by J. H. Croix
I took a deep breath and let it out, mentally giving up the fight. “Fine. I don’t know what’s going on with us.”
Five pairs of expectant gazes stared back at me.
“So it’s like that?” Amelia asked.
Next from Lucy. “Well, what do you want?”
I fell silent inside and out. Such a simple question and so important. The answer came quickly and a curl of warmth spun around my heart at the thought of Jesse. If I could’ve wiped away all the complications of my life on a dry erase board, what I wanted was a chance. With Jesse.
When I was with him, it was so easy. Sex, for example. Yet, it wasn’t just that. The give and take between us was simply comfortable. It was hard to remember that he’d initially gotten under my skin.
Yet, that wasn’t my life. I couldn’t wipe it away. Just like those people who ruined things with permanent marker, I couldn’t bring back my father, I couldn’t bring back my sister, and I needed to take care of Em and my mother. I had absolutely no idea how Jesse fit into the messy equation that was my life.
“Well, my life is kind of complicated,” I started. As I said the words, I realized I’d said them so often in the last few years, it was almost a habit.
Holly spoke first. “Everyone’s life is complicated.”
Rachel nodded, rather emphatically. “Exactly what I’ve been telling her. If you ask me, it’s obvious you like him. So don’t let your life get in the way.”
Maisie’s voice came over my shoulder. “Yeah, Beck says Jesse likes you.”
Feeling as if I was rubbernecking as I looked around the table, I spun to Maisie, meeting her gaze. She was quite adorable with her riot of dark curls, her wide brown eyes, and her freckled cheeks. She looked dead serious at the moment.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” I managed.
Maisie simply repeated herself. “Beck said Jesse likes you.”
Amelia laughed from across the table. “Obviously, Charlie wasn’t aware that Beck talks to everybody. I swear to God, in some ways he’s like a woman.”
Maisie laughed. “He totally is. He talked to Jesse about you. Speaking of being like a woman, he came home and told me about it.” My eyes widened, but she patted my arm. “Don’t worry, he doesn’t really gossip. He just tells me everything. Sometimes I don’t really want to hear it.”
I had no idea what to think about Beck’s perception, yet the corner of my heart that oh-so-desperately wanted Jesse was waving its arms and bouncing up and down. While I was absorbing this astonishing detail, Ella took a call. She looked over to me as soon as she set her phone down. “Jesse’s on the way over with Caleb. They just landed. He said they’re showering and then they’ll meet us here.”
“Jesse knows I’m here?”
At this point, I felt as if I’d entered an alternate universe, one where everyone knew everything. It was so small town, I didn’t quite know what to make of it.
“Yeah, I told Caleb. He asked who I was with, and you’re here, so…” Her words trailed off with a warm smile. With her glossy brown hair and green eyes, she was lovely. She was the quietest one of the bunch, but she appeared to absorb every detail.
Rachel looked beyond happy about this. “Oh this is perfect. Now you don’t have to worry about how much wine you drink. Jesse can take you and your mom home.”
This was all happening at light speed. Somehow, on my first actual social event in years, I was surrounded by women who apparently had an opinion on my love life despite its clear uncertainty. I felt as if I had a group of cheerleaders. I just didn’t quite know what they should be cheering for.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jesse
Walking with Caleb through the back hallway of Wildlands, I stepped through the entrance into the bar and restaurant area. My eyes swung around the room like a divining rod looking for water. In this case, the water was Charlie.
The fire had kept me busy. Thanks to the grueling work of getting it under control, I’d managed to wind down the spinning wheels in my mind about her. When we arrived back at the main fire camp and I saw her text that she missed me, I’d nearly let out a whoop. The only thing that had stopped me was the presence of my crew.
My eyes found Charlie. She was sitting at a table with a number of other friends. Her hair was down and my heart squeezed at the sight. I knew it was more than lust when it came to her, but that didn’t change how powerful my desire for her was. It flashed to life the moment I was near her.
