by Miranda Lee
‘Me,’ he repeated, drawing back to touch her mouth ever so gently before kissing her again.
Samantha was in a total daze in his arms. The sound of a car horn blaring, wanting to get past where they were standing smack in the middle of the driveway, jolted her back to reality. She tried to reef out of those enclosing arms, away from that seducing mouth, but Guy would have none of it. He merely eased her out of the car’s way and kept on kissing her.
‘I don’t want to hear any silly arguments,’ he told her between kisses. ‘No denials or admissions. After you’ve had time to think about it calmly you’ll know I’m right. Meanwhile we’re going to spend a relaxing day out at the dam...then I’m going to take you back to your place...where I’m going to make wonderfully slow love to you...’
She gasped, both in shock and horror. Shock that this was actually happening, that Guy would even want to make love to her. And horror at the vision of his seeing her without her clothes on. ‘No, no,’ she cried. ‘I’m fat and ugly. You couldn’t possibly want to...to...’
He took her hand and placed it against him. ‘Does that feel as though I don’t want to, my sweet Sam? I’ve been wanting to for so long. So damned long. As for being fat and ugly... My darling girl, I’ve never seen a woman look more breathtakingly beautiful than you’ve been looking lately.’
Samantha couldn’t speak, her mind whirling, trying to grasp the truth behind these most astonishing outpourings of Guy’s. She stared up at him, eyes wide and liquid with threatening tears. ‘Are you saying...that you love me?’ she choked out.
The blue eyes sparkled with a hint of humour. ‘Would you believe me if I said I did?’
‘I...I’m not sure...’
His smile was warm and kind. ‘I thought as much. You’ll need a lot more loving before you’re capable of accepting such a statement from me. A lot more...’ He bent his head and lightly sipped at her mouth. Then more feverishly. Finally he forced himself to stop, holding her away from him with great reluctance. ‘Oh, God, Sam, I want you so much, but I can see I must be patient. You’re looking quite stunned.’
‘I...I feel stunned. I...had no idea...’
That’s not strictly true, came the immediate honest thought. You did have an idea...once. But then he stopped smoking and you thought...
‘But haven’t you been...?’ Samantha bit her tongue. Violently. Don’t say anything, she warned herself. Not a word. Your dream is hovering there, right within your grasp. Don’t risk it.
‘Yes?’ he asked, a tender hand brushing her hair back from where it had fallen across one cheek.
‘Nothing,’ she muttered. ‘Nothing. It’s just that I...well, it’s all so sudden, I don’t know what to think.’
His smile was understanding. ‘Then don’t think at all. Float...’
‘Float?’
‘Yes... You be the sailing ship and I the sea breeze. Let me take you where I will... I won’t lead you on to the rocks. I promise.’
His use of another ship analogy brought a wry smile to her mouth. ‘And who is the captain of this ship, may I ask?’ she murmured. ‘Isn’t there anyone at the wheel?’
‘Love,’ he whispered back.
Oh, God... She closed her eyes tight at the flood of emotion that gushed into her heart. She didn’t want to believe so quickly, so naïvely. But she couldn’t help herself. If there was even the slightest chance that he might love her, even for a little while, she had to take it.
‘Sam? Are you all right?’
She opened her eyes and they were shining. ‘Yes,’ she said simply. ‘Oh, yes...’
* * *
The dam was spectacular. A large concrete structure with a massive spillway, water cascading down it into the valley below. The perfect site for the Dambusters to make a video.
But Samantha didn’t really care about work at that moment. Nevertheless, she let Guy rave on about his ideas for the video as he walked her across and around and through the massive structure, her eyes on his mobile mouth, her only conscious thought how much she loved this man, how much she wanted him.
The idea of his really loving her or of his wanting to make love to her in her present condition still seemed impossible, but as the day went on he convinced her with his tender touching, his desire-filled glances, his hungry kisses. By the time his car pulled up outside her block of flats shortly after four she was taut with both arousal and a nervous anticipation. It was still light, she worried. She wouldn’t be able to turn the lights off, to hide her body.
