are you sure, Casey?” I asked. “I mean, this is a pretty big deal.”
“I'm positive,” she sighed. “I'll be honest, I've always wanted children of my own someday, so I can't believe I'm agreeing to do this. I can't believe I'd hand my child over to you, no strings attached. But I need to get myself in a better situation before I can ever dream of having a family myself. So – I'm thinking of it like an investment into my future. Malcolm, I just – I want to make sure that you'll care for the child. That you'll give him or her the best life possible. That's what matters the most to me.”
“Of course,” I said. My head was still fuzzy, and I was still trying to process it all. “Casey, I've always wanted kids too, and while this isn't the ideal situation for me either – I've always wanted to be a father. My child will never want for anything.”
She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. I wanted to walk around the table and wrap her up in a tight hug but feared that it would earn me another hard slap across the face, so I remained in my seat. Better safe than sorry.
“I know,” she said. “You can give a child more than I ever could. I just hope that with our arrangement, it can help me get on my feet, so I can care for the family I have, and raise a family of my own one day too.”
I decided to chance it. I reached across the table and took her hand in mine. She didn't pull her hand away, or stab me with a fork, so I figured I was doing okay.
“Casey, if you help me with this, I promise to take care of you,” I said. “If there's anything I can do to help you improve your life, I'll do it. Just say the word. Seriously, your wish will be my command. I mean that.”
Our eyes were locked on each other for a moment, and she smiled back at me. Her full lips parted as if she was going to say something just as Katrina brought us our waters.
“Do you need a few more minutes?” she asked.
More like a few more months or years, I thought. I could act all calm and cool while talking to Casey about it, but truthfully, I was as scared as she was. My head was spinning, and my gut was churning. I was excited, but terrified beyond all measure. I was going to be responsible for another life, and I'd be doing it alone.
“I think I'm ready,” Casey said. “What about you, Malcolm?”
“I'm not sure I'll ever be ready,” I muttered to myself. Katrina and Casey stared at me. “Sorry, I meant, yes. I know what I want.”
I gave Casey's hand a squeeze before pulling my hand away and quickly opening the menu. We ordered lunch, and while we tried to make small talk, it was clear there was an awkwardness between us. The conversation was a little bit strained – not easy and free-flowing like it had been the other night, which made me a little sad. I'd had a good time with Casey.
“I'm going to talk to my lawyer and get some legal things worked out,” I said.
Casey nodded. “What clinic will we be using?”
“A clinic?”
“For the fertilization process.”
Oh. Shit.
“There may be a problem with that,” I said, gritting my teeth. “This is really strange and awkward, but I was actually thinking we'd go about this the old-fashioned way.”
Casey's eyes widened even more, and she was speechless. Her mouth opened to speak, but no words came out for the longest time. Finally, she swallowed hard and blinked at me.
“The old-fashioned way,” she said. “As in we sleep together?”
I cleared my throat and couldn't meet her eyes for a long moment. “Yeah, I mean, unless that's a problem for you,” I said. “I mean, with a clinic, there’s at least a six-week wait for testing and all of that. But if this is a problem for you then—"”
“No,” she said quickly, cutting me off. “No problem. No problem with that at all.”
Her voice came our hoarse and a little raspy, and she took a long drink from her iced tea. I could see her trying to physically compose herself. I recognized it, because I was trying to do the same thing. There really was no graceful way of going about asking her to sleep with me though. I'd done the best I could.
“No problem at all,” she said. “It's just not what I was expecting.”
“I've been checked, I have a clean medical history and will share all of the records with you,” I said slowly. “And I'd appreciate it if you could do the same.”
“Meaning tests for STDs?”
“Exactly.”
Her dry laugh took me by surprise. “Yeah, that won't be a problem,” she said. “I'm definitely clean. Just let me know what you need.”
“Thank you.”
All of this felt surreal. I felt like I was walking through a dream. We were talking about hooking up and making a baby like it was a business transaction – which, I guess it kind of was. Our conversation about it though, was cold and clinical, only adding to the strangeness of the situation.
Casey ordered some cheesecake, but I passed on it myself. I was lost in thought, trying to figure out everything we'd need to take care of before we slept together, and trying to fight off a case of nerves in the process.
“You don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, do you?” I asked.
“None of the above,” she said, shaking her head.
“You don't even drink occasionally?”
“Nope. Haven't since my twenty-first birthday and I don't plan to start anytime soon,” she s
napped at me.