Caleb and I threaded through the tables to reach the group. He leaned over to drop a kiss on Ella’s cheek, only to have her pull him close for more. I’d have given just about anything to kiss Charlie like that, but I sensed now was not the time.
Maisie smiled up at me, shifting over a chair and patting the seat she’d vacated immediately beside Charlie. “Here you go,” she said cheerily.
Charlie’s cheeks flushed with her smile, and my heart gave a hard kick. Damn, I’d missed her. I slipped into the chair beside her, relieved when conversation immediately picked up around us. A few of the other guys from the station were filtering in to join the table. It was enough of a distraction that no one paid much attention to us.
“Hey,” I said softly.
She looked up, her smoky gray gaze darkening. “Hey,” she returned. “How are you?”
“I’m glad to be home is how I am. You?”
She cocked her head to the side, as if considering her answer. “I think I’m good.”
“I didn’t expect to see you out.”
With Emily and her mother, I’d expected her to be home. I’d been planning to text and offer to bring pizza. It was a more than pleasant surprise to find her here.
She laughed softly. “I didn’t expect to be out either. Em’s at Kayla’s for the night, and my mom is actually having dinner at Norma’s place. I got her set up there last week with Janet’s help. Tonight’s one of the nights when they have dinner. I still need to pick her up later, but I had a few free hours, so…” Her words trailed off with a shrug, her lips curling at the corners.
I wanted to kiss her.
At this point, Holly leaned around Charlie, catching my eyes. “Right, you’re gonna have to be the driver. Charlie’s already had two glasses of wine. I was planning to take her home, but you live right next door. You don’t mind do you?”
“Not a problem with me,” I replied, winking at Holly. She flashed a grin, which led to Charlie throwing a glare her way.
Charlie looked back to me, shrugging sheepishly. “Thanks,” she said softly.
A waiter arrived to take our orders, and the evening blurred into casual conversation and dinner. I was starving so the food was downright amazing. Yet, what I savored was the feel of Charlie’s presence beside me. Whenever I returned from a stint out in the backcountry dealing with a fire, I was glad to be home, but usually weary. It was damn hard work, and this past week had been no exception. Yet, Charlie’s presence took the edge off my weariness.
As the evening wore on, she nudged me with her elbow. “We should go,” she said, leaning over so I could hear her voice over the hum of conversation.
Glancing over, my gaze collided with hers. I was so damn tempted to kiss her. I didn’t think she’d quite appreciate a public display like that, not just yet.
“Whenever you’re ready,” I said, not even bothering to resist the urge to slide my hand on her thigh and give it a squeeze. I heard the soft hiss of her breath, satisfaction rolling through me. I loved knowing that maybe, just maybe, she was as powerfully affected by me as I was by her.
A few minutes later, we stepped through the back hallway out into the dusky evening. Swan Lake spread out before us just beyond the parking lot behind Wildlands.
The sun was setting in the distance over the trees and the mountain ridge. The sky was shot through with red and orange as the darkness slowly claimed the light. The lake’s surface shimmered with the colors.
Charlie paused beside me, leaning back to look
up at the sky. When she glanced to me, I caught her hand in mine. I needed to touch her, craving that point of contact.
When she smiled, it was like the sun coming out after days of rain. I’d managed not to dwell too much on her over the past week. The only thing that had made that possible was the brutal pace of our work. We’d left the area with the fire under control, but only after days of intense work to create firebreaks while the air team did their part to help us out.
There was that fire, and then the one burning between Charlie and me. The banked embers were sparking to life now that we were close again. I was beginning to think there was no way to put this one out. The most I could do was contain it.
With her hand held in mind, we walked to my truck. Opening the passenger door, I held it while she climbed inside. “Charlie…”
She looked up with her foot still resting on the running board. I stepped in between her knees and lifted a hand to slide my fingers through the ends of her hair.