Guy had not been inside her flat since their mutual friend Lana had left to marry her dress designer years ago, and was obviously surprised by the changes she’d made, remarking on her good taste as he wandered through the living-room. The furniture wasn’t overly expensive, but it had been lovingly acquired over the years to give a homely, countrified flavour, with its large stuffed chairs, flowered sofa, and natural pine bookcases and tables.
‘You’ve done wonders with this place,’ he said.
‘I’ve been able to afford to buy what I like,’ she admitted. ‘I have a very generous boss.’
‘Have you?’ he smiled back at her. ‘I hope he doesn’t take advantage of that fact,’ he went on, coming forward to take her in his arms. ‘I hope he doesn’t demand payment for his generosity.’
She gave a shaky laugh, not sure if he was jesting or not. He claimed to love her, but any normal man in love would be talking of marriage by now, especially with a baby coming. Clearly, marriage still wasn’t on Guy’s agenda.
Samantha’s mind jumped to the mystery woman he had undoubtedly been sleeping with lately, this knowledge twisting her heart with bitter jealousy. All of a sudden she knew she couldn’t turn a blind eye to any more philanderings. In fact, she couldn’t go to bed with Guy right now without knowing where that other woman fitted into his life.
‘Guy...I’ve been wanting to ask you about...about that other woman, the one you’ve been...dating,’ she said, her heart pounding nervously.
He frowned down at her for a second, then laughed.
Samantha stiffened. ‘It’s not a laughing matter.’
‘Oh, yes, it is. Dear Sam...’ He tipped up her chin with a tantalising fingertip. ‘There is no other woman. I quit smoking because I read that even passive smoking was bad for a foetus. Actually, I was amazed that I could give the smoking up so easily. All I needed, it seemed, was a selfless motive.’
His eyes gleamed with a self-mocking light. ‘That doesn’t mean I gave up something else easily, though. Seeing you in the office every day, wanting to hold you, make love to you all the time, was sheer hell. You’ve no idea how much work I’ve been doing in the gym. I’m the fittest, most frustrated man around.’
Her heart turned over with joy at his confession. He had done without. For months. He wasn’t lying. She was sure of it. ‘Would...would you like a cup of coffee?’ she asked, trying to ease her way out of his arms. Her skin was beginning to burn with the way he was looking down at her.
A tauntingly soft smile creased his handsome face. ‘Now, Sam...you know you don’t want coffee and neither do I. Come on, let’s have a shower together and go to bed.’
Fear leapt into her eyes, fear of his disgust when he saw her in the nude.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he soothed, pushing her jacket aside and smoothing a loving hand over her gently rounded belly. ‘Extremely beautiful,’ he repeated, hands moulding over her swollen breasts, teasing her nipples into exquisitely hard peaks.
He undressed himself slowly and seductively in front of her, his blue eyes glittering when, once totally naked, she just had to reach out and run her hands over his taut male flesh.
‘You have been working out,’ she murmured appreciatively.
He laughed sexily and led her into the bathroom, where he helped her divest herself of her clothes, kissing any remaining fears away as he did so, making her think of nothing but having him touch her everywhere.
The shower itself was an experience o
f supreme erotic pleasure—Guy’s soap-slicked hands kneading her breasts, gently massaging her stomach, her buttocks, her thighs. Then he insisted she do the same to him. By the time he had snapped off the water and dried them both she was quivering with desire.
He took the silky green wrap that was hanging up behind the bathroom door and slipped it over her flushed skin, then carried her into her bedroom, laying her gently on her bed. ‘This will never do, Sam,’ he teased, looking disapprovingly at the single bed. ‘Come tomorrow, you move in with me.’
‘Yes,’ she murmured breathlessly.
‘Meanwhile, we’ll have to make do, I suppose.’ He parted the robe and knelt over her, bending his lips to her body.
‘Yes,’ she groaned, her arms lifting to cover her eyes as she began to squirm beneath his increasingly intimate kisses. ‘Yes, yes, yes...’
* * *
‘Want a cup of coffee?’ he asked with a yawn.
She gave a voluptuous sigh and wrapped his arms more tightly around her breasts. ‘Not yet. I’m too comfortable.’
