by Linda Kage
I smiled, understanding completely. “He is. He’s a good man.”
“Yes, but I didn’t think I’d actually become this fond of him. Jazon was my one true love, and being with him was more than I could even describe, so I couldn’t even imagine being remotely happy with another. But Brentley… He’s a pleasure. A true pleasure. And, oh dear Lord, I sound like a right lunatic, don’t I?”
I shook my head. “No… No, of course not,” I insisted. “You sound surprised by how happy you are, which would be natural after…well, after losing your first husband, I should think.”
But she kept frowning. “Then why are you looking at me as if I’d just grown three heads?”
“I’m sorry.” I waved my hands and blushed. “Ignore me. It’s just…never mind.”
“Well, now there’s no chance of ignoring you. Tell me.”
I laughed shakily at her persistence even as a strange knot of apprehension formed in my stomach. “It’s just that name you said. Jazon.”
Allera nodded slowly, the color leaching from her cheeks. “Yes. He was my first husband.”
“Your one true love,” I murmured softly.
Allera gave another nod and glanced away. “Yes. He was from Lowden. He barely escaped there after the Graykeys massacred his family for joining the revolt against them. I met him when I was helping tend to the refugees flooding into High Cliff at that time. After we were married, he enlisted with our army under Urban’s command. And… And he died fighting to grant his people freedom.”
“I…” Cutting myself short, I glanced away, not wanting to say anything and worried talking about it with her would only bring her more pain. With a frown, I shook my head, because what I wanted to say sounded too crazy to say aloud, anyway.
Allera politely lifted her eyebrows. “You were saying?”
I shook my head some more. “No. I’m sorry. I don’t want to cause any—”
She waved a hand. “No, please. Don’t worry about that. You have me too curious now. Tell me what you were going to say.”
“It’s just… I’m not sure how to explain it.” I laughed at myself and looked down at my hands. “It’s just… I’d never heard the name Jazon before until…” I shook my head some more, realizing how crazy I was going to sound if I spoke this aloud.
“Until when?” Allera pressed curiously.
I sighed and admitted, “Well, lately, I’ve been having the oddest dreams.”
A look of amusement crossed her features. “Is that so? Since you gave birth to Anniston, perhaps?”
I thought about it a moment before nodding. “Yes. That sounds exactly right, actually. Is it a new mother affliction, you think?”
Allera laughed. “No, I’m sorry. But, no, I think it’s more of an Urban affliction?”
That name caused me to jolt. I blinked rapidly before shaking my head in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“I’d say it happened when he kissed you. The magic in his eye mark, it kind of joined your life forces together when he brought you back from the dead. Not that either of you will die now when the other one does or anything like that, but you’ll share things from here on out, like dreams.”
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “I don’t… I mean, are you sure? What else do we share?”
“Oh, I’m sure most of it’s quite one-sided, since he’s the one with the mark and you’re not, which makes me wonder how you’re able to share the dreams at all, but oh well. I never understood everything about the mark. I just know he’ll always know when you’re close, and it could probably point him in the right direction to find you again if you were far away. And he’ll be able to sense when you experience extreme emotion, like the height of fear or love, things like that. Then there are the dreams. Whichever one of you falls asleep first rules the dreaming for that episode, and the second person gets sucked into the first person’s vision once they join the sleep world. I imagine you must be up and down with Anniston so much at night that Urban’s probably leading your dreams more often than not.”
Dazed by so much information, I just stared at Allera, not sure I wanted to know how tied to her brother I really was.
She leaned toward me and gripped my forearm. “Does this mean you saw Jazon in one of Urban’s dreams?” Happy tears bloomed in her eyes and a smile spread. “What was he doing? Fishing in that godawful loch behind the castle again? I swear, that’s all he and Urban ever did together.”
“No, he was…” When I realized what I was going to say, I immediately shut up.
Allera frowned. “What’s wrong? What was he doing?”
I shook my head. “I don’t… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started this. You don’t want to hear this.”
“No, please.” She nearly lost her hold on Anniston so she could grip my arm again to waylay me when I went to stand. “I do want to hear. What? What did you see?”
I sank slowly into my chair and sent her a sad glance. “He was dying,” I whispered. Then I shook my head. “He’s always dying, the same way. In every dream.”
Allera let go of me and pulled back, tucking my child closer to her. Then she shook her head. “But that’s not… I mean, I didn’t realize Urban was there when Jazon died.”
I gulped, hoping I hadn’t said too much. “They’re just dreams,” I started, helpfully. “It doesn’t mean any of them really happened.”
“But the same thing happens every time?”
Since I’d already admitted as much, I nodded. “Yes.”
“They’re probably memories then. Tell me. Please. How did he die?” When I opened my mouth to protest, she cut in. “In Urban’s dreams, then? How does he die in Urban’s dreams?”
“There was a war,” I said softly. “There was fighting all around at the edge of an open field where a forest started. He—Jazon—was sitting upright and leaning back against the trunk of a tree, his chest torn open, and blood mixing with the tattered chain mail that hung off his shoulders.”