“So you missed me?” I asked.
Her eyes widened and then darkened. I could see the rapid flutter of her pulse in her neck. Her tongue darted out to swipe across her bottom lip. She nearly did me in with that.
“I did,” she finally said, her voice husky.
I couldn’t wait any longer to kiss her. Sliding my hand into her hair to cup her neck with my thumb brushing along the soft skin, I angled forward and fit my mouth over hers.
It was as if a whip cracked through the air, loud and sharp. That electrifying point of contact set me on fire, heat sizzling through me.
Charlie’s hand slid around my waist as she arched toward me, pulling me closer. Her tongue tangled with mine, and she moaned softly into my mouth. For a moment, I lost myself in the scent of her, in the feel of her hot, sweet mouth.
The sound of a door slamming somewhere in the parking lot broke through the haze in my mind. Drawing away reluctantly, I opened my eyes to meet her gaze. “That’s a good thing,” I murmured. “Because I missed you too.”
Charlie didn’t say anything. She simply held my gaze, something flickering there that I didn’t quite know how to interpret. I sensed it was taking an effort for her to let down her guard. Not with me specifically, but more around the idea of what we might be to each other.
Rounding the truck, I climbed in, a destination in mind. The space in my truck was quiet as I drove. Charlie didn’t even ask me where we were going. I was all about being supportive and getting her mother home. But I knew I had another hour before we actually needed to pick her up, and I intended to make good use of that time.
Within a few minutes, I turned down a side road, driving through some trees and then we came out to a clearing where a small lake was visible in the falling darkness. If Charlie had been paying attention, she seemed surprised now. Her eyes swung to mine.
“Where are we?”
I couldn’t help but grin. “Just a place where we can have some privacy before we need to go get your mom. I thought about driving home, but this was better.”
I didn’t say aloud that I’d been worried if I drove toward home, she’d immediately say we needed to pick up her mother first. Nor did I say aloud that I was desperate for her. I had some pride.
She let out a breathy laugh, the sound sending another lash of that whip against the need burning inside of me.
As we stared at each other, the air around us felt heavy like the air before a storm—intense, weighted with the power it was about to unleash.
My truck had a bench seat, handy at the moment. I simply reached across, sliding out from under the steering wheel, and pulled her onto my lap. Charlie got with the program right away. She sighed and settled her hips down over the hard ridge of my cock. Lifting a hand, she smoothed my brow, her fingertips trailing over my cheekbone and down to trace my lips. I caught her finger in my teeth, and a little sound came from the back of her throat. Sweet hell, she just about did me in every damn time.
Then, we were kissing—soft kisses, hard nips, gentle bites. Just devouring each other. Her hands were everywhere, but then so were mine. I wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but she had my shirt torn open and was tugging at the buttons of my fly. I let out a low groan. She shimmied off of my lap, leaning forward and taking me into her mouth. With my hand tangled in her hair, she proceeded to drive me absolutely insane.
Looking down, I noticed she still had her leggings on, so I shoved them down around her hips. Delving between her thighs, I groaned when I found her slick, wet heat. Her hips shifted back into my fingers when I sank them inside of her. I was hanging on by a thread, and I needed to be inside of her. Badly.
When I murmured her name, she rose up. At the sight of her swollen lips, her flushed cheeks, and the wild, tousled mess of her hair, I almost came right then. Her blouse and bra hung open. Her nipples were dusky pink, taut and all but begging for more, so I leaned over to swirl my tongue around one. Catching it lightly in my teeth, I savored the sound of her cry.
Lifting my head on the heels of her gasp, I met her eyes. “I need to be inside of you. Now.”
She didn’t hesitate, rising up and shimmying her leggings all the way down so she could kick a foot free along with her panties. Straddling me, she never looked away. She reached between us and guided me into her tight, slick channel.
My head fell back against the seat with a low groan as she settled her hips down, wiggling them for good measure.
