‘I think you’d better.’
Beth dropped a kiss on her daughter’s head, feeling all the love welling up inside her. Finding out that she was pregnant after Callum had left had been a huge shock. After everything they had been through to have a baby, it had seemed incredible that it should have happened like that. However, even if Callum had met somebody else, she didn’t regret having Beatrix. She was her own little miracle, the child Beth had given up any hope of having.
No matter how painful this situation turned out to be, she was incredibly lucky to have her and she would keep that in mind. When Callum came back downstairs, she turned to face him because there was no point putting it off any longer.
‘So, why did you really leave me, Callum? I think it’s time you told me the truth.’
Callum picked up the coffee pot even though the last thing he wanted was anything to drink. It was merely a delaying tactic to give him time to work out what he should say. He sighed when it struck him that they had gone way beyond that point now. It was obvious that Beth was determined to get to the bottom of this mystery and no amount of carefully chosen words were going to help.
‘Because I thought it was the best thing to do,’ he said flatly, putting the pot back on the table. ‘Things had become so fraught that I was afraid you could no longer cope.’
‘Fraught,’ Beth echoed, staring at him. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘Of course you do!’ he said hotly, then took a deep breath, knowing that he had to explain his reasons calmly and rationally. Getting upset certainly wouldn’t help to convince her that he had done the right thing—the only thing possible in the circumstances.
His tone was gentler when he continued, his emotions held strictly in check. ‘Getting pregnant had become, well, an obsession for you—you couldn’t think about anything else. I was afraid that you wouldn’t be able to handle it if it turned out that we could never have a child and that’s why I left. With me off the scene, you’d have to stop and think about what you were doing.
‘However, if I stayed, we’d be forever trapped on the merry-go-round, forever trying to have the child you longed for. I did it for you, Beth. I did it because I loved you and couldn’t bear to watch you ruining your life any more.’
‘And you really expect me to believe that?’ She laughed harshly, twin spots of colour burning in her cheeks. ‘You left because you loved me and you wanted to save my sanity?’
‘I didn’t say that,’ he began, his heart sinking because this wasn’t going at all well.
‘Not in so many words, but it’s what you meant, Callum. I was obsessed with having a child and you thought I wouldn’t be able to cope if it didn’t happen. No wonder you wanted out. I mean, it wasn’t as though you were ever that keen for us to have a baby. Oh, you went along with it but it was more to please me than out of any real desire on your part.’ She smiled thinly. ‘I can understand why you chose to leave when the going got tough.’
‘That’s not true!’ How on earth was he going to convince her that she was wrong? he wondered desperately. He had left for her sake and not because he had grown tired of the situation.
‘Oh, but I think it is true. You’d had enough and you wanted out. The fact that I got pregnant that last night we slept together is incidental. It certainly doesn’t mean that you’ve changed. You would do the same thing all over again if it suited you.’
‘You’re wrong, completely wrong. I left for your sake, Beth, not mine, and that’s the truth.’ He took a deep breath, trying to clamp down on his emotions so that he could convince her. ‘If I’d had any idea that you would find yourself pregnant after we slept together that night then I would never have left.’
‘I’m sure you wouldn’t. You’d have done your duty, wouldn’t you, Callum, and stayed? Or at least stayed until the joys of fatherhood started to pall.’
‘That would never have happened,’ he declared. ‘I would never have left you to bring up our child on your own.’
‘No?’ She shrugged. ‘I suppose we’ll never know now, will we? I can’t prove that you would have left and you can’t prove that you would have stayed. However, it does make me see what a risk it would be to ever rely on you again.’
‘What do you mean?’ he asked, his stomach churning because he had already guessed what she was about to say.
‘That allowing you to be part of Beatrix’s life is far too dangerous. To be blunt, I don’t trust you, Callum, and nothing you’ve told me tonight has made me change my mind.’
Her voice caught on a sob as emotion suddenly got the better of her and Callum felt a huge great wave of guilt wash over him. He couldn’t bear to witness her anguish and know that he was responsible for it. He got up, crouching down in front of her chair. Beth was hurting and all he wanted at that moment was to comfort her.
‘Every word I said was true, Beth. I left because I honestly thought it was the best thing to do.’ He captured her hands, overwhelmed by tenderness when he realised how small and fragile they felt in his. Everything he had done had been for one reason: to protect her.
His voice was rough when he continued but it was impossible to pretend that he didn’t feel anything when he felt so much. ‘If I’d had any idea that you were pregnant then I would never have left. I’d have stayed and looked after you, you and our baby.’
‘Out of duty,’ she repeated brokenly, her eyes welling with tears.
‘No. Not out of duty. Because I wanted to.’ He drew her into his arms because he simply couldn’t see her suffering like this and not do anything about it. Her body felt stiff at first, resisting his attempts to comfort her, and he smiled sadly. Beth could be stubborn at times but there again so could he. Maybe that was why they had been such a perfect match.
The thought seemed to unlock the final barrier as memories of their past life together came flooding back. Although he had been out with a lot of women over the years, he had never felt for them what he had felt for Beth. Marriage had never been high on his agenda but when he’d met her, he had realised that it was what he wanted more than anything. Knowing that Beth was his and that he was hers had felt like a dream come true.