Allera gasped and covered her mouth with a hand as her eyes filled with tears. “They did say he died from a chest wound,” she choked out. “I felt it when it happened. Pain exploded through my own chest. And then… Then it was gone. He was gone. By the time they brought him to me, it was too late. I couldn’t bring him back. I’d been too far away when it happened. Too much time had passed.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ll stop now. I didn’t mean to—”
“No! Please don’t stop. I have to know.”
I took a shuddered breath before nodding my agreement. “I knelt by him, repeating his name, first in horror, then sorrow, and finally in disbelief. Then I told him he was a stupid fool, and I demanded to know why he’d done it. I was supposed to be the one to make that scouting trip. Not him. Why had he stolen my post? The dying man merely coughed up blood before grinning up at me. ‘Let my bothersome little brother go on a suicide mission?’ he said. ‘I think not. I’m the hero of this story, mate.’”
Allera laughed and then sobbed before more tears rushed to her eyes. “That sounds like him. That sounds exactly like Jazon.”
I nodded and closed my eyes. “So I asked him what I was supposed to tell his wife, and he just smiled. ‘She already knows everything I want her to know,’ he answered.”
“I did,” Allera whispered. “I did know.”
“But I couldn’t accept that.” Shaking my head, I pressed my hands to my chest, feeling the pain I always felt during the dream. “I grabbed his shoulders and shook him. I demanded him to keep living. I told him he couldn’t die, saving my life. And I began to cry.” Rubbing my palm over my heart because it was beginning to ache as it always did in the dream, I shook my head, dazed to realize these were Urban’s feelings and memories I’d always experienced. “I wake up crying from that dream, every time.”
And it had been Urban I had cried for. Not the dead soldier. I’d hurt because Urban had hurt.
Not sure how to deal with the fact that I’d been sharing somet
hing so intimate and private, like his grief, with him for the past few weeks, I forced my attention to Allera, hoping to stanch the sudden lump in my chest.
She wiped her eyes. “Why didn’t he ever tell me?” she whispered. “Why didn’t Urban just tell me he was with Jazon at the end?”
I shook my head because I couldn’t answer honestly, but I could make a guess. “Along with how much it hurts to watch him die, I remember feeling guilty in the dreams. Maybe…” I swallowed and shook my head. “Maybe your brother blames himself. It’s possible he’s worried that you would blame him too if you knew Jazon died protecting him.”
That was what the king—his father—had done in Urban’s dreams as soon as he’d learned what happened to Jazon. The High Cliff ruler had blamed me—er, Urban—and told us all we ever brought to people was death and destruction. Then he’d kicked us out of his army.
“But I… I don’t know for certain,” I said. “I can only guess. They’re only dreams. Maybe your brother wasn’t there after all.”
“No, your guess sounds like Urban. Unable to stomach the idea that I might blame him for something. It’s probably the very reason why Father kicked him out of the army, and he gave up his life in High Cliff to come here with me.” With a tsking sound, she shook her head. “Idiot.”
My stomach knotted. “But you don’t, right? Blame him, that is? For your husband’s death?”
Allera lifted her eyebrows, suddenly intent on me. “And if I did?” she said slowly. “What’s it to you?”
I pulled back, realizing she was right. I should have no opinion over what she thought of her brother. But I couldn’t forget the sorrow and pain I felt in those dreams. His pain. He had suffered. He didn’t need to suffer anymore.
“I just… I’m only saying he had no idea your husband was going to go off and take his place. I have the feeling he wouldn’t have let Jazon go if he’d known his plans, and besides, it’s all just a dream anyway. It might not have really—”
“Well, look at you,” Allera murmured with a knowing grin. “Coming to Urban’s defense as if you actually care.”
“I don’t,” I shot back quickly. So quickly it was obvious I lied. When my cheeks heated, Allera gave a low chuckle as if she understood.
“Don’t worry,” she leaned closer to whisper and wink at me, “I won’t tell.” Then, seeming quite smug with herself, she sat back and lifted her voice to normal. “What else does my dear brother dream of? Anything good and embarrassing I can tease him about mercilessly?”
My body instantly flushed, remembering other dreams I’d been having.
Allera lifted her eyebrows, intrigued. “Well, well. This conversation just became infinitely more interesting.”
“Infinitely more embarrassing,” I muttered, only to set my hand against my stomach and say, “On the other hand, it’s actually relieving to learn they’re his dreams I’m having. I thought I was turning into a…” Not really wanting to confess to a man’s sister that I’d been having sex dreams about her brother, I discreetly cleared my throat.
“Or maybe they were your dreams,” Allera argued with a cheeky smirk.
I rolled my eyes. “Clearly, they were his.”
“And you’re sure? You saw them from his point of view, then, did you?”
“No, I…” When my voice fell quiet, Allera leaned forward.
“That’s how you tell the difference, you know. If you see it from his point of view, he’s leading the dream. If you see it from yours, you are.”
“Good God,” I gasped, pressing my hand against the base of my throat as I glanced wildly about the room, hoping no one was listening in on this conversation. “So… So he knows? He knows I’ve been having dreams about us… About…?”
Heavens above. This was bad. This was so awkwardly, uncomfortably, embarrassingly bad.