There it was. That attitude again. That fire and spunk. She wasn't about to make this easy on me. But, in the end, it would be worth it. For the both of us. I'd be sure to see to it.
“So when will this happen?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The sex,” she replied. “When are we going to hook up?”
“Oh, well – ummm – let me talk to my lawyer and we'll set up a meeting to go over everything first,” I said. “From there, we can decide the next steps.”
“But you need this to happen fast, right?”
I nodded.
“Alright,” she sighed. She pushed the cheesecake over toward me, with only a few bites missing. “Here, have some, I feel bad eating it all.”
She had cheesecake on her lips and licked it off. The sight of her perfect, pink tongue sliding along her full lips, sent a stirring in my pants that caught my attention. I'd been so focused on the business aspect of this relationship, that it had only just occurred to me that the idea of having sex with Casey wasn't at all a bad thought.
Gorgeous. Curvy body. Full lips. Dark hair and pale skin. Oh, and smart, strong-willed and hilarious? Honestly, she ticked off a lot of the boxes of what I liked in a woman. Maybe, too many.
I took a bite of the cheesecake, and Casey smiled at me.
Yeah, a guy could do worse.
CHAPTER TEN
CASEY
“You are going to do what, now?” Raya screeched at me.
She dropped the carrot she was holding and stared at me, her mouth opened as wide as her eyes. A look of pure disbelief and astonishment were etched upon her features.
After agreeing to have Malcolm's baby, I needed to talk to someone. My mom was a Catholic and had constantly preached about waiting for marriage to have sex, which meant, I couldn't talk to her. My dad was – well – useless. I'd rather talk to the homeless guy who stands on the corner shouting at the telephone pole. Hell, the conversation might be more enlightening than one with my dad.
My siblings were far too young for that kind talk. Besides, what could a couple of young teens tell me about having sex? They wouldn't understand the situation and wouldn't have any words of wisdom to offer.
That left Raya.
I'd texted her and asked her to meet me at The Grove after Malcolm went back to work. We were sitting by the fountain, surrounded by people still, but none of them seemed to matter in that moment. Thankfully, none of them even seemed to be paying attention to us.
“Yeah, so – I took your advice and left the club,” I said. “And that same night, Malcolm made me an offer I couldn't refuse.”
She looked at me like I'd suddenly sprouted a second head. Maybe a third. Not that I could really blame her. What I'd just told her seemed to be a radical solution to my problems.
“Casey, are you sure about this?” she asked. “I mean, most of the time, surrogates come with certain requirements – like having had a successful pregnancy before. Which, correct me if I'm wrong here, but I'm pretty sure you haven't.”
I shook my head to answer her question, and then I cocked my head to the side. “How do you know that?”
She shrugged. “My mom's done it a few times,” she said. “She likes bringing joy to other people's lives, and hey, it's helped keep the shop open. But she's done it through an agency and all that jazz. She didn't just meet some in a club and agree to have his baby. That's a bit – dangerous – don't you think?”
She was right. It was a bit crazy and maybe even a bit dangerous. But, even crazier – seriously, bordering on sheer madness – was the fact that for some reason I couldn't identify or explain, I trusted Malcolm. I couldn't say why I did, but there was just something about him that made me feel safe.
“He's been tested for STDs,” I said. “He's also going to require I get tested too. There's no danger, at all.”
“Umm, except he could back out of the deal or – ”
“We're going to have a contract written up by a lawyer,” I said. “I'm not worried about that. I know he's not going to screw me over that way, Raya.”
“Okay maybe not that,” she said. “But, there are always the possibility of complications during pregnancy and childbirth.”
My pulse raced, and I felt a stomach in my knot tighten up painfully. That idea hadn't even occurred to me. “What? Are we back in the eighteenth century again?” I asked with a laugh I hope didn't sound too forced. “Women don't die during childbirth anymore.”
My voice trailed off for a moment as Raya gave me a look. A look I didn't particularly care for and one that nearly scared the pants off me.
“Do they?” I asked.
“I'm pretty sure they do, yeah,” she said. “It's not totally unheard of.”
I swallowed, hard, and tried to think of something I could say that would ease both of our minds – and was coming up pretty empty for the most part.
“Well, I'll just make sure there are contingency plans in place,” I said. “And I'll make sure that Malcolm's insurance covers my medical needs as they arise. And if something does happen to me, my family will still get paid. That's the most important thing here.”