For the first time in his life, he had felt that he had belonged. And then Beth had told him that what she wanted more than anything was for them to have a child and everything had changed.
Sadness welled up inside him as he recalled her heartache when she had failed to conceive and he drew her closer, wanting in some way to make up for what she had suffered. Her body felt so tense as it rested against his, every muscle taut, and his heart ached all the more.
Beth didn’t deserve this! She didn’t deserve to suffer any more after what she had been through. He ran his hand down her back in an attempt to comfort her, following the rigid line of her spine. When he felt a tremor pass through her, he froze, expecting at any moment that she would push him away. He wasn’t prepared when all of a sudden she relaxed against him.
Callum’s breath caught when he felt her breasts brushing enticingly against his chest. His hand was shaking as it moved on, feeling the tension seep out of her with each gentle stroke of his fingers. When he reached her waist and paused, she looked up, her eyes holding his in a look that shocked him to the core. Far from wanting him to stop, he could tell she wanted him to continue!
Callum could feel the blood pounding through his veins as his hand slid over the rounded curve of her bottom. Beth didn’t say a word but he could feel her nestling against him and the thought that she welcomed his touch was just too much. Bending, he took her mouth in a searing kiss. Her lips felt cool at first but he could feel the heat building beneath the chill, and groaned.
The rational part of his mind knew that he should stop what was happening. Beth was upset and she wasn’t thinking clearly, but how could he stop when it was what he wanted so desperately? His tongue traced the outline of her lips and he shuddered
when he felt them part for him. He hadn’t kissed another woman since they had met and now he understood why. He only wanted Beth: no other woman would do.
The thought filled his head as his tongue mated with hers. When he drew her down onto the rug, she didn’t protest. Callum ran his hands down her body, relearning its shape and feel. She was thinner than she had been, although her breasts were fuller, filling his palms when he cupped them in his hands. Undoubtedly, it was the result of giving birth to their daughter and he loved the thought that such a momentous event had caused these changes.
Bending, he drew her nipple into his mouth, lavishing it with love through her cotton blouse, wishing with all his heart that he had been here to watch her nurse their daughter. He had missed so much that was precious, missed making so many wonderful memories. Now all he could do was pray that he wouldn’t miss any more.
A chill ran through him at the thought that nothing was guaranteed but even that couldn’t dampen his ardour. His body was throbbing for release, but he didn’t intend to rush things. He ran his hands down her body again, caressing the sweet, lush curves, before turning his attention to the buttons down the front of her blouse. Surprisingly he managed to undo them without any difficulty and he raised surprised eyes to hers.
‘I must be getting better at this,’ he said, ruefully, parting the blouse so he could drop a kiss on the warm curve of her breast. ‘Buttons were never my forte.’
‘It must be all the practice you’ve had,’ she said flatly, and he frowned because that wasn’t what he had meant to imply.
‘Nope. I can honestly say that I haven’t had any practice at all.’ He waggled his fingers, opting to make a joke out of it as it made him feel incredibly vulnerable to admit that he hadn’t slept with anyone else since they had parted. ‘I must have discovered a natural talent somehow or other.’
‘Oh.’
An expression of relief crossed her face before she reached up and drew his head down, but Callum had seen it and his heart swelled with joy. Beth was pleased that he hadn’t slept with anyone else and it could only mean that she still cared about him. The thought filled his head as he stripped off her blouse and tossed it aside. The plain white bra she was wearing underneath was soon dispensed with as well, along with the rest of her clothes. Callum could feel his heart racing as he stared down at her naked body.
‘You’re so beautiful,’ he whispered, hoarsely. ‘So very, very beautiful.’
Beth didn’t say a word as she waited for him to remove his clothes but her eyes never left him. Callum could feel her watching him as he dragged his sweater over his head, and shuddered. It was incredibly erotic to know that she enjoyed looking at him, that she wanted him.
He was trembling when he lay down beside her and drew her into his arms, letting her feel just how much he wanted her too. When he ran his hand down her body, seeking out the source of her heat, she shuddered, her breathing turning rapid and shallow as he caressed her. Callum continued to stroke her, his own passion rising until he couldn’t hold back any longer. He slid into her with one smooth powerful thrust, felt her tighten around him, and gasped. All of a sudden nothing mattered but this—he and Beth, and the magic they were creating together.
CHAPTER TEN
IT WAS ALMOST midnight when Beth awoke. At some point they had moved upstairs to the bedroom and moonlight was streaming in through the open window. She lay quite still for a moment, savouring the unfamiliar feeling of peace that filled her. What had changed? Was she now willing to believe Callum? To trust him? To accept him as part of her and Beatrix’s lives?
‘Penny for them. Or are they worth a lot more than that?’
Beth felt her breath catch when Callum spoke. Rolling onto her side, she let her eyes drink in the familiar planes of his face. He had changed very little in the past year, she realised. Oh, there were a few more lines around his eyes, even a touch of silver at his temples, but he was still the most handsome man she had ever seen. Although she’d had a couple of relationships before they had met, she had never felt such desire for anyone else.