Allera threw her head back and laughed. “Oh yes, he knows. And I’m sure he’s extremely smug about it too.”
“It’s not funny,” I muttered. “I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again.”
“Like you look him in the eye now.” There was something slightly resentful and snide in Allera’s tone, which made me straighten with surprise.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked hesitantly.
Allera merely shrugged and glanced away. “Nothing. Really. It’s just… Never mind. Forget I said anything. The overprotective big sister in me is trying to come out, I fear.”
“No, please,” I pressed softly. “Tell me. Have I offended you?”
“Not me,” she said, giving me a look. “Urban. You just… Well, the way you wanted him kept away from you irritated me. It was as if you thought he had some rare disease that was contagious. Don’t go near Urban, he’s suffering from true love, I mustn’t catch that.”
“I don’t think that way,” I cried.
“Or maybe you’re afraid he’s going to throw you down and rape you because he just can’t control his raging hormones,” she went on moodily. “Or maybe you think he’ll try to woo you away from your husband, because what a pity that would be.” She rolled her eyes. “You do realize he’d never harm you, or disrespect you, or even remotely try to get you to do anything you don’t want to do, right?”
“I… Of course, I know that. I just—”
“No, clearly, you don’t,” Allera lashed out suddenly. “Not really. Because, let me tell you something, My Lady Vienne.” Seething, she shifted closer to me. “He values your life now more than he does his own. More than he does mine. He would never do anything that would make you even slightly uncomfortable. He will respect you and your stupid wishes and everything you value. He will do whatever he can within his power to see that you’re happy, or he’ll die trying. So tell me, after all that, could it hurt you even a little to at least be friendly to the man instead of ignore his entire existence and command him to stay away from you forever?”
My lips parted in shock, a little hurt she felt this way about me. I wasn’t sure what to say. Should I tell her I’d already agreed to give him some attention or let her know he could be beheaded because of me if we got too close?
Stuttering, I ended up tumbling out the words, “I… I never meant to hurt him. I just… I didn’t want to lead him on or let him think I would ever betray my husband for him or… I don’t know. It just seemed safer—better—to avoid all contact.”
“Better for you or for him?”
“For both of us,” I answered honestly.
I hadn’t wanted to crave something I knew I could never have. And so far, everything I knew about Urban Bjorn seemed definitely crave-worthy. Getting too close to him might hurt; it might damage any sense of hope I’d ever had, over inflate it until it was too big for me to handle.
“Well, it’s not better for him,” Allera grumbled, standing to pace with the baby when Anniston started to fuss in her arms. “Trust me, he knows where your loyalties lie. He won’t try to steal you away from Soren. He’d never try to force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. And I realize I keep repeating that, but it’s true. You don’t have to worry about him crossing any lines. You just don’t. So that’s why it’s hard for me to understand why you won’t even...” She paused and closed her eyes as if seeking patience with herself before turning toward me again, her gaze full of pleading. “It would make his day just to receive a smile or a simple hello every once in a while from you.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize until last night how much I could help him with such small acts of kindness.”
“Last night?” She frowned, obviously confused.
Feeling caught, I only stared, but Allera sighed and sat back down. “And don’t apologize. I’m the one who should apologize. I shouldn’t have said all that to you. Urban would kill me if he knew I’d been so harsh.”
“No, it’s alright. I’m glad you said what you were thinking. Thank you for your honesty.”
Allera’s gaze softened. “Well, thank you for
telling me about Jazon.”
Before either of us could say another word, Urban rushed into the room, out of breath. It was obvious he’d come straight from the training field; he wore dark, tight woolen pants that hugged impressive thighs, a light, loose linen tunic with a snug quilted sleeveless vest over that, and his sword belt cinched at the waist. But the part that captured my attention was the leather codpiece between his legs, sewn to his pants with thick cords to secure it into place. It was the first—possibly the only—thing I could focus on as he skidded to a halt in front of us, darting worried glances between Allera and me as he panted out of breath.
I knew the codpiece was purely for protective purposes, but all it seemed to do for me was call attention to what I knew lay beneath, what I’d felt inside me during our shared dreams.
And oh God, now I couldn’t stop blushing.
“What’s going on?” he demanded in a winded voice.
Chapter 23
Vienne
Allera’s smile was overly bright and tense as she gazed up at the prince and batted her lashes. “Why, whatever do you mean, dear brother?”
“Don’t play ignorant with me. She’s distressed,” he bit out. I knew he was talking about me, even though he didn’t even glance my way. “I felt it all the way across the fucking castle and outside. What did you do to her?” Accusation gleamed in his eyes as he marched close, glaring at his sister.
“Well.” Allera tapped her chin thoughtfully, before answering, “I told her about the dream-sharing thing. So she knows about that now.”
His gaze swung to me, his chest still heaving since he was out of breath from the sprint he must’ve run to get here.
My eyes went wide. Oh God. I wanted to sink through the floor and die. He knew I’d wanted him to do dirty delicious things to me. Against a wall.
His gaze glittered with the knowledge of it, too.
This was so humiliating.
“And then she told me about the dream you keep having about Jazon,” his sister went on.