‘You do like your sex, don’t you?’ he whispered as he blew softly in her right ear.
She shivered, both in automatic pleasure and recoil at his words. Enough was enough, she decided. She could not let his impression of her in this regard remain unclarified. Turning carefully so that she didn’t make him fall out of the bed, she pressed her lips to his chest in a loving kiss, then looked up. ‘Only with you, Guy,’ she insisted. ‘Only with you...’
‘But—’
‘I lied,’ she cut in firmly. ‘I wanted you to keep making love to me, so I lied. I’ve never enjoyed sex with anyone else. Never.’
He remained silent at this and she had the sinking feeling that he didn’t quite believe her. A burst of nerves rippled through her when she realised the moment had come to tell him the truth. ‘You see, darling,’ she said shakily, ‘I’ve always known sex would never be any good for me unless it was with a man I loved...’
His arms tightened, and she looked straight into his narrowed eyes, hers strong and determined, despite her inner flutterings. ‘You are the other man, Guy. The man I told you I loved. I’ve loved you for ages. That’s why I resigned. I...I couldn’t stand it any more. And that’s why I jumped at the chance of having your baby. I would have done anything to have you make love to me. Anything. I wanted you so much.’
Samantha would never have believed it if she hadn’t seen it. Tears pricked at those beautiful blue eyes. Admittedly he blinked them away quickly, but she knew what she had seen, and when he spoke his voice was thick with emotion. ‘You make me feel so... proud, Sam. To inspire such devotion, such love. But I feel stupid, too, not to have noticed your worth earlier, your beauty, your desirability. I can only say I had programmed myself to give girls like you a wide berth, to take my pleasure with women who lived life in the fast lane and who wouldn’t want the sort of care and commitment I didn’t feel I was capable of sustaining.’
‘I understand, Guy,’ she said, thinking of the example of Martin Haywood. ‘Truly...’
‘How could you? I must have disgusted you at times.’
‘I knew you were a good man. Deep down.’
His sigh was ragged. ‘You’ve had to go deep, Sam. Very deep. But thank God you did, my loveliness,’ he breathed, crushing her to him. ‘For I swear to God, I do love you, with all my heart. I’ve loved you for months.’
She drew back to stare up at him. ‘Months?’
‘I realise now that I fell for you on our first night together, but I closed my heart to it, pretended to myself I was stopping our arrangement to protect you against emotional involvement, when it was my own escalating feelings that were worrying me.’
‘Of course,’ he went on wryly, ‘a certain minx wouldn’t let sleeping desires lie. God, when I saw you in that red dress I wanted to rip it off and take you then and there. Then when you went out with Norman... Hell, I paced a track in my blue carpet that night. No wonder I forgot about your getting pregnant the next day. By then I was in a terrible state. All I could think about was finding a way to have you again...’
‘I think I was of a similar mind,’ she admitted.
Guy gave a dry chuckle. ‘I even deluded myself into believing I was suffering from an acute attack of frustration, that in time I’d be cured. But the more I made love to you, the worse I got. In the end I began to believe I might be really in love. Then Dad came into the office that day, bluntly reminding me whose son I was, whose genes I had inherited. When you arrived, looking so lovely and open and innocent, I felt stricken. How could I live with myself if I hurt her, I thought, if I put her through the hell I put Jill through?’
Samantha was startled. ‘Who’s Jill?’
His sigh was ragged. ‘A girl I thought I fell in love with when I was twenty-one. I was at uni at the time. She was older than me by a couple of years, a medical student. I was mad about her at first, but within weeks of our becoming engaged my passion was on the wane. In the end I didn’t even want to make love to her at all. I had no option but to break our engagement. Jill was devastated. She even...tried to take her own life.’
‘Oh, my God, Guy,’ Samantha gasped.
‘Luckily she failed. But the guilt I felt! And the self-doubts. Jill was everything a man could want. Lovely, sexy, intelligent. Why didn’t I love her? I started looking at my own father to find the answers. He supposedly loved my mother in the beginning, but all I remember are bitter arguments, claims and counter-claims of how each one only stayed together for my sake. Admittedly my mother was a cold woman, never showing me much love either. Even so, after her death Dad still kept falling in and out of love. He just couldn’t sustain the depth of feeling, or the desire. After Jill I decided I was made out of the same mould. Yet I couldn’t stomach being a deceiver, so I decided never to marry, to keep my affairs strictly physical.’