Was that why she had made love with him tonight, because she’d needed the fulfilment that only Callum could give her? All of a sudden the doubts came flooding back. Was she in danger of allowing desire to cloud her judgement?
‘Beth? What is it? Tell me.’
Reaching out he touched her cheek, and she flinched. The thought that she had made a mistake made her feel sick. Maybe their lovemaking had been wonderful but it hadn’t changed anything—not really. Callum was still the same person he had always been, the man who had run out on her. Maybe he had claimed that he had left to protect her, left because he had cared so much about her, but did she believe him? Could she be sure that he wouldn’t do the same thing again?
‘Nothing.’ Beth tossed back the quilt and stood up. Picking up her dressing gown, she dragged it on, uncomfortable now with her nakedness when it just seemed to prove what a fool she had been.
‘So that’s it, is it?’ He laughed shortly as he stood up. ‘It’s a bit late for second thoughts. You and I made love and there’s no way that you can pretend it wasn’t what you wanted, either.’
‘I wasn’t going to!’ she retorted, hating to hear the mockery in his voice, especially when she knew that she deserved it. Callum would have stopped any time she had asked him to, but she hadn’t wanted him to stop, had she? Colour flooded her face at the thought, but she refused to justify herself by lying. ‘I’m as much to blame for what happened tonight as you are, Callum, but we both know it was a mistake. You and I are history and there’s no way that we’re going to get back together.’
‘So tonight was what exactly? Some kind of nod to the past?’
‘I doubt it. Let’s face it, there’s not a lot about the past that either of us would want to remember.’ She shrugged, aiming for a nonchalance she wished she felt. ‘No, it was nothing more than a combination of circumstances. I was upset, you tried to comfort me, and one thing led to another. We’re both adults, Callum. We both know that these things happen. It’s nothing to get worked up about.’
‘I’m glad you can be so reasonable about it,’ he said flatly, pulling his sweater over his head. ‘Just so long as it doesn’t have a knock-on effect.’
‘What do you mean by that?’ Beth asked, frowning.
‘That you don’t use what happened tonight to stop me seeing Beatrix.’ He looked her straight in the eyes. ‘As you just pointed out, we’re both adults and this shouldn’t have any bearing on my being allowed to see her.’
‘I...um...no, of course not,’ Beth murmured, her heart sinking at the thought of being put on the spot this way. If she refused him access then he would think that it was because of what had happened tonight, and she didn’t want that hanging over her. She wanted to forget what they had done and not be constantly reminded about it. ‘You can see Beatrix whenever you want, although I don’t think you need to stay here any longer now that my ankle is so much better.’
‘Of course not.’ Callum slipped on his shoes, his expression impossible to read in the moonlight. ‘In that case, I’ll sleep at the flat tonight, if that’s all right with you. I’m sure we could both do with a bit of breathing space.’
‘It’s fine,’ Beth assured him, although the thought of him moving out of the cottage was upsetting for some reason. She forced herself to focus on practicalities as it seemed safer than looking for explanations. After all, Callum had never planned to stay here on a permanent basis and she wouldn’t have wanted him to, either. ‘What about your clothes and everything?’
‘I’ll collect them tomorrow. It’s a bit late to start packing at this time of the night.’
‘Of course.’ Beth followed him out to the landing, knowing that she should say something. ‘I appreciate everything you’ve done for us recently. Thank you.’
He gave a little shrug. ‘I was happy t
o help, Beth. After all, Beatrix is my daughter too.’
He didn’t say anything else as he ran down the stairs and a moment later Beth heard the front door open and close again. She bit her lip as she went back into the bedroom and stared at the rumpled sheets. She could think of a dozen different reasons why she had made love with Callum tonight but in her heart she knew that only one of them was true: she had wanted him. Tears filled her eyes because now she would have to get used to being without him all over again.
* * *
Callum did his best but it was impossible to blot out the memory of that night. What made it worse was that Beth had now returned to work. With Sandra back as well, it meant that Beth was working at The Larches and it was pure torture to have to see her each day. If she had left him with even the tiniest shred of hope that their lovemaking had meant anything to her then it might have made it easier, but he didn’t even have that consolation. Beth had made it perfectly clear how she felt about what had happened.
He threw himself into his work in the hope that it would help if he kept busy. The outbreak of chickenpox had spread throughout the area and the surgery was busier than ever. It was the start of the new school year and almost half the pupils were absent as so many had gone down with the virus. They were inundated with phone calls from anxious parents and, in the end, he put together an information file, explaining the symptoms and how best to treat them, and posted it on the surgery’s website. It helped a bit but there were still far more people than usual requesting home visits.
They took it in turns to go out on calls and he had to admit that he welcomed the opportunity to escape from the surgery. Although Beth was unfailingly polite whenever they needed to speak, there was a definite atmosphere when they were together. Callum knew that the others had noticed it too, but, mercifully, nobody asked him what was going on. Quite frankly, he would have been hard-pressed to come up with an explanation that he wanted to share.
Reunited by Their Baby Page 11