“Fuck, Charlie. You feel so damn good.”
She sighed, the sound squeezing my heart.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Charlie
I stared into Jesse‘s eyes—need reflecting back to me. My heart was thudding so hard and fast against my ribs, I could hardly breathe. With him filling and stretching me, sensation spun inside, little pinwheels of pleasure scattering through me.
I couldn’t look away, nor did I want to. The ambient light from the last rays of the sun in the distance angled through the truck windows. It felt as if we were all alone in the world, contained in a bubble shimmering with desire and intimacy.
Jesse’s palm slid up my back, sending shivers and lighting little fires under my skin. He swiped his tongue across mine and then his palm slid back down my spine to grip my hips. I couldn’t wait anymore, shifting to slide up and down, the feel of him filling me again and again almost making me delirious. If a person could be a drug, Jesse was the one for me.
When we were like this, it was easy, so easy. And it felt so damn good. Intense pleasure banked inside of me with each rock of his hips into mine. Even though we were moving slowly, I felt wild inside, need racing through me so fast, it felt as if I were caught in a riptide. I was needy and greedy, specifically for him. Sensation spun inside, a wave rolling into itself.
When Jesse murmured my name, his fingers digging into my hips as I rose up and sank down again, the wave crested. My climax pulled tight inside and then spun loose, wave after wave crashing through me.
I dimly heard myself crying his name and then felt the heat of his release as he held me tight against him, his hips flexing as his body went taut. With a rough cry, he relaxed.
My head fell against his shoulder, my breath coming in gusts. I rested there as his palm made slow passes up and down my spine. I’d have been quite content to stay there forever, my skin damp against his, with him buried inside of me.
Reality intruded in the form of him murmuring my name.
“Charlie?”
“Mmm, hmm?” I murmured against his shoulder.
“I think your phone is buzzing,” he said, his voice gruff. His hand sifted through my hair.
I reluctantly lifted my head, looking at him. God, he was a beautiful man. With his dark amber hair and rich green eyes in the wispy light, the shadows only deepened the strong lines of his features. I let myself scan his face and flick down to the muscle planes of his chest. There was something so sexy about a man who was as fit as he was, not because he worked out, but because of the way he lived.
> I completely forgot what he had said.
Until his mouth curled at one corner in a half grin, sending my belly into a lazy little flip. I was too relaxed and satiated for it to be anything but lazy. But even lazy, only Jesse had that effect on me.
“What?”
“Your phone,” he reminded me.
“Oh.”
I gave my head a little shake. I didn’t want to move, so I glanced around for my purse, finding it on the floor on the passenger side. Leaning over, I reached down and deftly caught the strap to pull it up. Slipping my phone out, I tapped the screen and glanced down, suddenly worried.
“Oh, it’s just Norma texting. She said mom had dinner, and we can pick her up when we’re ready.”
Looking over at Jesse, I thought maybe I should say something, but I didn’t know what to say. He was quiet, his eyes scanning my face. I sensed he was thinking something, but whatever it was, he kept it to himself.
Over the next few minutes, we untangled ourselves and put our clothes back together. Then, Jesse was driving away from that magical spot, while I was wishing we could stay.
The rest of the evening wasn’t quite as romantic. We picked up my mother, who was tickled to see Jesse, and drove home. When we arrived, my heart felt a little heavy. These shimmering stolen moments with Jesse weren’t something I could have every day. I needed to remember that.
I helped my mother inside and stole a quick kiss from Jesse outside the door. Later that night, I lay alone in my bed, staring at the stars on my ceiling. I wondered just what to do about Jesse. What I’d wanted tonight was to fall asleep with him. But I didn’t feel right about it. I needed to figure out whether the idea of a relationship was even something I should consider right now.
Talk about a downer. After that absolutely glorious encounter in Jesse’s truck, my mind was right back to its old habits, worries running laps in my brain.