‘But why always a blonde, Guy?’ Samantha asked quietly.
He shrugged. ‘Coincidence, really. I found that a lot of blondes suited my needs, especially the ones obsessed by their bodies and their weight. It was as though they wore a badge: “Here I am. I look fragile fluff and fun, but underneath I’m tough. I’m certainly not the type to try to commit suicide when we split up.” Of course, I was selective. I only picked the ones who came on strong. Who promised, then delivered. And, to be perfectly blunt, I admired their frank approach. They never teased. I can’t stand that.’
Samantha thought of his violent reaction to her teasing him and decided she would never resort to that sort of tactic with him again.
‘My mother used to tease my father sometimes,’ he went on bitterly. ‘She was very beautiful and would use sex to get something she wanted, withholding it most of the time. My God, the fights that caused. I couldn’t help hearing what was said sometimes. I was a very unhappy little boy. If it hadn’t been for Dad...’
A warm light slipped into his eyes. ‘Dad gave me a lot of love and approval. We were great mates always. I felt terribly sorry for him when each of his marriages busted up. He honestly thought each one would work, that it was the real thing. Of course, I can see now that he married the wrong sort of women, younger, showy, sexy types who probably wanted his money more than him. He was blind to their materialistic intentions, merely because they gave him as much sex as he wanted.’
He stopped and looked lovingly down at Samantha. ‘If he’d married someone like you, someone strong and brave and giving, someone sweet and loving yet still so very sexy...’
His mouth bent to kiss her greedily, Samantha giving herself up to the pleasure of his lips and his words with a delicious shiver.
‘God, I adore you,’ he groaned. ‘When I think of the pain I caused you I feel terrible. The day your pregnancy was confirmed I felt I had to be cruel to be kind, but in the end I couldn’t stand what I saw in your eyes. I tried to make it up to you with the flowers, but I could see you were still hurt. I felt I had no option then but to retreat, to hide my confused f
eelings, except where I could innocently express them, such as in buying you those clothes. But all the time I kept wanting you. Only bitter experience stopped me telling you, showing you how much. I kept thinking I’d wake up one day and find I didn’t want you any more.’
There was a wealth of self-mocking in his eyes. ‘Then today I came in and my feelings simply refused to be deceived any longer. There you were, looking delicious but as cranky as sin, and I wanted to hold you so much, to hold you and tell you I loved you. I’d suspected for some time you felt more for me than you let on, so I decided to take action, to take our future in my hands and go for it. I vowed to make you fall in love with me if it was the last thing I did. Then, when I saw that you thought I’d been having an affair and how jealous you were, I knew you already loved me.’
Samantha gazed up at him, her eyes blurring. ‘You talk too much,’ she rasped, and pulled his mouth down on to hers.
The night was long. Filled with love-talk and love-play, warm showers, hot drinks, some food, but only the barest amount of sleep. Sleep could wait. Their need for each other couldn’t.
Saturday morning brought rain. They stayed in bed all morning, not wanting to leave each other’s arms. It was only when there came a tapping at the bathroom window that Samantha was forced to get up. She threw back the sheets and slipped on her silk robe.
‘It’s only Tom,’ she said, ‘The cat. Remember?’
‘How well I do,’ he drawled. ‘That was the first sign, the one I so stupidly didn’t recognise. There I was, listening to you talk on the phone, and suddenly I wanted to kill this man, Tom, who dared treat my secretary with such offhanded sexuality. As for you, I wanted to wring your damned neck!’
‘Aah, jealousy,’ she said, stroking Tom’s head as she held him. He purred and moved his head around under her fingers in languorous contentment.
‘You can stop that too,’ Guy snapped testily. ‘Save your caresses for me.’
Samantha gave his gloriously naked body sprawled out on her bed a mocking look. ‘You’re not going to be one of those nasty, possessive lovers, are you, Guy?’