“CASEY!” Raya shouted.
“What? I'm doing this for my family,” I grumbled. “As long as they're taken care of, I'm not worried about it. Not like my life shows any promise otherwise.”
Raya reached out for my hands, her hennaed red braids falling forward, shielding part of her face. She looked as if she were ready to cry – and that made me want to cry. It scared me, more than anything. I was already feeling uncertain as it was, but she wasn't making me feel any better.
“Casey, your life is worth more than that,” she said. “You've got more value than just being able to make babies. You have so much to offer.”
“And I've got no future unless I can get my family out of poverty. Unless I can get us out of here,” I said. “This is all about them, Raya. I know I'm more than just a womb, and yet, I'm choosing to do this anyway. Either you can support me or – ”
My voice cracked, and I stopped talking. Tears filled my eyes and the frustration in me was so great, I wanted to punch something. Raya let out a long breath and pulled me close, letting me rest my head on her shoulder. She patted my back, rocking me back and forth like a mother would a child.
“Shhh, it's okay, Casey,” she said. “You don't have to do this.”
“That's not why I'm crying,” I said, wiping my eyes, “I'm crying because I know my mom won't understand, and you're the only person I can talk to. So, if you don't support me, I have no one and I'm all alone in this.”
Raya sighed. “I'll support you in doing whatever you need do, sweetie,” she said. “I'm here for you. I just don't want you to make a mistake or do something you'll regret.”
“I appreciate that,” I said, pulling myself together and sitting up tall. “But I have to do this. It's my family's way out of poverty, once and for all. Then, maybe, I’ll finally be able to start thinking about myself..”
“But what about your mother?” Raya asked gently. “What are you going to tell her?”
I shrugged. “I figured I won't tell her anything for now,” I said. “I'll keep it quiet for as long as I can.”
“You're going to hide a pregnancy from her?” Raya raised both her eyebrows.
“I hardly see her anyway, she's always working,” I said. “I'll invest in baggy clothes and hope for the best. At the end of the day, I'm an adult and can do as I please. Hopefully, she'll realize I'm doing this for her, Sierra and Nick.”
“I hope so, lovey,” Raya said. “I really, really hope so.”
“Me too.”
My phone buzzed, and I looked at the caller ID.
“It's Malcolm,” I said, staring at the number for a long time, my mind and heart awash in thought and emotion.
“Well, are you going to answer it?” Raya giggled.
“I guess I probably should, huh?”
“
Uh, duh,” she said.
I clicked the button to pick up the call, and his voice came through crisp and clear, right away.
“Casey, you there?”
“Yes, I'm here.”
“Still feeling up for the task?”
Was that nervousness in Malcolm Crane's voice? A bit of fear? Hesitance? Or, was I just imagining things?
“I - I am,” I said.
“Good. I've spoken to my lawyer and he's gone ahead and drawn up some paperwork. We'll be ready to meet with you tomorrow,” he said. “Will that work for you?”
“Tomorrow. Wow. Things are moving fast,” I bit my lip and looked over at Raya.
“If you need a little time – ”
“I just need to check my calendar,” I said. “Gotta make sure I'm free.”
“Oh,” he said, sounding somewhat disappointed.“I'm kidding, Malcolm,” I said. “I can meet you whenever. Now that I'm unemployed, my days are pretty much open.”
“Good,” he said, letting out a long breath. “We're moving fast, I know, but we don't have much time. Hopefully, my lawyer can answer any questions, and help ease any fears you might have. We can hopefully make this go as smoothly as possible.”
“Sounds good,” I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. “Let's get this show on the road.”
“I'll text you a time and a location once I have it,” he said. We were both quiet for a long time before he added. “And Casey? I really can't thank you enough for this. What you're doing – sacrificing – I won't forget it. Ever.”
A small smile touched my lips. I wasn't just doing this for me, I realized. As much as I wanted to help my family by doing this, I also wanted to help Malcolm too. God help me, I wanted to help him because I actually liked him. Because I actually thought he was a good man in a tough spot.
It wasn't like I thought I could see anything between us going anywhere, either. I wasn’t going to let myself get all delusional and hope we'd end up together in the end or anything like that. This was life, not some silly rom-com.
Besides, once I had that money in hand, I was out of here. Leaving Los Angeles behind was at the top of my list, and that meant leaving Malcolm as well. So, it wouldn't do me any good to get attached or ascribe any romantic feelings to anything. This was business, plain and simple.
